Dominating, from a sub perspective

[ellabee]

Hello, all.

I've flit in and out of this board over the years, so I hope nobody minds me trying to obtain a bit of advice.

I'm "with" a man at the moment, and we have some pretty decent sexual encounters. Recently, he locked me in a room that one can only access from the outside and we coupled for a long, luscious time.

But during this act, he asked me to dominate him. I knew he had a submissive personality, so this wasn't all that big of a shock.

I, however, am also a sub. And I recently ended a quasi-Dom/sub lifestyle with another man. He told me how to dress, how to cook, how to keep his home, how to behave in the bedroom and out...

I'm not sure what it means to Dominate. I haven't the slightest idea of how to carry this out. But I really want to make this new person happy. That's what submission is about, to me at least, making someone ecstatic by putting one's own selfish needs aside for a moment...

Can anyone share some tips on how to make me into a sexy Dominatrix? I'd love to surprise him with a few tricks up my sleeve the next time he feels like throwing me into a closet.

Note that, while I do have one whip, I have not the funds to purchase items. Tips should preferably incorporate the mind as sex object rather than things I need to purchase.

Ella

 

[Netzach]

I'm not the biggest expert when it comes to being a service top, but

it seems to me like you could think of a few things YOU like, and try them on him? Not a sure fire success 100 percent of the time, but never a bad place to start thinking.

I hope you plan on letting this person know on some level that this is a favor and a game to you. Because if he's drawing great satisfaction at having found the Domme of his dreams, you'd really better like putting your own selfish needs aside all the time. Like, all. If you expect him to reciprocate and get out of his comfort zones too, it may be good to make that clear.

 

[CutieMouse]

What you're proposing is Dominating as an act of service.

Think about what you know about the man. What does he love to hate? Has he ever dominated you, and if so, are there any hints in what he might enjoy [based on how he dominated you]? Is this about an opportunity for him to serve you? Is he interested in humiliation? Orgasm denial?

Now take all that information/knowledge, and consider how to get your needs/interests met by meeting his needs/interests.

 

[miss_bopeep]

Oh I know how you feel, I'm usually far more submissive too but have had past partners ask to be dominated.
As far as within the bedroom goes I found bondage coupled with face sitting tended to go down a treat. Ohhh and as Cutie said, orgasm denial can be fun

 

[Vixandra]

Some of the others have posted regarding Dominating from a sub mindset, so I'll address the issue of implements.

Not all toys and tools have to be $200 pieces of equipment. One of those wooden or plastic paint stirrers from Home Depot can evoke quite a pain response if plied correctly. Clothes pins from Walmart or even the dollar store are handy to have around. And no one will look at you strange with them in your basket so long as you don't giggle manically.

Blindfold him with a tie or underwear or whatever works for you. Have him count blows, clothes pins, what have you.

 

[tigressnred]

I have learned some sub men like the issue of " body worship" In other words they love to feel your body, touch you, and count it as a reward to do so....maybe make him explain, why he wants to touch you and where, and if allowed what he will do in detail, then make him beg to touch you and carry out his pleasures.......then when you are ready, taunt and tease him..with it....

 

[sb2009]

one thing I have learned to do..when my very dominant husband wants to be restrained, he really wants to be tied up but then have me use my body to please him...he wants a full-on experience of me touching him everywhere, rubbing myself all over him, etc.

He's not a sub in any way, I honestly think the restrain thing is so he can give up responsibility for a while and just let me please him. Which is fine.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Easiest solution to getting in the right mindset is recognising you have been asked to perform this, and as such it is an act of submission to accept. As to how to do it, you need to communicate...find out what would work for the other person, what is OK or not, and then look at how you feel/long for as a submissive and reverse it. All things are possible if you can get your head in the right space to go ahead.

Cata;ina

 

[BustyBabeMA31]

Former Sub, Now Domme

From my perspectve there are so many different ideas and oppinions on what it means to "dominate" . It would be important to find out from this guy what he has in mind. Once you establish that you really don't need a lot of "expensive hardware".

My suggestion would be to require him to dress a certain way, have him strip, order him around, kiss your feet...there are ENDLESS possiilities here and fulfilling your wishes can be exciting for both of you.

Bring: elastic bands (great for snapping against sensitive areas), a wooden ruler (great slapping tool), clothespins, rope, scarf (blindfold)...you can also use a pizza paddle or a big wooden spatula (paddle) ut your hand with great force can be more effective.

Don't underestimate the power of your firm, commanding voice and attitude. Have fun!

 

[trisquel_astur]

Some ropes can help you to take the control of the play.

Make him to walk on her fours while you rides him back wearing high heels to punish him, and a belt to spank the but of your new horse.

Tie him and please yourself with her body, while you cheats him...

Ask him to take from the floor a lot of peas counting them while you spanks him with a wooden rule....

And over all, ask him what are his more inner desires... that will give you lots of ideas.

 

[Curious_Red]

I'm hardly Dom-like, but I can tell you what I'd like my wife to do to me right now.

I want to be naked, on my knees, and bowing in front of her; presenting myself to her for her pleasure. She makes me kiss her feet. Then she, on my knees, she makes me worship her body with my mouth and tongue.

At some point, she will use the crop, the paint stirrers, and the kabob sticks on my ass.

Then she lightly abuses my testicles (light squeezes, some light spanking, etc). She uses the clothespins.

Anytime I don't do something right or to her liking, I will feel the sting of the crop on my ass cheek.

At various times I wouldn't mind being tied up or bound somehow, but we haven't figured that out yet.

When she finally lets me cum, it is on her feet and toes. She then makes me lick it off, sucking her toes clean.

Maybe you could do some of that.

 

[sub_rapport]

All I can suggest is it seems like, in my terribly humble opinion, in any kind of Dom/Sub situation, if you're the Dom, you have to take the initiative with things even if you're uncomfortable doing so. The beauty of it, though, is the sub personality is accepting of whatever you do.

Oh, and don't skimp on the imagination