Dominance - need or gift

[Daddyslilpet]

This is the flip side of the submissives need or gift thread.

I just read a post there that said something to the affect that "gift" of domination isn't looked at as often as it is with submission.

So Dominants, I'd like to hear about your thoughts and feelings on this issue. Is Domination a gift or a need?

Looking forward to hearing the answers.

~smile~
dixi

 

[Ebonyfire]

This is the flip side of the submissives need or gift thread.

I just read a post there that said something to the affect that "gift" of domination isn't looked at as often as it is with submission.

So Dominants, I'd like to hear about your thoughts and feelings on this issue. Is Domination a gift or a need?

Looking forward to hearing the answers.

~smile~
dixi

To tell you the truth, I have never really thought about it. I need to dominate. I will have to ask my subs. I do not think it really matters. Perhaps others will wax philosophical on the subject.

Eb

 

[NemoAlia]

Need or Gift?

I'm not sure that I'd want it either way! (How's that for impossible to satisfy?!) If I meet a guy who considers his dominance a gift, I move on. Sexual gratification shouldn't be a favor to bestow upon somebody. However, if I meet a guy who can't live without dominating me, I move on, too. After all, that seems a little out of control, y'know? And Dominance is all about control.

So what is Dominance? Perhaps, like submission, it's a preferred way of showing love/lust/affection for someone -- in my opinion, anyway.

(edited to add a subject)

 

[zipman]

I think it's Both

It is a need...because it is something in me that I have to fulfill. It drives me, excites me, and makes the blood rush through my veins.

It is a gift...because I give my time, energy, thoughtfulness to planning, research and safety for my sub. It is a gift because I share this with someone else.

For the record, I think submission is also a need and a gift.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Thank you to Ebony, NemoAlia, and Zipman. Great responses. Shows individuality in the thoughts on this subject.

thank you for sharing in this discussion.
~smile~
dixi

 

[NemoAlia]

So dixi...

What do you think?

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Well actually, I'm in the its a little of both camp. I tend to think that Dominance isn't that much different than submission. Meaning, just as my submission is a need that I give to my Master....I believe His Dominance is a need for him that he gives me as he sees fit.

Just my thoughts.
~smile~
dixi

 

[Grvdigger]

With Me, Dominance is just part of who I am, it just is there. I can not help it anymore than someone who just likes blondes or redheads. My gem gives her submission to Me, in giving it she makes it a gift. The question maybe should be...do Dominants give anything like submissives do?

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Welcome to the discussion Grvdigger (also let me add welcome to the board).

Great thoughts you've added to our discussion here. So if you don't mind I will take your suggestion and add that question to my request now.

Do Dominants give anything like submissives do? If so, what do they give?

~smile~
dixi

 

[Azzy]

This is an awesome topic for discussion - I think it needs more of that, don't you?

So, does the concept of dominance as a need seem to be prevelant?

If it is a need, can dominance be taught?

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Thank you for joining this discussion Az. Those are great questions, I hope some of our Dominants here will answer them for us.

~smiles~
dixi

 

[NemoAlia]

If dominance is a need (which I'm not certain I believe), I don't think its "need-ness" necessarily would make dominance unteachable. I mean, people need to eat. However, they need to be taught how to find and prepare food. It seems to me that even the most 'natural' dom/mes would still require a certain amount of questioning, education, and experience in order to be worth their salt.

**Edited to change "with their salt" to "worth their salt." Heh. I'm picturing a whole bunch of Dom/me ungulates sitting around, linking hooves, and chanting, "Become your saltlick. Be with your salt."

 

[zipman]

This is an awesome topic for discussion - I think it needs more of that, don't you?

So, does the concept of dominance as a need seem to be prevelant?

If it is a need, can dominance be taught?

I think it depends how you classify dominance. In discussing dominance as a gift or a need, it seems that what we are really asking is "if dominance is an inate characteristic, or is it a choice."

If one were to embrace this definition, then while the physical act of dominating someone could be taught, while the erotic pleasure derived from the act of dominance could not be taught.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

If dominance is a need (which I'm not certain I believe), I don't think its "need-ness" necessarily would make dominance unteachable. I mean, people need to eat. However, they need to be taught how to find and prepare food. It seems to me that even the most 'natural' dom/mes would still require a certain amount of questioning, education, and experience in order to be with their salt.

I find this interesting. I understand the anology here, great choice. If I'm reading you correctly you are saying that dominance should be something that can be taught...is that right?

I agree with you that everyone needs education and experience to make them the best they can be, Dom or sub no matter in my book.

dixi

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I think it depends how you classify dominance. In discussing dominance as a gift or a need, it seems that what we are really asking is "if dominance is an inate characteristic, or is it a choice."

If one were to embrace this definition, then while the physical act of dominating someone could be taught, while the erotic pleasure derived from the act of dominance could not be taught.

I see what you are saying here. I have to agree that I think the act of dominating could be taught, but that the feeling derived from it can't be.

So then why would one want to be taught to be dominant if they are not going to get the erotic pleasure from it?

dixi

 

[zipman]

I see what you are saying here. I have to agree that I think the act of dominating could be taught, but that the feeling derived from it can't be.

So then why would one want to be taught to be dominant if they are not going to get the erotic pleasure from it?

dixi

dixi,

I was just responding to the question of whether it "could" be taught.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Zip, I knew that, I was just asking what came to my mind to further this discussion. Sorry if it sounded ugly.

~smiles~
dixi

 

[Ebonyfire]

So then why would one want to be taught to be dominant if they are not going to get the erotic pleasure from it?

Maybe you do not have to get erotic pleasure from the act of dominance in itself, but the "effect of dominance" on the submissive. You enjoy how they react to what you do to them, and therefore it reinforces the behaviour of dominance.

And over time, you develop the "habit" of dominance.

Eb

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Maybe you do not have to get erotic pleasure from the act of dominance in itself, but the "effect of dominance" on the submissive. You enjoy how they react to what you do to them, and therefore it reinforces the behaviour of dominance.

And over time, you develop the "habit" of dominance.

Eb

Hmmm interesting thought Ebony, one I hadn't considered. Thanks.

~smiles~
dixi

 

[~Dream~]

Dixie..

I hope that it's ok that I answer this from a sub's point of view cause I found this thread soo interesting..
In my eyes,I view Master's Dominance as both. He has a REAL "NEED' to control and His control or Dominance is a real "gift' to me as where the heck would I be without it? Incomplete.I also feel however that altho I do consider it a gift, His Dominance is something that I myself really "NEED ' from Him.
Without the control,my submission means nothing to me.I realize I am still submissive without it,but I much prefer in order to be "happy" that the Control stays with Master.,where in my eyes,it belongs..

The things He gives me His guidance ,time, love ,respect,encouragement and compassion are all priceless to me ~

 

[NemoAlia]

I'm with Ebonyfire on this one. Although I think it's disappointing when a lover does something just because s/he knows you'll enjoy it (see Chicklet's thread for a discussion of this subject), it's still nice to be willing to try things that wouldn't otherwise catch your attention -- especially for the sake of your lover. Still, if learning how to dominate doesn't make you realize your deep, internal love for the sport, it's probably not worth pursuing. After all, "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that schwung!"

(I learned the word "schwung" today. Am I using it anywhere near correctly?)

I also agree with Zip that describing dominance as an innate characteristic is probably closer to accurate than describing it as a need. However, until scientists have solved -- once and for all -- that 'nature v. nurture' debate, I have a feeling that this thread will have to go unresolved.

 

[artful]

Dixi

This topic has been brought forward many times, and as it is so popular, thanks for starting another discussion on it. I will try to put my .02 cents in on it.

As relates to MY interest, I am posting this with a 24/7 TPE in mind. The Dom/me-sub relationship can be likened to two separate chunks of ice. Separately, they have their OWN individual shapes.

As they circulate among other chunks of ice, they bump along, make contact with others, looking to *FIT* themselves to another chunk of ice where there is a natural bonding, (two pieces of a puzzle that interlock well together).

When this happens, and it IS a successful match, the heat that is generated, melts both chunks of ice into a liquid shape, that fills the boundaries of what EACH are satisfied with.

These boundaries are not the same for ALL, but they are what the two desire. Though one chunk of ice might be larger or smaller at the beginning, when all is said and done, they create 10 gallons of liquid.

Each gallon of water is EQUAL in value. It is the Dom/mes responsibility to keep the liquid together, taking care to not lose any of the liquid, (teaching, training, communicating, bending and shaping the boundaries, to fit the liquids pleasures).

To answer the question,...Yes,...it IS a gift to each other, and one is of no more VALUE than the other. The end product is LIQUID, it IS a whole.
The key is the bonding,...without THAT,...we just bump along.

 

[Desdemona]

Art, that was a very easy to understand description. I liked it.

 

[navarre]

Art

I was going to respond to this thread.
You have stated my thought so articulately and succinctly that there is no need.

Thank you.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Thank you all for participating in this discussion. I've learned more yet again.

Art, that was very well put. I thank you for this glimpse into dominance through your eyes.

Dream, thank you for your input from the sub point of view too. As I agree with your assessment being sub myself.

~smiles~
dixi