Emails from Mars (and Venus)

[jfinn]

I was just checking my mail and I got a request from one of my readers for dating tips! As soon as I picked my mouth up off the floor I started to wonder how many of you out there have had readers send you correspondence that could not strictly be called fan/flame mail?

Besides this one, I've had people send me the horoscopes of some of my characters, pictures of their (own) houses and/or boats, two suicide notes (not funny at all), and an 8k email on what's it like to be a helicopter mechanic for the Royal Australian Air Force. I even had someone ask me for directions on how to get to the University of Michigan from Metro Airport in Detroit.

So how about you? Ever get any emails that left you scratching your head and saying WTF?

Jayne

 

[wildsweetone]

yes i'll own up to a couple.

the one that interested me the most i received for one particular chapter of Blood Sweat and Fear.

a character involved in Vietnam went through some things and my emailer told me there was no way in hell he could have gone through them.

i did my research and i know full well things that i wrote about actually happened. readers perceive our stories in the way that they wish to understand them.

in my opinion, it's not a bad thing, it's just different. actually it's good, because it makes us really think hard about what we've written... well, it made me think seriously.

 

[pop_54]

Yo

Haven't had any on this board yet, but I've had a few strange folks contact me from other boards I belong to, bloody strange.

One guy told me he was screwing his sister, both of them in their 30's, and asked if I wanted to meet up for some fun sometime, the e-mail came from a UK e-addy. I changed e-mail accounts and addy and deleted the old one bloody damn quick.

pops........

 

[SexyChele]

I've had a couple that were technically outside the realm of "fan email", but I refuse to call anyone strange. Hell, they might think I'm a little off myself!

When I wrote my first (only) Gay Male story, I had several requests from gentleman who wanted to be my "slut" and "suck my cock". I had to gently tell them that, though their offer was greatly appreciated, I had no cock to suck and therefore would probably be unable to participate. The latest spate have included such requests as "how can I engage in anal sex without pain/is it really pleasurable" sort of thing.

I try to be helpful where I can, firm when I need to be. You never know who is reading what and when they might get it into their head to contact you outside of "the norm".

 

[MathGirl]

So how about you? Ever get any emails that left you scratching your head and saying WTF?

Jayne

I love getting feedback from readers, expecially from the lunatic fringe of the population.

Since most of my devoted fans read my little stories with one hand, I get the type of feedback that you would expect. The usual mix includes offers to ---- my ----, ---- their ------. and invitations to ---- on their -----. Also lots of JPGs of overweight men's genitalia. That's always fun.

I get messages that include life stories, tales of wives that don't understand them, requests for phone number, proposals of marriage, and dog training tips.

The strangest one I got was from a gay gentleman who sleeps in the crawl space under his mobile home because he can't stand the smell of his roommate's feet.

I guess it takes all kinds, but I seem to get the ones at the extrme edges of the bell shaped curve.

I keep a file of the more interesting messages and refer to it once in a while. I sometimes take myself too seriously, and looking at those things jerks me back to reality. It reminds me of the type of people in my readership, and prevents me from thinking that I'm literary.

Diane the Drivelist

 

[SexyChele]

Re: Re: Emails from Mars (and Venus)

Also lots of JPGs of overweight men's genitalia. That's always fun.

You get pics!?!?!? Okay, I'm seriously jealous here - no one has ever sent me a pic of anything!

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Emails from Mars (and Venus)

You get pics!?!?!? Okay, I'm seriously jealous here - no one has ever sent me a pic of anything!

Dear SC,

Believe me, Dear, you ain't missed much. There is absolutely nothing to be jealous about. A picture of a hairy, distended abdomen with nothing special below it is not the sort of thing to inspire jealousy. You can trust me on that.

Possibly you could lower the level of your writing a bit. Then you might appeal to the type of reader who sends pictures of his genitalia. I don't recommend it, though.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I got a mail regarding my incest story "What a comfort", where a guy told me that something similar had happened to him, too. He asked me what I had done in real life, if I had told my brother about what we had done, and if we had continued to have sex.

I never bothered pointing out to him that the whole story was pure fantasy, and that I'm an only child.

There are weirdos out there.

(I got another mail regarding the same story, where a guy asked me to write a sequel to the story, in which the brother and sister get married and have children...Why is it that incest seems to attract weirdos? Hmmmm... I think I just answered my own question.)

 

[MathGirl]

Why is it that incest seems to attract weirdos? Hmmmm... I think I just answered my own question.)

Dear Svenska,
How about an incest story about an orphan who was an only child? Let's see how creative you can be.
Diane the Ever Helpful

Ps. It isn't only incest stories that attract weirdos. You can trust me on that!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Dear Svenska,
How about an incest story about an orphan who was an only child?

That's EASY!!!

Haven't you ever heard of twin spirits???

 

[jfinn]

Re: Re: Emails from Mars (and Venus)

Also lots of JPGs of overweight men's genitalia. That's always fun.

I get messages that include life stories, tales of wives that don't understand them, requests for phone number, proposals of marriage, and dog training tips.

The strangest one I got was from a gay gentleman who sleeps in the crawl space under his mobile home because he can't stand the smell of his roommate's feet.

Diane the Drivelist

Nude pictures? I'm jealous too. Like I said, I get photos of their houses and lots of scenic shots of the countryside. Oddly enough these are always from Australians.

And Chele, I agree. I'm a straight woman who writes gay porn. I don't think I've got any business calling anyone else strange!

Jayne

 

[gauchecritic]

I'll tell you what's strange. If you haven't already noticed up to this point the only other male here is pops (my dad) and his reply concerned another site altogether, so what's strange is that it's the girlies that get the weird mail.

Personally I'd love some personal nether photography from female readers, but will I get any? will I chuff.

Gauche

P.S If Diane or Bikini would like to oblige then I won't tell anyone, conversely I'm not going to tell anyone that you didn't either. Hehe.

 

[daisie]

My work on Lit has been called "high brow" and "complex." Wow.

I received feedback from someone signed "Dixie" whose name on the email was "John Hunker."

One guy sent me the third degree. What are the signs of a woman cheating? Do women ever cheat just for the sex? Can a woman have a relationship with two men? If a woman had a lover would she stop having sex with her husband? Would she stop kissing her husband? How would she feel being around her husband when she was not with her lover? Would her husband annoy her? Would she dress differently for work? Do they tell their husbands when other men hit on them?

Here's a verbatim sentence from one review (in the loosest sense of "sentence"): i would like to know how a man who likes a woman and meets her in the bus onec in a while has to do to get in her panties .could you give me some tips. think that you were me and trying to get a beautiful girl like you. i am going nuts and don t know how to apporch her please help

There was one very enthusiastic lady! Whose review was riddled! With fragmented sentences and exclamation points!

And one sweet and insightful reviewer gave me the only advice I could really use: he told me I'd spelled Nietzsche wrong. Bless him.

The other reviews were really sweet ego boosts.

D

 

[PaulX35]

Re: Re: Emails from Mars (and Venus)

...Also lots of JPGs of overweight men's genitalia. That's always fun...

Err, so that's what you're doing the Math on?

Paul

 

[pop_54]

Here, here

I'll tell you what's strange. If you haven't already noticed up to this point the only other male here is pops (my dad) and his reply concerned another site altogether, so what's strange is that it's the girlies that get the weird mail.

Personally I'd love some personal nether photography from female readers, but will I get any? will I chuff.

Gauche

P.S If Diane or Bikini would like to oblige then I won't tell anyone, conversely I'm not going to tell anyone that you didn't either. Hehe.

Here, here, son, don't forget to send copies round her to your old dad in the rest home, I could do with something to raise the dead.

pops...............

 

[bridgeburner]

Somewhat off-topic

I've now just wondered if perhaps I'm a weirdo. I don't think I've sent any strange ......oh shit. Maybe I have. Not sparked from stories but from posts in the threads. I certainly know I've PMed people that I've only met in passing on the boards. I've never sent anything particularly personal and certainly no pictures, propositions or offers of sexual favors. It just doesn't occur to me not to talk to people I find interesting.

I'm beginning to think perhaps I've broken some unwritten rule of etiquette, however. Is it de trop to PM folks without their express instruction or without publicly asking their permission?

 

[pop_54]

Hi

Like you Bridgeburner I like to chat to folks I find interesting, PM's should be just that, 'Private', one shouldn't need to anounce it in public first.
E-mail the same, if I get e-mail I answer, always, I even reply to feedback if there's an addy at the top, I think it polite to do so, always to thank the person for taking the time to comment, the tone of the feedback or whatever matters not, I always try to be polite.

Like you I've never propositioned anyone, or made lewd comment without first ascertaining that such comment would not cause offence.
I try to be sympathetic if I recieve weird e-mail and if the subject is not to my liking, I say so as politely as possible Then if it was a bit near the knuckle I may delete the e-account and change addy to avoid further problems.

Only once did I take any other action and report an e-mail, a guy, well I assumed it was a guy, sent me images of children being abused as an attachment to an e-mail in which he ranted on about wanting to screw little kids. For some reason he mistook me for a paedo, it was on a fetish site, but he made the wrong assumption and I reported his e-mail to my ISP for further action.
What happened I don't know I didn't hear back.

pops..............

 

[MathGirl]

Feedback

There was one very enthusiastic lady! Whose review was riddled! With fragmented sentences and exclamation points!
D

I think I know the .. lady .. you're talking about. She writes to me all the time!!! LOL!!! Tee Hee!!! (that one?)

I don't see anything wrong with Pee Emming someone without their permission. I'm assuming, of course, that you aren't going to flame them. The worst they could do is ignore you. People write PMs and EMails to me all the time.

I'm like Pops. I always acknowledge feedback and thank the writer for taking the time. I don't think I've ever gotten a really nasty feedback. One guy took me to task about the time he had wasted reading my story. I just thanked him for wasting more of his time by writing to tell me about it.

 

[gauchecritic]

Re: Feedback

People write PMs and EMails to me all the time.

I'm like Pops. I always acknowledge feedback and thank the writer for taking the time. I don't think I've ever gotten a really nasty feedback. One guy took me to task about the time he had wasted reading my story. I just thanked him for wasting more of his time by writing to tell me about it.

That's 'cos they've seen your av Diane.

I learned that lesson from me dad (pops) as well, I always reply even if it's only thanks.

Gauche

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Feedback

That's 'cos they've seen your av Diane.
Gauche

You mean they go for Cheeky?

 

[gauchecritic]

Re: Re: Re: Feedback

You mean they go for Cheeky?

Naa it's the mystery behind the shades.

Gauche

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Feedback

Naa it's the mystery behind the shades.

Gauche

Hi, Gauchie,

Okay, I'll change my avathingie.