Dom experiences to help out new sub?

[verdante]

Hi, I'm quite new to all of this, some things I know turn me on...others freak me out, others i don't even understand...just wondering if there's any guys out there who could help a girl out to see if i would actually be a sub/how to recognise a dom (really not sure i could meet up with anyone from online...scared/small town)
Thank you!

 

[CutieMouse]

I would gently suggest not worrying about getting caught up in dom/sub lingo, especially if you're new or uncertain.

Do you want to be the one doing, or being done to?
Are you looking for kinky email/IM talk about BDSM or have a real life encounter/relationship?
Do you have general questions about how this stuff works? The forum can be a good resource to get a variety of views on various subjects.

As for "how to recognize a dom"... in my world? I don't look for dominant men; I look for compatible partners. They're people, like everybody else. Polite, treat service staff (waiters/etc) well, own their own shit, have healthy relationship dynamics in mind, have things in common, know how to talk through issues, etc.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You are talking about boundaries.

You have them, i have them, we all have our boundaries. We will honor our boundaries, even in the face of wannabe BDSM masters™ who think we should not. When we run into a potential partner who doesn't respect those things-- we take a hike.

Why don't we start with some of the things you know you want, and something you know you don't want?

Be really specific, if you can; "I want to be tied with my hands behind my back, and I want to be told how beautiful and helpless I am."

"I don't want people cutting my skin, and I don't want to be told I'm stupid and worthless."

And also, read this;
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=40603931#post40603931

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

verdante, You have started in the best way possible. You have asked for advice on one of the better boards here on lit. and you have received responses from two posters who I highly respect. I'm a Dom with over 20 years of experience and I read this board daily.

There is also a BDSM Library that contains a wealth of knowledge for everyone and not just the newbies. If you return with some frequency you will find several posters whose advice you will find valuable.

The best thing I could say is take your time, there is really no hurry. You will learn about yourself and eventually about others you may be interested in. What is most important is learning about you and what you like and need. Once you reach that point everything else becomes so much easier.

Good luck in your journey of discovery.

Mike

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

Sorry double post

Mike

 

[verdante]

Thank you so much for the responses, they really are so helpful.

I'm definitely on the sub area of the spectrum.
i do understand it is necessary to have a healthy relationship with someone you're compatible with, I've just been finding that with the guys I've been seeing we're compatible every way but sexually.

I'm going to think more about the boundaries thing before I give a detailed response. I've been reading the stories on this site which has given me a vague idea...i think i'm definitely up for the less extreme aspects, nipple clamps, blindfolds, and have my hands tied up, but will read more to try and gauge where i am.

And to Mike, it's reassuring to hear I'm in the right place! this actually seems like a really safe unjudgy environment to discuss these things.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... This actually seems like a really safe unjudgy environment to discuss these things.

Yeah, we're pretty much unjudgmental of the literate and those who can think and express themselves. Others may find their mileage varying on the down side.

 

[midnightcallerman]

As someone else who is just starting to put my toes in the D/s waters I can definitely feel for you. I'm fortunate I have a Domme that has agreed to be a mentor for and is allowing me to ask questions. I think this is the best way to get a feel of how things will go. I myself have gotten into the whole worry about terms and stuff but I have learned that I just need to let the conversations flow and see where it leads me. I have already discovered things about myself that I didn't know existed. Some things that I thought I would never though would be pleasurable to me become things that I want to experience more. Course my Domme/Mentor and I are just doing things online it is making me start to think about these things in a real life way. Not sure if that will ever happen but I am starting to open my mind to a lot of things that I would have never been open to in the past.

 

[Stella_Omega]

...just doing things online it is making me start to think about these things in a real life way.

humans are very much a monkey see monkey do type of critter. And that includes seeing it in your mind's eye.