Editor for a continuing tale of adultery

[Reshbod]

Greetings. I have finished a second part to my story (Curiosity Laid the Bachelorette) here: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=295389

It does contain interracial sex and adultery. I am looking for truly honest opinions on the story as a whole and any other problems that may have escaped my notice.

TIA,

R.

 

[palisa]

Interesting story line, but I think you may be caught in an awkward place, midway between a serious story and an old-fashioned stroke tale.

You try to establish, I think, motivations and conflicting emotions for the main character, and set up the story with details about why she's in a hotel instead of at her apartment, what she's doing with her friends, her hesitation about the bachelorette party, etc. But then you plunge her into a sexual situation that boggles the imagination, given her life to that point.

If it's a stroke story, there's no need to worry much about those motivations -- get to the action and don't worry about scene-setters. The more detail you go into, the more you have to make what she does consistent with those details.

But because you apparently want the story to be more than a sticky-fingers diversion, it jars because you have her doing things, without any real sign of angst or real resistance, that are so out of character for the scene you set.

Seems to me you would be better off to choose one option or the other rather than try to write a story developing the character of a virgin first giving a blowjob to a male stripper at a girls' afternoon out and then letting herself be picked up by four guys and taken to their hotel room for an orgy on the night before her wedding.

 

[Reshbod]

But because you apparently want the story to be more than a sticky-fingers diversion, it jars because you have her doing things, without any real sign of angst or real resistance, that are so out of character for the scene you set.

Thanks for your reply. This is the type of comment I really want to see rather than the usual "great story", or "it sucks". Yes, I do want it to be more than a standard stroke story, but I also don't want it to get too long and overly detailed. Although the main reason I have posted on this site is to get practice and hopefully improve my writing. Perhaps I should work on the few stories I have done and try to improve them rather than moving onto new stories.

Thanks again.

 

[snooper]

... Perhaps I should work on the few stories I have done and try to improve them rather than moving onto new stories.

I don't really think that would help. Writing new stories that avoid the problems you have seen in your early work is much more likely to produce good writing than rehashing a story you think has major flaws. And if you think the old story only has minor flaws, then there is little to be learned from correcting them.

In any case, as I recall, you don't have major problems in Curiosity Laid the Bachelorette. Perhaps I have a different viewpoint from Palisa, but I think it hangs together nicely as a story, and is begging for a sequel.

But then you plunge her into a sexual situation that boggles the imagination, given her life to that point.

This is where I disagree. I think it is precisely because of her life to this point that she flips. When I was at University in the UK half a century ago, there were many other students who had been to single-sex schools. They were the ones who were more likely to run wild, precisely because they had not had any real experience of dealing with the opposite sex. She is such an innocent that she gets in over her head and then just lets things happen because she doesn't know how to stop them.

When the Dancing Partner comes on to her:
1 she has had quite a bit to drink, which lowers her inhibitions;
2 she is emotionally stressed by her forthcoming marriage;
3 she hasn't had enough experience to recognise a wolf in sheeps' clothing.

In the bedroom she is clearly not thinking straight, for the same three reasons and Willie is paying attention to exactly the right erotic zones. Then Dancing Partner plays her perfectly with the repeated assurances that she is in control, despite moving step-by-step towards the ultimate goal.

All in all I find it believable, if unlikely. After all, her seducer is using her most erogenous zone (her own mind) with consummate skill and to great effect.

 

[Reshbod]

Thanks for your comments snooper. I do like hearing feedback from different people with different perspectives, because frankly I tend to look at my stories as possibly the greatest things ever written so, I might be a bit biased.

I don't really think that would help. Writing new stories that avoid the problems you have seen in your early work is much more likely to produce good writing than rehashing a story you think has major flaws. And if you think the old story only has minor flaws, then there is little to be learned from correcting them.

I like what you said here and it makes a lot of sense so thanks again.