Ending a relationship

[AngelicAssassin]

It still goes back to this; you'd better be sure of the position you are taking and prepared to accept the other party's reaction. If you're just playing around with someone's feelings, calling their bluff or think you know something that you don't and fail to communicate yourself to your partner, you're not mature enough to be in any kind of relationship.

Well said, indeed.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree with you, Fury. Ending a relationship is not something done lightly. It makes no difference which party ends it. And if you take that stand, you'd better KNOW you mean it and accept the consequences.

Like that other guy said... he's not a mind reader. "Does she really mean this?" "Does he really mean that?" I'm not sure how many other ways "it's over" can be interpreted.

One can add all the different scenarios one wants to... maybe she saw this or that or MISunderstood one thing or another. But that's not the question poised in the initial post:



It still goes back to this; you'd better be sure of the position you are taking and prepared to accept the other party's reaction. If you're just playing around with someone's feelings, calling their bluff or think you know something that you don't and fail to communicate yourself to your partner, you're not mature enough to be in any kind of relationship.

I love it when people agree with me.

Fury

 

[Guest]

edited, this same discussion has gotten me in enough trouble already.

Damn...SOrry I missed that one... *shrug*

 

[Guest]

I agree with you, Fury. Ending a relationship is not something done lightly. It makes no difference which party ends it. And if you take that stand, you'd better KNOW you mean it and accept the consequences.

Like that other guy said... he's not a mind reader. "Does she really mean this?" "Does he really mean that?" I'm not sure how many other ways "it's over" can be interpreted.

One can add all the different scenarios one wants to... maybe she saw this or that or MISunderstood one thing or another. But that's not the question poised in the initial post:



It still goes back to this; you'd better be sure of the position you are taking and prepared to accept the other party's reaction. If you're just playing around with someone's feelings, calling their bluff or think you know something that you don't and fail to communicate yourself to your partner, you're not mature enough to be in any kind of relationship.

Indeed...BTDT...

Currently (and not likely to change anytime soon) my response to that kind of thing is ...
"Well.....Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out."
But then, I'm getting older...People tell me I'm getting crankier...And I for damn sure am losing/have lost all my patience with silly games.
*sigh*

 

[rimmy]

It still goes back to this; you'd better be sure of the position you are taking and prepared to accept the other party's reaction. If you're just playing around with someone's feelings, calling their bluff or think you know something that you don't and fail to communicate yourself to your partner, you're not mature enough to be in any kind of relationship.

My sentiments exactly. She's told him repeatedly that she no longer wants him but he still portays himself as her Dom. He's a idiot and a weenie Dom for not being mature enough to move on.

 

[bridgeburner]

My sentiments exactly. She's told him repeatedly that she no longer wants him but he still portays himself as her Dom. He's a idiot and a weenie Dom for not being mature enough to move on.

That inability to let go is a definitely a Loser Hallmark. It's one thing to still have feelings for someone who doesn't want you anymore --- you can't always just turn your feelings off --- but you CAN control your behavior and publicly carrying a torch for someone who's made it clear that they want nothing to do with you is just childish melodrama.

No wonder she left him.

Of course I'm sure he's using it to garner the sympathy of other subs. "Oh, poor Sir SadSack, she done him wrong! Let this girl make it up to You!"

oh, vomit.


-B

 

[hotblooded]

My sentiments exactly. She's told him repeatedly that she no longer wants him but he still portays himself as her Dom. He's a idiot and a weenie Dom for not being mature enough to move on.

Ok..you say move on... where and in what way. Ok so they aren't RT, so this is happening online? How exactly does he portray himself as still being her Dom...in a chat room? If he's stuck in limbo "out there some where in virtual la la land" then that's his worry, not hers and not yours. I think his weeniness will eventually wear off don't you think?

Better yet, why doesn't she send him an e-mail (keeping a copy) outlining her release from him, that is if she had a "virtual-velcro" collar. Just stating the facts... her name, date, her reasons why and leave it at that. She doesn't need his permission to be released.

If all this is hassle is just an online thing, then it's a little too weird for me.

Still, I'm wondering what your stake is in all this?

 

[hotblooded]

Of course I'm sure he's using it to garner the sympathy of other subs. "Oh, poor Sir SadSack, she done him wrong! Let this girl make it up to You!"

You think Bridge? We aren't all that sympathetic...chuckles.

If he is a worthwhile Dom, then there should be plenty of subs eager to take her place. I have the gut feeling that this is not the case tho'. Like I said before his fragile ego is at stake. Tricky territory if you ask me.

Let the guy say what he wants, he will stop eventually.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Indeed...BTDT...

Currently (and not likely to change anytime soon) my response to that kind of thing is ...
"Well.....Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out."
But then, I'm getting older...People tell me I'm getting crankier...And I for damn sure am losing/have lost all my patience with silly games.
*sigh*

I don't think you're cranky or impatient. I think you're setting certain standards and expecting a level of behavior and maturity from your sub. I certainly expect that from my Dom. From my point of view, I see nothng wrong with your position.

Silly game playing is nothing more than an example of insecurity and immaturity in a person.

Most of us wouldn't want a sub or Dom who did this kind of crap.

My sentiments exactly. She's told him repeatedly that she no longer wants him but he still portays himself as her Dom. He's a idiot and a weenie Dom for not being mature enough to move on.

Yep and unfortunately, there are subs, exhusbands, exwives, etc. who do this same thing. Like I said, it's an interchangeable topic.

And no one can make him look anymore like a dope than he's doing to himself.

I also have to agree with you about the loss of respect for him that you mentioned in your initial post. I'm not sure any sub worth her salt would be interested in him, in the near future, anyway. It's hard to respect someone who refuses to see things that are so obvious to the great majority and most importantly, to the sub involved.

That inability to let go is a definitely a Loser Hallmark. It's one thing to still have feelings for someone who doesn't want you anymore --- you can't always just turn your feelings off --- but you CAN control your behavior and publicly carrying a torch for someone who's made it clear that they want nothing to do with you is just childish melodrama.

No wonder she left him.

Of course I'm sure he's using it to garner the sympathy of other subs. "Oh, poor Sir SadSack, she done him wrong! Let this girl make it up to You!"

oh, vomit.


-B

Boy howdy, YES... on all points.

There will always be subs out there who either don't know the full story (after all, in a relationship there's more than one full story) or whatever he filters out for them to know. This very well could be his motivation.

And speaking for myself and most of the submissive women I know, whiney Doms are a major turn-off.

 

[rimmy]

Ok..you say move on... where and in what way. Ok so they aren't RT, so this is happening online? How exactly does he portray himself as still being her Dom...in a chat room? If he's stuck in limbo "out there some where in virtual la la land" then that's his worry, not hers and not yours. I think his weeniness will eventually wear off don't you think?

Better yet, why doesn't she send him an e-mail (keeping a copy) outlining her release from him, that is if she had a "virtual-velcro" collar. Just stating the facts... her name, date, her reasons why and leave it at that. She doesn't need his permission to be released.

If all this is hassle is just an online thing, then it's a little too weird for me.

Still, I'm wondering what your stake is in all this?

My stake is she's a good friend of mine and I don't wanna see her hurt.

 

[A Desert Rose]

My stake is she's a good friend of mine and I don't wanna see her hurt.

How disappointing. We all thought you had some kind of devious motive going on.
(If I used emoticons, this is where the roll eyed one would go. ;-) Feel free to imagine it here.)

 

[Richard49]

if
(such a small word with so much power)
"she" kneeled" before this Dom and asked "him" to collar her
than she needs to kneeel before him ask to be released

if he was "play" Dom or some other relationship
that that needs to be handled based on thier agreement

If they are of the present rash of valcro "community/lifestyle"
than who the hell knows

 

[Ms_Lilith]

if
(such a small word with so much power)
"she" kneeled" before this Dom and asked "him" to collar her
than she needs to kneeel before him ask to be released

if he was "play" Dom or some other relationship
that that needs to be handled based on thier agreement

If they are of the present rash of valcro "community/lifestyle"
than who the hell knows

Subs ask to be collared? That seems mighty presumptuous to me. When I was submissive, I'd have never DREAMED of asking for that.. I would have waited, and deemed my Dom's timing to be wisdom.

However, that's not the point of this thread.

I disagree with you. Even if she asks to be collared, the submissive still holds the power. As one of the two in the relationship, she can make the decision whether or not she wants to be in that relationship. If she calls it quits, there's not too much he can do about it.

 

[Richard49]

Subs ask to be collared? That seems mighty presumptuous to me. When I was submissive, I'd have never DREAMED of asking for that.. I would have waited, and deemed my Dom's timing to be wisdom.

However, that's not the point of this thread.

I disagree with you. Even if she asks to be collared, the submissive still holds the power. As one of the two in the relationship, she can make the decision whether or not she wants to be in that relationship. If she calls it quits, there's not too much he can do about it.

you woould not be the first or last to disagree with me
however I got more years as an active Dom than you got years on this earth

any formal collaring that I know of
and I will not say I know them all
the submissive is on her knees offering the Dom the collar and asks
for him to place it on her neck or where ever

going back to this thread
I laid out at lest three sceneros not just this one

 

[Recidiva]

you woould not be the first or last to disagree with me
however I got more years as an active Dom than you got years on this earth

any formal collaring that I know of
and I will not say I know them all
the submissive is on her knees offering the Dom the collar and asks
for him to place it on her neck or where ever

going back to this thread
I laid out at lest three sceneros not just this one

Bet I've had a vagina longer than you.

Doesn't prove much.

Despite the theater you can drape your life in, when the costumes come off and you're yourself, you can't make them put on a funny nose to suit you.

Over.

 

[Richard49]

Bet I've had a vagina longer than you.

Doesn't prove much.

Despite the theater you can drape your life in, when the costumes come off and you're yourself, you can't make them put on a funny nose to suit you.

Over.

ya you smell like you have had one longer

1) I offered three sceneros you and the other picked and attacked one
2) what we are talking about is honor

If a submissive makes a committment to a Dom
the release of that committment "should" be with in the same ritual
other wise it is betrayal and abandment ... it is dishonest

you are right
if the submissive or the Dom wants to walk away in anyway
there is nothign to stop them other than peer presure
and that peer preasure should revolve around what is honorable

the third sceniour I offered was the valcro collar
and it has no meaningful ritual

the second one spoke to whatever the two of them had agreed on

I have seen the D/s part of this alphabate soup turn to most meaninglessness

You can have bdsm without having D/s
you can have a sensouless (sp) bedroom relationship without having D/s

These are some of the reasons that part of our language includes the terms "top/bottom"

so can a submissive walk away and a Dom just let it/her go?
society says yes
self esteem should say yes
however
before any of us judge or be fruit inspectors
we need to remember that "agreements" weather written/verbal/ritual
need to be ended within the honor of the agreement

 

[Recidiva]

ya you smell like you have had one longer

Damn, I am so burned. I just can't get past that.

Nope, can't.

However, using "peer pressure" on a group that had to resist peer pressure in order to form their own group is kinda vanilla, isn't it?

 

[bridgeburner]

You think Bridge? We aren't all that sympathetic...chuckles.

No, not all are sympathetic, but some are -- particularly among the inexperienced and/or impressionable. There is a subset of the community that thrives on just this kind of melodrama. It skeeves me to watch people play into it.

-B

 

[hotblooded]

Point taken *smiles.

 

[bridgeburner]

Welcome, btw.

 

[hotblooded]

so can a submissive walk away and a Dom just let it/her go?
society says yes
self esteem should say yes
however
before any of us judge or be fruit inspectors
we need to remember that "agreements" weather written/verbal/ritual
need to be ended within the honor of the agreement

Absolutely. Well said Richard!