Dystopian story

[LaRascasse]

I've written a new story which got moved to Sci Fi from First Time.

I'd love your feedback on it. Anything you can spare would be helpful since it is uncharted waters for me.

https://www.literotica.com/s/sixteen-past-nine-and-forty-six-seconds

 

[ElectricBlue]

I did wonder why, when I read it, it was in First Time, as Last Time was probably more appropriate.

A chilling little sci-fi story, almost in the Golden Era style of a self-contained piece, a nightmare end of days. Thinking about it, not quite chilling enough. Because it focussed in the Senator with the hidden away boy, it was almost too much of a little love story than the cataclysmic end of civilisation, end of humanity.

The opening touch, of a woman scorned, was clever. Note to all young men - check whether she works in a science lab, before dumping her...

Good writing, LaRascasse, brisk and efficient. It worked, in an old school sci-fi kind of way. Thought provoking, outside the box. Was a five, from me.

 

[lexloci]

Sent to my Kindle for reading. Will let you know how I got on upon the morn!

 

[lexloci]

That was a very clever tale, and well written. A good choice of scenes, and left us all wondering how the future will play out. My only negative, if you can even call it that, is that we are already so close to creating sperm from other sources that suspending disbelief, by the point in the timeline, and with the focus there would have been on such research, was a bit of a stretch.

But yes, a very good story and well worth my time. Thank you.

Lex

 

[LaRascasse]

I did wonder why, when I read it, it was in First Time, as Last Time was probably more appropriate.

A chilling little sci-fi story, almost in the Golden Era style of a self-contained piece, a nightmare end of days. Thinking about it, not quite chilling enough. Because it focussed in the Senator with the hidden away boy, it was almost too much of a little love story than the cataclysmic end of civilisation, end of humanity.

The opening touch, of a woman scorned, was clever. Note to all young men - check whether she works in a science lab, before dumping her...

Good writing, LaRascasse, brisk and efficient. It worked, in an old school sci-fi kind of way. Thought provoking, outside the box. Was a five, from me.

Thanks. I wanted it go in FT to emphasize the unusual first time of a middle aged woman and a teenaged boy. What did you think of the description of the world of the time and the desperate lengths the remaining population is going to to survive?

That was a very clever tale, and well written. A good choice of scenes, and left us all wondering how the future will play out. My only negative, if you can even call it that, is that we are already so close to creating sperm from other sources that suspending disbelief, by the point in the timeline, and with the focus there would have been on such research, was a bit of a stretch.

But yes, a very good story and well worth my time. Thank you.

Lex

We have also been just about at a grand unified theory of physics for the past two centuries without quite getting there. Science can be a capricious mistress at times, letting us get close and yet dangling the prize just barely out of our reach.

Nevertheless, I cede your point and maybe should have mentioned that viable sperm has been developed, but any male offspring born of it don't survive. Would that have been better?

 

[lexloci]

Thanks. I wanted it go in FT to emphasize the unusual first time of a middle aged woman and a teenaged boy. What did you think of the description of the world of the time and the desperate lengths the remaining population is going to to survive?




We have also been just about at a grand unified theory of physics for the past two centuries without quite getting there. Science can be a capricious mistress at times, letting us get close and yet dangling the prize just barely out of our reach.

Nevertheless, I cede your point and maybe should have mentioned that viable sperm has been developed, but any male offspring born of it don't survive. Would that have been better?

Actually that would indeed be a perfect solution. Although that would remove the chance of the human race going extinct, we would just become a single sex species. Some might argue we'd be better off

 

[LaRascasse]

Some might argue we'd be better off

I hope I can phrase my next bit tactfully. In case I do offend someone, I am sorry.

This actually brings me to another point I am trying to subtly(?) make in the story. I want to imply that a female dominated society would be just as ... vicious and unfeeling. There is a sly nod to things like sexual violence, justifications and a general apathy to human rights that currently is associated with men. I have tried to hint at the fact that it might not be a male problem as much as it is a "human" problem. Men or women, whoever is at the helm of the ship will screw it and up and in both cases, there will be those fighting to do the right thing.

A perfect point would be the upcoming Lord of the Flies remake with all school girls instead of boys. Like the original story with boys, the society of girls is doomed to implode.

 

[lexloci]

I hope I can phrase my next bit tactfully. In case I do offend someone, I am sorry.

This actually brings me to another point I am trying to subtly(?) make in the story. I want to imply that a female dominated society would be just as ... vicious and unfeeling. There is a sly nod to things like sexual violence, justifications and a general apathy to human rights that currently is associated with men. I have tried to hint at the fact that it might not be a male problem as much as it is a "human" problem. Men or women, whoever is at the helm of the ship will screw it and up and in both cases, there will be those fighting to do the right thing.

A perfect point would be the upcoming Lord of the Flies remake with all school girls instead of boys. Like the original story with boys, the society of girls is doomed to implode.

Oh I think there are enough examples of women in power abusing it to justify that idea. As you say, human problem. The percentile breakdown would undoubtedly vary, but power corrupting is a universal rule without sexual limitations. And yes that came through in the story.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Oh I think there are enough examples of women in power abusing it to justify that idea.

I know I can think of at least one example.

 

[AwkwardMD]

You know what? Annoyed doesn't cover it. I know you read Light Rays, and I'm pretty sure you read The Huntress.

You stole my plot. You took work that I did and you passed it off as your own. Every remotely-important plot point in this story comes from my work, and it makes every single comment you've ever left on one of my stories feel hollow.

It makes me sick.

 

[ElectricBlue]

You know what? Annoyed doesn't cover it. I know you read Light Rays, and I'm pretty sure you read The Huntress.

You stole my plot. You took work that I did and you passed it off as your own. Every remotely-important plot point in this story comes from my work, and it makes every single comment you've ever left on one of my stories feel hollow.

It makes me sick.

Ouch. An outright accusation of plagiarism made publicly should be presented publicly - point by point.

A dystopian future with a shrinking number of people is hardly original. Last and First Men got down to five at one point, and in the Purple Cloud the number alive gets down to three - both written a century ago. It's a common speculative theme; gender politics may be a more recent addition, I don't know (I drifted away from sci-fi in the early eighties).

I've not read the two stories mentioned, MD, but you've pointed the finger, so you should argue your case, however angry it makes you. There's a jury of peers, here.

 

[AwkwardMD]

He asked for feedback, and he got it. I already gave him the chance to explain in private.

I'm not pursuing the theft of my work. I share it for free, fully expecting others to take little bits and pieces. Or big pieces. I can't stop that, and I don't want to. I'm not in the business of controlling and protecting my intellectual property.

I'm not here to make this about me, but I also won't stand quietly while others refuse to credit where credit is due.

I hope all these compliments taste like ash.

 

[ElectricBlue]

You stole my plot. You took work that I did and you passed it off as your own. Every remotely-important plot point in this story comes from my work, and it makes every single comment you've ever left on one of my stories feel hollow..

I'm not buying the outrage, MD.

I read the first chapter of Light Rays, and found ideas there (especially the long history in the first section) which were conceptually no different to Olaf Stapledon's Last and First Men (published 1930), H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come (similar era), Aldiss/Kubrick's Artificial Intelligence, Blade Runner, Total Recall, Brave New World, We, Metropolis, John Brunner's Stand on Zanzibar (1969) etc etc. In other words, any number of future dystopia short stories and novels from the twentieth century which take a look-see at population shift and gender imbalance for whatever reason. Even Doctor Who speculates on future human species - Cybermen, anyone?

Indeed, that's why I commented that LaRascasse's work has that Golden Era feel to it - Asimov, Clarke, Philip K Dick, Brian Aldiss.

Both of you have written very good pieces, but to claim LaRascasse has ripped off your plot is, frankly, as silly as the woman who's trade-marked the word "cocky". You're not the first writer to speculate, "Gee, I wonder what the world would look like if there were only half a dozen men or half a dozen women left," and you won't be the last.

There's nothing so precious as an idea, but not when everyone else has had the same one. You'd be hard put to identify who thought of this one first, but I can assure you, I was reading stories on this theme a long, long time ago. Long before March, 2015, that's for sure.

 

[LaRascasse]

I think I deserve a chance to explain myself.

Honestly, I read Light Rays a long time ago. So long ago, in fact, I don't even remember too much of it. Still, for the sake of argument, I did skim it just now to see how much overlap there is. This is what I found in chapter 1 itself.

- Your plague is naturally occurring. Mine comes from a deranged woman stood up on a date

- You describe how the results of it more from the geopolitics. Mine focuses more on gender politics. I literally mention no wars having broken out from the scarcity of men. In my story, the problem is still trying to be solved through legislation, all the way to the bitter end.

- Your story has the population eventually stabilizing with parthenogenesis now an occurrence. Men stand at 5% of the population of your world. In mine, the world is still in a downward spiral, and the human species is in danger of extinction. Hence where the desperation comes from.

- Your story makes extensive mention of synths and many of your plot points are driven by them. Nada... nothing here. The closest I come is a passing mention how android versions of actors of yesteryear are popular.

- My story is a day in the life in such a dystopia with the focus on how one woman, a woman in a position of power, stays sane and fights for the right thing to do when the rest of the world has lost their mind. Which of these is in Light Rays? or Huntress?

I have long liked your work, but trust me, I have zero interest in copying it. Like electricblue mentioned above, a dystopia with diminishing people (even those of one gender) is hardly a new concept. If you ask me, my story is closer to the comic book series Y:The Last Man than your stories.

I know that I wrote this story without a shred of intent to copy another. I would welcome anyone on this thread to read both and let me know if there is significant enough overlap to warrant these caustic accusations.

If it bothers you that much, Doc, I'll take it down. It's just a solitary one-off short story. One of so many that I have written without needing to steal plot points from elsewhere. With or without it, I would not need to copy someone else's idea.

 

[ElectricBlue]

If it bothers you that much, Doc, I'll take it down. It's just a solitary one-off short story. One of so many that I have written without needing to steal plot points from elsewhere. With or without it, I would not need to copy someone else's idea.

No. By that logic, MD should take hers down as well, as it is "derivative" when compared to any number of precursors (my list was from the top of my head, there are simply too many to list).

Far better, I think, to leave both stories be, and marvel at the ability of such different writers to put their own unique spin on what is in fact a well used sci-fi trope. To make it "seem" like an original idea, that's the trick. Both of you did that, both of you did it well. Leave it be, or find a smaller tea-cup .

 

[SimonDoom]

I was curious about this dispute so I read LaRascasse's story and I read the first chapters of Light Rays and The Huntress, cited by AwkwardMD. I haven't read more than that yet so I don't know what's in the subsequent chapters that might have been borrowed.

From what I can see there is no plagiarism or copyright infringement. As EB says, the idea of a dystopian future where the ratio of men to women shrinks drastically, affecting sexual politics and relations, is not a proprietary idea. No one owns that. The character names, character personalities, motivations are not the same, and the specific situations in which they act are not, as far as I could tell, the same.

I don't want to give short shrift to the concerns of AwkwardMD, who has looked at this more closely than I have, but so far I don't see the basis for a claim of plagiarism.

There may be dozens of stories on this site that work on the well-worn trope about moms and sons on seats together. I wrote one myself. There's no way to avoid covering plot points that have been covered before. But it's not plagiarism or infringement. As far as I can tell, those stories bear more resemblance to one another than LaRascasse's story bears to AwkwardMD's, but I wouldn't say that any of them is plagiarizing another.

 

[Lindsay_O]

LaRascasse, don't let crazies detract you.