Dom Punishment

[WriterDom]

He's expendable. Just like the 100 million fire ants I'm going to kill later. There are 100 guys lined up around the block to take his place. He'd be better off paying for services.

 

[reneemyrenee]

The way it was taught to me is this:

The Dom is always responsible for any failure. His or her position in the relationship is to be in control. The Dom MUST have a plan. The Dom does not make a relationship, "WINGING IT" though I am sure there might be times a the Dom is developing his character and comitment to the life style he will wing a few things. But this is not to be so.

The submissive is responsible too: When you come into a relationship that is a 24 hour power exchange, there is no exchange of POWER if the submissive has no power to give. A needy person is not necessarily submissive! The submissive MUST have power and control over his or her life in the first place with out any Dom or Master.

Then the submissive has brought something into the exchange. I like the part of dominating where I am free to follow my own design and in no way comply with outside Dom standards. The Dom is sovereign but he only has control over what is not his.

I don't think I would ask that the Dom be punished or whatever you mentioned. I think the submissive should take back the power that he or she exchanged and move on. If you are continually a victim that does not make you submissive and might mean that you are needy more than a sub/slave.

Being a sub/slave isn't easy. You should have the highest regard for your Dom and their decisions and direction. If you don't, move on. OOOOOOOOH how many times did I hear those two heart breaking words.

You should not feel powerless and victimized. You should feel safe even though the Dom is not obligated to reveal any part of his plan to the sub, you should feel secure in the direction the Dom is taking the sub.

Well I had no idea when I joined up on literotica that I would be in a BDSM discussion.

Hope that meant something to someone.

 

[reneemyrenee]

What's They Say ....

I don't understand. Why is this an issue? Why is he still with her? She's broken the contract. This is no reflection of him. I'd think losing a sub, and reputation, would be punishment for her. Why is he not ending the relationship? He may be a sub, but that doesn't make him powerless. Am I missing something here?

exactly!

 

[reneemyrenee]

Power Exchange

He feels that since he has signed his name to the contract, despite her actions, he has a responsibility to carry through his end of the contract. He told me he has his reasons, and even though he hasn't shared all of them with me, I respect him, and his decision, although it doesn't make sense to me, either.

See did the contract address this aspect of the relationship? If not...... well it should.

like I said: a POWER EXCHANGE has full power on both sides and an exchange. A victim doesn't understand or take their personal power.

You were not sold into slavery rather you made an agreement that didn't cover all the aspects. The next contract wont be so weak.....

 

[cloud_leopard]

I want to thank everyone for their responses. I am understanding a lot better now. It doesn't make it any easier, but I understand a bit more. Unfortunately, he is still bound and determined to finish out his end of the contract. As someone mentioned, she may very well be laughing to herself about the situation and the control she has over him. Being as I know her, that actually seems a likely scenario.

My hope is that when he is finally out of the contract, he is not so trapped in these insecurities and feelings of worthlessness that she has encouraged in him, that he cannot climb out.

Thanks, everyone, for your input.

 

[unknooown]

I've never known a BDSM relationship to strip a female of her basic god-given ability to make a man's life hell if she wants to.

Hear, hear.

 

[Adakgirl]

Dom Punishment
I have a friend who is in a training contract with a domme. He had some specific goals he wanted to work on, and they both agreed on a contract that included those goals, discussed contingencies for mistakes, and was limited in time.

The contract is a month and a half into a possible three months. So far, the domme has not worked on any of the goals my friendhings in the contract, has outright neglected any training at all, requested assistance with, refused to clarify tand when mistakes have been made on his part, she jumps on him, tears him down, and withholds punishment until she feels like giving it, even though the contract stated punishment would be immediate, and then the transgression forgiven.

Recently, at a party, he made some mistakes, following an intense session and a few drinks. The domme in question left the party and left him to his own devices, even though he was altered from both the session and the drink. After the party, he confessed his transgressions and she has chosen to wait four days before giving a punishment, and has only related a portion of what the punishment will be. Furthermore, she doesn't recognize that as the domme, she had a responsibility to take care of him and make sure he was ok to be on his own, and if she determined him not to be, she could have directed him to go home.

It seems she has set him up for failure, and this is not the first time. As soon as he mentions his concerns in that area, she goes to an extreme, makes herself into a victim and basically guilts him into saying things she wants to hear.

My question is, why are submissives the only ones subject to punishment? Why are dom/mes immune? They are just as capable of making mistakes, but are not held accountable for their own transgressions. This is a really painful thing for me to watch with my friend, and it is becoming nearly impossible for me to simply stand by in support of his continued upholding of the contract that the domme has broken on any number of occasions. I realize that just because she has broken the contract, and is a poor domme, does not mean that he should break the contract or be a poor sub, which he is not.

Cloud
This contract has a limit, I would strongly advise him that he should end it at the agreed 1&1/2 months. That would fulfill his obligation in his mind. If he decides to continue longer with this domme and put up with thiskind of ill treatment by going over that amount of time, then I suggest you leave the intimate relationship you have with him, on the basis of his obvious stupidity.

Her outright neglect of any positive training at all with him, automatically VOIDS the contract. If he does not believe that the contract is null and void and he is under no moral obligation to complete it, then he can look it up for himself under Contractual Law.

If hes staying because he says he has
"his reasons" then he is feeding you a line of bullshit. I suggest that you stop seeing him untill he comes to his senses and is honest with you about those reasons.

Serioulsy this guy sounds like he has some issues he needs to recognize and deal with before he gets into a relationship with anyone.

Tearing him down for mistakes, because she is not clear and because he has no training, is a very negative thing. This can cause him great emotional damage as you well know. She doesn't give a shit about him obviously and could care less about the results of such abuse, so probably to her, tearing him down is the fun part.

She makes the choices about when where and why to punish, the sub has nothing to say about this and should not concern himself with it. Those decisions are hers to make, not his.

He shouldn't be attending parties, bottoming to anyone since he thinks he needs training and hasn't gotten. If he is allowing this woman to put him into vulnurable positions like this along with allowing him to drink alcohol afterwords then in my opinion, she has no idea what she is doing

He needs to recognize that, take responsibilty for his own decisions and get away from her. IF he does not, he's not looking out for his own well being and possibly does not know how to use his own power to do so.

As far as her twisting his complaints and concerns into her being the victum, that is classic abuser behaviour.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Adakgirl; WORD.

 

[cloud_leopard]

Cloud
This contract has a limit, I would strongly advise him that he should end it at the agreed 1&1/2 months. That would fulfill his obligation in his mind. If he decides to continue longer with this domme and put up with thiskind of ill treatment by going over that amount of time, then I suggest you leave the intimate relationship you have with him, on the basis of his obvious stupidity.

Her outright neglect of any positive training at all with him, automatically VOIDS the contract. If he does not believe that the contract is null and void and he is under no moral obligation to complete it, then he can look it up for himself under Contractual Law.

If hes staying because he says he has
"his reasons" then he is feeding you a line of bullshit. I suggest that you stop seeing him untill he comes to his senses and is honest with you about those reasons.

Serioulsy this guy sounds like he has some issues he needs to recognize and deal with before he gets into a relationship with anyone.

Tearing him down for mistakes, because she is not clear and because he has no training, is a very negative thing. This can cause him great emotional damage as you well know. She doesn't give a shit about him obviously and could care less about the results of such abuse, so probably to her, tearing him down is the fun part.

She makes the choices about when where and why to punish, the sub has nothing to say about this and should not concern himself with it. Those decisions are hers to make, not his.

He shouldn't be attending parties, bottoming to anyone since he thinks he needs training and hasn't gotten. If he is allowing this woman to put him into vulnurable positions like this along with allowing him to drink alcohol afterwords then in my opinion, she has no idea what she is doing

He needs to recognize that, take responsibilty for his own decisions and get away from her. IF he does not, he's not looking out for his own well being and possibly does not know how to use his own power to do so.

As far as her twisting his complaints and concerns into her being the victum, that is classic abuser behaviour.

I absolutely agree with you. Unfortunately, that contract, among other things, caused a huge wedge between us. I don't know how he is progressing if at all, as we haven't spoken in nearly two weeks. He might still be in the contract, or he might be out as of yesterday. I don't know, and honestly, I'm trying very hard not to care. But, I definitely agree with your points, and thank you for your input.

 

[6PERV]

I absolutely agree with you. Unfortunately, that contract, among other things, caused a huge wedge between us. I don't know how he is progressing if at all, as we haven't spoken in nearly two weeks. He might still be in the contract, or he might be out as of yesterday. I don't know, and honestly, I'm trying very hard not to care. But, I definitely agree with your points, and thank you for your input.

After reading all of these posts about how the sub and the so called Domme are acting, it seems like the guy has self respect issues he needs to deal with. Although I understand he's a submissive, he needs to stand up for his rights. All submissives are people first. Taking what this bitch dishes out makes me see him as a groveling wimp of a man that can't even stand up for himself. She's broken the contract and he sticks around? That's not a submissive, that's a wet blanket and maybe even a broken spirit.

And as for this Domme bitch, she doesn't seem so much like a Domme to me, but just a woman who hates men. She doesn't care about him or about the contract. She just enjoys tormenting, humiliating and demeaning men for fun.

 

[cloud_leopard]

After reading all of these posts about how the sub and the so called Domme are acting, it seems like the guy has self respect issues he needs to deal with. Although I understand he's a submissive, he needs to stand up for his rights. All submissives are people first. Taking what this bitch dishes out makes me see him as a groveling wimp of a man that can't even stand up for himself. She's broken the contract and he sticks around? That's not a submissive, that's a wet blanket and maybe even a broken spirit.

And as for this Domme bitch, she doesn't seem so much like a Domme to me, but just a woman who hates men. She doesn't care about him or about the contract. She just enjoys tormenting, humiliating and demeaning men for fun.

He does, indeed, have self respect issues and as far as I can tell, has never stood up for himself, something I discussed with him. His view of submission is to always say "yes, Ma'am/Sir" and never say "no", for any reason. So, yes, he is a wet blanket and perhaps has had his spirit broken by this point. I don't know. It seemed to me, he was so desperate for domination that he was willing to take it from anywhere; this domme, other dommes, online situations. I know this has cost him a lot; at the very least, it has cost him his relationship with me.

 

[reneemyrenee]

I don't want your relationship to suffer because of all of this

the way I see this whole thing, you are his friend and friends are not in to relationships with each other to change one and other. Do yo understand. Perhaps you never did like him in the first place. But never get invovled with someone thinking you will change them.!

He needs a quiet observer that will be there in the years to come when he can reflect and then you can teach him about himslelf.

Well I want to say more as there is more to say but I am checking out of the hospital right now. So stay in touch. Renee

 

[cloud_leopard]

the way I see this whole thing, you are his friend and friends are not in to relationships with each other to change one and other. Do yo understand. Perhaps you never did like him in the first place. But never get invovled with someone thinking you will change them.!

He needs a quiet observer that will be there in the years to come when he can reflect and then you can teach him about himslelf.

Well I want to say more as there is more to say but I am checking out of the hospital right now. So stay in touch. Renee

I'm not sure where you got the idea that I was in a relationship with him to change him....

 

[DVS]

I'm not sure where you got the idea that I was in a relationship with him to change him....

Reneemyrenee may have misunderstood. You were concerned about your friend, and I think you were trying to understand his situation and sometimes thinking out loud is a good way to do that.

I agree with most everybody who's posted that your friend has his own issues. And nobody can make him understand this, if he isn't ready to listen. A friend can actually make it worse, if they try to change his mind. He has to realize this for himself. He might not even think there's a problem. And if he doesn't think there's a problem, he might be happy with the woman treating him this way.

I've seen some very submissive men in the sexual world. They are not very submissive in their daily lives, but they prefer sexual submission. Unless there is some mental damage associated with how he's being treated, he might be just fine.

Of course, those of us on the outside looking in might see the situation differently. But, because we are on the outside looking in, we aren't where he is. Only he can decide if he's where he wants to be. No matter if we see her as a bitch, a Domme or a Domme bitch...if he enjoys his situation, who are we to judge his decision.

Time will tell if he's happy with how she treats him. Sit back and watch from a distance. Be there, if and when he needs someone to talk to. You can tell him how you feel, but don't force your opinion on him.

 

[cloud_leopard]

I'm happy to say that he is now out of that contract. The domme (and I use that term loosely) left it a month early. She basically told him that the collar she gave him was worthless and he could take it off whenever he wanted after the first of April.

Unfortunately, a lot of damage has been done and it is going to take a lot of time and a good domme to help him rebuild. He claims he has the one he needs, a long-distance girlfriend who has just moved in with him. Only time will tell.

My concern is that the community here is blissfully unaware of how he was treated and he doesn't feel it is appropriate to discuss it with others. Tonight, actually, she is contracting with another young male sub for training as well. It's scary to see how much influence she has, and how little anyone actually knows about her "methods". I hope others see it before she does too much damage.