Emoting
- Thread starter EriAliSaa
- Start date
EriAliSaa
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2006
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Anatomy of a Surprise
A moment
unbridled passion
afternoon quick delight
Been so....
not myself.
rundown?
tired?
yeah.
No way.
It doesn't work like that.
Not after tens of thousands of dollars.
Not after all those years.
The heartaches.
The fights.
How do I tell him?
He was done.
Satisfied.
Happy?
This is scary.
It goes deeper than that.
It's scarier than having none?
No way to compare.
Then hope existed.
Now this
just
is.
unbridled passion
afternoon quick delight
Been so....
not myself.
rundown?
tired?
yeah.
No way.
It doesn't work like that.
Not after tens of thousands of dollars.
Not after all those years.
The heartaches.
The fights.
How do I tell him?
He was done.
Satisfied.
Happy?
This is scary.
It goes deeper than that.
It's scarier than having none?
No way to compare.
Then hope existed.
Now this
just
is.
Last edited:
champagne1982
Dangerous Liaison
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2002
- Posts
- 7,671
Is this about being pregnant once you've stopped the visits to the fertility clinics, stopped drawing graphs of basal body temp over time and testing the viscosity of your vaginal secretions?
Even though it comes as a surprise and only after you've spent considerable cash, isn't the prospect of a new human exciting?
I'll check your poem in more detail later. Best to you.
Even though it comes as a surprise and only after you've spent considerable cash, isn't the prospect of a new human exciting?
I'll check your poem in more detail later. Best to you.
unapologetic
Literotica Guru
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- Nov 4, 2006
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- 642
Feedback
I love the shape you've created, the way it seems to be driving down. As for the words, it doesn't quite flow for me. I would try some softer sounding words.
I love the shape you've created, the way it seems to be driving down. As for the words, it doesn't quite flow for me. I would try some softer sounding words.
EriAliSaa
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2006
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- 284
Hee hee. I wasn't as obtuse as I usually am huh?
We have two beautiful children. It took a lot, but in the end we used injectables, and nothing was left to chance. Everything was done with lab work and ultrasounds. Conception could be pinpointed within a 24 hour period. Everything was so planned and regulated, talked about, prepared for.... only stress was how long it would take and how much money we would run through. Trust me you can spend your savings fast.
The idea of having sex and getting pregnant is so foreign to me, to us, it is just shocking. We are also approaching a certain age. It's just incredibly.... unbelievable?
It's funny. Those that are ecstatic for us make us ecstatic. Those that are cautious in their congratulation, sees our apprehension. When we are alone and have just a moment to think and talk to each other, we are grinning kids with a sly sort of gittyness that we didn't have with our other 2. We also get sort of worried thinking about how unprepared we are and all things that I guess come up when you find out you're pregnant. Again we didn't have any of that. Then we are just so dazed, lost and bewildered.
It is getting better. The more we talk about it, the more people we tell the more real it becomes. This is sort of therapy.
BTW I broke it by saying "You know how you hear about those couples that go through years of infertility treatment just to get conceive by accident years later?" Yeah, I guess I am getting less obtuse
We are happy, just never experienced it this way is all.
Julie I'm blaming you, dang fertility Goddess
We have two beautiful children. It took a lot, but in the end we used injectables, and nothing was left to chance. Everything was done with lab work and ultrasounds. Conception could be pinpointed within a 24 hour period. Everything was so planned and regulated, talked about, prepared for.... only stress was how long it would take and how much money we would run through. Trust me you can spend your savings fast.
The idea of having sex and getting pregnant is so foreign to me, to us, it is just shocking. We are also approaching a certain age. It's just incredibly.... unbelievable?
It's funny. Those that are ecstatic for us make us ecstatic. Those that are cautious in their congratulation, sees our apprehension. When we are alone and have just a moment to think and talk to each other, we are grinning kids with a sly sort of gittyness that we didn't have with our other 2. We also get sort of worried thinking about how unprepared we are and all things that I guess come up when you find out you're pregnant. Again we didn't have any of that. Then we are just so dazed, lost and bewildered.
It is getting better. The more we talk about it, the more people we tell the more real it becomes. This is sort of therapy.
BTW I broke it by saying "You know how you hear about those couples that go through years of infertility treatment just to get conceive by accident years later?" Yeah, I guess I am getting less obtuse
We are happy, just never experienced it this way is all.
Julie I'm blaming you, dang fertility Goddess
champagne1982
Dangerous Liaison
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- Aug 31, 2002
- Posts
- 7,671
quick edit suggestion: Strophe 4 Line 2 -- He was do. due . In the first 2 strophes you're inconsistent with your punctuation compared to the rest of the poem. In the opening there isn't any, in the second there are no caps after periods and query marks. It's a little confusing stylistically. Maybe you'll want to make it the same throughout.EriAliSaa said:
unap's suggestion for softness is a good one. I don't think it's word choice though, my feeling is that you don't have a conversational tone here. You haven't made complete thoughts, I know your's are probably jumbled and this is a pretty good illustration of that, but I'm of the opinion that maybe you've taken the poem down too bare of words.
Tinker a little and find those rounder words, ones with o's and a's. It may seem silly but think about how they sound aloud.
You'll be getting rounder, it may be good for your poem to do so, too. Congratulations!
