Ever collar someone? [w/ pic]

[77fbird400]

First thread (I think)

Have you ever collared someone? How / what did you do?

So I have three collars for my wife but I only use the doggie one so far with a leash for pet-play which we do quite often. I've never used the other collars. I was going to designate the simple solid black collar as a training one, and the heart shaped one as her true ownership / slave wife collar. She asked me today about a collar with a diamond in it. I'm looking into custom jewellery but it'll have to be something she earns and deserves. I'm actually very good at metal working and I have leather crafting tools.

I'm hoping to move our relationship to a real D/s, BDSM relationship so I'm doing some research (and reading some stories) about collaring. We are really kinky.

Ideas for collaring?

https://i.imgur.com/jw39FMe.png

 

[77fbird400]

Very sexy collars you have

Thanks, nothing special. Just got them from Mr. Bezos. I like the simple black felt one. When its tight around her neck it looks really good on her.

So in my BDSM / D/s research, I'm completely new, I'm learning that there exists daytime collars for submissives. They are less discreet than those pictured above.

Do Dom(mes) and Masters wear anything?

I assume when a submissive takes off her collar, she isn't sub anymore?

Learning.

 

[KimGordon67]

Thanks, nothing special. Just got them from Mr. Bezos. I like the simple black felt one. When its tight around her neck it looks really good on her.

So in my BDSM / D/s research, I'm completely new, I'm learning that there exists daytime collars for submissives. They are less discreet than those pictured above.

Do Dom(mes) and Masters wear anything?

I assume when a submissive takes off her collar, she isn't sub anymore?

Learning.

Just do whatever works for you. Different people will tell you what they do, but unless you're in some specific context (like a club), it's not like there's any rules. It's your and your wife's relationship - the two of you make the rules.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Thanks, nothing special. Just got them from Mr. Bezos. I like the simple black felt one. When its tight around her neck it looks really good on her.

So in my BDSM / D/s research, I'm completely new, I'm learning that there exists daytime collars for submissives. They are less discreet than those pictured above.

Do Dom(mes) and Masters wear anything?

I assume when a submissive takes off her collar, she isn't sub anymore?

Learning.

Your relationship, your rules. In my relationship, I am always his sub whether wearing a collar or not. In fact, only one of my partners has ever asked me to wear a collar. For daytime wear (for work and errands out), I wore a special necklace; I think it’s common for daytime collars to be more discreet, not less.

 

[77fbird400]

Just do whatever works for you. Different people will tell you what they do, but unless you're in some specific context (like a club), it's not like there's any rules. It's your and your wife's relationship - the two of you make the rules.

Thank you for the response Kim, good advice as usual. But both of us are completely new to this world of BDSM D/s.

You know when you're completely new at something? The first time can be a complete disaster. Trying to avoid something awkward.

 

[77fbird400]

Your relationship, your rules. In my relationship, I am always his sub whether wearing a collar or not. In fact, only one of my partners has ever asked me to wear a collar. For daytime wear (for work and errands out), I wore a special necklace; I think it’s common for daytime collars to be more discreet, not less.

Thanks for your response as well.

I have the counsel of another Lit user whom I've been communicating with through PM. He had many awesome suggestions, one of them was to get started by asking her if she is willing to be my submissive. I asked my wife today and she said yes. But she did say she likes cosplay better, I knew that. I'm very excited to explore this world of D/s!

I got the idea of a collar indicating submission from this short, but highly rated story:
Yes Sir
https://www.literotica.com/s/yes-sir-19

We're going to have to do this part time. We have children. Outside the locked doors of our bedroom my wife and I are equal in every way. I treat her quite differently behind locked doors.

 

[77fbird400]

Here is some b/g info that I can share publicly. Perhaps this will help paint a picture and garner responses for a D/s newbie couple.

We are a married couple in our later 40's. I've known her for 20 years. We have very few sexual partners aside from each other. We have children. We're strictly monogamous so we don't share, swap, swing, cuck, 3some etc... also not into public nudity or exhibitionism. Neither of us are interested .

When you have sex with the same person for 20 years, I feel you need to mix things up to keep things exciting or else it becomes monotonous. Sex becomes boring - the same routine over and over again. So we've relied on kink and bondage to keep the fire alive. Over the years, the kink and bondage gets more and more extreme in our attempt to seek out new thrills. I've noticed that we've hit a wall of unmovable sexual limits.

So lately we've added scenario sex to the mix (pet play, good girl / bad girl etc...). Then she discovered she likes to dress up in cosplay (maid, school girl, nurse etc...). Now that we've exhausted that avenue as well, BDSM D/s play is our new attempt to keep our sex lives interesting and exciting.

Suggestions welcome for a committed couple starting to explore a part time D/s relationship!

 

[KimGordon67]

Thank you for the response Kim, good advice as usual. But both of us are completely new to this world of BDSM D/s.

You know when you're completely new at something? The first time can be a complete disaster. Trying to avoid something awkward.

LOL. Give up on that. Awkward things will happen - I've done some entirely dumb-arse stuff, and had dumb-arse stuff done to me. Just laugh about it.

 

[Arking]

First thread (I think)

Have you ever collared someone? How / what did you do?

So I have three collars for my wife but I only use the doggie one so far with a leash for pet-play which we do quite often. I've never used the other collars. I was going to designate the simple solid black collar as a training one, and the heart shaped one as her true ownership / slave wife collar. She asked me today about a collar with a diamond in it. I'm looking into custom jewellery but it'll have to be something she earns and deserves. I'm actually very good at metal working and I have leather crafting tools.

I'm hoping to move our relationship to a real D/s, BDSM relationship so I'm doing some research (and reading some stories) about collaring. We are really kinky.

Ideas for collaring?

https://i.imgur.com/jw39FMe.png

As a committed Domme [Lesbian] i have collared some women, yes. I found right from the start to set the rules. That way your 'sub' can be certain of the commitment to the lifestyle. I expect my subs to wear a day collar, this is normally selected by us both. Generally it can be confused as a piece of jewelry but for people in the know, it sends a clear message of ownership. Now and especially if they are online and I can't always get to see them on a daily basis, I instruct my subs to send my a normal daily image of her either at work or shopping, dropping the kids off at school etc etc.

Then as it is earnt, a playful collar, where there is an absolute certainly about it's meaning. If she is my 'pet' or a 'slave' or just my 'sexual slut'. She knows her place and what she means to me. There are some very helpful 'beginner' sites around, if you are interested let me know and i will give their name to you.

Regards

Bobbi

 

[77fbird400]

As a committed Domme [Lesbian] i have collared some women, yes. I found right from the start to set the rules. That way your 'sub' can be certain of the commitment to the lifestyle. I expect my subs to wear a day collar, this is normally selected by us both. Generally it can be confused as a piece of jewelry but for people in the know, it sends a clear message of ownership. Now and especially if they are online and I can't always get to see them on a daily basis, I instruct my subs to send my a normal daily image of her either at work or shopping, dropping the kids off at school etc etc.

Then as it is earnt, a playful collar, where there is an absolute certainly about it's meaning. If she is my 'pet' or a 'slave' or just my 'sexual slut'. She knows her place and what she means to me. There are some very helpful 'beginner' sites around, if you are interested let me know and i will give their name to you.

Regards

Bobbi

I'm really interested in learning more about your discreet day time collar. Is it something you buy at a sex store? Or at a jewelry store? Actually I've been meaning to walk into a Jewelry store and ask but I just too embarrassed. How do you walk into a store and ask if you have a daytime collar for a slave wife? Please excuse my ignorance, I'm a novice.

I'd love to get a list of recommended sites. Although I'm finding this one is pretty good.

 

[seela]

The collar doesn't have to be *a collar*. It can be whatever you two decide it is - something that signifies the dynamic and connection you share and you both know it. Necklace, anklet, keychain, ring etc.

The point everyone's trying to make is that it's your relationship and your dynamic, you can make the rules. If you want something that's easily recognizable by other bdsm folks, maybe look into getting something with the bdsm emblem.

People do bdsm in very different ways, so there's no need to worry about doing it wrong as long as you two are on the same page about it and play safely. Take your time, talk with each other about what you'd like to do and experience and what you expect from the relationship. Let the relationship grow without trying to model it after what you've seen other people do.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

As noted, a collar, in this context, is just a symbol. If you’re looking for something ‘semi-discrete’, you might want to consider a triskelion necklace. No need to hit a sex store for that; Etsy sells them, for instance. You could wear it anywhere, but it definitely speaks of relationships to anyone in the know.

 

[KimGordon67]

As noted, a collar, in this context, is just a symbol. If you’re looking for something ‘semi-discrete’, you might want to consider a triskelion necklace. No need to hit a sex store for that; Etsy sells them, for instance. You could wear it anywhere, but it definitely speaks of relationships to anyone in the know.

Total sidebar - there's a ute (I think you'd call it a 'truck' there) in town that has the bdsm symbol ... which I now know is called a 'triskelion' ... as the company logo emblazoned on it. They make skate ramp. I really really want to meet the owner at the pub one day and see if it's some sort of inside joke.

 

[77fbird400]

Thanks again for all of your responses. I read each one of them. I've also be reading stories on Lit and doing some other research on the internet. As it turns out, there is a lot of great info on the internet. I didn't think there would be a lot of info on this.

The way I understand dominance and submission is that it is like a chess game. Some moves are reactionary and instantaneous, others are planed far in advance and part of a greater strategy. Both the submissive and the Dom receive pleasure but in much different ways. This lifestyle is like a jigsaw puzzle. The pieces are basically complete opposite and very different but they fit together perfectly. What one puzzle piece can give, the other craves to receive.

I now understand that submission is perhaps one of the highest forms of communicating love and trust to the other person. I don't take for granted that my wife has given me her submission (not as a gift, I get it I now understand exactly how much she loves and trust me to allow me to do this to her. I now know that I must find a way to reciprocate that love to a greater degree than she was bestowed on me.

I also understand that there is no rulebook for D/s. So it's kind of like sex, you can do what you and your partner wants. It isn't like playing sports where there is a rulebook. I was a bit confused, because there are D/s rules posted all over the internet. I know there are D/s clubs, so I figure there is a way to do this, I understand that there isn't.

I received a new collar, the one on the far left. I like it because the rings will clink when she moves.

https://i.imgur.com/nNxBD7I.png

 

[IrisAlthea]

Oh, there is no shortage of list of rules to follow and easy to find preachy people who will happily tell you about The Right And The Only Way aka their way of doing things.
It’s a bit like when you deaclare in the break room at work that you intend to start working out. Everyone and their dog has an opinion about what you should be doing and suddenly the fighting starts on ass to the grass or not or front squats or not or...
In both cases there are people that do know stuff that will be useful to you and a lot of nonsense and a bunch of things that are really just a case of personal taste or fit.

There are activities that can be risky and difficult where it is a good idea to get good information about ways to mitigate risks or even about things to avoid.Not saying what, because then the fighting starts...

For things that are really just about your relationship with your partner, like what you call each other, how you dress etc, you just do you. It’s all about what will actually work for you.