Dont know what to do

[jlin576]

I have been seeing a gal for several months and we have been taking it slow... I havent really talked to her about taking it a step further, but yesterday while at a friends house we were told to "just hook up already" lol. Anyways, I'm 25yrs old she is 28. I have had relationships in the past where it was about a mutual decision to get the ball rolling when it came to a sexual relationship. The girl I'm with now seems to be really shy and/or prude, and I have no idea how to approach her about having sex. Do I just make a move? Do I talk to her about it? I'm stuck in a rut and could use some advice from anyone who has been there.


Thanks,
Jeff

 

[alexandraaah]

Have you kissed her yet?

Hope this doesn't sound like a dumb question, but if you haven't, I'd probably start there.

Kissing should open the door, and once you're in, talk to her.

 

[peachykeen]

mmm yes I'm with alexandraaah, more info needed. You say taking it slow - how slow? Do you hold hands? Do you kiss? Short pecks or something more passionate?

I would also ask, how much do you care for this young woman? I mean, if it turns out she has some real issue with intimacy and isn't comfortable getting very physical in the hear future, are you prepared to stand by her, support her emotionally?

I'm thinking you need a direct approach, but without being intimidating. Find a time when you can be alone, not rushed, are both comfortable and tell her how you feel about her. Tell her you'd like your relationship to become more intimate. Ask her if she feels the same. If you two can't communicate with eachother, then guess what - you ain't got much to work with.

 

[jlin576]

Thank you for the responses. I have not kissed her, we have held hands and are affectionate in a more friendly manner, if that makes sense.
You guys are right, I probably should be direct with my feelings for her. I just fear scaring her, mainly because I dont know a whole lot about her past when it comes to past relationships. She doesnt talk much about it, and I havent pried for information. I dont really care about her past relationships, only thing I do care about is how her past may somehow be affecting her present when it comes to intimacy. I do care about her and wont pressure her into anything.... I know what it is like to be hurt by someone in a relationship, so I will probably just bring up my past to her and hopefully break some ground.
Thanks for the advice. I feel like I'm in the opposite position I'm usually in when it comes to dating, meaning, I'm the experienced dealing with the inexperienced

Take care all,
Jeff

 

[alexandraaah]

You sound simply adorable.

I think it starts like the slow thing is working for ya, but you're ready for more, obviously.

How about, the next time you're together, leaning in and asking her if you may kiss her?

Since you're the experienced one, she may well be waiting for you to take the lead. It's definitely important to start talking about past relationships, etc., as you already know.

Keep us posted and good luck, Jeff!

 

[alexandraaah]

oops.

 

[Different Guy]

Ack, don't wanna break the adorableness thing here but...

I had a similar relationship. Me and a girl were theoretically in love. She was with someone but we were mad about each other, verbally. She call me at 2am saying how she needed me and wanted me there etc. We do stuff, share things everything. That was about 5 months I think. We'd never kissed. We'd hold hands and cuddle all the time.

She broke it off with her boyfriend (not my reason, he was an ass but was a lot older and she totally didn't want him, but as teens go, he got with her...) After that y'know that was it and one fatal night we had a passionate kiss lying in bed watching a movie and it was all over. She simply said she couldn't go any further.

Completely heart broken and cheated I fell into depression and all sorts afterwards and ended up hating her.

What am I trying to say? I dunno, perhaps she sees you as someone she can totally trust and feel comfortable with, someone who is more than a best friend but no more if you know what I mean...?

7 months without kissing is like Me and my girlfriend now of 5 months kissed at the end of our first date. Just a small but proper kiss which expressed both our feelings and that was it. We knew we wanted each other.

From my experiance a kiss is something very intimate and is something to show each other how much you care. Holding hands is affectionate but not as much as a kiss. They both have the same meaning I guess, but a kiss is so much more I believe and after 7 months how two just haven't got round to a kiss is like... I quote again lol

 

[RedStorm]

I probably shouldn't even post here. I have no advice.
Just floored me to findout that people can see each other for months and not be kissing by now.

 

[lovechild27]

If you two cant talk about it, there is a chance that things in the bedroom just wont be happening.

 

[sporty]

hey there...

i am currently watching 2 people i know do the same thing...I want to shake them...they are obviously perfect together...hang out and enjoy each other etc....

i know he is attracted to her ( and frustrated)......but she needs so much reassurance...she is absolutely gorgeous but has no real confidence in herself......so she holds back constantly .....i think she needs him to make that first move because she is terrified of opening up to someone because they MIGHT hurt her........

.be patient...be gentle and reasure her often of your attraction to her....

GOOD LUCK ,
and to quote NIKE "Just do it "..

 

[lilpriss]

The answer to almost every question on this threead is ALWAYS communication.

If you can't communicate then the relationship is doomed.

Is she waiting for you to make the first move?

She could be the typical librarian type... the hair comes down glasses come off and whammo, sex goddess.

OR she could have some serious scars that need to heal.

Only way to find out is talk to her, and let us know!