Dumb Arguements

[PacificBlue]

Got into a fight with a friend tonight. I recently told him about my little problem with OCD. He knew something was up because I had been avoiding him, so I decided to take a leap of faith and tell him. Bad move. I wish I had never mentioned it to anyone. He looks for things to be wrong now. He attributes everything to that. Yes, I do have it. No, it does not rule my life. I fight very hard every day to make sure that it doesn't. Some days I'm very successful, other days I'm not. My rational in telling him was so I didn't have to avoid him on the bad days. I know he's worried but this isn't helping. I have to focus on getting better. It makes me feel crazy and I don't want or need to feel that way. I'm still here even when I'm in the bathroom washing my hands for the 20th time that day. I can even stop mid-wash and tell you that what I'm doing is ridiculuous and all the reasons why...I just can't stop. Everyday, Everyday, Everyday I wish I could go back to the way things were two years ago...before this little "glitch" in my life showed up.

I don't know what to do now. I know I need to speak with him again but I have no idea what to say. I just want to sit on the floor and cry. I hate this.

 

[BlondeBeauty]

I can't completely sympathize, but...

You talk.
I'll listen.

I've got a great shoulder you can lean on...

PM me if you need someone to talk to and I'll send you IM names.

Good Luck, Pacific Blue.

 

[Valdimer]

Hey Blue, if he is a true friend, he will understand and help you the best he can.....


And you know you can always come talk to me if you need too......

 

[Problem Child]

Hey...look on the bright side, at least you've got really clean hands...

~smile~

 

[Calamity Jane]

Perhaps you could explain to him exactly why you told him, and that you need support and friendship, not a watchdog. Obviously, you're aware of the disorder, you're focused on your behaviors, etc. Tell him, kindly, that you need his friendship to remain as it always was, comfortable, familiar, and constant.

And if you need to talk, you're welcome to PM me.

 

[PacificBlue]

Thank you Blonde Beauty. I don't need sympathy. I need understanding. I need someone to take the time to understand how this works and how it affects my mind on bad days. I need the understanding so they can give the tough love that I need and assist me in snapping out of an obession. It is possible. My focus has been on behavior modification...I do the things that frighten me and I do them over and over and over again. It isn't comfortable in the least for me but it's the work that needs to be done. Sometimes when I'm done doing that work for the day...I need 10-15 minutes to debrief about what happened and then I can move on. It is the rare opportunity that I get to do that because talking about it makes people uncomfy. I don't want to make those around me uncomfy. I'm truly sorry that I already have. I wish these things didn't have such a social stigma attached to them but they do. It's a big request of anybody and maybe to big of a request.

 

[PacificBlue]

Thank you for all the offers of shoulders. I'm just frustrated tonight. I feel badly that I worried him with my revelation.

and yes, Problem Child...I have really clean hands.

 

[cymbidia]

PB, first, hello again. I'm glad you came back here with this, if only for this. It feels good that you'd bring this hurt here, to us.

Okay.
Calm down.
Listen to me...

1. The OCD is *your* problem to handle.

2. The inability to understand and/or be sympathetic is HIS failing your trust in him.

You have a problem and you're dealing with it.
He has failed you and failed the friendship between you by not understanding that.

There is nothing bad or wrong or terrible about you.
You're dealing with your problem.
You're working to overcome it.
You're handling it.

He failed your trust by his unacceptable response.
He has a problem accepting your problem.

That does not make him good/right and you bad/wrong.

It makes him flawed and human, maybe scared and ashamed that he could not be what you need or understand what's going on with you.

Back up.
Sit down.
Think.
Sift the emotions aside for a moment.

Separate your feelings of shame in telling him and his response to that disclosure from your resolve to rid yourself of the OCD.
-- You will move past the OCD; you're already doing it.
-- You'll do it despite anyone knowing about it or not knowing about it.

Now separate your expectations of his reaction from his actual reaction.
-- You *expected* him to be supportive and a rock; he was not.
-- Often our strong responses to emotionally-laden subjects are due to the expectations we held regarding what was going to happen before we ever spoke up.

Try this:
1. Decide that *he* is hurting cuz he knows he failed you.
2. Gather your dignity and your self-worth: you know you have a disease, you know it's nothing to be ashamed of, you know you're fighting it. You have every reason in the world to feel strong and centered in this situation.
3. Go help him understand that you don't blame him for being afraid, that the disease sometimes scares you too, that you'll help him understand it until he's not scared of it anymore.
-- look him in the eyes and be centered, be strong, be sure
-- if *you're* afraid then - gods! - he's gonna be afraid too - he knows nothing about this after all and if you're afraid and you know all about it, then it must be *godawfulhorrible* and how can he handle *godawfulhorrible* right now?

See how this can work?

If you're strong and calm and knowledgable, then he'll be reassured that the problem is being worked out and it isn't as bad as he thought it was in the first place.

(This advice comes to you free of charge via the wisdom of a lifetime of trying to reassure people that i'm not a monster cuz i'm a freak of nature BDSM painslut, something most people simply don't understand and are VERY afraid to even try to understand.)

 

[BlondeBeauty]

Pacific Blue-

That is a tall order. I can do a little research, find out specifics. I haven't exactly been there, done that. However, if you need a drill sergeant, I can try to do that. I can be demanding, rigid, focused...sort of. The underlying layer would be the offering of help. I can offer you support, and I most definitely have 10-15 minutes of free time a day. Day or night. That's the thing that I really know I can offer...someone to talk to. Vent with me. Dump it all on me. I can take it.

Feel free to PM me if want.
I'll be around.