Embarrassment

[Ebonyfire]

I posted this in another thread, and now I am posting it to its own thread to open the subject up for discussion.

That word comes up a lot in this and the shame thread.

One of the things I have noticed about sissy is that he blushes less that he used to. It occurs to be that his embarrassment level has lowered.

I think that submission can help lower the embarrassment of having needs that may have been suppressed for years finally coming to the surface and being met.

Any comments?

Eb

 

["angel" eve]

i think so

i think it has struck a chord for me in that department... and most likely in my girl.

i need to think about it some more though, because it haden't occured to me before.

 

[Lancecastor]

I think that submission can help lower the embarrassment of having needs that may have been suppressed for years finally coming to the surface and being met.

Any comments?

Eb

Or maybe you've just perved him out to the point where new embarassments are required.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Embarrassment

Or maybe you've just perved him out to the point where new embarassments are required.

He was pretty much perved out when I met him. Now he is just prouder of his perversity!

Eb

 

[Desdemona]

Eb, I was beyond embarrassed when I finally acknowledged the fact that I had these needs. I was appalled. My husband of many years told me I was perverse. A few of my friends wanted me to go into therapy to "get over my obvious need to be abused".

I didn't begin to feel better about myself until I actually acted on these needs and got a taste of how it feels to submit.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Eb, I was beyond embarrassed when I finally acknowledged the fact that I had these needs. I was appalled. My husband of many years told me I was perverse. A few of my friends wanted me to go into therapy to "get over my obvious need to be abused".

I didn't begin to feel better about myself until I actually acted on these needs and got a taste of how it feels to submit.

It seems that the perception of D/s as abuse is still prevalent today. It makes things difficult, particularly if you have a household that includes children.

Eb

 

[TantaLiza]

It seems that the perception of D/s as abuse is still prevalent today. It makes things difficult, particularly if you have a household that includes children.

Eb

Must agree that this is my problem. I've come to the conclusion that D/s is what I've been missing for my whole life...I want to submit to the guidance...I need it. I have a 12 yo daughter whom I've raised on my own...she is the deciding factor in this equation. At this age, she isn't going to easily accept anyone I bring into my life, much less someone I allow to take over as the "head of household"...alas, this will hinder my quest for a full time D/s relationship...

Liza

 

[artful]

I waited patiently Sis, but I knew I could count on YOU !

I posted this in another thread, and now I am posting it to its own thread to open the subject up for discussion. *EMBARRASSMENT*

Any comments?

Eb

There are SO many instances where embarrassment comes into "play".(pun intended) I love to see my sub embarassed. I will let MsWorthy or Shadows explain WHY,...cause I just don't KNOW why.

If I have told her not to cum,...and she does. She gets embarrassed. If I tell her to cum and she can't,...she gets embarrassed. If I tell her to look me in the face,...she gets embarrassed.

If I grope her in public,...she gets embarrassed. If I told her to take off her panties in the parking lot while still in the car,...she gets embarrassed.

(none of the above is referenced toward Dream) But I have experienced those things with other subs.
So what IS it, that is embarrassing to subs? MY only embarrassment, (as far as BDSM is concerned), would be if MY sub didn't DO as I requested, and OTHERS would SEE her not submit to my WILL.

My *PRIDE* would have been stung, and I would have been *SHAMED*, due to not having the control I thought I had. For ME to have been so ignorant as to ask her to do something she would not do.

A side kicker here,...what is the difference between HUMILIATION and EMBARRASSMENT ?

(as relates to BDSM)^

Thanks for the thread Sis

 

[James Blandings]

I posted this in another thread, and now I am posting it to its own thread to open the subject up for discussion.

That word comes up a lot in this and the shame thread.

One of the things I have noticed about sissy is that he blushes less that he used to. It occurs to be that his embarrassment level has lowered.

I think that submission can help lower the embarrassment of having needs that may have been suppressed for years finally coming to the surface and being met.

Any comments?

Eb

Im agree with you. I think that people often nurture hidden desires for years , never letting anyone know about them. When they actually live out those fantasies, they get that feeling of good embarrassment.
It's different from humiliation. Its a good feeling, a sort of giddyness, and is often followed by a sense that you have triumphed over an obstacle.

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Embarrassment

Im agree with you. I think that people often nurture hidden desires for years , never letting anyone know about them. When they actually live out those fantasies, they get that feeling of good embarrassment.
It's different from humiliation. Its a good feeling, a sort of giddyness, and is often followed by a sense that you have triumphed over an obstacle.

I'm not familiar with the good embarrassment. I'm still just happy to be free of the bad kind.

 

[MzChrista]

Re: Re: Embarrassment

Im agree with you. I think that people often nurture hidden desires for years , never letting anyone know about them. When they actually live out those fantasies, they get that feeling of good embarrassment.
It's different from humiliation. Its a good feeling, a sort of giddyness, and is often followed by a sense that you have triumphed over an obstacle.

True I think. When playing with a sub I poke around a bit with questions to find out what turns them on that they dont want to admit to, and work with that. Like when playoing with a strap on is an example. Lots of guys have the being a femme fantasy so calling them bitch or whatever while you fuck em gives them that turn on embarrassment.

 

[MissTaken]

Hmm embarrassment versus humiliation?


I have previously posted that I don't do humiliation as it doesn't feel like humiliation. Humiliation is a negative thing, designed to twist one's self concept, even briefly. Acts that are scene as humiliation in another world are pleasurable for me and perhaps, I am not a good subbie, but I take pride and enjoyment in completing them well.

As for embarrassment, I am easily embarrassed and blush nicely. I may simply be embarrassed at being paid a compliment or at being directed to dance erotically. In either scenario, the embarrassment dissipates into pure pleasure.

The longer I am with someone and the more often I have played, embarrassment isn't an issue. My comfort levels increase to the degree where it is completely my pleasure to do as ordered and my confidence in my ability to please increases as well.

In response to one of Art's comments:

If I have been told not to cum and do, I am not embarrassed, I am sad and disappointed. Yes, even after throwing out a few multi O's, I would sad that I hadn't been able to achieve the task at hand for Him.

Mulit O's sounds like a kink cereal, does it not?

 

[MzChrista]

Re: Re: Re: Embarrassment

I'm not familiar with the good embarrassment. I'm still just happy to be free of the bad kind.

Lok at it like this. If you was on the street and some guy called you a cocksucker youd hate that. But if you Dom said MMMMM you a good cocksucker, youd get a kick right? Think about it like that.

 

[TantaLiza]

I have a tendency to follow as Art implied...my embarassment stems from feeling inadequate to please. I'm never sure I've fulfilled the requests to complete satisfaction...guess that's the side of me that wants to get praise by doing as I'm told. I've done that since I was a kid...it's ingrained in me to the point that I try to do everything close to perfection...needless to say, I'm not always successful.

Liza

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Embarrassment

Lok at it like this. If you was on the street and some guy called you a cocksucker youd hate that. But if you Dom said MMMMM you a good cocksucker, youd get a kick right? Think about it like that.

Yeah, maybe, but that feels more like "hey, I'm doin' good". That doesn't feel embarrassing to me. I'm trying to understand though.

 

[Sandia]

There's nothing better than a woman who can blush, in my opinion. It's a beautiful thing.

 

[zipman]

I think they are all related

I think that embarrassment, humiliation and shame are all on the same continuum.

Embarrassment is the least vivid, and it usually is accompanied by a blush, looking away etc.

Humiliation is much stronger and more vivid. It might cause a deep blush, and there may be a desire to leave the area, avoid people's gaze.

Shame is the most powerful of them all. Shame reaches deep down into your core, it makes you want to shrivel up and crawl into a hole and die. At least at the moment.

Those are my first thoughts on the difference between them, but I certainly wouldn't mind hearing what others (especially Quint) have to say on the topic.

 

[James Blandings]

Re: I think they are all related

I think that embarrassment, humiliation and shame are all on the same continuum.

Embarrassment is the least vivid, and it usually is accompanied by a blush, looking away etc.

Humiliation is much stronger and more vivid. It might cause a deep blush, and there may be a desire to leave the area, avoid people's gaze.

Shame is the most powerful of them all. Shame reaches deep down into your core, it makes you want to shrivel up and crawl into a hole and die. At least at the moment.

Those are my first thoughts on the difference between them, but I certainly wouldn't mind hearing what others (especially Quint) have to say on the topic.

I'm not sure if I agree. I think embarrassment and shame, at least, may not be on a continuum, but two very different things. I'll have to give this some thought.

 

[Sandia]

Depends. "Bad" humiliations is... well, bad.

Good humiliation... is intense, and erotic.

Embarrassment... well there's the shy, kind kind, like when a girl blushes 'cause she know you know... she knows...

Or the bad kind. Like when you realize your zipper's unzipped. Or you misspell a sord in a post.

Shame can be moral shame... like when you do something you know is wrong. Which can be good too, like when you tell a friend about it, and her eyes go wide, and you realized she'd like to do something like that too.

The wonderful thing about language is it's so flexible. Sometimes the harder you try to pin things down with words, the more the meaning escapes you.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I kind of addressed this before but...

I am embarrassed because I am not perfect. And I fear I will disappoint my lover.

I know all the self esteem issues here and all the reasons why I should not feel like this but I do anyway. I do try to put it in perspective and know that my lover will (one day) accept me for all my imperfections and love me for and because of them. That is my hope, at least.

But wanting to be perfect for someone, someday is part of who I am.

Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

Depends.
The wonderful thing about language is it's so flexible. Sometimes the harder you try to pin things down with words, the more the meaning escapes you.

Geeeze you are good.

Rose

 

[SexyChele]

For me, embarassment is something that is usually at the very beginning of a relationship - if I spill my coffee the first time I meet with a man, wanting him to kiss me and yet not knowing if he will until he asks if that is what I'm thinking. Embarassment also normally comes in the very first time I stand naked in front of a Dom. While in the last instance, the feeling may also include one of excitement, I normally don't think of embarassment as erotic. It involves uncertainty, and to some extent, insecurity.

Once I feel secure in a relationship, once I am comfortable with who I am around some one, I seldom feel embarassed.

Shame and humiliation can enter the picture and be eroticized, yes. But that is a whole different picture.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: I think they are all related

I think that embarrassment, humiliation and shame are all on the same continuum.

Embarrassment is the least vivid, and it usually is accompanied by a blush, looking away etc.

Humiliation is much stronger and more vivid. It might cause a deep blush, and there may be a desire to leave the area, avoid people's gaze.

Shame is the most powerful of them all. Shame reaches deep down into your core, it makes you want to shrivel up and crawl into a hole and die. At least at the moment.

Those are my first thoughts on the difference between them, but I certainly wouldn't mind hearing what others (especially Quint) have to say on the topic.

Couldn't say it better Myself

 

[artful]

Re: I think they are all related

I think that embarrassment, humiliation and shame are all on the same continuum.

Embarrassment is the least vivid, and it usually is accompanied by a blush, looking away etc.

Humiliation is much stronger and more vivid. It might cause a deep blush, and there may be a desire to leave the area, avoid people's gaze.

Shame is the most powerful of them all. Shame reaches deep down into your core, it makes you want to shrivel up and crawl into a hole and die. At least at the moment.

Those are my first thoughts on the difference between them, but I certainly wouldn't mind hearing what others (especially Quint) have to say on the topic.

Zip,...I am SO glad you posted your opinion on this thread. I think it has helped me to understand the DIFFERENCE between, embarrassment, humiliation, and shame, as concerns ME. (YMMV)

To ME,...
a)embarrassment-might be a young boy who was caught masturbating by his girlfriend.

b)humiliation-would be what he might suffer, due to what the girlfriend might do,(laugh, point her finger at him, derisive remarks made by her, about what she caught him doing to a group of their friends in public, etc.

c)shame-would be something he MIGHT carry as a burden for the rest of his life.

(If this doesn't make sense,...don't fret too much about it,...it's only an example)

 

[WillowPuss]

Gosh - this is a hard subject for me. I am likely to ramble here - and then may never actually submit the post ... we shall see,


I can understand how embarrassment can be seen as a lesser sibling of humiliation, which could be seen as a lesser sibling of shame. I suppose to a large extent because of the shame I experienced at 16, which has coloured my entire adult life and caused me humiliation and embarrassment - and still does to a large extent.

Because of an incident, which I know logically was totally beyond my control; I had to live with deep shame (caused by school ‘friends’) for almost 3 years. To survive, I had to bury that incident deep within me, to remain hidden least anybody find out and tell me what a dreadful person I was again. I knew that, I had ‘learnt’ that already. That is shame

The humiliation, causing me to go beet red in the face, to stammer, to want to run away and hide – that would be any word or phrase that was used at the time I was learning my ‘shame’. Certain words and phrases can still have that affect on me – and the person will have no idea why. (And that is why humiliation is a hard limit for me.)

Embarrassment – For me, this falls into good and bad.
Bad is when something is said, or a look given where I feel that the giver is deliberately trying to make me feel uncomfortable. I will blush deeply and feel the stomach churning. I will try and ‘escape’.
Good is when something is said, or a look given where I know the giver is trying to make me feel good about myself. I will still blush, and will probably go very quiet (or maybe blabber on about nothing to cover my embarrassment), but that kind of embarrassment will leave me with a glow.

Get enough of the glowing type of embarrassing moments, and self esteem grows, confidence grows, and eventually, the embarrassment goes.



(Sorry for the waffle. I am going to take a chance and press submit – and that is solely due to a conversation with another Lit member making a remark about taking a chance in a different context entirely!)