Doms and subs meeting

[Cirrus]

I was just wondering how Doms and subs usually meet. How did you meet your Dom or sub?

To me, it's kind of the equivalent of trying to find out if someone is gay or not. Unless they're open about it, or you're in a gay establishment, you have no real way of knowing. I think it's the same thing with kink...at least that's how it seems to me.

Aside from meeting at someplace BDSM oriented, like a munch, a club, or BDSM personals, how do you know if your potential partner is Dom if you're a sub, or vice versa? How do you find out if they're kinky at all, or at least willing to try it?

For me it just started with me asking my man if he ever "liked to play a little rough". I had no idea he'd been in BDSM relationships prior to me. He was actually the LAST person on earth I would have thought was a potential Dom. Maybe there really is a vibe.

So...how have you met your current Dom or sub, and if you're not currently attached, any in the past?

 

[tassie]

met him at work. im a bit gobby, and i was teasing him one day (I already kinda liked him) and i ruffled his hair and told him he'd make a really good gimp. chatting online later i found he'd taken me seriously, a little (ooh, about 2 months) conversation later we got together. i then moved jobs. too weird.

 

[MsWorthy]

My partner and I met online. This was before either of us had heard of the term bdsm; we met in lesbian chat on yahoo.

I knew she was the right one for me when she told me that if I didn't want her to play night games (she likes to play softball) any more, she wouldn't. No ifs, ands, or buts about it, was her attitude. I didn't know, at that time, that there was a term that described the power exchange in our relationship (and all of the previous relationships I have been in), and I didn't know that it was ok to be this way. I had always downplayed the power I held in my intimate relationships. Learning about the term and the community of people "like me" was exquisitely freeing.

The internet worked well for us (and I recommend it to others looking for relationships) because it gave us time to get to know one another without the sexual tension and the need to please, in the way.

For us, the kinky sex is icing, not a prerequisite.

 

[forced]

I met him online. Oddly enough, we were just discussing turn ons one day - we'd never really talked about sex before - and discovered that we had some things in common.

He liked to dominate... I liked being dominated.

We met up as friends and the pieces just fell into place.

I can't wait to see him again.

 

[Quint]

My first and, to date, ONLY girlfriend moved out of state when she went to college and hooked up with T. When she returned to visit us, she'd occasionally bring him too. He and I clicked instantly because we both have the same quirky, romantic, exhilarating way of looking at the world. He and I talked online in between those rare meetings, but still nothing beyond respectful affection and a really deep connection. They broke up. He'd read my stories and I'd talked with him very openly about my taste in sex, and so one day he gave me a lovely scenario and I was addicted. It's grown from there.

I've never been ashamed to discuss my sexuality among friends, but then again I suppose I'm VERY particular with choosing my friends. o)

 

[cellis]

I have actually talked about this before. I met Himself on line at alt.com. I knew from the first email, he was the one. That was almost a year ago.

 

[Shadowsdream]

My toy came to Me in ICQ 3 years ago. he had found another of My web sites which is mostly poetry and had come to ask about a particular song.

I enjoyed his intelligence and he Mine. Neither of us spoke of Domination or submission as a friendship grew...one day he mentioned his 16 year search for a Dominant that was strong enough intellectually to give his submission to. Four months later he flew to Canada. The rest is history.

 

[Vulpesvulpes]

I can see how this would be hard for a submissive. Most of my relationships start as vanilla b/f, g/f stuff. Within that context, there are some things to look for.

I have a few 'tests' that seem innocent but the girl's reactions can mean a lot.

1. During a passionate kiss, I slide my left hand up a woman's back and spread my fingers as I go up the back of her neck. I then make a fist so that I am gently pulling her hair and kissing her more forcefully.

If she pulls away and says "ouch". - things look bad for bondage.
If she melts into the kiss and/or moans = two thumbs up!

2. During sex, I will hold both her arms up over her head and pin them there with my left hand while I run my right hand all over her neck, face, chest, etc.

If she gets freaked out or asks me not to do that again = bad
If she squirms, moans, gets really wet, etc = this is good.

3. Playful spanking during foreplay can tell you a lot.

If she moans, wiggles, begs for more, keep spanking harder and harder until she says ouch! If you successfully redden her ass and she just moans, you have a winner!

If she reacts negatively to any of these things, I can just laugh it off and it doesn't destroy what otherwise might be some great vanilla. Meanwhile, I'll still be looking for what I need.

As a sub, you might try asking for a spanking, playfully tying yourself up with ribbons and lace during foreplay, etc. Then just lay back and gauge the reaction.

-Vv

 

[Shadowsdream]

Vulpesvulpes


wonderful post....

 

[Ebonyfire]

MY sissy - chrissy

I met my sissyboy chrissy when I had an ad on alt.com. he sent me an email, as did about 20 others. I answered his, cause there was something about him I really liked. I still like him enormously.

Well, here we are 1 1/2 years later. he is still my boy.

Ebony

 

[Vulpesvulpes]

wonderful post....

Why, thank you shadowsdream. I was rather proud of it myself.

 

[Rocket88]

I've never understood some of the terminology regarding BDSM. I wouldn't want a girl to refer to me in the third person. I'm not into depersonalization.

I have never met a woman who did not want to be dominated by me. I think in some it is natural to dominate and others contrived. When you are uncomfortable in the power distribution of your relationship, you are playing the wrong role. Get out or get switched.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Won't bother to bore everyone with our details as I'm sure you all know them by now, but thught others might enjoy adding to this thread, or reading it.

Catalina

 

[Georgia Girl]

He replied to a personal ad I had at a BDSM site.

His initial messages were questions and more questions until now, over 6 months later, he knows me better than the people I work with who have known me years longer.

 

[eagleyez]

invariably the connection occurs-

at about the same time the talks turn to tongues-

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Thanks Vulpesvulpes

The post made me smile and brought back a memory or two.

Now what do you do when the reaction meanders somewhere between a full positive and full negative?

Some consider the hair pull, expose the throat kiss passionate vanilla.

Should you move on to steps two and three ready to duck if she swings?

Sorry. The brain went into overdrive there watching the dawn through the window.

 

[Ebonyfire]

My new sub

I still have chrissy, but now I have another sub I call punk. We met on bondage.com.

He asked if he could chat with Me, and we did. we chatted for over 3 months before actually meeting.

he is a good boy.