ArtemisAmazon
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2007
- Posts
- 7
I am searching for an editor that could help me with my pirate tale. It's somewhat tongue in cheek fun with a twist, there is some very light bondage and anal.
I'd like a basic overview of the story, if it works, if the characters are okay where does it suck, is the dialog too cheesy?
I would like to improve my writing and am open to advice and suggestions.
Attached is the first few hundred words of it. It is about 3000 words long.
Your consideration is much appreciated!
*****
Bart had a made a huge mistake. The enormity of the situation was just beginning to dawn on him as he stood on the deck of the schooner dripping wet.
He looked from one crew member to the next; he could come to only one conclusion. He had landed aboard the Black Widow.
It was no wonder the privateering crew did not follow him when he literally jumped ship and swam to what he thought would be freedom and a safe passage. For among all pirates on the Barbary Coast none were more legendary than the Black Widow.
It was rumored that the all female crew of the Black Widow were from the Amazonian ancestry. They were said to be fierce blood thirsty warriors. Many a male corpse had been found with his genitals cut off in the areas where the Black Widow had been marauding. The thought made Bart’s stomach turn. He would much rather walk the plank than suffer that fate. He started heading for the edge of the ship but the women drew their swords from their scabbards, and surrounded him.
The circle parted and the captain approached. “Avast ye, what did the mighty Calypso bring to us today?” “I see she has gifted us with a male specimen.”
“Take off your clothes and let’s see if you are fit for keeping.” The Captain commanded.
It was a bit unnerving for Bart but when a bunch of armed and angry women surround you, you do as they say. He pulled his wet clothes off and dropped them to the deck.
The crew and the captain eyed Bart up and down. He felt like a piece of livestock being examined for purchase. The captain paid particular attention to his broad chest and his strong muscular thighs. She pulled out her sword and edged it close to Bart’s penis. He closed his eyes and prayed as she placed the sword under it. He felt the cold steel against his member as she hefted it taking stock of his man hood. Then the captain gently removed the sword and Bart could breathe again.
“A mighty fine male specimen you are.” She said admiringly
Bart gathered enough guff to speak. “I’m guilty as charged, Bart uttered; I am ready to walk the plank for my indiscretion.”
Bart noticed the glint of emerald in her eyes as she tossed her unruly mane back and laughed. “I would no sooner destroy a work of art then rid this ship of such a fine male.” “Hear this, you will be at the service of all the ladies on the ship as long as you can keep the needs of these women met you will be well fed and taken care of. If I hear of one failure to please or perform you will end up like the castrati and you will be singing your opera to the fish.”
I'd like a basic overview of the story, if it works, if the characters are okay where does it suck, is the dialog too cheesy?
I would like to improve my writing and am open to advice and suggestions.
Attached is the first few hundred words of it. It is about 3000 words long.
Your consideration is much appreciated!
*****
Bart had a made a huge mistake. The enormity of the situation was just beginning to dawn on him as he stood on the deck of the schooner dripping wet.
He looked from one crew member to the next; he could come to only one conclusion. He had landed aboard the Black Widow.
It was no wonder the privateering crew did not follow him when he literally jumped ship and swam to what he thought would be freedom and a safe passage. For among all pirates on the Barbary Coast none were more legendary than the Black Widow.
It was rumored that the all female crew of the Black Widow were from the Amazonian ancestry. They were said to be fierce blood thirsty warriors. Many a male corpse had been found with his genitals cut off in the areas where the Black Widow had been marauding. The thought made Bart’s stomach turn. He would much rather walk the plank than suffer that fate. He started heading for the edge of the ship but the women drew their swords from their scabbards, and surrounded him.
The circle parted and the captain approached. “Avast ye, what did the mighty Calypso bring to us today?” “I see she has gifted us with a male specimen.”
“Take off your clothes and let’s see if you are fit for keeping.” The Captain commanded.
It was a bit unnerving for Bart but when a bunch of armed and angry women surround you, you do as they say. He pulled his wet clothes off and dropped them to the deck.
The crew and the captain eyed Bart up and down. He felt like a piece of livestock being examined for purchase. The captain paid particular attention to his broad chest and his strong muscular thighs. She pulled out her sword and edged it close to Bart’s penis. He closed his eyes and prayed as she placed the sword under it. He felt the cold steel against his member as she hefted it taking stock of his man hood. Then the captain gently removed the sword and Bart could breathe again.
“A mighty fine male specimen you are.” She said admiringly
Bart gathered enough guff to speak. “I’m guilty as charged, Bart uttered; I am ready to walk the plank for my indiscretion.”
Bart noticed the glint of emerald in her eyes as she tossed her unruly mane back and laughed. “I would no sooner destroy a work of art then rid this ship of such a fine male.” “Hear this, you will be at the service of all the ladies on the ship as long as you can keep the needs of these women met you will be well fed and taken care of. If I hear of one failure to please or perform you will end up like the castrati and you will be singing your opera to the fish.”
