Edge Play

[Etoile]

I interpreted a workshop this weekend called "Edge Play: A Disturbing Trend?" that discussed at length whether kinksters are getting "too edgy." The workshop was actually targeted to people who teach edge play classes of their own, but it brought up interesting points applicable to players, too.

What is edge play? How do you define it from an external standpoint - would you know it if you saw it? Is breath control edge play? How about blood sports? Medical scenes? How do you define it for yourself - where is your edge?

Who is responsible? Should the top have more knowledge than the bottom? How much is enough - should you have to know anatomy before you start sticking needles into people? If somebody goes to a workshop or demonstration to learn about an activity, and then winds up harming or injuring themselves or others, do they have any recourse against the teacher?

Are there edge play activities that we should avoid because they're just too dangerous? (The workshop gave examples of breath play becoming a hanging scene, and suturing lips shut resulting in facial disfigurement.) Where is that line?

Is it desirable to engage in a lot of edge play...does being "edgy" make you cool or better than anyone else?

Your thoughts, please.

 

[Thrall_67]

my thoughts....hmmmmmmm.........

As with all aspects of kink - definitions of various ideas are different for each..... edge play being often the most controversial since it pushes the boundaries of "Safe, Sane and Consentual"
Consentual is the part most can agree on........safe and sane however leaves much room for debate...........
i have been to a play party where an individual had some body modification - he had surgical tubing attached to his circulatory system which went in and out of his body in various areas - you could see his blood being pumped from his heart through this tubing and into his shoulder ........ safe? Seemed like it was done by a surgeon - i heard that he had it for over 3 years without any complications. Sane? Well, i thought it kinda dangerous but was totally facinated with watching the pulsing red blood..........

i met another female sub at a play party who thought anal sex was edge play - would never ever in her life imagine how anyone could play with that hole - i smiled at her then excused myself to the washroom where i could adjust my anal plug

Breath play is something i always thought edgy - till i tried ligature asphyxia - played with someone in a group who had years of experience. As it often happens with things we like, after we have pushed limits, now i need a certain amount of breathplay incorporated into each scene or i will be disappointed (often ends up as severe deep throating)

i had a few play peircings (genital) till i got my permanent jewlery...... cutting and scarification are also things that i don't consider edgy - have them done by professionals (working on designing my brand at the moment)........

So what do i consider edgy? Ha. Love..........
............way too edgy for me........ easy to play with someone at a group but to live with and give over your heart to someone .......... scary scary scary.......

 

[Quint]

Doesn't make me cooler than anyone else, but as I become more and more comfortable with actions I previously found new and wildly exciting, I do start needing to push the envelope. I'd say that I would require both parties to have thorough understanding of the risks and regulations before agreeing to undergo any sort of edgeplay. By thorough, I mean know the human body--yes, know the places on a throat that will cut off blood and what that process will do to the brain, as opposed to the places on a throat that cut off air and what that will do to the larynx. Know the physics of playing with electricity and the human body before directing a current through it. Know the psyche of your sub before you leave her in sensory deprivation. None of this should be a surprise to the dominant, and the submissive should have full trust in their dominant before any edgeplay occurs.

 

[FurryFury]

Edge play can also be and usually is, mostly mind fuck, right?

Fury

 

[boz]

Quint! Good to see you around!


In one sense edge play depends on the person and point in their life. What's edgy now might not seem edgy two years from now when your realm of experiences expands and the edge moves further out. I hope that one day that female sub that Thrall_67 speaks of no longer finds anal to be edge play. Maybe she needs the right Dom ....

On the other hand, I guess when the relevant general populace, in this case meaning general BDSM crowd, thinks that the safe and sane edges are being pushed, that's another meaning of edge play.

But, I am "only an egg". There's a lot of things that I keep out of the realm of my experiences, though I might not label them edge play for the general BDSM populace.

 

[NemoAlia]

Some of the edgiest stuff that I hear about these days is not the breath play (which I gather goes wrong a very, very low percentage of the time) or the anal sex ('cause, yeah) or the cutting, piercing, branding, or scarification. It's the unprotected sex. Marquis mentioned it, ownedsubgal talked about gang-bang scenes sans latex... I do it too frequently. For some of us it's 'cause we're lazy, or unprepared, or caught up in the moment. But for some kinksters it's the ultimate submission, the very real risk of death and disease. And that shit scares me.

But it happens.

...and I'm in a sad, dark place tonight. Pardon me while I hunt for threads about sunflowers and springtime.

 

[jadefirefly]

One does not need to be 'edgy' to be cool, any more than a teenager needs to smoke to be 'cool'.

But it's also apparent that where the edge is varies greatly. I do not think of myself as edgy -- I dislike blood play, watersports, and in fact don't care for *most* things painful. (I find this tolerance, as most do, raised during sexual activity, but that doesn't mean I enjoy being flogged. A simple spanking will do nicely. ) I do, however, greatly enjoy breath play.

I don't think this makes me edgy. I certainly don't think or expect it to make me cool. I'm a far cry from the cool kid on the block, and I know it.

I do think that people who engage in an activity that could be dangerous should know as much as they can about it. I think that those who pierce, ought to have more than just trial-and-error experience. I think that those who asphyxiate using fixed objects ought to be educated about the risks and know what to look for in the event their partner is unable to convey distress.

Be as edgy as you want. It makes you no more or less cool. What makes you a complete tool is being edgy for the sake of edgy, or being edgy and an uneducated idiot all in one.

I'm tired and grumpy tonight. Sorry.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Firstly I don't think it makes anyone cool, but then I am not great seeker of cool status which is probably why I found it easy in my youth to avoid drug and alcohol use...I didn't see the point, I didn't like the taste of alcohol, and I didn't care how many people told me I was uncool not to abuse my body with those substances. I also am not one who is a big believer in someone being better than another...that is just my life philosophy. As to what is edgeplay...as boz said, it is often subjective to a person's taste and experience. We have had our fair share of being told by people that we should not do xyz because it is too unsafe, or too edgy, only to see those same people speaking a year or so later about how much they love doing it now they have tried it.

I am getting to a point of thinking perhaps people shouild spend more time worrying about what they are doing, what is right for them, then what others are doing or trying to draw up lists of what people should or should not develop an interest in or admit to thinking about. May sound a bit disgruntled, but is how I am beginning to feel reading many forums where so many feel they know what is right for others based on their subjective opinions and experiences, feel they are in a position to be able to pass those judgements, and like to draw up lists of what is BDSM cool, what is allowed, what is right, based on their own personal views. I think in this climate of over analysing and then analysing some more, many have forgotten the basics which exist to define what falls under BDSM (and I am sure most are aware of what those are), and instead are trying to personalise what is acceptable according to their own preferences, not the overlying and underlying context of an activity, or a persons right to participate in something they have consented to with another/s without first checking with those who would define if they are allowed first.

Safety is a wonderful thing, but is also subjective to those playing. There are recogniseable levels of safety based on medical knowledge etc., but those things are also subjective to the level of experience, as well as common sense and intelligence, not to mention the choices of those involved. For instance, I have been hanging out a bit on a site where it is clear the majority of male Dominants have no clue as to the danger of applying tight bondage for several hours, often overnight, where breasts and limbs go deep purple, almost black...they have been told and provided with medical facts as to the risks, but they are either too stupid to understand it (often quesioning it's authenticity) or don't care. Now you might then say it is a matter of protecting the submissive to try and stop them? I would agree, except many of their submissives are also of the opinion they know it all and there is absolutely no danger or risk and it is the right of their Domiinant, and themselves to consent to, and there is this little thing called consent which is between those playying, not a bunch of strangers. When I am met with that response it comes down to the fact they are hurting no-one but themselves and beyond supplying information for those who do want it and were possibly unaware, it is not my place to begin dictating whether they can or should continue to do it or not...unlikely I could do anything anyway given they are in the US.

I think responsibility lies with both or all players, and though it is admireable it is mentioned in workshops, people attending those workshops are not likely to be the ones needing to hear the message as they already show they want to learn, they want to do things right, they want as much information as possible, and they have a sense of playing safe. As to what safe is, that remains subjective based on experience and those involved. Some activities enjoyed by many may not be safe for a few based on medical conditions....how then do you draw up this list of what is edgeplay, what is acceptable, and what is fair which is all inclusive?

Catalina

 

[Chicklet]

What is edge play? How do you define it from an external standpoint - would you know it if you saw it? Is breath control edge play? How about blood sports? Medical scenes? How do you define it for yourself - where is your edge?

This reminds me of when I used to give survey's over the phone. If someone asks "what does *** mean?" you have to respond "Whatever it means to you."

Edge play, in my opinion, would be defined by different activities to each person. To me, I could never participate in blood play (much to my partner's dismay) play piercing, anything with penetrating blades or needles really... although, I thought I'd never be able to handle any breath play, and I'm slowly giving in to that.

Breath play I do consider edge play for myself. And there are a lot of different aspects to it when that's introduced into an activity I'm experiencing. First, because I formerly thought of it as something I'd never even try to do, I feel scared... then I start to enjoy it, and I almost feel guilty, knowing that it's dangerous, and wondering if I actually want to participate...then I realize I do want it, end up loving it, and thinking "wow, that was really edgy."

Would I know someone elses' edge play if I saw it? I'd only know my own definition... if I saw someone doing something I might not consider for myself, I might think it was edge play, but I wouldn't know how they were defining their own actions.

Is it desirable to engage in a lot of edge play...does being "edgy" make you cool or better than anyone else?

I don't think that anything makes anyone cooler than anyone else... but I know a lot of people who do seem to think that doing certain things, saying certain things, behaving certain ways, makes THEM cooler than other people. I'm sure there are people out there who're like "check me out, i'm so cool, i can do any sort of edge play, nothing is too extreme for me" and these people are doing it because they do think it makes them cooler... But me, I don't think so, and I don't think many of the participants on this forum have that attitude. I think people with that attitude get run out of our little online community

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Makes sense

This reminds me of when I used to give survey's over the phone. If someone asks "what does *** mean?" you have to respond "Whatever it means to you."

I don't think that anything makes anyone cooler than anyone else... but I know a lot of people who do seem to think that doing certain things, saying certain things, behaving certain ways, makes THEM cooler than other people. I'm sure there are people out there who're like "check me out, i'm so cool, i can do any sort of edge play, nothing is too extreme for me" and these people are doing it because they do think it makes them cooler... But me, I don't think so, and I don't think many of the participants on this forum have that attitude. I think people with that attitude get run out of our little online community

I think that in all these things _edge-extreme is a very subjective idea. One man's meat...etc.

As for being "cool," I agree that there doesn't seem to be a lot of that here. I have never been able to do "drive by" scenes or play so I don't feel much of that. To be "cool" a person needs an audience or crowd to play to. I don't think many people on this forum are prepared to be "gee whizzed" by tall tales.

 

[Shankara20]

For me edge play is play that has an increased risk of long term damage or change to a body.
bruising = not edge play,
scaring, cutting, branding, fire = edge play
likelihood of infection = edge play (bare-backing, piercing/needle/blood play, urethra insertions, scat)
increased likelihood of death = edge play (breath, loaded gun)
fisting = edge play
pushing a hard limit without consent = edge play

more and more players are learning the "how-tos" - training and experience changes the edge. What Ma'am did to me in my second scene 15 years ago, inserted a sound up my urethra freaked me out, now I consider it something i do to myself just for a turn-on. But I know the very real health risks and play safe.

Each player must take responsibility for defining and respecting the edge.

Am I cool, well yes I am, but not because of some edge play, because of my pink panties...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Am I cool, well yes I am, but not because of some edge play, because of my pink panties...

LOL, it's not the pink panties, but how well you wear them!!

Catalina

 

[Shankara20]

LOL, it's not the pink panties, but how well you wear them!!

Catalina

**blush**