Equal Shares

[steveh11]

My story, Equal Shares (by steveh11, http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=262347 ) is now complete, in the 'Novels and novellas' section, as I've posted the last chapter (Chapter 50). I'd love to hear from anyone who reads it, and wants to tell me why they liked it or didn't like it, what errors they found, or just want to discuss it.

TIA,

Steve.

 

[writelove]

Steve,

I read chapter one. It would be quite an investment of time to read the whole thing.

About chapter one. Overall I thought it was written fairly well. I like the first section best when you wrote about Caron's death and Stan's struggle with her absence in his life. A few minor things bothered me, but you definitely had me interested.

The second section where Elizabeth, Stan's older friend at work was mentioned left me flat. You discussed her but never showed any actual interaction, nothing to tell me about her that felt alive and real. I would probabably add an incident to show how she cared for Stan as a maternal figure.

The third section, I would start with the the dialog -- Do you think we could get a table ouside today. The two paragraphs before this slowed me down. The dialog should be cut down to at least half the size. Two wordy for an interesting conversation, no tension to draw my interest.

The fourth section in which Denise ruminates about Stan is not necessary. Remove it.

I love the way you start the fourth section -- "Stan?" Just that one word dialog immediately grabbed my attention in a way the entire previous section did not.

I hate the name of the company -- The Firm. Everytime you used those words, I cringed inside just a bit and it took me a while to get back into the flow of the story.

In summary, I think that you have good possibilities with this story, but need to make it tighter, less wordy, more gripping. Don't tell me so much about all the characters. Let me discover them through the interactions that develop.

 

[steveh11]

Thanks, writelove!

Thanks for the honest feedback!

Overall, I've found the feedback 'level' from Lit. to be small in volume and low in quality, which is why I posted here, looking for something more. This was my first attempt at any sort of creative writing (apart from some dubious work reports!) since leaving school thirty-odd years ago, and I'm sure it shows. I'd like to think that my writing improved as the year went on, though.

Steve.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

A bit like writelove, I just can't read all your story just to make a comment. Though, from part 1 and the pink squares, you are much appreciated and you do write well.

Some simple advice. Write a few 2/3 page self-contained stories to get an audience. Then direct them back to your magnum opus.

You are a great addition to the writers here, but no-one writes a 50-part story. Even Stephen King started with short stories. But heck, you get the pink squares!

 

[steveh11]

Thanks! "Equal Shares" just came out that length - about 190,000 words, in total. I had the beginning and the end, and various points in between, all mapped out - heck, I had the last line written! - before committing to the project. It still surprised me.

Shorter stories? Stories have their own length. We'll see what drips out of the keyboard... ;-)

Steve.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Thanks! "Equal Shares" just came out that length - about 190,000 words, in total. I had the beginning and the end, and various points in between, all mapped out - heck, I had the last line written! - before committing to the project. It still surprised me.

Shorter stories? Stories have their own length. We'll see what drips out of the keyboard... ;-)

Steve.

I have a series that is getting close to 300,000 words, never had a single thing mapped out. Just let the story go where it wanted to.

 

[steveh11]

I have a series that is getting close to 300,000 words, never had a single thing mapped out. Just let the story go where it wanted to.

<grin>
I wanted to avoid just drifting to an end, I needed a proper finish point. But whatever works for a writer, it seems that that's the best way for *them* to do it.

-Steve.