Dom or sub?

[fairiesecrets82]

Hi! I am a 23 year old female. I am kinda confused about whether I am Dom or sub. I am in a relationship with a submissive male. He lets me call the shots on just about everything in day to day life. This is the first relationship I have been in since I have been an adult that I have been the dominant one. In the begining it was cool. I liked being the one who was calling the shots. We have been together for about a year and half. I have been trying to get use to the fact that he is a very laid back person and just takes his time with decisions. I feel like I have to remind him or take over everything in order for things to get done. I was very bothered by this, but lately I have just accepted it. Now, I have always been a bossy person, but I have always been use to being with guys who led the way. Not really telling me what to do but giving me insight on things, and showing me what is right. If they tried telling me what to do, I would just snap back at them. I have never been comfortable with that. I've always been the type to express how I feel. If I can't then the relationship isn't for me. I don't really want to control someone but I do want things to go my way. lol Can you see that I am confused? As for the bedroom, I like to be controlled. I like to be spanked, I like my hair to be pulled, I like to have cum on my face. lol I am into pee play and exhibitionism. My bf doesn't mind being in control in bed, but I think he does it more because he knows I like it. Anyway, I guess that is all.....if you want more answers just ask.

 

[PhxPlay4n6]

I ask myself the same question sometimes, but ultimately it comes down to what I like sexually, and for me that is being submissive. I don't enjoy being dominant in the bedroom, I'd rather be used and humiliated and told what to do. In other circumstances, I'm somewhat shy. So, based on that definition, I would say you're a sub.

 

[Vixandra]

My answer: yes.

It is possible to be both, nothing wrong with switches, imo.

Personally though- if I tell someone something is to be done, I expect it to be done with reprecussions to follow it its not.
In my line of thinking- if he's submissive to you then he needs to be willing to accept your dominance, and that doesn't mean you should have to hound him to get something done.

Back on topic though, go with what makes you happy. If being Domme everywhere but the bedroom, and a sub in there is what does it, run with it and more power to you.

 

[PhxPlay4n6]

I guess I'm just look at a narrow definition...I think switch is definitely possible, but she just seemed more sub in the bedroom. How do you feel when you're domme in the bedroom Fairie?

 

[fairiesecrets82]

I guess I'm just look at a narrow definition...I think switch is definitely possible, but she just seemed more sub in the bedroom. How do you feel when you're domme in the bedroom Fairie?

well, i feel self conscience....lol I mean, I am not into punishing him (spanking), I am not into humilation or any of that.....I'd much rather take orders, be spanked, I enjoy pleasing the other person very much.... the most domme ill get in the bedroom is get on top....lol

 

[PhxPlay4n6]

well, i feel self conscience....lol I mean, I am not into punishing him (spanking), I am not into humilation or any of that.....I'd much rather take orders, be spanked, I enjoy pleasing the other person very much.... the most domme ill get in the bedroom is get on top....lol

Makes sense...I like being ordered, that's always fun.

 

[Jay Davis]

It's very common among men to be very powerful and commanding in their day-to-day lives, yet prefer to take the bottom role in the bedroom. I don't see any reason why a woman can't feel the same way.

Don't get too hung up on labels--everyone has different definitions. As a male submissive, I wouldn't consider those types of men--the CEOs who want to be humiliated or punished by a powerful woman in private--to be true submissives, for example. I'd call them sexual bottoms, or possibly dominant masochists, because they really don't have any interest in service or worship of their partner outside the bedroom. But that's all just labels and semantics.

If you're both happy and fulfilled in your relationship, then don't sweat who's dominant and who's submissive. Go ahead and take the lead in day-to-day life, and let him top you at night. Sounds like it's working--don't rock the boat!

 

[fallengoddess82]

Dom or Sub...

Fairie..... lol.... I think that your androgonous (ok so i dont know how to spell it, lol) but by that I mean that your can be either/or...dom sometimes, esp. w/everyday life....but yet you still want to feel a mans A MAN & there to wrap you up in his arms & fight to the death for you...but he better not expect nothing from you, lol.... I think sexually your definetly a Sub...but thats just what I gather... not like I know you or anything *wink* lol... SO...my advice is just do what makes YOU happy, talk to your man, if he wont be more dom or cant be, then its up to you...But I think your both...but you LEAN on the Sub side more than the dom. Just diff things at diff times. Which is what I am, altho I LEAN on the Dom side more.... I am mostly a dom forced to act more Sub & your mostly a Sub forced to act Dom...ya know? Hope it all made sense, lol...

 

[fairiesecrets82]

well, thanks for ya'lls input... i have been having this overwhelming feeling to be controled. Been thinking about finding an online friend to roleplay with me....just to fill the void. He can play Dom and i would play sub. lol Just to fill that hole I have. I have mentioned to my boyfriend that maybe we should have him play Dom for a whole day, and I play sub. But I dunno, he doesn't really say to much. He is really indifferent on the whole thing....I don't think he would take it seriously enough....

 

[fairiesecrets82]

Finally let it out!

Well, I finally talked to my bf about my Dom/sub roleplaying idea. And he thinks it great! His dick got hard when we were talking about it. I am so excited, I can't wait until he has his next few days off so we can experiment with this. Of course we are going to lay down the rules and all cause he is afraid of getting carried away.....I'm soooo happy....is there anyone out there who has experimented with this? please, share!!!! Thanks...