Elegant BDSM

[sweetnpetite]

Is there such a thing?

I'm speaking of bandage, domination, even possibly humiliation yet somehow elevated above the course (which I love, don't get me wrong) to erotica. Involving people, rather than 'sluts and studs' or those forced to be or playing the role. Beyond porn.

Or is this a contradiction of terms?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Is there such a thing?

I'm speaking of bandage, domination, even possibly humiliation yet somehow elevated above the course (which I love, don't get me wrong) to erotica. Involving people, rather than 'sluts and studs' or those forced to be or playing the role. Beyond porn.

Or is this a contradiction of terms?

I think what you are describing is what most people see BDSM as....so yes, there is such a thing.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I think what you are describing is what most people see BDSM as....so yes, there is such a thing.

could you... describe it?

 

[Kajira Callista]

could you... describe it?

it think you already did in your first post.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yes, it's all black and white, everyone has perfect, elongated bodies. Look at AA's picture thread.

 

[Quint]

That's a large part of the appeal in ritual to me. Granted, some ritual is deeply and horribly humiliating, and that's also its own appeal. But when I think of elegant BDSM, I think of the structure, discipline, pace, and deliberate expression of ritual. It's like a waltz.

Or, y'know, just get some black leather, that'd be neat too.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... yet somehow elevated above the course ... to erotica.

Or is this a contradiction of terms?

Why call it elevated? Some do this as a matter of course. Those that do get more impact from the out of nowhere forays in the gutter. Those that come out of the gutter without trailing the miasma enjoy (and command) the best of both worlds.

 

[Vixandra]

AA has a good point. & tis good to see him on the boards again, wb.

To the topic-
Elegance can be found in the poorest streetwalker, inelegance in the most poised wealthy elitest.

And what's so good about elegance? Without the "coarser" side of anything the more elegant side could not be known. There is no dark without light kind of thing.
Why cut oneself off from a certain method or scene because it is inelegant?


I can see how forcing one who always strives to be graceful and elegant into a possition where there is no possiblity for such things could invoke a feeling of elevation on the Dom/me's part. One who walks with grace bound upper arm to thigh in a demeaning crawl, as an example.

Involving people, rather than 'sluts and studs' or those forced to be or playing the role. Beyond porn.

BDSM involves people, whatever name they're given, be it slut, stud, sub, slave, Master, Mistress, Dom or Domme. Not all who journey within this world are playing a role and the majority I corrispond/talk with are not forced.

Porn is often faked, but what do you want? Can't imagine many states that wouldn't turn that tape of real BDSM into evidence against the given Top if the DA was prude enough. I certainly wouldn't do a "real scene" on tape unless I held the only copy burned to a disk. But that's another topic entirely.

If something works for Y/you, why fret over it? If elegance in your scenes does it for you, go for it.

 

[TaintedB]

Is there such a thing?

I'm speaking of bandage, domination, even possibly humiliation yet somehow elevated above the course (which I love, don't get me wrong) to erotica. Involving people, rather than 'sluts and studs' or those forced to be or playing the role. Beyond porn.

Or is this a contradiction of terms?

Well, I like to look at elegance but I don't like to practice it. Too much work! Actually, I think elegance has its place: in scientific theroies and certain schools of art but my personal sexual aesthetic--that is, what makes me hot--runs deep into the raunchy end of things. I think what I like about raunch is its lack of romanticism (a quality I have a low appreciation for). It is lust at its purest.

When you talk about elegance are you talking about things you want to do or things you like to look at, or both?

 

[Singularity]

Elegance in BDSM

Elegance, along with creativity and deviance and iniquity, are all things I strive for in what I write, and in what I try to practice. I want (to read and experience, as well as write) erotica instead of porn; and something that feeds the soul as much as it does the carnal urges. To me, that is what makes it exciting and vibrant and alive and full of color and texture.

If you're a photographer, are you trying to be Helmut Newton capturing the essence of a stockings and heels-clad woman's grace and sexuality in a Parisian salon, or are you snapping pictures for Hustler? Each has its place, but Newton's photographs have lasting value, where the Hustlers get tossed out in a month or two.

To me, simply hurting or humiliating someone who desires to be taken and hurt and used like that only goes so far, and only lasts so long.


Sin.

 

[Netzach]

Elegance is really really subjective, and usually bourgeois, and sometimes really boring.

That said, I find Japanese rope especially elegant and I use rope for its aesthetic pleasure mainly,

...and I find the aesthetics of a scene are important, I appreciate good equipment and bourgeois consumer values.

I don't opt for homemade kitchen-drawer toys unless I *want* the look and feel of them. And sometimes they are just right.

 

[sweetnpetite]

And what's so good about elegance? Without the "coarser" side of anything the more elegant side could not be known. There is no dark without light kind of thing.
Why cut oneself off from a certain method or scene because it is inelegant?

First of all, thank you- I couldn't figure out for the life of me the correct way to spell coarse.

Secondly, my intent was not to cut anything out because it was inelegent. Rather it was to explore something new (mostly through writing) that I hadn't considered before. I was only thinking of adding rather than taking away.

I don't know for certain that 'elegant' was the correct word, although you do bring to mind some promising visuals. I was finding it hard to express just what I was thinking and just sort of fumbling through.

I do not distain for porn, smut, and nasty nasty sex and nasty nasty sex stories. They are my favorite, so please don't misunderstand. I call my porn porn and make no mistake about it. But I have recently become interested in producing work that could be called erotica as well. Not because it's better, just because it's different.

I'm just trying to expand into something less... obvious. Perhaps (and this could be the wrong word as well) more skilled (on the part of the practicioners as well as on the part of the author). This isn't meant to sound or be snobby; it's just that i have to differenciate in some way so that you know what I am asking about. (And I still don't know if I make sence)

A non-BDSM example if you will. I love porn. The dirtier, the more hardcore the better. But anyone can say or write- suck my big hard cock you fucking whore. Mmm, and it's quite enjoyable to do so. On the other hand, I'm looking at expanding my own skills and body of work, and even perhaps some of my own personal practice. I just don't know how to go about it.

If anyone here has suggestions, or even possible links to stories that you think might illustate what I am after, I would be very greatful. Just no, that I am trying to expand, not reduce or eliminate my mindset.

Thanks.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Elegance, along with creativity and deviance and iniquity, are all things I strive for in what I write, and in what I try to practice. I want (to read and experience, as well as write) erotica instead of porn; and something that feeds the soul as much as it does the carnal urges. To me, that is what makes it exciting and vibrant and alive and full of color and texture.

If you're a photographer, are you trying to be Helmut Newton capturing the essence of a stockings and heels-clad woman's grace and sexuality in a Parisian salon, or are you snapping pictures for Hustler? Each has its place, but Newton's photographs have lasting value, where the Hustlers get tossed out in a month or two.

To me, simply hurting or humiliating someone who desires to be taken and hurt and used like that only goes so far, and only lasts so long.


Sin.

Thank you singularity. I have bookmarked your story page.

I think you best understood what I was trying to say and said it better than I That gives me great faith in your writing.

Happy to hear more from anyone else who would like to contribute to the discussion.

 

[Singularity]

Just Don't Read The Early Stuff.

Thank you SnP.

If you're looking for 'elegance', just don't read my earliest stuff. I cringe sometimes when I reread what I thought was outstanding when I wrote it. I do hope I've grown a bit as a writer in the past couple of years. I never had much "story" in the early ones, but I find that I developing the characters and their emotional side and their motivations and fears and desires is more important to me now than "insert tab a in slot b".

I think that is the crucial difference. Writing about people the reader will care about, rather than simply stroke-inducing action. As you said, each has its place, but one has a more lasting impact than the other.

I did a thread in the Authors Hangout a while back on site improvement suggestions that included the idea of authors getting to identify those of their stories they were most proud of, independent of the Es, Hs, and Ws. The "A"s if you will.

If you want to sample a few, try "Searching for Her Own Shadow", or "Vanishing Point" (only 2 of 3 chapters posted so far) or "Reflecting Passion", to pick three near the top of the tree. They would be among my "A" stories.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I don't know for certain that 'elegant' was the correct word, although you do bring to mind some promising visuals.

Actually, you touched upon something right there. A good reader almost always reads the book and likes it better than the movie for one simple reason. A good story teller gives the reader, at least in this case, enough rope to orgasm themselves into a puddle. The reader's inner eye, for want of a better description, gets to customize your words into wishes. Give them too much, you limit their imaginations; too little, you lose them.

In your example,

I love porn. The dirtier, the more hardcore the better. But anyone can say or write- suck my big hard cock you fucking whore. Mmm, and it's quite enjoyable to do so. On the other hand, I'm looking at expanding my own skills and body of work, and even perhaps some of my own personal practice. I just don't know how to go about it

close your eyes and see it. Once you have a scene in mind run the mental editor back and forth for what you hear as well. That gives you the dialog. Now, go where no director nor film editor can, but any writer worth a damn will. What can you smell, taste, feel?

A writer is a masochist. Everyone under the sun (or moon for that matter) will say after reading a work, "I might have done this a little different." Exert a little sadism. Pick and choose the details. Ever read a really good work by Hemmingway? King comes to mind in his best moments. Both writers bury you in details. You can roll around in them for days and barely come up for air. Like anyone that eats (insert choice food reserved for special occassions) every day, however, it gets boring. Sometimes a bowl of rice beats a steak.

The key revolves around transitions, and those have subtle shades as well. Yanking a fellatrix' head from her work at the key moment can look like the money shot in a porn movie, but if done at the right time and place, achieves apex/nadir depending on what you want. Therein lies developing depth of character ... in both writing and real life.