Emotional Release

[theravenfox]

In my experience, d/s playtime often results in an emotional release for the sub. Do anyone have any idea WHY this is? I would like to be able to explain this to him, since it disturbs him when it happens. He is very new to d/s play and I want to reassure him that this is normal.

 

[CutieMouse]

It's commonly referred to as "sub drop" and is somewhat common. Here are some links on discussions from the past; I'm sure if you have any questions people will chime in here.



Link

Link

 

[greycrow]

In my experience, d/s playtime often results in an emotional release for the sub. Do anyone have any idea WHY this is? I would like to be able to explain this to him, since it disturbs him when it happens. He is very new to d/s play and I want to reassure him that this is normal.

I remember one night during a fetish ball a close friend of mine spent some time on the St Johns Cross being flogged. It was not a particularly hard flogging, but she was going through some really rough times emotionally and that is part of the reason she was on the cross - when the Dominatrix (who was quite skilled with what she did) was finished with her, she was crying - again not from physical pain, but from the psychological pain she was feeling. The Dom, to her credit, handed my friend over to me saying she needed someone to be there for her for a while and I sat with her, comforted her, and just allowed her to feel the emotional release that she was seeking.

 

[bellassecret]

I wonder if this happens because during a scene you can be stripped away to the essentials, to a place where there is no hiding from yourself or your emotions. The outside self disappears and only your core is left. So any emotions you have buried by your normal daytime self are now at the surface, so a release is more likely to happen.

Does this make sense to anyone?

 

[shy slave]

I am not sure I would agree thatthe emotional release is always sub drop, sometimes it is a part of how you work with the intensity of the emotions and the physical pain.

Perhaps if you tell him what you need at that point, like grey crows friend you may need comfort or you may need a few minutes alone; he just needs to understand that this is how it is for you.

I can't bear aftercare, touch me immediatly after a pain session and you are liable to get verbally beaten, which can shock people.

I explain beforehand that after a session I need some time to bring my own adrenalin down and calm from the 'fight/flight' aspect I go through.
I also explain its not personal to them, but something I deal with in this way. Its one of the reasons I don't 'play' at clubs/parties/with people I don't know, nor do I play with Doms who need their own immediate re-assurance after a scene. I can't look after their needs at that point.

For me, it is not necessarily an emotional aspect which gives an intense reaction, but a physiological one.

 

[shy slave]

I wonder if this happens because during a scene you can be stripped away to the essentials, to a place where there is no hiding from yourself or your emotions. The outside self disappears and only your core is left. So any emotions you have buried by your normal daytime self are now at the surface, so a release is more likely to happen.

Does this make sense to anyone?

yes, that makes perfect sense,

You are mentally stripped of who you are, relying on your own inner resources to cope with what you are experiencing.

 

[theravenfox]

I remember one night during a fetish ball a close friend of mine spent some time on the St Johns Cross being flogged. It was not a particularly hard flogging, but she was going through some really rough times emotionally and that is part of the reason she was on the cross - when the Dominatrix (who was quite skilled with what she did) was finished with her, she was crying - again not from physical pain, but from the psychological pain she was feeling. The Dom, to her credit, handed my friend over to me saying she needed someone to be there for her for a while and I sat with her, comforted her, and just allowed her to feel the emotional release that she was seeking.

The Dom should have been the one doing the comforting, in my opinion. But thanks for the input.

 

[theravenfox]

I am not sure I would agree thatthe emotional release is always sub drop, sometimes it is a part of how you work with the intensity of the emotions and the physical pain.

Perhaps if you tell him what you need at that point, like grey crows friend you may need comfort or you may need a few minutes alone; he just needs to understand that this is how it is for you.

I can't bear aftercare, touch me immediatly after a pain session and you are liable to get verbally beaten, which can shock people.

I explain beforehand that after a session I need some time to bring my own adrenalin down and calm from the 'fight/flight' aspect I go through.
I also explain its not personal to them, but something I deal with in this way. Its one of the reasons I don't 'play' at clubs/parties/with people I don't know, nor do I play with Doms who need their own immediate re-assurance after a scene. I can't look after their needs at that point.

For me, it is not necessarily an emotional aspect which gives an intense reaction, but a physiological one.

I think this is the closest to what he goes through...as though it is just part of his process. All our play is online and we've used visualizations to help him feel comforted and safe. I reassure him that a few tears and feeling vulnerable are very normal and doesn't make him "weak."

 

[greycrow]

The Dom should have been the one doing the comforting, in my opinion. But thanks for the input.

in this particular case, the Dom did not even know my friend and felt that someone she knew would be better at comforting her. And she was probably very right. Plus, she had other people who wanted to be put on the cross.

 

[theravenfox]

I should also say that he is VERY new to d/s play and that he is not a lifestyle submissive. Also, he's only 21. I think that fact makes him feel really out of control. Alot of what we do online goes by a shared connection and instinct. I can read him so well when we play like that and it surprises him. Also, he is blown away at the power of the experience we share and doesn't quite know how to take the fact that it is ALL mental, yet so REAL.

I don't know if it is "sub drop." From what I've read on the links that were posted, sub drop is a depression. My boy just feels vulnerable, shaky and a little teary. I don't know how long it lasts for him, he seems to get it under control rather quickly. But I do know, he keeps coming back for more

All in all, he just wants to know WHY he feels like crying after we play d/s. I will direct him to the thread and hope he finds his answer here. Thank you all and please, post with any new insights.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I wonder if this happens because during a scene you can be stripped away to the essentials, to a place where there is no hiding from yourself or your emotions. The outside self disappears and only your core is left. So any emotions you have buried by your normal daytime self are now at the surface, so a release is more likely to happen.

Does this make sense to anyone?

yes, that makes perfect sense,

You are mentally stripped of who you are, relying on your own inner resources to cope with what you are experiencing.

What you two said makes perfect sense to me!