loneranger8921
Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2009
- Posts
- 99
Do you have to love the girl you are Domming or not i found a Submissive girl but she and I are not in love what is the opinion of the group?
Dom Question
- Thread starter loneranger8921
- Start date
limplizzard
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2005
- Posts
- 512
Love, NO, respect her limits, YES
00Syd
Secret Agent
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2007
- Posts
- 4,580
Pretty much. Respect her and her limits and you should be fine.
ShyVixen
Subbly Bookworm
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2004
- Posts
- 1,882
No, you don't have to love her to be her Dominant. And she doesn't have to love you to be your submissive.
But mutual respect is extremely important.
rida
rope grupie
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2007
- Posts
- 4,823
Short answer: no.
Longer asnwer: no, but it depends on you and her and the expectation you both have on the interaction. You mention that you both are not in love with each other. I'd add "at the moment", as feelings can change and expectations can change. Keep the communications line open and explore and find out if it works for the two of you.
peterbrazen
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2004
- Posts
- 282
What's love got to do with it . . . . . Love?
Very seldom does love become a major factor. BUT the Dom has to like and appreciate the gift of submissiveness in order for the dynamic to really work to the satisfaction of both people.
Very seldom does love become a major factor. BUT the Dom has to like and appreciate the gift of submissiveness in order for the dynamic to really work to the satisfaction of both people.
ecstaticsub
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2007
- Posts
- 3,389
It depends on the person. You both may not need to be in love.
I, however, do. For me personally, love and the total trust needed to completely submit go hand in hand. I can't imagine submitting or even bottoming to someone I am not in love with. But that's just me.
ataxia.girl
D/s anarchist
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2008
- Posts
- 1,231
i am similar. i can do it and have done it but it makes me feel icky after.
kara_disir
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2008
- Posts
- 93
Just my opinion...
The non-requirement of love in a D/s relationship is what keeps the ProDomme industry (and the much rarer professional slave) alive and kicking. Trust - essential. Love - not so much. Although I tend to agree with ecstaticsub. I personally cannot envision myself in any sort of BDSM-related encounter with anyone whom I do not love, as love and trust - for me - are utterly intertwined (this does not mean I am one of those people who confuse love and sex however). I must trust absolutely without condition or hesitation before I can even become aroused. I cannot trust whom I do not love, I cannot love whom I do not trust. Again, that's just my personal preference though. To each their own!
The non-requirement of love in a D/s relationship is what keeps the ProDomme industry (and the much rarer professional slave) alive and kicking. Trust - essential. Love - not so much. Although I tend to agree with ecstaticsub. I personally cannot envision myself in any sort of BDSM-related encounter with anyone whom I do not love, as love and trust - for me - are utterly intertwined (this does not mean I am one of those people who confuse love and sex however). I must trust absolutely without condition or hesitation before I can even become aroused. I cannot trust whom I do not love, I cannot love whom I do not trust. Again, that's just my personal preference though. To each their own!
rida
rope grupie
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2007
- Posts
- 4,823
to expand some more ...
(can you guess this is a question I've been pondering myself a lot? lol)
From my experience, it seems that on the female submissive side (more than on the male one), the most common answer on the issue "can you submit to someone you don't love or are not in love with" is: "I can bottom but not submit, as for submitting I need to totally trust the other person and that only happens if I love/am in love with the PYL".
On the Dominant side, it seems that there is a dichotomy between the ones that say: "only with love I can totally unleash my inner demon" and the ones that say "love gets in the way of my domination/sadism".
Than of course there is the complication of the distinction between "love" and "being in love" and what it means to each of us ...
As I am fascinated by human emotions and motivations, I find the topic of love in a PE dynamic even more so.
Personally, I'm not sure where I stand anymore as I'm right now struggling with where's the line between bottoming and submitting ... but this is another topic altogether.
(can you guess this is a question I've been pondering myself a lot? lol)
From my experience, it seems that on the female submissive side (more than on the male one), the most common answer on the issue "can you submit to someone you don't love or are not in love with" is: "I can bottom but not submit, as for submitting I need to totally trust the other person and that only happens if I love/am in love with the PYL".
On the Dominant side, it seems that there is a dichotomy between the ones that say: "only with love I can totally unleash my inner demon" and the ones that say "love gets in the way of my domination/sadism".
Than of course there is the complication of the distinction between "love" and "being in love" and what it means to each of us ...
As I am fascinated by human emotions and motivations, I find the topic of love in a PE dynamic even more so.
Personally, I'm not sure where I stand anymore as I'm right now struggling with where's the line between bottoming and submitting ... but this is another topic altogether.
myinnerslut
His chains. His lash.
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2006
- Posts
- 6,053
ive heard of PYLs that flat refuse to top people they love. ive heard of others that flat refuse to top people they DONT love. pretty much your options regarding love are wide open and you have to find the sitution that works for you.
as far as having a functional relationship, read everything everybody already said about respect and trust
as far as having a functional relationship, read everything everybody already said about respect and trust
