Erotic rugby? Or just a balls-up?

[redzinger]

Hiya,

I'd appreciate any comments on the two chapters of my rugby-themed EC story please:

http://www.literotica.com/s/playing-up
http://www.literotica.com/s/playing-up-ch-02

I seem to have quite a few votes but very few comments, especially for the second.

(btw, I don't have an editor, so any errors are my own)

I'm on the third and final chapter at the moment and I'm just deciding where I'm taking the characters (or where they're taking themselves). More naughtiness? Some kind of happy ever after? Think it'll just depend what mood I'm in...

I'm also conscious there may be too much background for an EC story. What do you feel about that? (note: it was actually written to fit in with a couple of books I'm thinking about trying to get published, but I haven't got a clue where to start doing something about that, or whether there will be any interest.)

Much obliged to anyone who can help. I'll try to return the favour if possible.

 

[redzinger]

No one out there? Had one comment more (helpful though).

I suspect I'd be better off writing a Non-Human... Or a con-tro-ver-sial LW.

Or is it the mention of publishing? I've no idea, I'm new around here.

 

[redzinger]

Still no more comments?

*sobs, wiping tear away from eye*

What have I done wrong? Most new posters get at least one comment.

I've had to have friends I know in Real Life to read and comment. Of course, their comments don't mean a thing to anyone who doesn't follow rugby. And will probably get deleted in these sweeps I've read about.

Nao faz mal.

So...*tries to think of something contentious*...

...if, in the next chapter there's a heap more bondage and spanking, and a touch of anal, does it still belong in EC?

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

Hi redzinger! I sent feedback via the link on your page.

 

[Dream_Operator]

Hey redzinger,

I enjoyed the first chapter and thought it was well written. The only part I didn't particularly care for was the two sex scenes in the bedroom -- they seemed rushed and a bit confusing.

A little more description of Sian's physical appearance would also have been nice, they only thing we learn about her was that she was a few pounds overweight.

From a plot standpoint, I wondered why you had Sian invite Rob to come in before they reached her flat. It seems (to me) you missed a great opportunity for conflict\tension\resolution when they pulled up to her flat.

 

[redzinger]

Thank you both, am reading and digesting your comments. Hopefully the third will be more full in detail.

Really appreciate the comments, it's funny how many times I agree with your comments, but there's also parts I hadn't realised were weak and now are obvious to me, doh!

*peers over spectacles and gets to work*