"Dreams, Drawings, and Panties," by DrHappy. Discussion

[DrHappy]

Dreams, Drawings, and Panties
Published April 31, 2021
35.4K words
Rating: 4.54 (as of 4/28/21)

Author's Notes: Alex wakes up to find that his soulmate is gone. She didn't leave. She never existed. Alex has a plan to investigate, and things get interesting...and dark. Is this the beginning of insanity?

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This story contains suspense and mystery but is not lacking in explicit erotic content.

I'm starting this thread for anyone interested or willing to discuss in my latest story. I tried to push myself with my writing with this one, and I'd love to hear your opinions. It currently has a Hot rating of 4.54 despite getting multiple 1-bombs, including one less than an hour after it went live, which really seemed to inhibit readers compared to my first story "Untrusted." I guessing that long stories also tend to have fewer readers than the short ones.

This first post contains no spoilers, but the second post definitely does, so I would avoiding reading beyond this first post if you think that you might want to read it.

This is my third story and the first one with author's notes. When I read stories here, I'm more likely to commit to reading a long story if I know a little about what to expect. This one is a little unusual, and I wanted to give the reader a heads up. I love Twilight Zone mysteries, and this one has that mood.

 

[DrHappy]

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Does anyone have any overall impressions? I had fun writing this.

An anonymous commenter wrote:

This was a wonderful and strange story and I love it. You made the weird believable. Well plotted.

This was exactly what I was hoping for!

Category: How do others feel about my placing of this story into the Erotic Couplings category? I considered Horror and Novella, but I thought that this was the best fit. One of the commenters wrote that it seemed to be more of an erotic horror. I was aiming for a Twilight Zone kind of story, and I thought that readers expecting real horror would be disappointed. Was it more "horror" than I realized? What do you think? Would ratings and readers numbers have been better there? What about the Novella category since it's 35K words?

In writing this story, I wanted to expand my writing to include a psychological thriller. I liked the challenge of conveying what was going on inside Alex's head as he battled various disturbing emotions. I was concerned that making it too cerebral might take away from the erotic component of the story. I thought that I did okay in managing to keep the psychological aspect without detracting from eroticism. What do others think?

I gave a few foreshadowing events that Emma wasn't so nice. Did anyone see them? Too subtle? I thought that too subtle would be better that too explicit. I thought that too explicit would practically be a spoiler.

I liked the climax of emotional intensity with Julia's reaction after seeing the drawings and then being confronted with her own panties. However, making this the climax meant avoiding a final confrontation with Emma. Did this leave anyone disappointed? The scenarios that I came up with that involved a confrontation with Emma seemed cheesy, contrived, or formulaic to me. I enjoyed that Alex and Julia became closer as they worked together to figure out what happened. I tried hard to avoid turning the ending into a Scooby Doo moment where everything was revealed at once, and the reader was left feeling like they were tricked.

I didn't spend much time writing about the supernatural aspect of Emma. Did anyone think that was problematic? I thought that it would have been distracting if I had dwelled on that too much.

One difficulty I had was that there were three sex scenes that took place in Alex's bedroom. I tried hard to make sure that it didn't seem too repetitious. The second scene (1st scene w/Julia), it was in total darkness, so this scene focused on physical sensations. Did that work okay? There was the dream sex scene at the bar, which broke it up at bit.

 

[suestevenson143]

Interesting read

 

[DrHappy]

Thank you! I had fun writing this one. It's a little different. Some people seem to like it, but not everyone. Was there anything that was especially memorable for you?

I have 2 others, but I'd recommend Untrusted over the other one. This one is less weird than the one you read, but still has elements of unpredictability.

 

[MetaBob]

Well, I don't want to hijack anyone else's thread either, but for me your first three paragraphs go to (my previous quickie edit didn't flow like it should've):

Chapter One: The Meeting

Moscow, Russia

"Formally...regret ... sincerely," he thought to himself as he attempted to organize his thoughts for a letter that he planned to finish composing after he returned home from this trip. His immediate circumstances didn't accommodate any written record of such a letter, so he'd need to keep it in his head for now. He discretely looked around the Moscow suburb coffee shop once again as he gripped his cup and brought it to his lips. He glanced down disapprovingly at the black drink and analyzed the shop and the individuals within it. The drink wasn't terribly good, but the warmth was welcome on this cold Moscow afternoon, and he had already downed most of it. In his opinion, this location wasn't the wisest choice. It's small, and everyone is aware of everyone else in the room. He didn't get up for cream or sugar, lest he draw yet more attention to himself. Dusk was approaching, and temperatures outside were falling further. His schedule was tight, and he hoped that his contact would arrive on time.

The door to the shop opened, and he immediately went to work profiling the shop's newest occupant. "Male, roughly fifty years old. Glasses. Tall. Some wear on the sleeves of his jacket and on his shoes. No gloves," he thought to himself. He watched the tall man's eyes lock onto the cash register as he emerged from the doorway. Those eyes didn't deviate from the register as he walked towards it. "Not who I'm looking for," he thought to himself. He was told that his contact would have blue trim on his gloves, and this is not likely him. He wore three small circular emblems on the lapel of this coat which would be used by his contact to identify him. His contact would also refer to him has "Ivan" in order to initiate communication. Ivan was not his real name.

He reached down into his coat pocket to confirm the existence of a match book. He already knew that it was there, but he felt reassured after touching it nevertheless. It was more than a matchbook. It contained a tiny item taped inside that was a primary purpose for more than a day's worth of travel for him.

"Formally ... regret ... sincerely." He was thinking about the letter he had to write. The fading warmth of his mostly-downed coffee had been welcome on a cold Moscow afternoon. The café was small enough that everyone was aware of everyone else; even getting up for cream or sugar might draw unwelcome attention. Dusk approached, outside temperatures were falling, his schedule was tight, and he hoped his contact would be on time.

The door opened and he thought "Male, Fiftyish. Glasses. Tall. Some wear on his sleeves and shoes. No gloves." The tall man's eyes locked onto the cash register. "Not who I'm looking for." His contact was supposed to have blue trim on his gloves. The tall man wore three small circular emblems on his lapel. His contact would refer to him as "Ivan".

He reached into his coat pocket. Touching the match book reassured him. The tiny item taped inside was why he'd spent more than a day traveling here.

 

[DrHappy]

MetaoBob,

Thanks again for taking the time to write a specific example. Also, I apologize for the delay in getting back to your comment this thread. Family and career have been busy lately. I also got a PM with a specific example and I find them very helpful. I'm planning to run "Untrusted" through the Grammarly checker to catch the typos that slipped through my edits. I felt that "Untrusted" caught new life as I began writing, and by the time I got done, I felt that it had evolved since the day I first began writing it.