Does this mean...?

[Impish]

I keep hearing people say and reading in online stories "as a submissive... my desire is only to please him and serve him and that's where I get the greatest pleasure... " and other phrases to that effect. And I believe them.

My question is this... is that an absolute (as if there are *any* absolutes in this) as a submissive? Here is why I ask... It's true that I get *great* satisfaction out of pleasing my partner - really. But for me the most exciting part of being submissive is the loss of control. So in a way when I read others motivations of selfless giving and pleasing... I feel a little guilty because I think my motivation is more about being controlled.

Thoughts? Am I alone?

 

[Master_Vassago]

I think you're pretty much right on the money actually. The majority of subs I have encountered feel the way you do, they love to please but find that a big part of the pleasure is given to them by letting go of control and being at One's mercy.

That last line sounds harsh but I think you get the gist.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I keep hearing people say and reading in online stories "as a submissive... my desire is only to please him and serve him and that's where I get the greatest pleasure... " and other phrases to that effect. And I believe them.

My question is this... is that an absolute (as if there are *any* absolutes in this) as a submissive? Here is why I ask... It's true that I get *great* satisfaction out of pleasing my partner - really. But for me the most exciting part of being submissive is the loss of control. So in a way when I read others motivations of selfless giving and pleasing... I feel a little guilty because I think my motivation is more about being controlled.

Thoughts? Am I alone?

I have never felt as in "control" of my life as I do since I entered this relationship, which is a D/s relationship. I am trusted, I feel secure, safe, and wholly cared for and even powerful in a way I've never felt before. I've written about what gets me off...submitting, and what that encompasses. It's no secret that I'm no doormat though. I have my own mind, and I control my own destiny....He wouldn't have it any other way.

So what if your motivation is about being controlled, or submitting in some totality that is yours alone, or being what others perceive as a doormat. That's your right. I think you have to come up with what's right for YOU, ultimately, and put blinders on to what the world thinks. The world isn't living your life. You are.

My opinion. YMMV.

~anelize

 

[Mastersprincess]

I keep hearing people say and reading in online stories "as a submissive... my desire is only to please him and serve him and that's where I get the greatest pleasure... " and other phrases to that effect. And I believe them.

My question is this... is that an absolute (as if there are *any* absolutes in this) as a submissive? Here is why I ask... It's true that I get *great* satisfaction out of pleasing my partner - really. But for me the most exciting part of being submissive is the loss of control. So in a way when I read others motivations of selfless giving and pleasing... I feel a little guilty because I think my motivation is more about being controlled.

Thoughts? Am I alone?

In my mind, isn't this the grey area? Where the desire to please Him and the loss of control actually merge into one? I don't know...I'm just putting out my thoughts here. But I think that the two aren't so much as two different things, but rather two things that merge. By giving of yourself to be controlled, aren't you pleasing your partner?

 

[Netzach]

Personally, I have no interest in someone else's entire existence being dedicated to pleasing me. I'm a Top, I'm Dominant, but the idea is somehow cosmically irresponsible to me.

What I want in a submissive, is someone who want to obey me, wants to please me, wants to constantly be refining what that means and gettting better at it, but MOST importantly, someone who is growing as a person, becoming better at the things that are good for them, that they should be doing. If the ONLY thing that person sees himself/herself as is "my submissive" then I really question the health of the situation and the individual. Furthermore, their disinterest in the rest of the world around them will bore the snot out of me.

So for me, this is not the pinnacle of submission.

 

[Impish]

I think you're pretty much right on the money actually. The majority of subs I have encountered feel the way you do, they love to please but find that a big part of the pleasure is given to them by letting go of control and being at One's mercy.

That last line sounds harsh but I think you get the gist.

Thank you Master_Vassago. This is fairly new for me so it's nice to hear that I'm not out of the normal realm in some regard.... did I say normal?

 

[Impish]

Re: Re: Does this mean...?

Thank you Anelize, very interesting about the control - I've heard that before... I'm just too inexperienced I think to have a clue at this point.

and Thank you too Mastersprincess. Yes... ideally it will work out as you have said here "But I think that the two aren't so much as two different things, but rather two things that merge."

And it sounds like ultimately it will also evolve.

 

[le_kinklet]

WHY?

Impish honey, you is not alone at all, i have a very Dominant nilla lifestyle, So my submission is my escape from the real world, and to be at my Dominants beck and call is not my idea of submitting, i love for my Dominant to take total control and to use me as She sees fit, but total servitude is not my style( eg: housework, and stuff) i use it as an escape from my naturally Dominant nilla lifestyle, and is my time to lay or stand what ever the situation requires, back and watch some one else get pleasure out of what i have to offer them!!! LOLOLOL, prolly why i got nicknamed a "perverted lil tart", hehehehehehe, there are so many different reasons why we become what we are, and each valid on it individual merits, the truth is the only real rule i know about in D/s is there is normally a Dominant and a sub, what you do with the relationship after that is up to you and totally your choice, the path it takes is totally yours, Wether it fits with the basic idea of D/s or not is of no consequence, it is what you and what your Dominant wants, nothing less nothing more, and if He/She is not complaining, hehehe then you have nothing to worry about, you are going well!!!!!!!!!
hope it helps
~*HuGs*~

 

[Impish]

thanks

thank you £è Kïñk£èt

 

[FungiUg]

Hi Impish, I thought I'd just add my bit here.

Like anything else, BDSM, D/s, etc, are what you make of them. There are no hard and fast rules, no absolutes. You need to decide what works for you, what doesn't and go from there!

The labels (submissive, dominant, switch, top, bottom, sideways) are all there just as labels. They don't define who we are. So keep that in mind, be proud of who you are, and enjoy!

 

[slvjenn]

"as a submissive... my desire is only to please him and serve him and that's where I get the greatest pleasure... " and other phrases to that effect.

As for that...when I say that in a story or a post here is what I mean...

It is to seperate my work life (especially, but not limited to...) from my submissive life. I am not submissive in every day life to just anyone. So when I say that I want such-and-such "as a submissive" it is just seperating that from what I may want in other aspects of life. Some people may be submissive 24/7 365 and although some small part of me might like to think about that, it isn't realistic for me.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Talk is cheap

When it comes to what a submissive says, I take it with less than a grain of salt. I do not read BDSM stories, I find them boring.

In My not-so-humble opinion, talk is cheap, actions speak louder that words.

I look at what a sub does, not what a sub says.