Eavesdrop

[SpaceToast]

I don't know why, but I got it in my head the other night to try writing an erotic story that consists only of dialogue. I think it has one vote now, giving it a 4.0 -- which isn't bad right out of the gate. I've been interested from the first to see what others would think about this brief experiment. The story is called "Eavesdrop"-

-M@

 

[margo_x_x]

I gave it a read and saw the same problems I had with mine.

It’s hard to read something without tag lines. Without descriptions to give a breather, it races along at a breakneck pace while the reader gets lost.

I tried to do an all dialogue story, A World of Trouble , and found it to be A: a wonderful writing exercise, and B: an awful lot of fun.

I was having so much fun that I wound up with a story almost good enough to post. I had to cheat and add a little description to make it semi-readable, and I’m almost done revising it for the third time as a regular story.

You did it extremely well, and as a writing exercise, it forces you to err in the opposite direction from 99% of the stories out there.

Check out some stories at random. Paragraphs one through nine: long blocks of black where everything is laid out in excruciating detail. You are shell-shocked before you get to the first quotation mark.

You might not get high marks for Eavesdrop, but I strongly suggest you keep ‘all dialog’ in your arsenal.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

What?

Geez, I tired to read it, and immediately got lost and terribly frustrated.

First of all, where are they? Medieval England or Georgia? The "prithee" with the "y'all" is just too weird for me.

Next, how many people are involved? Someone mentions "ladies", so I guess there are a lot of people there, sharpening daggers or something.

It's a veryt laudable experiment, but i couldn't make any sense of it. It demands too much of the reader. Sorry.

---dr.M.

 

[SpaceToast]

That's a pretty harsh "dislike." Notch the wall for that one. I'm not convinced that it's impenetrable, though.

Maybe someone should try a radio play. Wouldn't that be something to hear between "Says You" and "Car Talk" one night-

-M@

p.s.- Pornography for the blind; I love it!

 

[the_bragis]

Hello Space Toaster,

I am afraid I had trouble figuring it out too.

Certainly I understand that this type of writing is incredibly difficult to do. The thing is with say a radio play, is that it has voices and voice tones. You don't need to hear 'he said angrily,' or it was a storm night, because you hear it in 'his' voice, and get the sound effects also.

I'm not convinced that it's impenetrable, though.


Me neither, I wish you well with this one. I think you might just pull it off.


Have a great day now,

Alex. (fem).

 

[margo_x_x]

Jumping back into the same thread to yell at the other responders is probably bad form, but you’re butchering my sacred cow.

Dr_mabeuse’s abuse of Eavesdrop is valid in terms of his personal opinion, but doesn’t warrant any breast-beating by Space Toast. Dr_mabeuse didn’t get it.

The_bragis and I also got confused, which should set warning bells off in Space Toast’s head.

The problem with these feedbacks is that the baby might get thrown out with the bathwater.

An ‘all dialog’ story, by its very nature, is more difficult to follow. Tricks unique to ‘all dialog’ must be developed, alternates to tag lines should be found, and when judging the dive, don’t forget to adjust by the difficulty factor.

Here’s an ‘all dialog’ that I’d like you to see:

K-: "What does today's woman want? That's the big one."
E-: "I agree. It's the big one all right. It's the what-do-you-call"
K-: "Or put another way, what do today's women think they want versus what do they really deep down want."
E-: "Or what do they think they're supposed to want."
Q.K-: "From a male."
E-: "From a guy."
K-: "Sexually."
E-: "In terms of the old mating dance."
K-: "Whether it sounds Neanderthal or not, I'm still going to argue it's the big one. Because now the whole question today's become such a mess."
E-: "You can say that again."
K-: "Because now the modern woman has an unprecedented amount of contradictory stuff laid on her about what it is she's supposed to want and how she's expected to conduct herself sexually."
E-: "The modern woman's a mess of contradictions that they lay on themselves that drives them nuts."
K-: "It's what makes it so difficult to know what they want. Difficult but not impossible."
E-: "Like take your classic Madonna-versus-whore contradiction. Good girl versus slut. The girl you respect and take home to meet Mom versus the girl you just fuck."
K-: "Yet let's not forget that overlaid atop this is the new feminist- slash-post feminist expectation that women are sexual agents, too, just as men are. That it's okay to be sexual, that it's okay to whistle at a man's ass and be aggressive and go after what you want. That it's okay to fuck around. That for today's woman it's almost mandatory to fuck around."
E-: "With still, underneath, the old respectable-girl-versus-slut thing. It's okay to fuck around if you're a feminist but it's also not okay to fuck around because most guys aren't feminists and won't respect you and won't call you again if you fuck around. "
K-: "Do but don't. A double bind."
E-: " A paradox. Damned either way. The media perpetuates it." K-: "You can imagine the load of internal stress all this dumps on their psyches."
E-: "Come a long way baby, my ass."
K-: "That's why so many of them are nuts."
E-: "Out of their minds with internal stress."


This one uses a letter to tag each speaker, which, by our standards is cheating, but there’s still that feeling of being lost. Who is K? Where are they? Throw any of a hundred other questions at it, and the remaining six sections of this piece won’t answer them either.

Dr_mabeuse, The_bragis, and yours truly, might very well throw mud at this effort, but we’d be one hundred percent wrong. David Foster Wallace wrote it, and the best writers in the world look at this young man’s work with awe.

Is his ‘all dialog’ better than the one by Space Toast? I think so. Is it the difference between diamonds and a pile of shit? Hell no!

Don’t let any of us keep you from doing your thing, Space Toast. If our opinions were gospel, we’d be earning money with this crap.

 

[kristydoll]

I don't know why, but I got it in my head the other night to try writing an erotic story that consists only of dialogue. I think it has one vote now, giving it a 4.0 -- which isn't bad right out of the gate. I've been interested from the first to see what others would think about this brief experiment. The story is called "Eavesdrop"-

-M@

You have a way with words and style. Unfortunately though, I got lost in 'who' was talking as well. I think with a few more 'clues' you can definately do something with this. I do wish you the best.

Don’t let any of us keep you from doing your thing, Space Toast.

The is true - write what you need to in your own way. Its the differences in style and words that makes us each a unique writer.

If our opinions were gospel, we’d be earning money with this crap.

No one's opinions are 'gospel', but we can always learn something from others whether they are writers (professional or not) AND readers. Getting 'negative' feedback - although can be painful - can teach us something - if only to grow a thicker skin as a writer. (A sidenote: if you think what you write is "crap" - you will never make money.)

kristy

 

[Whispersecret]

While I find it admirable that people are willing to go out on a limb with their writing and experiment, I wonder if you're just causing yourself unnecessary frustration.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but when you're just starting out with something, like say, painting, you start out with simple projects. Right? You don't tackle a subject like the Last Supper right off the bat. Sure, Da Vinci did it. Sure, you can aspire to that. But why not give yourself some time to acquire skills?

Maybe I'm just being discouraging. This is just my view. Keep in mind that I'm a conservative perfectionist. I don't like putting stuff out there that is too risky.

On the other hand, this is the perfect place to try your wings.

I guess I'm not being much of a help at all. LOL.