Dom drop / Top drop

[Mindfondler]

I've seen and heard plenty about sub drop, but very little about the other side of the coin. "Dom drop" or "Top drop" (pick your label) most definitely is a thing, and it can be horrible.

I can speak from my own experience: after BDSM play over the weekend, I was a zombie for all of yesterday, then I slept for 12 hours solidly, and I've only been slightly better today (although I've regained the ability to process my thoughts -- hence this posting).

My biggest concern is that it seems to be getting worse for me. The negative payoffs of the drops are now outweighing by a considerable distance the positives that I get from play.

I'm pondering whether the nature of a D/s dynamic can affect the experience of drop. Recently, I've been investing a lot of my energy into play sessions over longer periods of time in order to make things work out. My sub has been fine with that and hasn't had any problems with drop herself, but at the same time I've been getting less and less out of each session, so this situation clearly isn't sustainable.

Any similar experiences? Any bright ideas? I'm keen to hear!
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[sunandshadow]

Investing a lot of your energy into a session of anything can cause drop afterwards, dom and sub elements aside. Writers, visual artists, roleplayers, gamers, and athletes can all experience this. In some cases the person has a mild bipolar cycle, and sessions of their favorite hobby induce a small-scale manic phase, which is followed by a depressive phase afterwards. It may or may not also be the case that the person is an adrenaline junkie, and the hobby elicits adrenaline, then the person crashes after the adrenaline rush is exhausted. But overall what you are feeling is that your brain is producing a lot of some hormone or other chemical, then stops producing it, and you feel the lack. Depending on the specific thing your brain is doing, a mood stabilizer might be a possible treatment, whole-light therapy might be a possible treatment if you only have this issue in the dark half of the year, a multivitamin might be a treatment if you are physically running out of a building block your brain needs to make whatever chemical, or even Ritalin might be considered if you have a more general issue with attention and satisfaction.

Basically the best thing would be to make an appointment with the kind of psychiatrist who is willing and able to give you a trial prescription for whatsoever they think is the appropriate medication.

 

[Blue]

I don't know a thing about this so I'ma just posit a hypothesis:
Just so we don't hyper-focus on one cause and potentially miss something; are you positive that strenuous play is largely the main factor and it's not supplementing some other cause of fatigue?

E.g from an anecdote: When I had blood tests done last year they told me that at some point earlier in the year I had a yuge glandular fever infection apparently without noticing, which would explain the ridiculous amount of sleeping I did at the time. Had no idea I ever had glandular fever but white blood cells don't lie apparently.

 

[Mindfondler]

Thanks for your replies, sunandshadow and Consilience!

Investing a lot of your energy into a session of anything can cause drop afterwards, dom and sub elements aside. Writers, visual artists, roleplayers, gamers, and athletes can all experience this. In some cases the person has a mild bipolar cycle, and sessions of their favorite hobby induce a small-scale manic phase, which is followed by a depressive phase afterwards. It may or may not also be the case that the person is an adrenaline junkie, and the hobby elicits adrenaline, then the person crashes after the adrenaline rush is exhausted. But overall what you are feeling is that your brain is producing a lot of some hormone or other chemical, then stops producing it, and you feel the lack. Depending on the specific thing your brain is doing, a mood stabilizer might be a possible treatment, whole-light therapy might be a possible treatment if you only have this issue in the dark half of the year, a multivitamin might be a treatment if you are physically running out of a building block your brain needs to make whatever chemical, or even Ritalin might be considered if you have a more general issue with attention and satisfaction.

Basically the best thing would be to make an appointment with the kind of psychiatrist who is willing and able to give you a trial prescription for whatsoever they think is the appropriate medication.

Thanks for explaining the issues with brain chemistry to me, but... yikes! I didn't expect to have to consider an intervention via pharmaceutical drugs.

I don't know a thing about this so I'ma just posit a hypothesis:
Just so we don't hyper-focus on one cause and potentially miss something; are you positive that strenuous play is largely the main factor and it's not supplementing some other cause of fatigue?

E.g from an anecdote: When I had blood tests done last year they told me that at some point earlier in the year I had a yuge glandular fever infection apparently without noticing, which would explain the ridiculous amount of sleeping I did at the time. Had no idea I ever had glandular fever but white blood cells don't lie apparently.

The same thought crossed my mind, and I'm unable to discount that possibility because I don't have a suitable baseline for comparison. What I can say, though, is that I've been continuing to work hard, to run and enjoy other vigorous activities without having the same issue. Conversely, my drops correspond exactly with the aftermath of sessions of BDSM play.

As I said in my original posting, I'm wondering whether the nature of our play and our underlying dynamic might be part of my problem. Our scenes operate in the mental domain as much as the physical, so I'm required to do a lot of thinking as pre-planning, during a scene and as post-reflections. By comparison, and in the nicest possible way, all that my sub needs to do is turn up! The fatigue that I've been feeling since is definitely in my brain rather than my body. The worrying tendency is that I'm getting less and less from each scene and I'm running out of ideas.
.

 

[tryn2Bgood]

Thanks for your replies, sunandshadow and Consilience!


Thanks for explaining the issues with brain chemistry to me, but... yikes! I didn't expect to have to consider an intervention via pharmaceutical drugs.


The same thought crossed my mind, and I'm unable to discount that possibility because I don't have a suitable baseline for comparison. What I can say, though, is that I've been continuing to work hard, to run and enjoy other vigorous activities without having the same issue. Conversely, my drops correspond exactly with the aftermath of sessions of BDSM play.

As I said in my original posting, I'm wondering whether the nature of our play and our underlying dynamic might be part of my problem. Our scenes operate in the mental domain as much as the physical, so I'm required to do a lot of thinking as pre-planning, during a scene and as post-reflections. By comparison, and in the nicest possible way, all that my sub needs to do is turn up! The fatigue that I've been feeling since is definitely in my brain rather than my body. The worrying tendency is that I'm getting less and less from each scene and I'm running out of ideas.
.

I don't think you have any medical condition you need to worry about. From what you've said, it sounds like the longer, mentally demanding sessions you've been having may be taking their toll on you. It also sounds like you've already realized this on your own. What you are really asking is, "Is this a normal occurrence? Has anyone else experienced this?"
I would say that it is not uncommon, although not something you should ignore either. That's your body's way of letting you know your mind needs some rest. You've taken on too much at the moment. It's a big responsibility to take on the role you have, and can definitely be mentally draining. My advice would be to eliminate those longer sessions for a while. Go back to shorter sessions that aren't too taxing on you mentally. See if you notice an improvement. If so, then you have your answer. That's not to say that you can't ever enjoy an extended session, just not as often. Plan them out in advance. Give yourself plenty of time to prepare, and make sure you are well rested without having other outside stresses influencing your state of mind. I think you'll work out what is good/healthy for you.

 

[Nezhul]

going in line with a neighboring thread. Maybe you need a bit of an aftercare? To calm down, put your big Dom pants away and become grounded again? A little bit of talking with your sub, connecting after your session, maybe even cuddling. Some good romantic and loving quality time to get you back on that wave.
Maybe not. Whatever works for you.

 

[Blue]

I think you should completely change your routine a couple of times and note the results a few hours later to determine specifically what factor/s you find so draining.

You're running out of ideas? Ok, so what? Nobody expects you to be a mind-reading superdom who invents a new and ingenious contraption every other day. Would you rather practice 100 different spanks or practice 1 spank 100 times and get really good at it?

 

[ktgirl18]

I'd definitely say that it seems as though the nature of your play is tiring you out and requiring more energy. I have definitely experienced top drop, especially after longer scenes planned out, or things that push boundaries of myself or my bottom. I think that's pretty normal, since you're investing so much in a scene and a prolonged moment. The drop is going to pretty much correspond to how much energy/mental space you've invested, in my experience.

I'd consider tweaking your aftercare maybe? I know I check in about the scenes with my bottom a few days after, because it does wonders for my mentality. Sometimes immediately curling up with a hoodie or blanket or something. We like Marvel movies as part of our aftercare =P

Another thing would be to kinda pre-plan for your drop while you're trying to figure out the best way to mitigate it. Have bottle of gatorade or maybe bath time or something scheduled for when you know you're likely to drop. It's helpful to remove the thinking part of it,

Also, talk to your sub. Maybe she sees something in the time/days immediately following your scenes that may be helpful to process or change. And talk to her about getting less out of each session if you haven't already. Maybe walking back from heavier play and refinding your rhythm with different kinds of play will help?

Best of luck! I hope the drop clears up soon, sending positive vibes your way. =]

 

[richard_daily]

I've seen and heard plenty about sub drop, but very little about the other side of the coin. "Dom drop" or "Top drop" (pick your label) most definitely is a thing, and it can be horrible.

I can speak from my own experience: after BDSM play over the weekend, I was a zombie for all of yesterday, then I slept for 12 hours solidly, and I've only been slightly better today (although I've regained the ability to process my thoughts -- hence this posting).

My biggest concern is that it seems to be getting worse for me. The negative payoffs of the drops are now outweighing by a considerable distance the positives that I get from play.

I'm pondering whether the nature of a D/s dynamic can affect the experience of drop. Recently, I've been investing a lot of my energy into play sessions over longer periods of time in order to make things work out. My sub has been fine with that and hasn't had any problems with drop herself, but at the same time I've been getting less and less out of each session, so this situation clearly isn't sustainable.

Any similar experiences? Any bright ideas? I'm keen to hear!
.

If it's something involving heavy emotional lifting and/or exchange, I get that sort of drop very often. If it's purely physical domination (which I don't get as much out of generally, as it's not much of an investment for me, and it's more just about the visceral experience) I don't tend to have any sort of reaction to it at a later time... other than maybe getting turned on thinking about it.

What you're talking about sounds more like it might be depression than drop, especially if it's something that's getting worse over time.

 

[Mindfondler]

Thank you so much for your follow-ups, tryn2Bgood, Nezhul, Consilience, ktgirl18 and richard_daily!

As you may have surmised, I've been taking some personal downtime for the last few days. It's clear to me now that the drop that I've been experiencing has been exacerbated by other issues: difficulties at work and conflicts in other places. I'm feeling a lot better now.

I haven't yet taken in your responses properly as I've been waiting until I feel back in the right frame of mind to be properly receptive to them. Please rest assured that I value them very greatly and that I'll consider seriously all of your suggestions.

I'm already clear on one change that I want to make. I believe that I would benefit from playing with a wider range of kinksters -- in particular, more experienced ones who can help me to improve my skills, identify my particular strengths and give me constructive feedback. That ought to remove some of the pressure that I've been feeling and inspire me to pursue fresh development paths. It's a medium term plan rather than an immediate "cure-all", but I've made some soundings: it seems realistic and Mrs MF backs me up on it.
.

 

[midwestyankee]

Drop for tops or dominants is definitely real and, I suppose, it can vary widely from time to time and person to person. I've had hard times with it and then there have been times when the drop barely happened. I never thought it was worth the energy to worry about why things varied, but if your case seems extreme then it's probably worth putting some time into the query.

I would expect that one's general condition - both physical and mental - going into play would have an impact on how hard the play would affect you. Like anything, we only have so much psychic and physical energy to use up at any one time.

I hope you get a satisfactory answer to this conundrum.

 

[Mindfondler]

Many thanks also to midwestyankee for your thoughts. I'm still catching up with the replies (and with myself) but I can see that there's a lot of value in me doing so. I think it's wonderful that there's so much great advice lodged here in this thread for others with similar issues to draw upon.

On the question of "worrying why things varied", I am somewhat restless in analysing situations and trying to improve things for the future. I need to take into account that that's a drain on my energy in itself.
.

 

[Netzach]

Unpopular opinion:

passing out for like 12 hours after a session of anything is commonly related to aging and what other stress you have in your life.

Protip: Have fun but guard your adrenals, you need those fuckers.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

You've gotten so much good advice that I have nothing to add! I can offer someone to talk to who's local though as I'm in Kent.

 

[Mindfondler]

Thanks to Netzach and Velvet Bubbles for those additional points.

I'm feeling considerably better now. I believe that my drop was an after-effect of play, but was exacerbated by a perfect storm of other issues at the same time: difficulties at work, problems in the wider family and physical tiredness, to name a few. In this situation, I was drawn into throwing myself into play with even more energy than usual, and that drained me further physically, mentally and emotionally.

I've taken a few measures to protect myself in future. I've realised that my energy is a limited and valuable resource, and that I have a choice where to expend it. I've been wasting some of it on causes that are unproductive or even toxic to me. I've taken a firm line and eliminated those. I've also clarified in my own head what's most important to me both in the present and the future. I now feel focused, grounded and excited to be moving forward.

My thanks go to the unsung heroes around me who have helped me through this tough period (most obviously, to Mrs MF who has been wonderful as ever). I hope in return that the advice contained in this thread is helpful to others in future.
.

 

[tairaruth]

'Recently, I've been investing a lot of my energy into play sessions over longer periods of time in order to make things work out. My sub has been fine with that and hasn't had any problems with drop herself, but at the same time I've been getting less and less out of each session, so this situation clearly isn't sustainable.'

No clue about 'Dom drop' but it sounds like lately you've been doing a lot more 'giving' than 'receiving'. -Any- time this happens for me .. doesn't have to be in the bedroom .. eventually, resentment starts to creep in the back door and a feeling of 'being down' comes with it. Sometimes I notice the later before the former.

 

[SilverBass]

Thanks to Netzach and Velvet Bubbles for those additional points.

I'm feeling considerably better now. I believe that my drop was an after-effect of play, but was exacerbated by a perfect storm of other issues at the same time: difficulties at work, problems in the wider family and physical tiredness, to name a few. In this situation, I was drawn into throwing myself into play with even more energy than usual, and that drained me further physically, mentally and emotionally.

I've taken a few measures to protect myself in future. I've realised that my energy is a limited and valuable resource, and that I have a choice where to expend it. I've been wasting some of it on causes that are unproductive or even toxic to me. I've taken a firm line and eliminated those. I've also clarified in my own head what's most important to me both in the present and the future. I now feel focused, grounded and excited to be moving forward.

My thanks go to the unsung heroes around me who have helped me through this tough period (most obviously, to Mrs MF who has been wonderful as ever). I hope in return that the advice contained in this thread is helpful to others in future.
.

Interesting thread! I am brand new here, this is my first post and this topic was the first to grab me. I am a fairly new Dom as I have only had one sub (I consider her my pet since ownership is also involved). So with that said, my lack of experience may show.

At first glance it sounds to me that you may be exhausted and maybe even setting yourself up for a drop by expecting too much out of yourself. I don't know all of what you put into each session, but if it takes a lot of planning or staging or creative juices flowing, and if you are not in the space to provide all of that, then by forcing it out of yourself you may just be spreading yourself too thin. That can provide a drop after any activity. At first I felt some pressure being a new Dom. What were my expectations, what kind of role was I going to play, what did my pet expect of me and etc. Then I realized, she is mine, she is submissive to me, but that does not mean I need to provide or plan some or even put energy into each session every time. Sometimes I just want my sub to take care of me. I call it pet care. A massage, oral stimulation, caresses or even to provide lunch. As a Dom sometimes we are in the space where we may want our sub to just pamper us (or at least this Dom does). Unless your relationship is based purely around rigorous play time, then when you don't have the mindset or energy or just don't have any ideas, change up the pace and instruct your sub how you'd like to be pampered. Hey, at least that works for me, but granted my pet and I have a stronger connection than one based purely on sessions or scenes.

I have never experienced this Dom Drop personally, but that is perhaps because I've realized I am not SuperDom, and when I don't have the time or energy to set up something elaborate, we just keep it quick and simple and my pet responds accordingly to my plans (or lack thereof). With that said, I'm also attuned to her energy and needs, and when she is limited for some reason then I won't demand more than she can give either.

 

[MistressMoira]

Dom Drop

Always a possibility. Lots of people think Dominants don't need care, but certainly many of us do. Often the aftercare and follow up we give our subs is reciprocated and that does the trick.

I think the key here is communicating our needs to others. It is always about the connection between people.

Sometimes it helps to talk to a former sub, or a Dominant friend, or to the rest of the world on forums such as these.

 

[Gotham_Central]

It could be a hormone imbalance. Oxytocin and vasopressin are known to be released during not just sex but periods of arousal. Their release is often accompanied by the release of melatonin, which controls our body's internal clock. If you've felt colder than normal, that would add to the possibility, as melatonin lowers our body temp as we sleep.

Prolonged arousal, as in the case of a weekend spent in scene, may well cause you to release these and other endorphins, throwing your body of balance and messing up your sleep schedule.

 

[tryn2Bgood]

It could be a hormone imbalance. Oxytocin and vasopressin are known to be released during not just sex but periods of arousal. Their release is often accompanied by the release of melatonin, which controls our body's internal clock. If you've felt colder than normal, that would add to the possibility, as melatonin lowers our body temp as we sleep.

Prolonged arousal, as in the case of a weekend spent in scene, may well cause you to release these and other endorphins, throwing your body of balance and messing up your sleep schedule.

That is true; it's the basic scientific reason for sub drop/Dom drop. Although, a lot of other factors can influence the reason or severity of a 'drop'.

 

[Gotham_Central]

That is true; it's the basic scientific reason for sub drop/Dom drop. Although, a lot of other factors can influence the reason or severity of a 'drop'.

Oh, to be sure. But it's a good starting point and if it is correct, then the body will meet regulate given time.