Domination query!

[CuriousJack]

Ok so through a lot of luck, well at least thats the way i look at it, i have this girl who wants me to screw her (wow ) but thats not why im posting this, she wants me to be rough with her, very rough, she wants me to push her, slap her, and hit her.

Now i'm a bit of a switch, i have dom and sub tendencies, and while i am willing to do this with her, i'm just not sure how i can do this without hurting her too much, as she is very petite in apperance and body size and i am a very tall, very strong guy (part of the reason she wants me to do this to her!)

Now i've already told her that we'll have a codeword/safeword incase she wants to stop, which she doesn't have a problem with, but im just really worried that i might really hurt her, as ive never done anything like this before.

Can someone give me some hints and tips on how i could go about being "rough" with her without careless and going over the top, even though i think that is what she wants me to do.

Thanks.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have to say read, and read some more, and have a lot of communication between you as well as using your noggin. I have no idea why, but it came to mind when reading your post that I would tread very carefully in that you are sure you can trust her, and she is not going to make complaints, possibly legal ones, if she decides she didn't like what happened. I have no idea why it popped in my head as your post is not that unusual here, nor does it mean the outcome is going to be bad, but I do have these times when this happens and it usually has some foundation that is not immediately visible....so be careful.

Catalina

 

[Killishandra]

I think you are really going to have to judge this "in the moment." Pay ALOT of attention to her body language, and start off slow and work your way to being rough... That would be my best advice if you and her have never played rough before. Just because she thinks she wants it rough, or can handle it rough, doesn't mean she will really enjoy what you dish out. It might be more than she was expecting. Better to build up to what she wants, and feel out what her limits are, than scare her by going past her limits in the first 5 minutes. That's my $0.02, anyway.

 

[Betticus]

A lot of people want/desire to be manhandled and used without the overt physical aggressiveness of hitting. I mean real hitting. I would try just moving her body to where you want her for your pleasure and watch her reactions. It has to be real though, a big part of her pleasure will be in you getting off.

Try some lighter stuff if you want to hit her but while keeping in mind that you only need enough of a physical manifestation of you dominance in order to make her feel what she needs. And have fun, you get to live out something that most men only dream about in their dirty fantasies.

 

[CuriousJack]

Have to say read, and read some more, and have a lot of communication between you as well as using your noggin. I have no idea why, but it came to mind when reading your post that I would tread very carefully in that you are sure you can trust her, and she is not going to make complaints, possibly legal ones, if she decides she didn't like what happened. I have no idea why it popped in my head as your post is not that unusual here, nor does it mean the outcome is going to be bad, but I do have these times when this happens and it usually has some foundation that is not immediately visible....so be careful.

Catalina

Yes i thought the same thing, i mentioned it to her and she was pretty quick to point out that she wouldn't do this, even if i happened to go a little bit over the top, as she said "why would i lock up the only guy who will fulfill these urges for me?"

I've also known her for quite a while, its not like we met last week!

I think you are really going to have to judge this "in the moment." Pay ALOT of attention to her body language, and start off slow and work your way to being rough... That would be my best advice if you and her have never played rough before. Just because she thinks she wants it rough, or can handle it rough, doesn't mean she will really enjoy what you dish out. It might be more than she was expecting. Better to build up to what she wants, and feel out what her limits are, than scare her by going past her limits in the first 5 minutes. That's my $0.02, anyway.

She said she has had these urges for years and years, and that going back 5-6 years she would ask guys to do the same things to her.

She knows i've never done anything like this before and that i am a tad worried about really hurting her, but i honestly think that is what she wants me to do, she even made a comment how it would be "cool" if i left a bruise or two!

I'll be sure to start off slow and move up the intensity slowly, thanks!

A lot of people want/desire to be manhandled and used without the overt physical aggressiveness of hitting. I mean real hitting. I would try just moving her body to where you want her for your pleasure and watch her reactions. It has to be real though, a big part of her pleasure will be in you getting off.

Try some lighter stuff if you want to hit her but while keeping in mind that you only need enough of a physical manifestation of you dominance in order to make her feel what she needs. And have fun, you get to live out something that most men only dream about in their dirty fantasies.

She said to me she wanted me to hit her, i don't think she meant like a full-on king hit but she said to use enough force to leave a bruise and make her cry, which naturally i am very apprehensive about.

I don't think she wants a 100% dom/sub thing, i think its more a desire to be madhandled and roughed around, but i guess that is a sub thing anyway!

She is like me, a bit of a switch, she also wants to be able to dominate me, so it should work out pretty dam good for both of us!

Trust me, i can't bloody wait, unfortunately she is going away for holidays tomorrow for 2-3 weeks, and we will talk about it more when she gets back, so im going to have to wait!

 

[chris9]

Start slow, like Killi said. And don't do much on the first session. Talk to her about it (how you felt/feel, how she felt/feels), even some days after as some apprehensions only arise after a couple of days. Then be a little rougher the next time. Talk again. Continue as liked.
What seems to be important is that you take your time to learn to read her body, how she reacts. Maybe she bruises easily, or cries easily. Maybe she has a high pain tolerance or a low one.
Read on 'safe' spots to hit, so you won't injure her and on safety issues.

Have fun!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sounds like you might have found someone you can have a lot of fun with, as well as explore your joint desires. That is always an advantage and not as easy to find as some think. Have fun and enjoy the journey.

Catalina

 

[bullaford]

Start slow, like Killi said. And don't do much on the first session. Talk to her about it (how you felt/feel, how she felt/feels), even some days after as some apprehensions only arise after a couple of days. Then be a little rougher the next time. Talk again. Continue as liked.
What seems to be important is that you take your time to learn to read her body, how she reacts. Maybe she bruises easily, or cries easily. Maybe she has a high pain tolerance or a low one.
Read on 'safe' spots to hit, so you won't injure her and on safety issues.

Have fun!

What chris said.

Do what feels natural to you, if you aren't feeling the dominance over her neither will she.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I've had people tell me " I want you to give me a black eye!" then break out crying uncontrollably when I pulled their hair a little bit.

Go slow.

 

[Quint]

Psych her out. Seriously, if you build up the tension enough, a little shake is going to feel like the manhandling of her dreams, and you don't have to worry about causing any unintentional hurt that way. Really get into her head and make her feel the blow before your arm even begins to move. That's my advice.

 

[sharon_2005]

Yeah a codeword is the best way to start with, thats what my and my husband do...

I like my husband to handle me rough also and because he is a very soft guy that way he struggled to come to terms with this to start with..

We spent alot of time learning mine and his limits, he started with gentle force and over time built up to my limits, now he can be forceful with me but know how to not go over the top to damage or bruise me

we don't go as far as him punching me or anything like that,
Just slapping, shaking, calling me degrading names ( turns me on lol )..
And i also like him to hurt me fairly bad while having intercourse so thats something that had to be worked out carefully as internal damage can come from that

All i would say as advise is take your time and learn slowly, in the long run you will master it

 

[Joe Schmoe]

I would add, if you do any striking the first time around, keep it on the lighter end of the spectrum and on the muscular/meatier area of the butt and thighs. There are times the sound of it works enough. A little cupping of the hand before impact will make it sound more than what it is.

It is always better to build than to find out you have gone too far too fast.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

You have been given alot of great advice from both sides of the bruise.

Communication is the key to this, talk to her in depth, and then have a play session, don't hit her and then immediately ask her if it was too hard or soft. Finish your play, and after the glow wears off, or you both catch your breath, find out what she liked or didn't like.

Communication, thats the key, it doesn't matter how hard you can hit her, it only matters how hard she wants to be hit. She is the only one that can answer that.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Ok so through a lot of luck, well at least thats the way i look at it, i have this girl who wants me to screw her (wow ) but thats not why im posting this, she wants me to be rough with her, very rough, she wants me to push her, slap her, and hit her.

Now i'm a bit of a switch, i have dom and sub tendencies, and while i am willing to do this with her, i'm just not sure how i can do this without hurting her too much, as she is very petite in apperance and body size and i am a very tall, very strong guy (part of the reason she wants me to do this to her!)

Now i've already told her that we'll have a codeword/safeword incase she wants to stop, which she doesn't have a problem with, but im just really worried that i might really hurt her, as ive never done anything like this before.

Can someone give me some hints and tips on how i could go about being "rough" with her without careless and going over the top, even though i think that is what she wants me to do.

Thanks.

I would say, start off by pushing, slapping, ect fairly lightly and continue to check if she needs more stimulation. As she gets further aroused, she will be able to take more/need more because your pain sensors sort of turn off or get quite dull. I like to start with rough grabbing (ie- 'take me!) but I usually like the spanking or slapping to start lightly and build up. But everyone is differnt. Hopefully she wants to do this more than once, so look at the first time as 'training' to find out what she wants/expects and what you are capable of and how you two mesh. Besides, I think experementing is very very sexy. Sex gets boring when you've figured out what 'routine' works and don't stray from it. Most important, have fun!

 

[CuriousJack]

Thanks to everyone who posted a reply, i've read everyone and will definetly be taking all the advice on board.

I talked to the girl in question yesterday for a while over the phone, and amongst stuff we talked about this, and she clarified that she definetly wants me to be very rough with her, and that simple slapping and pushing doesn't do it for her (anymore).

I suggested we start out at a low intensity and build it up with each "session", which she thought was a good idea considering my oh so lack of experience with all this stuff, but also said that if im not willing to give her a bruise or two or a cut then i probably shouldn't go through with it.

Just to clarify, she is a rather sadistic person, she's no lollypop sucking, soft girl.

Also i brought up the idea of pretend/play rape, to which she LOVED the sound of, but also suggested that we trick someguy at a bar into a threesome where we pretend that it is rape, but the guy will think its the real thing (told you she's sadistic!).

Just a question though, does anyone see it as a bad thing that i am helping her indulge these "dark" desires of hers, what if after a bit she wants even more extreme physical punishment, or do you think that her needs will have been satisfied enough by then?

 

[Netzach]

Thanks to everyone who posted a reply, i've read everyone and will definetly be taking all the advice on board.

I talked to the girl in question yesterday for a while over the phone, and amongst stuff we talked about this, and she clarified that she definetly wants me to be very rough with her, and that simple slapping and pushing doesn't do it for her (anymore).

I suggested we start out at a low intensity and build it up with each "session", which she thought was a good idea considering my oh so lack of experience with all this stuff, but also said that if im not willing to give her a bruise or two or a cut then i probably shouldn't go through with it.

Just to clarify, she is a rather sadistic person, she's no lollypop sucking, soft girl.

Also i brought up the idea of pretend/play rape, to which she LOVED the sound of, but also suggested that we trick someguy at a bar into a threesome where we pretend that it is rape, but the guy will think its the real thing (told you she's sadistic!).

Just a question though, does anyone see it as a bad thing that i am helping her indulge these "dark" desires of hers, what if after a bit she wants even more extreme physical punishment, or do you think that her needs will have been satisfied enough by then?

I'd be scared to hell about MY ass over that last scenario. Just screams out bad idea to me.

 

[CuriousJack]

Yea can't say i was thrilled over the idea myself, but considering i'd be there (im a 6'5 tank) she thinks it'd be a great idea!

 

[sdcowgirl]

i know im new and all..but i dunno...just never understood the whole pain sub concept...sure some pain...but to actually be abused...beaten...to the extent im picking up...seems scary...can be avery fine line between passion and rage...hence...crimes of passion...makes me glad ima pleasure sub...cant seem to justify beating up anyone ....but as they say in this lifestyle..to each their own..guess o better shu up...i sound like a dork...sorry...

but please be carefull....things can so easily get out of hand in an intence situation..

 

[Netzach]

Yea can't say i was thrilled over the idea myself, but considering i'd be there (im a 6'5 tank) she thinks it'd be a great idea!

You aren't understanding what I meant.

6'5'' or 5 foot and change your ass is grass if the second individual you don't know well freaks out and decides he's witnessing a rape and calls cops, you get it?

 

[caela]

Also i brought up the idea of pretend/play rape, to which she LOVED the sound of, but also suggested that we trick someguy at a bar into a threesome where we pretend that it is rape, but the guy will think its the real thing (told you she's sadistic!).

Aside from the legal issues that Netzach very wisely mentioned this is just plain wrong! Using someone that way without their knowledge or consent is dispicable on so many levels I can't even frame them all.

Think about how you'd feel if you were the random guy picked up in a bar and tricked in this manner?

Despite your being a tank when the other guys finds out your ass could very easily get beaten down. Adreniline, booze, and whatever training the guy may or may not having in fighting, could leave you bleeding and broken and your girl friend raped for real.

 

[Sheaf_Beast]

Can someone give me some hints and tips on how i could go about being "rough" with her without careless and going over the top, even though i think that is what she wants me to do.

Thanks.

Take her to a public dungeon, sign waviers,negotiation forms, observe rules of the dungeon.

Play in public a few time to get used to each other, if you decide to take your play private. Then you know exactly what her limits are.

 

[CuriousJack]

Ok im glad other people think its a bad idea aswell, that has clarified what i was thinking anyway on the matter!

Caela - I 100% agree, but she probably wouldn't care if that ended up happening, like i said, she's very sadistic!

Oh and i'm not her boyfriend, she already has one of those, who she was breaking up with about a month or so ago!

Will be sure to follow that up once she gets back!

Netzach - Very good point!

 

[catalina_francisco]

i know im new and all..but i dunno...just never understood the whole pain sub concept...sure some pain...but to actually be abused...beaten...to the extent im picking up...seems scary...can be avery fine line between passion and rage...hence...crimes of passion...makes me glad ima pleasure sub...cant seem to justify beating up anyone ....but as they say in this lifestyle..to each their own..guess o better shu up...i sound like a dork...sorry...

but please be carefull....things can so easily get out of hand in an intence situation..

LOL, I am a pleasure and service slave, and part of that pleasure for both of us is extreme pain being given to me....is all a matter of what you like and enjoy consensually, not what others do in the mainstream as actions of being out of control and abusive....there is a huge difference.

Catalina

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

Just a question though, does anyone see it as a bad thing that i am helping her indulge these "dark" desires of hers, what if after a bit she wants even more extreme physical punishment, or do you think that her needs will have been satisfied enough by then?

The advice given here is wise, but ultimately the only two people that should answer those questions are your playmate and yourself.

Only you know how far you can go with this, and only she knows how far she wants you to go. You have been very clear in your questions posed on this board, he you been as articulate wih her? Has she been clear to you?

What you are discussing could be construed as abuse by the man in uniform that has a gun and badge. If your neighbors hear this, and complain, your playmate may start out the evening in the handcuffs, but you could end the evening with a nice, shiny pair of your own, hearing the cops theme song as they drag your ass downtown.

While it seems she is looking for your to be spontaneous, you need to have a level playing field, you both need to play from the same rulebook.

It would be completely unfair to involve a stranger in a play rape scene. I don't care how big or strong you are, if he is not aware its a game, he could take it further than either of you, or again, involve the authorities as a good samaritin.

 

[babiesmiles]

I suggested we start out at a low intensity and build it up with each "session", which she thought was a good idea considering my oh so lack of experience with all this stuff, but also said that if im not willing to give her a bruise or two or a cut then i probably shouldn't go through with it.

Just to clarify, she is a rather sadistic person, she's no lollypop sucking, soft girl.

Also i brought up the idea of pretend/play rape, to which she LOVED the sound of, but also suggested that we trick someguy at a bar into a threesome where we pretend that it is rape, but the guy will think its the real thing (told you she's sadistic!).

Besides all the above suggestions which I personally find very wise and appropiate may I ask you a question ?

Is she a sadist or is she masochist ?

I have to admit i am a bit confused by your statements , but maybe it's due only to my lack of comprehension. b.