Does this ruin a story?

[Patryn]

I am working on a story. Don't hold your breath, at the rate it's coming your kids may be retired before you read it. However, I do switch from first person to third person omniscient a few times. Bad idea? Tell me before I get too far into it.

 

[Endlessly]

It's a difficult thing to pull off, but when it is pulled off, it works well. Good luck!

 

[Whispersecret]

I agree with Endlessly, I think it can be done, but I think it would be very very tricky. I'd have to see it to say whether it works or not.

 

[MunchinMark]

Before you discard the idea, give it a go. You can always alter it if your proof reader doesn't think it works. But I think that it would be messy if the first and third person passages were in the same paragraphs or as large blocks. Going between the two can work well, and if not, you can change it later on.

 

[TigerTales]

Funny, I'm working on a story and I'm running into a similar problem. You really have to be careful with the transistions from 1st person to 3rd person and back again. For me, the jury is still out on describing the climactic scenes in the 3rd person. For some reason it takes a lot more effort to describe it in the 3rd person. Before I know it, I've got 10 pages...

 

[Patryn]

I'm opening with the 2 main characters, which is pretty much what the story revolves around. It seemed fake to do it all in 3rd person, and I wanted to get both "sides" of the feelings involved with what's happeneing. For example, this is kinda what I did:

Person 1: "I saw him across the room. Funny I'd never noticed him before, with a body like that."

Person 2: "Is she looking at me? Nah, can't be"

That's cheesy dialog, and I like to think mine is a bit better, but that's the general idea.

 

[Guest]

Hi, Patryn. I think that nowadays there should be no rigid rules about how you write short fiction. Some of the best erotica I've read has been fairly experimental. I think the only things you need to worry about really are whether it works for your story and also whether it helps the flow of the narrative or hinders it. Ideally someone would read it and hardly even notice the change from first to third person. What you don't want happening is people to get really involved in the story and suddenly have their attention jarred by the change of voice. When you suddenly notice an author's writing style or craft it kind of messes with the "suspension of disbelief". It's like suddenly seeing a boom-microphone coming into shot in a movie.

I've done a similar thing in my story, 'Rachel Picabia: Miss Babylon 1997'. With that, I decided to start with the third person before moving into the first. This somehow seemed more natural - kind of like the way that in a film you are first introduced to a character with a wide-angle shot that zooms in closer and closer until their whole face fills the screen. First person is a bit like a close-up, I think.

I also thought that by starting with the third person it wouldn't be as jarring later on when I wanted to jump from first to third again.

Do you think it'd help your story if you had a short paragraph in third person, introducing the scene before you zoom in closer with the first person?

Also, how are you going to change viewpoint between the characters if they both use the first person? I've read stories where one character was always written in italics and the other one wasn't. Could you use something like that?

 

[Guest]

I agree with Roger. If the change of 'person' confuses your readers, then the pace and involvement in your story can suffer. Read it carefully. Let critical friends read it before posting. Perhaps create some 'device' signaling readers that you are changing 'person' in the next paragraph. It's as tough to do well as changing tense from past to present. Anything goes, but make sure the storyline isn't fractured by 'cleverness' or just being 'different'. Good luck. Hope to read your story and see what you decide.

 

[poohlive]

I have read books, not erotic, but actual good books that have done this sort of thing, Stephen King's Christine comes to mind.
It does work, very well, just make sure you are clear when you switch, and to be clear with the story all together

 

[Jaz]

Howdy, we wrte for adults. I think it's great if you can challenge your Readers a little.

You may be suprised at how strongly some folks are against this practice though.

I switched to a omniscint view in the middle of a story I posted on White Shadow, and they freaked out. This hardcore story site CHANGED me to the CORRECT view, without permission or even notification! I have posted 17 stories to their site but the editor refused to post that one unless I used a standard pov and stuck to it.

 

[poohlive]

Honestly, there is only one thing the people here at lit won't under any circumstances post, and thats...http://smilecwm.tripod.com/ruinkai/batman.gifSUPERHEROES! No, I am kidding, but seriously, where are all the superheroes?

 

[Evesdemise]

Things that make you go hmmmm...

Poohlive--I agree. I can remember a few of my cousin's classic Wonder Woman comics placed the Amazon in some rather compromising, and therefore possibly erotic positions. Now there is an idea--Erotica written with Wonder Woman in first person and, say Aqua Man in third person.(I seem to also remember she had a thing for him at sometime.) Now THAT would be something to write, eh? I love a good challenge.
Hmmmm...

 

[Jaz]

XTRA Extra! Get your Super Hero Stories here!

<<No, I am kidding, but seriously, where are all the superheroes?>>

They're not here but let me know if you need some links, I know a half dozen pg 13 to xxx sites.

Just discovered I'm a virgin again. Damn it took me long enough to lose it the first time! Not 100% clear on how to reply to a reply. I think this will work...

Wonder Twin powers--Activate!
(Super) Jaz

[Edited by Jaz on 08-20-2000 at 09:13 PM]

 

[poohlive]

Thanks eve, lol, I would love to see a story about that, I am sure you can do it.
Jazz, thanks for the invite, would love to see a few of them. I would like to see SUPERMAN and the lost colony of beaver women, or soemthing, lol.
Anyway, thanks for the replies, I thought I was the only one who liked superheroes.

 

[Evesdemise]

Re: XTRA Extra! Get your Super Hero Stories here!

<<No, I am kidding, but seriously, where are all the superheroes?>>

They're not here but let me know if you need some links, I know a half dozen pg 13 to xxx sites.


Wonder Twin powers--Activate!
(Super) Jaz

[Edited by Jaz on 08-20-2000 at 09:13 PM]

I used to love it when those two purple kids from another planet and their monkey--what was his name?? Oh yeah, Gleek, I think, would put those rings together, and then the girl would say "Form of an eagle..." Something like that. Ah, the good ol' days, when being a kid meant Saturday morning cartoons never recognising lousy animations or plotlines, and just enjoying the fact that HR Puff 'n' Stuff was coming on in half an hour.

 

[Alyrahh]

There's a story on this site, written by Skibum called "Supermans Lament"... It's a rather entertaining story, might not be exactly what you guys are looking for though, since it's satire.

 

[Guest]

Super heros?

Jazz, Poohive, Evesdemise. Alyrahh, et al: Check-out:
http://www.astr.org Find (dimitri_resides@yahoo.com) story
called X-Force: Evolution 2. Super Heros! POW! BAMB!
Dimitri is looking for feedback. Jeez . . . hope I got all
the stuff right . . .