Erinhue's Story Thread

[Erinhue]

Hi!

I uploaded my first story recently for what I want to make a series for, but every writer needs a kick up the arse now and again, and the feedback I've got so far gave me a nice push.

This one is in the Mind Control section, because the main character is a huge control freak.

http://www.literotica.com/s/young-minds-ch-01

Any and all criticism will be happily accepted. The second part is about half way done, and I'm planning a few one shots that wander away from the section in question.

Thanks!

Erin

 

[LaRascasse]

Welcome to the discussion circle, Erin

I really liked your story. It had a big element of naughtiness in it with the erotic hypnosis. A good first effort.

I also liked that your protagonist is no hero and he knows it. It gives the story some depth that your usual knight-in-shining-armour story lacks.

On the other hand, you could work a bit on your dialogue, make it darker to suit the underlying theme of the story. I look forward to your works.

Write the next chapter as soon as you can.