Doms/subs

[bluntforcemama]

Could someone tell me the attraction of being a sub/Dom? I really don't understadn how that could be erotic. I love being an equal partner in sex. I think it's the control issue that bothers me, or lack thereof. Any insight into this? For the most part, the whole idea makes me cry, but somehow I'm still drawn to being a sub. I think I might be pretty fucked up... or else everyone else is.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I don't quite get the whole sub/dom culture myself either. I can see doing it as a roleplay spice up the life thing, but not as a lifestyle. I think I'd probably destroy the studmuffin if we tried it.

I don't if this means anything or not, but it's kind of interesting that your signature line says "I'll be your puppet if you'll be my master."

 

[bluntforcemama]

exactly....

What did I tell ya? I'm fucked up.... a whirling, twisted mass of female sexuality that contradicts itself at every angle. I'm going to have to think of a less contradicting signature line.....

 

[masterstern]

equals in love!

Your question about Sub/Dom is quite a difficult question to answer as each relationship between sub/dom will be different. I personally enjoy being the dominant side of any sexual liaison, but it is very much on prior agreement.

If you are drawn to the submissive side of your nature, then you should make prior rules before handing control over to the dominant partner. In this type of sexual roleplaying, some find that there needs to be trust built before they can truely submit. Others are turned on by the excitement of losing that control to someone without builting any trust, and in some cases not even knowing the person. Afterall it even the most dominat individual sometime fantasies about losing control to another, not knowing what that person has in store for them.

If you allow yourself to submit to someone, always have a code word that lets the other person know you are serious and wish to stop. Another idea is if you take turns to dominate each other, or share in the domination of another sub who enjoys submission. If you do find you are enjoying submitting, don't feel that this is a bad thing as long as your get pleasure from it!

 

[Cyan BloodsBane]

I think I like subs better. I always have to wait for the 30 to 45 minutes for the doms to arrive. Then I have to tip them.

Oops, thats not wat you were taking about....

uhm......

Uhm......

Uhm......

Uhm......

Uhm......

A Ha.....

I got it.

Nope I lost it.

 

[SteamyChik]

I have been submissive all my life. That does not mean I am a doormat. Submissive doesn't mean weak. I am very assertive, outgoing and dominant. My submissive nature comes out mainly around caring dominant men and sexually with my husband. If some jerk comes up to me and says, "Kneel, bitch". I will most likely laugh hysterically which ruins his "domly" image.

Another side of submission is how far you want to take it. There are people that do it 24/7. I don't know HOW they do, but they do. With kids and life, 24/7 is hard to pull off. There are people that escape into the role for the weekends, or just parties, or just dates. It's up to you how far you want to take it. Then there are submissives who are into subservience only, painslut only and combinations of both.

I guess the main thing I have learned over the years is not to let others view dictate what you want to be as a submissive, and that includes the Dom. The other thing is that your thoughts and desire about submission will change over time, and that's ok.

The funny thing about the Dom/sub world is that it really is the sub that rules. Without their ok, nothing happens. Just be careful when you explore your feelings, there are some really MEAN S.O.B.'s out there.

 

[WriterDom]

Could someone tell me the attraction of being a sub/Dom? I really don't understadn how that could be erotic.

Could someone tell me the attraction of being a male homosexual? Probably not. And I'm not curious enough to seek out the answers. But just because that doesn't do it for me, doesn't mean I'm not accepting of their choice. If you are asking because you want answers, there are many good resources out there. It's not an easy question to answer. Almost like a person asking about division when they know nothing about math. As masterstern said each relationship is different. Some are normal couples who role-play on occasion, all the way to Masters and slaves who live a 24/7 lifestyle. Many of my submissive female friends are very strong, successful women. Perhaps submitting in the bedroom evens out their lives. I don't know. What I do know is that you can't convince someone who finds it appalling that is normal. Even if they are your significant other.

 

[CRaZy]

I have been in two submissive relationships and I found it very erotic. It isn't about being unequal in love. It's about having different roles. Being a slave, where you carry out those roles 24/7 is a whole different matter. Some people only have D/s roles sexually and some take it into emotional aspects of the relationship. My own relationships were somewhere in between.

In most healthy D/s relationships, the submissive is constantly asked for his/her opinion and the Dom makes decisions, sexual and otherwise, with these desires in mind. It is actually very liberating to have clear rules for conducting your relationship. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household and I believe my D/s relationships actually taught me about negotiation and compromise. Because of the role modelling with which I grew up, I just used to throw a tantrum every time I wanted something. In D/s that results in punishment, which doesn't necessarily involve pain by the way.

Having said that, D/s relationships require a lot of energy and commitment. In the first case, my Dom had to go through with an arranged marriage (he was Japanese). In the second case, my Dom became sick and couldn't handle the role reversal in which I had to make all the decisions. After that, I only found pseudo Doms who beat me so bad that twice I had to go to hospital. A good Dom is hard to find. There are actually way more submissives out there than Doms. Of all the Doms out there, maybe 20% (my guess)really know what they are doing. Sigh.

 

[Cheyenne]

After that, I only found pseudo Doms who beat me so bad that twice I had to go to hospital.

I'm amazed you tried it again after the first beating.\

Count me as one of those who does not see the attraction. Equal partners, or no partner at all, please.

 

[*bratcat*]

i agree

 

[Royal_Prince]

howz this for a reply

okay being submissive doesnt mean it has to be a lifestyle. I am submissive by nature BUT... my relationships have to be equal. I know what I just said sounds like it is contradictory but it isn't.

I love a strong minded woman. One that isn't afraid to say "I need it now" (in that way I am always ready to serve)

There are no games or punishments (i can not handle and do not like pain) To sum it up...I'm a man when it comes to paying the bills, working, being a father etc...but when it comes to sex the only thing that matters is her orgasm...

Okay does that make sense?

http://members.aol.com/rogernprince/myhomepage/crown2.jpg

 

[*bratcat*]

Re: howz this for a reply

 

[SpectreT]

Hrmmm.. the attraction to Dom/sub... Tough one. Part of it is that you get to be the Hero(ine) of your own little melodrama, (in a part time D/s relationship. I don't get the 24/7 types either.) either as the helpless prisoner or the playful captor or anything in between. Some of us like the thought of (literally or figuratively) jumping through hoops to please someone else. My D/s experience is somewhat limited; only one ex-girlfriend has been interested in playing, and we took turns in each role, basically using it as an intense and prolonged foreplay. All I can say is I had fun with it, and she did too. That's the important part in any relationship: It has to benefit everyone involved.

"Life is a terminal disease that may overtake you at any moment. What are you going to do with the next moment of your life?"
-Richard Marcinko

 

[SteamyChik]

Hmmm, how to explain this. Dom/sub does not mean unequal. Each role completes the other role. I think that Dom/sub relationships can be even more equal than regular relationships. In a good Dom/sub relationship, there is so much communication back and forth, you get to know each other a lot better.

Getting beaten up is not a Dom/sub situation. It's just plain abuse.

 

[bluntforcemama]

Sorry ahead of time....

Alright, I'm gonna fume. I never have before here, so bare with me, I really am going to be alright. I just got out of a chat room with D/s people... and I think they all need to be on prozac or something,... maybe a lobotomy. Some guy actually expected me to never speak! And I LOVE being on top... it's the only way I can get my jollies, and besides, there's no fucking way that I am always going to capitalize the word "you" when speaking to a "master." And then one had the absolute gall to say that he was truly in love with his sub, even though he NEVER relinquished control! He never let them cum or be on top, he made them feed him and bathe him... anyone got a machine gun?

 

[willfulbrat]

Speaking from a sub's point of view, having a Master who makes decisions and directs my actions is very freeing, and makes me feel cared for and protected. Being disciplined for disobediance is oddly satisfying, too, in that the Master actually cares about what the Pet does. The boundaries that the Dom sets makes the sub feel safe and protected. A good Dom is also liberal with praise and cares about the sub's needs and desires.

Of course, that's just my opinion, and I have limited experience with the subject. WriterDom's stories, and ShyGuy and Merelan's RolePlays illustrate what I consider to be the ideal of D/s relationships.


[Edited by willfulbrat on 03-07-2001 at 11:16 PM]

 

[CRaZy]

Re: Sorry ahead of time....

Alright, I'm gonna fume. I never have before here, so bare with me, I really am going to be alright. I just got out of a chat room with D/s people... and I think they all need to be on prozac or something,... maybe a lobotomy. Some guy actually expected me to never speak! And I LOVE being on top... it's the only way I can get my jollies, and besides, there's no fucking way that I am always going to capitalize the word "you" when speaking to a "master." And then one had the absolute gall to say that he was truly in love with his sub, even though he NEVER relinquished control! He never let them cum or be on top, he made them feed him and bathe him... anyone got a machine gun?

LOL. I chat in a heavy D/s chat room sometimes and all I can assure you about is that online there are a lot of wannabe Doms who have no idea. A real Dom wouldn't even be talking about his desires and expectations unless he had known you for a long time. As I said, there are a lot of pseudo Doms out there. Unfortunately people get hurt physically and emotionally while they play out their unrealistic little fantasies.