Endless Curiosity

[ViciousTease]

A place to flirt,
A place to tease,
Yes, we have,
Each of these.

A place to rest,
To stop ... reflect,
Perhaps to flex,
Some intellect?

I'm hoping to make this a quiet place to come and chat. No demands, just hot coffee and tea, cold drinks at the bar, and good company.

To start the conversation, I have question (or 20):

For those that come here to explore interests and ideas that you SO doesn't share, is this enough? What if, upon exploration, you find that Lit is not enough? At what point does the gap between your interests become too wide to bridge? Will you seek a better fit or accept your limited reality?

 

[beachbaby179]

Interesting question. When I first came here, that's exactly what it was. I had to do something to get out of my rut and it was enough. That was when I wad reading the stories. Then I found the forums. That's when I realized, or more accurately let myself admit, that I wanted more out of life than what I had. This place has literally been life changing for me.

The divorce, with any luck, can be finalized this fall. My Christmas gift to myself...freedom.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Great question. I admit I openly say vulgar sexual acts I've done and want to do to female lit members but I can't see myself physically cheating. If we break apart it's because of numerous reasons not just sex. Love is too strong to be quelled by only sex. When I love I love hard. I feel guilty just being on lit to be honest.

 

[NextDoorSecret]

We have no intimacy at all anymore. This question is the crux of my life. When is your sexual (intimate) satisfaction more important than the love, history and life you have together? I don't know the answer yet.

 

[ViciousTease]

I first came to Lit for the stories. Reading and letting my mind explore was enough for a long time. Even after I joined the forums, it was enough. Lately, I just don't know. I struggle with the question constantly. I guess I've reached a point where fantasy often leads to more frustration than satisfaction. I've left for periods of time, determined to find peace with my current reality. What I've found is that Lit is not the problem. My reality is the problem.

I have a life with him, a family with him. I have history with him. I am comfortable with him. Why can't that be enough? And what on earth am I going to do about it?

 

[Bluespark]

Interesting questions and hot coffee. Sign me up.
Lace of intimacy with SO is more of an issue now than when I first discovered Lit. My sex drive has always been higher than hers. Been through the go away from Lit and come, or dhould that be cum, back cycles too.
Ultimately I think being here has been good for me. I am pretty shy in real life and have self-esteem issues and the friends I have made here have help me be a bit more confident and out going in real life. I do still find ot strange that I find myself exchanging pics or engaging in mutual play with my Lit friends. Strange but very enjoyable and sometimes we just chat with no cocks or pussies involved. Lol.
There's alot of lonely people in the world it is nice to come here and be not quite so lonely together.

 

[pvt_addiction]

I first came to Lit for the stories. Reading and letting my mind explore was enough for a long time. Even after I joined the forums, it was enough. Lately, I just don't know. I struggle with the question constantly. I guess I've reached a point where fantasy often leads to more frustration than satisfaction. I've left for periods of time, determined to find peace with my current reality. What I've found is that Lit is not the problem. My reality is the problem.

I have a life with him, a family with him. I have history with him. I am comfortable with him. Why can't that be enough? And what on earth am I going to do about it?

I can completely relate to this. My wife and I have been together for almost 15 years, married for 8. There's a lot of history there, a lot of memories. We have children together now. I actually knew Lit before I knew her, but I eventually came back to fill a void in our relationship. Now I struggle with trying to do what's right and actually doing what's wrong. I don't think I actually know the answer or have a better solution. If I did, I probably wouldn't be here.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

VT,
I think many know how I came here, why, etc. Like Beachbaby. Lit gave me the courage to move away from what was essentially a toxic marriage.
I'm 1000 times the better for it.
I don't think anyone should stay in a non-fulfilling relationship, but sex (or lack thereof) should NOT be the only thing that breaks the bond. Just my opinion, and again, I've voiced this before.

 

[Leigh81]

I'm here for different reasons than most. I was really into exploring my bi side as at the time I had no experience whatsoever in the real world. When I was duped over 1 1/2 years ago I went into a shell here. A few months ago I came out of that shell & opened up more again.
I tried cyber with a couple of gals but it just didn't work out for a couple of reasons so now I have no real bi desires here, just not looking for that here.
I met a guy on here several months ago & we (well me) took it slow. He was patient, didn't pressure me & our Lit relationship grew. I'm definitely not the wham bam thank you ma'am type.
I love the banter here....also I love to flirt & tease.
What I miss about this place is having a GF (non sexual) to chat with about everything & anything. Not just a friend but a BFF kind where we can laugh, cry, give & receive advice. I had that with someone but she up & disappeared. I miss her along with a few others here as she was an amazing woman.
So that's what I long for as my love & sex life is very fulfilling, so not looking there except with one special guy.
My husband knows I'm here, my GF doesn't. What happens on Lit, stays on Lit.

L

 

[Girly_girl]

When I first discovered lit last year, I had just gotten out of a long term relationship. I learned with the quickness that lit became a welcome distraction I made friends quickly and lit was much better than my real life. However, I made a huge mistake and lost a couple of people I had come to think of as special to me, a dear friend who I enjoyed talking about our lit lives and how we wished we lived closer, the other person.....I really miss the time I spent with him before I ruined it, I regret it every day. Lit is no longer my escape to place anymore and to top it I really miss having someone in my real life.

 

[Jaime_H]

I find the Playground a place to escape the world. I've never had aspirations other than flirting.
As a guy, it provides an outlet at times but I'm essentially interact via the games, lacking the competitive banter that some humorous threads provide and which I enjoy reading

 

[Endless_Night]

Great Question. I came here exactly for that reason.

I’ve been lucky, at least so far. Online play fills our gap, though it was not a quick or easier journey. Even the word “play” is deceptive. In my case success required a Litlationship.

Much painful discussion occurred before we opened up our boundaries. Our relationship improved, which was an unexpected bonus. I’m still not entirely sure why. Perhaps it has something to do with illicit sex being seen as The Great Betrayal. Isn’t that what couples fear? That their partners will cheat? Perhaps taking that out of the equation allows for more trust. I…am just not sure.

Exploring the kink itself has not been an easy road. I had permission to roam for a full year before I took the plunge. It was so hard to believe that online sex, in any fashion, could be fulfilling. And now, funnily enough, I suspect online may actually be the most suitable option for me.

The differing answers have made me wonder what the percentages are on this question. How many find their time on Lit improves their primary relationship? How many seek a better fit? How many keep their Lit experience a secret and just carry on?

It would be interesting to know.…

Also, great opening poem!

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Like a lot of others, I found Lit through the stories.

Like a lot of others, I was in a bad marriage. I made the ultimate mistake of marrying for friendship, in order not to be alone. Everyone wants that mirror, to have someone to reflect back success and failures in life, to share ups and downs. I made the major error of making a decision when my head was not in the right place.

I knew what I was getting into. I made the conscious decision to marry someone that was not a sexual person and was completely aware that the marriage would be sexless. I thought (at the time) I could do it. And it worked, for 13 long years.

But then that side of me came roaring up out of the grave where I had buried it. On top of that, my marriage had been falling apart for over 3 years and I finally had to admit that I couldn't live like that anymore.

Lit and the people here gave me confidence, affirmed that I wasn't the most horrible person on the planet for giving up and making a change, and gave me a social outlet while my life was in complete chaos. I came out of that dark time in April with a better understanding of who I am, what I want, and what I'm not willing to settle for ever again.

While I was going through all of that, Lit was enough. Now, not so much. I'm venturing out, dating, meeting new people, taking risks and having adventures. And yes, I'm scared of it all, but it's the kind of scared when you're at the top of the rollercoaster. You know you're going to get back in line for another ride

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I first came to Lit for the stories. Reading and letting my mind explore was enough for a long time. Even after I joined the forums, it was enough. Lately, I just don't know. I struggle with the question constantly. I guess I've reached a point where fantasy often leads to more frustration than satisfaction. I've left for periods of time, determined to find peace with my current reality. What I've found is that Lit is not the problem. My reality is the problem.

I have a life with him, a family with him. I have history with him. I am comfortable with him. Why can't that be enough? And what on earth am I going to do about it?

Can you talk to him?

I bridged my lit life and home life, eventually. I don't know how open minded yours is, though. It was one of the hardest conversations i ever have tried to initiate, and it took many, but I eventually managed to express myself.

Also, fantasies can be super hot. In reality, they can be incredibly disappointing and sometimes scary. I've learnt to not make decisions whilst horny. As much as I fantasize about non consent, I'm not going to enjoy being sexually assaulted.

 

[Workingman0315]

A place to flirt,
A place to tease,
Yes, we have,
Each of these.

A place to rest,
To stop ... reflect,
Perhaps to flex,
Some intellect?

I'm hoping to make this a quiet place to come and chat. No demands, just hot coffee and tea, cold drinks at the bar, and good company.

To start the conversation, I have question (or 20):

For those that come here to explore interests and ideas that you SO doesn't share, is this enough? What if, upon exploration, you find that Lit is not enough? At what point does the gap between your interests become too wide to bridge? Will you seek a better fit or accept your limited reality?

Seems like a dangerous road to travel...it seems to me that when it is no longer enough it is now an addiction and addictions always need to grow in to something more... For me i accept my reality and do not seek beyond that

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I can completely relate to this. My wife and I have been together for almost 15 years, married for 8. There's a lot of history there, a lot of memories. We have children together now. I actually knew Lit before I knew her, but I eventually came back to fill a void in our relationship. Now I struggle with trying to do what's right and actually doing what's wrong. I don't think I actually know the answer or have a better solution. If I did, I probably wouldn't be here.

You're not alone. There are many, many guys in your shoes here.
((Hugs))

 

[Endless_Night]

Can you talk to him?

I bridged my lit life and home life, eventually. I don't know how open minded yours is, though. It was one of the hardest conversations i ever have tried to initiate, and it took many, but I eventually managed to express myself.

<snip>

This^. The conversations are not easy.

My SO is a monogamous type of guy. I made myself sick with worry, even prepared myself for the end of the relationship. Even (so embarrassing ) broke down and cried the first time I broached the subject.

It was a little humbling to find how concerned he was about my happiness.

Your SO might surprise you.

 

[DarkSimian]

Not answering the question, but wanting to wish VT a happy Friday

 

[aussiegeekygal]

This^. The conversations are not easy.

My SO is a monogamous type of guy. I made myself sick with worry, even prepared myself for the end of the relationship. Even (so embarrassing ) broke down and cried the first time I broached the subject.

It was a little humbling to find how concerned he was about my happiness.

Your SO might surprise you.

I misjudged mine.
He's kinkier than I am.

Turns out, having a significant health crisis is a great way to make changes to your relationship. I don't recommend it, but it worked for me.

 

[Endless_Night]

I misjudged mine.
He's kinkier than I am.

Turns out, having a significant health crisis is a great way to make changes to your relationship. I don't recommend it, but it worked for me.

I can imagine. My crisis was a tad more prosaic - sheer desperation.

Mine is sooo un-kinky, but this alternative is working.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I can imagine. My crisis was a tad more prosaic - sheer desperation.

Mine is sooo un-kinky, but this alternative is working.

Depression is pretty major.
I'm glad yours is working out for you, too.

 

[ViciousTease]

Can you talk to him?

I bridged my lit life and home life, eventually. I don't know how open minded yours is, though. It was one of the hardest conversations i ever have tried to initiate, and it took many, but I eventually managed to express myself.

Also, fantasies can be super hot. In reality, they can be incredibly disappointing and sometimes scary. I've learnt to not make decisions whilst horny. As much as I fantasize about non consent, I'm not going to enjoy being sexually assaulted.

This^. The conversations are not easy.

My SO is a monogamous type of guy. I made myself sick with worry, even prepared myself for the end of the relationship. Even (so embarrassing ) broke down and cried the first time I broached the subject.

It was a little humbling to find how concerned he was about my happiness.

Your SO might surprise you.

Thank you, both. We've talked about our issues at length. I have accepted that he doesn't share my special interests. I am fine with that. The problem is that he has no interest at all. He's content with a completely sexless relationship. So much so that he has suggested I find a playmate.

I certainly appreciate the fact that he is willing to let me explore a relationship outside of our marriage. I'm just not sure I can do that. It seems a dangerous path do follow.

 

[Workingman0315]

Thank you, both. We've talked about our issues at length. I have accepted that he doesn't share my special interests. I am fine with that. The problem is that he has no interest at all. He's content with a completely sexless relationship. So much so that he has suggested I find a playmate.

I certainly appreciate the fact that he is willing to let me explore a relationship outside of our marriage. I'm just not sure I can do that. It seems a dangerous path do follow.

I am sadden to hear this... I dont think i will offer my two cents but i wish you good things to come.

 

[Endless_Night]

<snip>
I certainly appreciate the fact that he is willing to let me explore a relationship outside of our marriage. I'm just not sure I can do that. It seems a dangerous path do follow.

A couple of friends voiced concern over this possibility. It was one of the things that kept me on the fence. For me, at least, this was not the case. Opening things up strengthened our bond. I also found I'm capable of having emotional intimacy with more than one partner.

Outcome may depend on the state of the original relationship. We - strongly - wanted to preserve what we had. And, in most aspects, our relationship was healthy.

 

[DarkrSide]

A place to flirt,

For those that come here to explore interests and ideas that you SO doesn't share, is this enough? What if, upon exploration, you find that Lit is not enough? At what point does the gap between your interests become too wide to bridge? Will you seek a better fit or accept your limited reality?

I had joined Lit all the way back in 2002, but I took many years off from it. I came back because I wasn't getting any in the relationship I was in. There was someone that lived a few towns over that I was talking with for a few months on Lit. If she had wanted to meet up, I would have gone and seen if the spark was still there as I thought it was on Lit.