Dom should not be shy to learn something new even if it comes from the sub

[Sir_Joe]

I don't have any XP about being Dom/master. But I know that I've the dominant mind and that I like to take control of things and responsibilities.

BUT I'm not familiar with many difficult words [e.g. Gorgian Kajira etc. a friend of mine finally told me that Kajira means lady slave, part of a novel]

I've figured out that why I don't have any sub? since most of the time,I think i make a bad impression for not knowing all the what we call it jargon words[I mean like the computer nerds have special way of talking etc.]

let me know more abt such jargon words so i don't make fool of myself talking with anyone.

And a dom should not be shy to learn something new even if it comes from the sub,[That's what I belive]

 

[Sir_Joe]

somethings that I learned from a sub

She wasn't my sub, but a friend

She told me that Gorean masters expect their slave to talk in third person [like 'she expects you had a nice sleep' instead of saying 'I hope you had a nice sleep']


Let me know more rules,

I'm not feeling shy to admitt i don't know much rules abt BDSM

 

[Sir_Joe]

just give me the link

of the article, webpage or thread here, for the newbie to get fimilar with all the rules and protocols.

 

[silent_subbie]

...............

 

[Sir_Joe]

Detail on Gorean Kajira term

the word Gor/Gorean is derived from a series of novels written by John Lange under a pseudonym, John Norman. the book series is about a counter earth, where Men are dominant over women, as well as a few other differences.

some peoplel lead a lifestyle based on some of the philosophies of Norman, hence the name Gorean kajira. the word kajira(female)/kajiru(male) is the gorean word for slave. [that's what that friend told me]
===========

A long time ago, i did found a dictionary article on BDSM terminology on essay / how to do section of Lit. stories, but I can't seem to figureout where did it go?

I'm again searching for it on Lit stories, but failed, if anyone knows abt it, let me know!

 

[HottieMama]

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=266656


Have fun reading.

 

[silent_subbie]

........

 

[Sir_Joe]

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=266656


Have fun reading.

thanks for the link, I studied it,

I m not into violence,blood,urine,rape etc,but i'm surely checking out the other articles there

@Silent Sub

what does this sci-fi thing involve?

 

[HottieMama]

thanks for the link, I studied it,

I m not into Any kind of sick things [violence,blood,urine,rape etc],but i'm surely checking out the other articles there

One quick thing before i go to sleep...

Watch your judgments...

Violence is self-defined, actual rape is illegal and a horrific thing but consensual rape play isn't...and blood and piss are some people's idea of a good time.

Just because it's not your "kink" doesn't mean it is "sick."

 

[Sir_Joe]

ok changed the post

One quick thing before i go to sleep...

Watch your judgments...

Violence is self-defined, actual rape is illegal and a horrific thing but consensual rape play isn't...and blood and piss are some people's idea of a good time.

Just because it's not your "kink" doesn't mean it is "sick."

i changed that post into i m not into any .....etc.

 

[Sir_Joe]

looks like there are many branches!

looks like there are many branches!

gorean

Gothic

Vampire

Sci-fi

and many more whom I've never even heard of abt. but I'll try to study them one by one, in the mean time, feel free to post your ideas and sugessions

Now I'm going to wikipedia, they do have some good info on BDSM things.

 

[Sir_Joe]

Gothic Terms [Found in wikipedia]

Baby Bat
Either a young goth or a new-comer to the scene, previously derogatory.[1]

Batcaver
Originally a frequenter of the early goth nightclub the Batcave, now referring to older goths who are fans of the music played there.

Cybergoth
Goth interested in cyberculture.[2]

Corporate goth
Goth with a day job, often melding corporate wear (or office wear) with gothic style.[3]

Doom Cookie/ Gloom Cookie
A derogatory term for a person in the goth scene who is seen as other-than-genuine. (Doom referring to males and Gloom referring to females.)[4]

Elder goth
A goth who has been part of the subculture since it originally came about, or a goth over the age of 40.[5]

Gosher
A combination of Goth and mosher.

Gothdom
Goth society.[6]

Gothing Up
Getting dressed in goth attire, often before visiting a club.[7][8]

Gothics
Goth style trousers, or more loosely the entire attire.[citation needed]

Goth Code
An abbreviation-based self-description mechanism. Fairly rarely used now, it was used in at the tail of messages to Usenet and email. Version 1.0-Beta was first released on 20 Oct 1995. There were various versions, v3.1. Goth. Code 98 was the most recent version, released 19 Feb 1998. [9]

Goth points
Criteria by which a goth is assessed for conformity to the subculture. Used sarcastically, rather than a genuine rating system.[10]

Graver
A cybergoth who goes to raves. In terms of fashion, cybergoths have rave influences in their attire.[11]

Kindergoth
a goth kid, normaly under the age 16. Before they have enough time in the goth scene to say they are goth to be goth and not goth to scare there parents.[12]

Romantigoth
A goth who dresses in Victorian-style or Renaissance era attire, taking interest in intellectual pastimes (reading and writing poetry etc.). Similar to New Romantic.

Mallgoth
A derogatory term for young, self-identifying goths who are not regarded as well-informed members or part of the subculture at all. Suggests both that the teen in question hangs out in malls and that they buy their quasi-gothic clothing at mall shops such as Hot Topic. While a mallgoth incorporates many elements of Gothic Fashion in their apparel, the term inherently suggests derision from at least some full, adult members of the subculture, particularly due to the deviations between the mallgoth's look and accepted goth attire.

Mansonite
A young person who is mainly influenced by Marilyn Manson and calls themself "goth"; used as a derogatory term. Formerly often synonymous with "Mallgoth."

The Neph
The Fields of the Nephilim[13]

NINny
Pronounced ninny, a derogatory term for fans of the band Nine Inch Nails ("NIN") who worship Trent Reznor.[14] The term has been used as an insult, and in regular non-goth usage, the word "ninny" means idiot.[15] However, some Nine Inch Nails fans describe themselves as NINnies.

Perky Goth
A goth who pretends to be "happy" but is not serious about it. Most often doing it for the humorous cynicism involved and enjoyment of other goths at a "normie's" confusion.[16] and mostly likes softer goth rock, more classical music influenced goth rock,or rock gothic music, as opposed to gloomy goth whose musical taste is more melancholy.[citation needed] Alternately, a goth who has embraced the aesthetics of the subculture in terms of music and fashion, but whose mood and demeanor are generally light and happy.

Plasti'Goth
Not a real full time Goth, adopting only the fashionable side of the subculture or practising it only at weekends.

Spot the Goth
Looking for other goths, most often in areas where they are unlikely to be, or on the way to goth venues.[17]

Spooky Kids
From the original name for Marilyn Manson's band. Originally a term for Manson fans, it has come to be a derogatory term for mallcore and Marilyn Manson fans, similar to the term Mansonite. [18]

Ubergoth
The pinnacle of goth style, or a goth who is always perfectly dressed. The goth that will "dress to the nines to go out and buy the milk".[19] Can also be used in a derogatory sense to describe a person who would appear to be attempting to exceed or better others in terms of dress or attitude.

 

[Sir_Joe]

BDSM glossary:

BDSM glossary:

* 24/7: A relationship in which protocols are in place continuously.
* Animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mindspace of a different species, typically a dog, pony or horse.
* Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper).
* Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels.
* Ageplay: Usually referring to daddy/daughter or mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.
* Anal torture: The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the anus.
* Animal Play: The sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, pony, cow, etc.).
* Auctioned off: Dominant auctions off the slave to the highest bidder (usually supervised and for temporary use).
* Bad pain: Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Bad pain" is pain which is outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not wished for, and of limited or no value in this context.
* BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism
* Bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part, such as breast bondage.
* Bottom: submissive or one who gives up control, or simply one who receives physical sensation from a top in a scene.
* Breast bondage: The act of tying female breasts so that they are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge.
* Breath Control: The dominant controls the submissive's breathing.
* Butt plug: Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. The flared base allows for safe anal penetration. They come in a variety of sizes; some can vibrate.
* Chastity: A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the whim or choice of their partner, usually by means of a device (called a chastity belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is controlled by means of a lock by the partner.
* CBT: Cock and ball torture
* Collared: Submissive or slave who is owned, usually (but certainly not exclusively) in a loving intimate relationship. A dominant may have multiple persons collared
* Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dominant, of a sub's service. Also the ceremony when a dominant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).
* Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm relationship.
* Consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and common sense, consent will be given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities.
* Contract: A written-out agreement between the dominant & submissive. It can be either formal or non, and is usually written after much negotiation by the dominant and the sub, outlining what structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries to the relationship are agreed upon by the two . It is not legally binding.
* DM: Dungeon Monitor, a person who volunteers to supervise the interactions between participants at a play party to ensure their safety.
* Dom: Man or woman who takes control (from dominant)
* Dominant Man or woman who takes control
* Domme: Woman who takes control (see also Dominatrix)
* D/s: Domination/submission
* Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space
* Edgeplay: SM play which pushes the limits of the persons involved. This can be potentially dangerous activities such as fire, electricity, cutting, or breath play, but often isn't dangerous with the properly skills and experience.
* Endorphin rush: Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the "high" people often get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and is the body's response to heightened or intense experiences of certain kinds. BDSM activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the endorphin rush as part of their "payoff" to the sub. But also see aftercare for the care needed to ensure that subdrop does not occur afterwards as the body returns to normal.
* Erotic sexual denial: keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also tease and denial and chastity).
* Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.
* Fire play: Using flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting instances of flame on the skin of the bottom. Risk of injury is increased and the top should be learned with fire play skills.
* Genitorture: Torture of the genitals
* Good pain: Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Good pain" is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as of enjoyment or value.
* Golden showers: Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person.
* Gorean: A BDSM sub-genre based upon the rituals and practices created within the world of Gor in the erotic novels by John Norman.
* Gunplay: The practice of including actual (or simulated) firearms into a scene.
* Handkerchief codes: Visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest
* Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable.
* Harem: A group of subs serving one or more dominants.
* Impact play: Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips, riding crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
* Infantilism: Parent/child or parent/baby role playing.
* Knife play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a large part in the stimulus of the bottom.
* Limits: What someone "won't" do or is hesitant to do
* Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
* Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
* Mummification: Immobilising the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers of tight thin plastic sheeting. Breathing and other safety measures must be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least the mouth and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by movement) may also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare may be important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play.
* Munch: A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a "vanilla" place. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, "This weekend's munch is at Denny's"
* Nyotaimori: Human platters
* Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.
* Newbie: Someone new to BDSM.
* OTK: Over the knee (spanking).
* Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.
* Paraphilia
* Play party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in scenes.
* ProDom: Male professional dominant (charges money)
* ProDomme: Female professional dominant (charges money)
* Ponygirl or Ponyboy: Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.
* Puppy Play: Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from a bowl, etc. Such play is almost never sexual, but rather focuses on the altered mind-space of bottom/pup.
* RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink
* Rape fantasy: The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape.
* Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.
* Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexually.
* Safe, Sane and Consensual - SSC
* Safeword - When a participant utters a safeword, BDSM activity stops.
* Scat play: Feces play
* Scene: A time period of BDSM activities.
* Sensation play: BDSM play where the intent is to push people's sensory limits, thus exploring texture, sensory deprival, through to whips, flaggillation and edgeplay.
* Session: A time period of BDSM activities with a ProDom/me.
* Slave: Person who gives up a great degree of control in an ongoing D/s relationship, sometimes with few remaining limits. Often those who identify as "slave" have a great desire for being of service to their dominant, sometimes referred to as "service-oriented submission."
* Slave Position: Also called the pleasure position. Sub is kneeling, legs spread, head down and hands on thighs, with palms up
* Soft Limits: Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try. They can sometimes be talked into the activity, or preferably it may be negotiated at a trial or beginner level into a scene.
* Subdrop: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.
* submissive, or "sub" for short. Person that gives up control either all the time or only during a scene
* Subspace: A "natural high" that a sub gets during a scene or when being controlled. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that a Dom(me) be aware of their sub's wellbeing if they are in subspace.
* switch: Someone who likes being both Dominant and submissive, either in one scene or on different occasions.
* Taken in hand: 24/7 Male dominance in monogamous marriage, with or without BDSM aspects.
* Tease and denial: Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also orgasm denial).
* Tit torture: The act of causing deliberate physical pain to the breasts and nipples.
* Top: Dominant person either all the time or only during a scene.
* Topping from the bottom: A submissive who nonetheless wants to direct the top.
* Training: Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing effort of the dominant teaching the submissive how to act.
* Vanilla: Someone who is not in the lifestyle. Alternatively, sexual behaviour which does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a derogatory sense.
* Wannabe: Someone who thinks or claims to be knowledgeable about BDSM, but is not. Especially prevalent with new dominants.
* WIITWD: What it is that we do. A broad term referring to all forms of alternative sexuality.
* Wax play: The dominant drips hot wax on the sub.

Note that some people in the BDSM community begin dominant terms with an upper case, for example: Top, Master, Dom, Domme, etc, as well as to begin submissive terms with a lower case, even where normally incorrect, chiefly in acronyms and abbreviations, such as D/s for Dom/sub.

In addition, high protocol refers to groups that adhere to strict roles and role-based rules of conduct, whereas low protocol refers to groups that are more relaxed. Old Guard refers to high protocol groups, particularly gay leather BDSM groups

 

[Sir_Joe]

let me describe myself.

After looking at the BDSM glossary, let me describe myself.

I don't want 24/7 [cause I don't have a separate home]
I'm not into abrasion
Age play, anal torture looks interesting!
I'm not into bad pain,
I don't have money to buy slave in auction !
I like to have some contract [not legal binding]
I'm not into Edgeplay,
I'm not in golden shower,
No gunplay,

yes i do want to learn the Handkerchie codes,
yes I'd like to have a harem [one is sufficient at the moment, since I don't have even 1 sub]

I'm not in mummification, or needleplay,

I'm a newbie,
I'm NOT a prodomme,
my safe word would be RED
yes, I'm interested in vanilla too.
I'm more of a low protocol person!

 

[myinnerslut]

my biggest advice is too just look around the forum some, ask questions, do research, and realize that there are literally hundereds of ways to "do" BDSM. no one way is any better then another, just different. you can mix up the ways as much as you want.

BDSM is like a buffet table. you take as much of any one aspect as you like, and pass over the ones you dont.

gorean and vampire goth are only two of many many ways BDSM is practiced. personally i am niether, but let me assure you i am most certianly in a consensual D/s relationship

 

[Sir_Joe]

THank for the input

my biggest a.........ut let me assure you i am most certianly in a consensual D/s relationship

i've figured out i'll hang around make friends and know more abt things, may in the mean time i'll get lucky to find me a sweet sub lady

 

[Chris_Xavier]

my biggest advice is too just look around the forum some, ask questions, do research, and realize that there are literally hundereds of ways to "do" BDSM. no one way is any better then another, just different. you can mix up the ways as much as you want.

BDSM is like a buffet table. you take as much of any one aspect as you like, and pass over the ones you dont.

gorean and vampire goth are only two of many many ways BDSM is practiced. personally i am niether, but let me assure you i am most certianly in a consensual D/s relationship

You're so wise.. no wonder I respect you like I do.

 

[twysted73]

Kudos for admitting your inexperience. It's a plus.

of the article, webpage or thread here, for the newbie to get fimilar with all the rules and protocols.

Here's a quick ref. http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/BDSMinfo/bdsm_101.htm

aaaand here's a very good book I read when I started out:
http://www.amazon.com/101-Realistic-Introduction-Jay-Wiseman/dp/0963976389

Anything else I can help with just ask.
The reason I liked Weisman's interpretation is because he teaches you what is what by mixing in humor and instruction with testimonials from both Tops, bottoms, slaves, pony boys and so on. It's a great read for beginners as well as lifers. Enjoy.

Also: (and this is just me offering a word of advice) You have enthusiasm and drive. You sound like you have an open mind and a good heart. Channel that energy into learning. Don't worry about being a Dom until you feel comfortable and more knowladgeable. The focus is to provide a wonderful experience for you both. Your sub will be depending on you to guide and keep her/him safe. The more you know, the better things will be. (( has a mental image of the beginning of Braveheart when the uncle comes for the boy after his father's death..."Learn to use this *points at your head* before you try to use this. *points to your riding crop*"

 

[Luvkitty33]

Also: (and this is just me offering a word of advice) You have enthusiasm and drive. You sound like you have an open mind and a good heart. Channel that energy into learning. Don't worry about being a Dom until you feel comfortable and more knowladgeable. The focus is to provide a wonderful experience for you both. Your sub will be depending on you to guide and keep her/him safe. The more you know, the better things will be. (( has a mental image of the beginning of Braveheart when the uncle comes for the boy after his father's death..."Learn to use this *points at your head* before you try to use this. *points to your riding crop*"

I think this is very good advice! Well said!!

 

[Sir_Joe]

thanks for being so helpful

Here's a quick ref. http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/BDSMinfo/bdsm_101.htm
................

thanks for being so helpful

 

[twysted73]

I think this is very good advice! Well said!!

:blush: I thank you for your honesty and kind words. I try hard to be helpful here. I remember starting out, being lost and new with no one caring BECAUSE you were new and thus deemed to be too much effort.
There really should be a school for this.
I'd sign up as a student aid. :wink: Could you imagine the size of the detention list in a place like that? *dreams and smiles*

 

[myinnerslut]

You're so wise.. no wonder I respect you like I do.

was that sarcastic?

 

[Byakuya]

yes I'd like to have a harem

hmm.. I bet you're the only person alive who wants one of those..

 

[FurryFury]

Please don't think that Gorean is the only or best way to BDSM. Some are into it. That's fine. A lot of people are not into it.

It's based on a series of novels that quite frankly I couldn't even bring myself to finish the first in the series of. Some love them.

Anyway that is just a sub set of BDSM and probably (though I certainly don't know for sure) a small one.

 

[WriterDom]

Doms should always be pushing the envelope of their knowledge in order to be pushing the limits of their sub. And if they have a more experienced sub to learn from I'd consider them lucky. New on new works well too as long as you educate yourself on safety. And there is a lot to be said for getting involved in groups. If you are lucky enough to be near one.