Easy way to tell...

[twelveoone]

good poetry from bad, easy way to learn. Check the comments for specifics.

The Biographer
byTristesse2©

Has two rather extensive comments with specifics. Are the commenters right? Most comments are judgement calls, but specifics narrow it down as to what attention is being paid too. In my defense my comment is rather anemic, there. In New Poems:
very brief excerpt
By now I know my way
through this holy hospice
and yet a shrouded sister
insists
hmm, what gave we here? Damn good sound pattern, for starters, my guess, my opinion best in months
interlocking alliteration, assonance

worthy of consideration?
I could go on about this, but think about it, there is a world of discovery here.

 

[twelveoone]

Morrowing, Still
byGreensparks©

again rather extensive comments, read both the poem, and the comments.
Pay attention to greenmountaineer's comment, it appears to disagree with mine. It doesn't.

Both these poems have grabbed the attention of shall we say better writers. Shall I say that maybe they are better writers partly because they are able to leave comments that aren't mush. Anyway, if you do want to learn something, start with these two. And you don't have to agree with anybody. Just think.
I do recommend, letting them know you where there with a comment and a 5, because they deserve it.

 

[twelveoone]

unusual line here from Morrowing, Still

To the bone in the late kitchens of doubt,

read how?
To the bone in the late kitchens of doubt,
three unstressed in a row?
To the bone in the late kitchens of doubt,
four beat?
To the bone in the late kitchens of doubt,
five?

Anyway that is not a very common line, it is a shame a "like" line was not reprised.

 

[Angeline]

Morrowing, Still
byGreensparks©

again rather extensive comments, read both the poem, and the comments.
Pay attention to greenmountaineer's comment, it appears to disagree with mine. It doesn't.

Both these poems have grabbed the attention of shall we say better writers. Shall I say that maybe they are better writers partly because they are able to leave comments that aren't mush. Anyway, if you do want to learn something, start with these two. And you don't have to agree with anybody. Just think.
I do recommend, letting them know you where there with a comment and a 5, because they deserve it.

I don't know how many comments I have here on new poems. Lots. Sometimes I'm rushed or not with it enough to explain myself clearly, but I usually try to say why I like the poem and be as specific as possible. It's just my opinion and I'm fine with the poet agreeing with me or not: so much of what we appreciate is individual and subjective. And as much as I recognize that it's good to give feedback, that poets really appreciate it, the main reason for me commenting and being specific is that I'm learning from it.

 

[twelveoone]

I don't know how many comments I have here on new poems. Lots. Sometimes I'm rushed or not with it enough to explain myself clearly, but I usually try to say why I like the poem and be as specific as possible. It's just my opinion and I'm fine with the poet agreeing with me or not: so much of what we appreciate is individual and subjective. And as much as I recognize that it's good to give feedback, that poets really appreciate it, the main reason for me commenting and being specific is that I'm learning from it.

Let's just bold that part.
So far that's two.

 

[twelveoone]

Back to Tess
C'mon folks

Rain christens the
saintly windows
of her white room.

is this poet code for tears? We got a dying nun here. All the potential for a pathetic disaster, or is that bathetic? Somehow she avoids it. Slight of hand. The poem about the nun, no, the title is The Biographer. And just between the title and the last line “Where were we?” lies a story, eh? Tess just fills in enough to move you along with just enough inferences to keep you from straying too far.
"like two halves
of a prayer parted by doubt."

Now, I am going to go out on a limb here - from the comments, "saintly windows" conjures up "stained glass". Really? They don't often put stained glass on nun's windows. I suspect Tess had a problem here with the eyes being the windows of the soul, this was a work around, this may have been "stained" at one time, and actually reads better that way. Stained as in what and how?

The poem actually seems self aware, the "Easter Island face" can't help but conjure up the stone heads on Easter Island. It seems to poke fun at itself, a little. How much? Just enough to erase the taste of bathos.

She walks a line here, but never falls to the wrong side. IMO, the best in months.

Some lines:

and my feet, suddenly clumsy
on the stone floor, follow.
This is just enough awkwardness grammatically to suggest, and again a bit of sonics here, perhaps not awkward enough, but I can't come up with any better suggestions.

her long life in shorthand.
I don't have to say anything here

Now aren't you sad you missed it?

 

[twelveoone]

Morrowing, Still
byGreensparks©

again rather extensive comments, read both the poem, and the comments.
Pay attention to greenmountaineer's comment, it appears to disagree with mine. It doesn't.

Both these poems have grabbed the attention of shall we say better writers. Shall I say that maybe they are better writers partly because they are able to leave comments that aren't mush. Anyway, if you do want to learn something, start with these two. And you don't have to agree with anybody. Just think.
I do recommend, letting them know you where there with a comment and a 5, because they deserve it.

anyone want to take this, I seem to be a dissenting voice

 

[HarryHill]

anyone want to take this, I seem to be a dissenting voice

dissenting voice? I loved the poem. the feeling of angst was so profound. And it's true, Usually comments from others reveal things that I did not see.

 

[twelveoone]

dissenting voice? I loved the poem. the feeling of angst was so profound. And it's true, Usually comments from others reveal things that I did not see.

good, show me what I'm missing
everything I learned from poetry I learned from biochemistry and biomechanics. maybe something is just blocking my angst and profound receptors

But now you're learning, as you see, you take for your own use down the road, eh?

 

[twelveoone]

Pathetic fallacy

WHY POETRY IS DYING
What is it, you ask? Well, Portentous Hush is an atmosphere, a tonality, an attitude. It is the tendency of contemporary verse to generate an air of highfalutin sanctity about itself, to pose before the reader as Something Of Great Importance, with capital letters. A poem in the grip of Portentous Hush has all the hieratic resonance of a prayer or an incantation. When you read such a poem you can hear the poet whispering to you, in a tone of hushed awe, something like the following: "This is a high and holy moment of deep significance, and you must pay reverent attention!" It doesn't matter what the poem is about. The real subject of such a poem is the celebration of its own heightened sensitivity.

I just thought I'd muddy the waters a bit, before I come back and clear it up.

 

[HarryHill]

Eight rules of thumb

.....

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

good poetry from bad, easy way to learn. Check the comments for specifics.

The Biographer
byTristesse2©

Has two rather extensive comments with specifics. Are the commenters right? Most comments are judgement calls, but specifics narrow it down as to what attention is being paid too. In my defense my comment is rather anemic, there. In New Poems:

worthy of consideration?
I could go on about this, but think about it, there is a world of discovery here.

By “extensive” you must mean greenmountaineer and Angeline. Perhaps I should comment here.

GM's comment is more of an opinion and I think that to expand on the idea he suggested would unbalance the piece by giving the image too much emphasis. Never the less his comments are very kind and gave me pause, I thank him again. Confusion in my reader is not uncommon, is that a bad thing? My favourite poets are often ambiguous, leaving some “work” for the reader.

Now for Angeline’s comment, if you go back you’ll see I’ve changed the line she, quite rightly, queried; taking, believe it or not, Anonymous’ suggestion. It’s strange how something so blatant slips by. The “saintly windows” refers more to the shape than anything; I can’t see a hospital room with stained glass windows even if it is run by nuns. In this case I might go back later and embroider it a bit.

In your comment you ask about “gliding silently” – have you ever seen a nun in full habit? They glide and “silently” seemed to fit with the hospice and the nun.

Once again, I appreciate all the comments.

 

[twelveoone]

Confusion in my reader is not uncommon, is that a bad thing? My favourite poets are often ambiguous, leaving some “work” for the reader.
The “saintly windows” refers more to the shape than anything;
In your comment you ask about “gliding silently” – have you ever seen a nun in full habit? They glide and “silently” seemed to fit with the hospice and the nun.

ambiguity - Empson said it makes poetry, poetry

shape?

glides in silence; as said minor nit.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

ambiguity - Empson said it makes poetry, poetry

shape?

glides in silence; as said minor nit.

In England older churches have tall windows in gracefull gothic arched frames, that's what I had in mind but with plain glass. Since a nun escorts the perp to the room it follows the hospice is in a convent. Too big a stretch with out spelling it out?

 

[twelveoone]

Morrowing, Still
byGreensparks©

again rather extensive comments, read both the poem, and the comments.
Pay attention to greenmountaineer's comment, it appears to disagree with mine. It doesn't.

Both these poems have grabbed the attention of shall we say better writers. Shall I say that maybe they are better writers partly because they are able to leave comments that aren't mush. Anyway, if you do want to learn something, start with these two. And you don't have to agree with anybody. Just think.
I do recommend, letting them know you where there with a comment and a 5, because they deserve it.

here I have a problem with "galactors"
sere:
adjective
dry; withered.
dried milk machines?

en·nui
[ahn-wee, ahn-wee; French ahn-nwee] Show IPA
noun
a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom: The endless lecture produced an unbearable ennui.

And I can hear my mother chewing ennui
To the bone

And I can hear my mother chewing boredom to the bone
serious - it is difficult to associate lack of interest with chewing let alone to the bone

A rather nice mirror, if it works

I am chewing entropy to the quick:
en·tro·py
[en-truh-pee] Show IPA
noun
1.
Thermodynamics .
a.
(on a macroscopic scale) a function of thermodynamic variables, as temperature, pressure, or composition, that is a measure of the energy that is not available for work during a thermodynamic process. A closed system evolves toward a state of maximum entropy.
b.
(in statistical mechanics) a measure of the randomness of the microscopic constituents of a thermodynamic system. Symbol: S
2.
(in data transmission and information theory) a measure of the loss of information in a transmitted signal or message.
3.
(in cosmology) a hypothetical tendency for the universe to attain a state of maximum homogeneity in which all matter is at a uniform temperature (heat death)
4.
a doctrine of inevitable social decline and degeneration.


scher·zo
[skert-soh] Show IPA
noun, plural scher·zos, scher·zi [skert-see] Show IPA . Music.
a movement or passage of light or playful character, especially as the second or third movement of a sonata or a symphony.
Origin:
1850–55; < Italian: joke, derivative of scherzare to joke, of Langobardic orig.

au·to·nom·ic
[aw-tuh-nom-ik] Show IPA
adjective
1.
autonomous.
2.
of or pertaining to the autonomic nervous system.
3.
Physiology . under the control of the autonomic nervous system.
4.
Cell Biology . produced by internal forces or causes; spontaneous.

cer·ti·tude
[sur-ti-tood, -tyood] Show IPA
noun
freedom from doubt, especially in matters of faith or opinion; certainty.

The young man lingers in a scherzo of autonomic
Certitude & shared horrors dine

Now, what is being said here? And why does it sound like Jack Kirby?

My guess

Magic realism

and my hope, Greensparks shows up to tell us

 

[twelveoone]

In England older churches have tall windows in gracefull gothic arched frames, that's what I had in mind but with plain glass. Since a nun escorts the perp to the room it follows the hospice is in a convent. Too big a stretch with out spelling it out?

i'd keep it,
curious piece of physiological programming going on that leads to "stained" reread the previous 5 lines, one almost expects the rhyme, one almost gets it. You have two semantic strains running through this, one holy, one not quite, read below, so the "stained" works both ways.


this I question

her remarkable life from behind

why? either it is redundant or you are using physiological impressment, having it in detracts from the ambiguity of the situation, or am I only person here reading a link between the biographer and the nun

sparking a smile of recognition.
“Where were we?”

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

i'd keep it,
curious piece of physiological programming going on that leads to "stained" reread the previous 5 lines, one almost expects the rhyme, one almost gets it. You have two semantic strains running through this, one holy, one not quite, read below, so the "stained" works both ways.


this I question

her remarkable life from behind

why? either it is redundant or you are using physiological impressment, having it in detracts from the ambiguity of the situation, or am I only person here reading a link between the biographer and the nun

sparking a smile of recognition.
“Where were we?”

The patient/subject as nun is your projection.

She could be any elderly dying dame with a past worth writing about - remarkable even.

There is a link, the biographer knows his way to her room, we know that, so he's visited her before - recognition.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Bumping an interesting and educational thread.

 

[twelveoone]

Bumping an interesting and educational thread.

I forgot where I was going, maybe when my general annoyance factor drops, I'll return to it. Fact is some things are worth the plunge of getting into the poem. And I admit I was baiting both you (DAing) and byGreensparks© who I think is an Alt trying an interesting experiment. Both poems far exceed the average H around here, in part because the audience is not up to it (either beyond, or looking for only one or two things), but I also fear also because I said so, targeting me, one thing - I expect it, targeting something I care about, well another. That puts me in an ethical dilemma.