Does this sound crazy to you?

[MissTaken]

I have come to the realization that I don't need BDSM to be happy.

I need love, affection, respect, honesty and devotion.

If a bit of kink is thrown in there, that is great. A bit cayenne pepper added to the sauce, per se.

Yes, I have a submissive personality when it comes to intimacy. I seldom take the lead and enjoy being led. I have always shown deference and respect to men in my life. As a partner, I will do whatever I can to ensure that his needs are met and that he is happy.

However, this seems like a big statement for me to make.

I don't need D/s as a formal way of life.

Has anyone or does anyone else feel that way?

 

[Daddyslilpet]

MissT...I don't think it sounds crazy at all.

Your preferences are your's, whether you call it D/s or not is up to you. I lived the "nilla" life for years, with a little kink thrown in from time to time. I don't feel I missed out because it was right for me at that time.

Sometimes trying too hard to fit in the"normal" boundaries make things not right for us. Be they 'nilla or kink. Just be yourself and you'll be happy.

Who says your sexuality has to be formal anyway?

JMHO


dixi

 

[DreamingAngel]

I'm far from being in a "lifestyle" 24/7 BDSM relationship, and I love that I can be equal with my partner in day to day living.

However, when it comes to the sexual side of our relationship I'm very submissive and he's very Dominant, we share the best sex life that I've ever had, and he still takes me in his arms at the end of all that we've done (which is a lot of things that extreme BDSMers would do) and tells me how much he loves and respects me, and yet we can click back to being equal straight away.

I wouldn't change the way we are. To me it's all about finding the right path for you and taking that path, looks to me like you've found your path, now you just have to make the journey down it.

 

[Lancecastor]

Yes, this sounds completely and utterly insane.

You need therapy.

Fast.

Well, on second thought, maybe slowwww therapy.

Reallly slow.

~~~~~


I think that BDSM can serve as a way for people to get in touch with their feelings about intimacy and that to a large degree the trappings are a big school of red herrings.

Well, maybe a school of black leather-clad herrings with little whips, fin-cuffs and gill-gags.

The majority of the most fervent posts by long-timers here stress the emotional and interpersonal ties that bind as being far more critical to their lifestyle choices than the rope and chain varieties.

So, yes, you are crazy.

Good crazy.

Kudos.

Lance

I have come to the realization that I don't need BDSM to be happy.

I need love, affection, respect, honesty and devotion.

If a bit of kink is thrown in there, that is great. A bit cayenne pepper added to the sauce, per se.

Yes, I have a submissive personality when it comes to intimacy. I seldom take the lead and enjoy being led. I have always shown deference and respect to men in my life. As a partner, I will do whatever I can to ensure that his needs are met and that he is happy.

However, this seems like a big statement for me to make.

I don't need D/s as a formal way of life.

Has anyone or does anyone else feel that way?

 

[MissTaken]

Ahhhh, but I am still going to check out these munches and consider


Hal

Hell

oops

Hallliii


Holly Berry!

 

[artful]

I have come to the realization that I don't need BDSM to be happy.

I need love, affection, respect, honesty and devotion.

If a bit of kink is thrown in there, that is great. A bit cayenne pepper added to the sauce, per se.

I realise my post is somewhat OFF CENTER here, but please bear with me. A "Master",...is who I am. Whether or not I have a sub currently or not, is truly immaterial. Some people like me, others don't.

"Self proclaimed", many will say,...and my answer is "Yes"! Do I have REAL SKIN experience, or is it just ONLINE? It doesn't really matter. It's WHO I am!!!

I am not a liar,...nor a wannabe,...I am ME! Most
women will not subject themselves to my Mastery of them,...in FACT,...very few. That leaves MANY who
don't appreciate who I am.

Because I don't FIT their IDEAL of what they EXPECT, or FANTASISE about, they have a tendency to discredit WHO I am. Folks,...the above statements fit ALL who post here,...men and women,
Switches, Dom/mes, subs and slaves.

Why did I choose to post THIS on this thread? Because it is a neutral thread,...one that will be read and not add fuel to the *Flame*.

To get back on topic,...I have participated in KINKY sex all my adult life. I love it! Do I *NEED* BDSM? You betcha! I would rather ABSTAIN from sex altogether than ONLY have VANILLA sex.

Is that ALL there is,...just KINKY sex? Hell NO!
I seek only TPE! Why you ask? Because that is WHAT I want.

Does this mean love, romance, humor, honor, care, and tenderness are not in me? No,...they are a BIG part of me.

Does this mean my slave has no rights, no opinions, no intelligence, no concerns that have a HIGHER priority than ME? No,...I will have her PRIORITIES met in every way,...but I will make ALL the Major decisions.

When/If, she ever doesn't WANT me to make the decisions, she has the right to leave. I respect her, honor her,...and YES,...*Love her*! If I didn't,...I would not be her Master.

Not(JMHO) this time,...it is ME.

 

[MissTaken]

Thank you, everyone.

Thank you, artful especially. I appreciate your not wanting to add fuel to the smoldering fires.

Yes, our sexuality is a part of who we are. For some of us it goes well beyond sexuality. You are a Dom, a Master. I believe you do desire control in every aspect of your life. Oddly enough, I don't.

I guess my position at this point is that I don't need the TPE. There are aspects of BDSM that are important to me, but as I have previously posted, many aspects of BDSM are actually indicators of any healthy relationship.

I hvae always said that my approach in an intimate relationship is very traditional. I may even joke about being June Cleaver.

I am submissive, but I don't need to be a sub.

Vanilla sex?
I still wonder what that really means. When I was doing my first checklist, I found that a lot of my activities before ever hearing the term BDSM were listed on these lists of kink.

*smirks*

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: Does this sound crazy to you?

I realise my post is somewhat OFF CENTER here, but please bear with me. A "Master",...is who I am. Whether or not I have a sub currently or not, is truly immaterial. Some people like me, others don't.

"Self proclaimed", many will say,...and my answer is "Yes"! Do I have REAL SKIN experience, or is it just ONLINE? It doesn't really matter. It's WHO I am!!!

I am not a liar,...nor a wannabe,...I am ME! Most
women will not subject themselves to my Mastery of them,...in FACT,...very few. That leaves MANY who
don't appreciate who I am.

Because I don't FIT their IDEAL of what they EXPECT, or FANTASISE about, they have a tendency to discredit WHO I am. Folks,...the above statements fit ALL who post here,...men and women,
Switches, Dom/mes, subs and slaves.

Why did I choose to post THIS on this thread? Because it is a neutral thread,...one that will be read and not add fuel to the *Flame*.

To get back on topic,...I have participated in KINKY sex all my adult life. I love it! Do I *NEED* BDSM? You betcha! I would rather ABSTAIN from sex altogether than ONLY have VANILLA sex.

Is that ALL there is,...just KINKY sex? Hell NO!
I seek only TPE! Why you ask? Because that is WHAT I want.

Does this mean love, romance, humor, honor, care, and tenderness are not in me? No,...they are a BIG part of me.

Does this mean my slave has no rights, no opinions, no intelligence, no concerns that have a HIGHER priority than ME? No,...I will have her PRIORITIES met in every way,...but I will make ALL the Major decisions.

When/If, she ever doesn't WANT me to make the decisions, she has the right to leave. I respect her, honor her,...and YES,...*Love her*! If I didn't,...I would not be her Master.

Not(JMHO) this time,...it is ME.

What amazing honesty! Someone, and i know that there are others as well, but THIS here is someone NOT afraid to be who He is, and come right out and say exactly what He wants.

So many, myself included, aren't that self aware, aren't at that place yet, are still trying to find the voice within us that says exactly what Artful has said..."I NEED IT! THIS IS WHO I AM!" i admire Him for that, for His self assurance. He has strength of character that is rare in those that i have met online.

i am working towards that voice in myself. i hear it. i feel it, stronger sometimes than at other times. Finally knowing, and listening, and learning about who we are is a wonderful quest and it can be hard, often is harder than anything we've ever done. i know that's true for me. Some people are just born knowing. And for some, their true self is lost and buried for years before the first blooms of spring start to appear. And it takes courage to accept and admit.

i am submissive. Do i need D/s? Yes, i do. It's becoming more of a constant need everyday that i discover a little bit more of myself. Do i have RT experience? Not much. Does that make me less of a submissive because of the lack of stripes on my back or bruises on my body from being gripped too hard or tied too tightly? No, it doesn't. Will i relish the moment i meet that One and can move into RL, no matter how long it takes to get there? Yes, reverently. And there will always be learning within. i am submissive. It is who i am.

Thank You, Artful. ~smile~

belle

 

[SexyChele]

Excellent topic, Miss Taken!

I've done a lot of reading and studying (far more than skin to skin), and have come to the conclusion - today, anyway - that I do not *need* BDSM in my life. If I were to find some guy tomorrow that was only into 'nilla sex, I could be happy with that providing I had other factors that are far more important. You have mentioned most of them.

However, I do enjoy elements of BDSM, and have done so in the past. I guess you could say I could go either way, yet I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am submissive. That won't change.

I know from my limited past experience that 24/7 is not something that I could ever do. I have tried it for a limited time, and after about 3 days I'm climbing the walls. Guess I'm just too stubborn and too independent for that. But then, it takes all types to make this big world go round, so it's all good.

 

[P. B. Walker]

You are definitely not crazy. I think it's a great realization that you've come to. It's important. I also feel that there are more like you... I am one for sure. I don't *need* BDSM. I also don't think I could ever be into BDSM 24/7. With all things, moderation is key. I do not doubt that there are some people that just can't live without BDSM, for whatever reason. And that's okie too. Everyone hears different music. That's kinda the great thing about this... there is no wrong way to be. Just do what makes you happy... and uhmm.. makes ya cum the hardest.. lol.

- PBW

 

[Jonnyray]

Having lived in a vanil world all my life and having had to tread a rocky road to figure out who I am and what I need to be happy, I think we all have a hierarchy of needs. If "love, affection, respect, honesty and devotion" and core to that but d/s isn't so be it. It certainly isn;t crazy. I think your realization is healthy.

For me personally, I wouldn't want to going looking for TPE thinking it would make my world better because I know it isn't me. To tag on your metaphor, If kink's your spice and realize it - great. Better a little seasoning than dumping the whole bottle in the sauce.

I hope you find what you're looking for....

 

[SexySusan]

I don't think this is in any way crazy. I think it is in many ways very healthy. To know what you don't need is just as important as to know what you need.

I think every living being is an idividuum. Relationships are never either - or. They are residing on a continuum. That's what makes it so hard to find someone who fits! And they are never static - they change over time.

Also, to be able to adapt is a good quality ...

 

[MissTaken]

It may seem odd, but this train of thought has been haunting me for some time. Well, perhaps "haunting" is a poor choice of words.

However, I feel more comfortable and more happy with myself now than I have in some time.

So, yes, I believe it is about our individual needs and always have believed that. Now, I really, truly, sincerely understand what that means and what my needs are.


*patting self on back*


for all

 

[A Desert Rose]

There is rarely anything crazy about how one feels sexually, just like most questions are not stupid. (What does JMHO mean, by the way?)
What is crazy is how I felt before I found this site and this forum. I have been a sub struggling to get out for nearly 2 years now.
I hope that there is s Dom in my future who is as self aware as Artful is. His post was very well stated.
I think we find those elements that work in our lives and incorporate them. You, Miss Taken, just like Artful, have found what it is that works for your lives. I applaude you for knowing what that is and embracing it.
Too many of us go through life wondering what it is that will complete us. I think you know what that is and I could not be happier for you.

 

[MissTaken]

Hi Desert Rose!

It seems a natural and common step to move from

"I might be a submissive"

to

"I am sure I am submissive"

to

"Now what?"




If found that posting personal ads and completeing profiles and checklists gave me food for thought.

I also relied heavily on this forum, under the guise of the Monster thread, for support, information and validation.

The BDSM personals thread is some interesting reading. You may find some idea concerning what you want to do by reading what other's are interested in.

Here is the link. Have a look and post if you feel comfortable. You would be more than welcome!

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=100358

 

[SexyChele]

(What does JMHO mean, by the way?)

Welcome, Desert Rose! Glad to have you here!

JMHO = Just My Humble Opinion

Hope that helps!

 

[Skally]

It sure is a rocky road to happiness, and I find myself challenging my thoughts, ideas and feelings all the time. Sometimes it's too easy to dismiss what I'm feeling, or accept what I'm feeling at face value. For example, I may be quite happy to spend awhile on the internet, here or elsewhere - but it's not what makes me truly happy. I've not totally worked out what makes me truly happy yet, but I have an overwhelming feeling that the D/s world will have something to do with it - I don't know why, it just feels right.

I'm fairly young (24) and am still at the stage in life where I'm going through a self validation phase - I'm becoming more self aware and understanding of who I am and where I'm going, although I think to some extent, it's human nature that makes us want to explore more possibilities.

It looks like you're there MissT, IMHO it sounds like you've got your headspace well and truly sorted. Good luck to you, and I hope you get what you wantout of life.

 

[OneDramaQueen]

My opinion, FWIW

When I think of my lover, I do not obsess on the things I would have to give up if we decide to make our relationship permanent.

He suffers from impotence. Do I love him anyway? You bet your ass. He lives in Alabama. Do I love him anyway? You bet your ass. He's job beckons his attention every time we are able to spend more than a few days together. Do I still love him? You bet your ass. He takes psych drugs. Do I still love him? You bet your ass. He drives me crazy with his inability to be impulsive. Do I still love him? You bet your ass. He is deeper in debt than I am. Do I still love him? You bet your ass. He bitches about the way I drive. Do I still love him? You bet your ass.

What am I willing to sacrifice to be with the man I love? Do the positives outweigh the negatives? If he were vanilla, would I still love him. Well, you know the answer.

 

[MissTaken]

Yes, Drama Queen,

that is what I am saying.

The kink and BDSM stuff isn't the crux of the relationship for me. It is icing.

I need love.
I don't need whips and chains to feel loved.

This is by no means a judgement concerning those who do need more.

Not at all...this is just me

 

[MsWorthy]

I have come to the realization that I don't need BDSM to be happy.

I need love, affection, respect, honesty and devotion.

If a bit of kink is thrown in there, that is great. A bit cayenne pepper added to the sauce, per se.

Yes, I have a submissive personality when it comes to intimacy. I seldom take the lead and enjoy being led. I have always shown deference and respect to men in my life. As a partner, I will do whatever I can to ensure that his needs are met and that he is happy.

However, this seems like a big statement for me to make.

I don't need D/s as a formal way of life.

Has anyone or does anyone else feel that way?

My partner and I do not need the sexual aspect of bdsm to be happy. It adds a spice that we enjoy; although, not, by any means, the way we usually express ourselves sexually.

However, the d/s aspect is a requirement for me. I spent too much of my life trying to repress my need for control, telling myself it was wrong, and that no one would/could be happy with me the way I am.

I am very self-disciplined now. Along the way (as I tried to contol my needs for control), I grew stronger, found my center, and improved my communication skills and honesty level. But, I had not been able to curtail my control needs. I was a pretty happy camper when I learned about d/s.

Now, I will never go back.

 

[artful]

Re: Re: Does this sound crazy to you?

My partner and I do not need the sexual aspect of bdsm to be happy. It adds a spice that we enjoy; although, not, by any means, the way we usually express ourselves sexually.

However, the d/s aspect is a requirement for me. I spent too much of my life trying to repress my need for control, telling myself it was wrong, and that no one would/could be happy with me the way I am.

I am very self-disciplined now. Along the way (as I tried to contol my needs for control), I grew stronger, found my center, and improved my communication skills and honesty level. But, I had not been able to curtail my control needs. I was a pretty happy camper when I learned about d/s.

Now, I will never go back.

Well said MsW,..."Control",...IS the issue for me.
If I don't have it,...I am NOT a "Happy Camper".

 

[Desdemona]

Somehow, I don't think you'd be much fun in camp when you aren't happy, Art.

 

[Sandia]

What wonderful posts!

My turn: (with a I-wish-this-weren't-necessary-but-I'm-doing-it-anyway: "this is just me, and in no way reflects any judgment on anyone else.")

I love D/s sex. And I love sex. And when I'm having sex, D/s play feels natural and right and sexy to me. I love it.

But I have zero interest in dominating anybody in a non-sexual way. Any time I've come close to that I become itchy. I want a woman who comes to me with her own attitudes, thoughts, opinions, and a willingness to share them; to tell me things, as well as ask them.

(sigh)

Sorry. I just had to get that out of my system.

Having said that, I admire people who feel differently, too; who want more than that, or just something else. I've always admired people who were different.


*****
And Art, for what it's worth, I read a little of what you went through before I came here. I think you were treated unfairly.

 

[MissTaken]

Although this is an old thread, I found myself looking for it tonight.

For some reason, it niggled at my mind until I found it.

First off, if you forget about the troubled climate on the forum at the time of the thread, there is some good stuff in here.

Secondly, perhaps some of our newer posters would care to comment?

For me, coming to the realization of self that it takes to recognize what you need and don't need, what you want and don't want was a lengthy process full of lovely high points and extreme lows.

I now, feel very comfortable with who I am, what I need, what I want and now, must simply find a way to have it

 

[lovetoread]

Tis funny to see this.

I am a sub who is not a sub.

I dont know if anyone remembers my unhappiness earlier on, it was a bad time. Honestly, if not for my kids, I'd have done something to myself, and that sounds just horrible to admit.

After alot of thoughts and unending fights, we decided it was time to change, so there is no d/s in my relationship.

Still there is some kink, so thats okay.