Does sleeping with a friend ruin the friendship?

[bored1]

I have a female friend who I have known for several years..Its one of those friendships that, even though you dont see each other for awhile you pick up where you left off.....My thoughts are that if we were to do it, The dynamics of the friendship would change....She disagrees.......Add in the fact that Im older than her also influences my decision to maintain the status quo.....Anybody ever been in this situation? If so what happened?

 

[Vinny]

Yep

Way back when me and this person had a severe crush on one another. To make a long story short, we abstained and stayed the best of friends. We were so close and so much alike the friendship was wonderful and we probably could have been great together. Years went by and we did not speak. 15 to be exact. I moved around the world and we lost contact until last week. yesterday we talked on the phone and it was like we never stopped talking. The friendship is still the same. Well worth the abstinence.

 

[alexandraaah]

In my experience it has not ruined or even negatively affected the friendship. There has to be a clear understanding as well as a strong bond, though.

Generally, if one person is for it and the other is reluctant, than maybe she's looking for a little more from you and hoping sex will help her get that.

Don't ask me, I'm just a person who's able to have sex with her friends.

 

[Vinny]

reiterate

I too can have sex with my friends. I guess what I was saying, in that one particular instance it worked out just fine that I didn't. Always looking for new friends LOL

 

[ksmybuttons]

I did.

I have a long term friend that I started having sex with in college. We had a great time. We would have relationships with others, but when we were both available we would get together sexually. We ran in the same circles. It went on for about 10 years. We never had sex together when we were getting it somewhere else. Then we both found our life partners. The sex stopped, and we still see each other socially and it has never affected our friendship in a negative way.

No, I don't still desire him: we would have made a lousy couple. It was comfortable and fun. We experimented in ways together that I think made us both better.

He played a mean hand of pinochle.

 

[sch00lteacher]

Sure fucked two of my best relationships up. I'll never do it again. Being married now helps a hell of a lot.

But I did lose two very close friends because of sex. One one their part, they couldn't deal with it, one on my part, I couldn't deal with it. I can't give the details or you'd understand why I couldn't handle it.

 

[WhiteRose]

During high school I never had an official "boyfriend". They guys I hung out with, went out with and got cozy with WERE my friends. Us being sexually involved never changed the relationships, it just made them better. There were never any jealousy issues that came up although at times they'd see someone else or I would, but it was never an intense emotional thing for any of us. We respected each other, were crazy about each other as special friends, and enjoyed each other's company during the times that things happened. This has happened with a couple of my adult friendships, as well, although now I'd much rather find a special someone to share my whole life with in a committed relationship.

 

[Lost Cause]

My basic tenet when striking up a relationship with a female is to be their friend first, and anything else is just icing on the cake. I had about six females as friends in CA. If they were horny and wanted a piece of me, I gladly complied! I had one that was a Sacramento police officer that would stop by on duty for her "break"! They all knew about each other and were okay with it. As long as they understand that the sex is a workout, not a proposal, it's a wonderful life! It will not ruin your relationship, at worst, you two might become an item!

 

[iwmggw]

obviously it depends a lot on the types of people the friends are.....i can say from experience that i have maintained a fucking friendship for almost 30 years with a ladyfriend of mine. It seems whenever we get together we GET TOGETHER. we may not see each other for a year or two (we talk on the phone or email), but don't physically see each other (different parts of the country) We've always enjoyed casual sex and always will.........i hope i'm speaking for her. we love each other but not that soul deep love.....like we each enjoy with our mates. so, in my case,its worked......and never been a problem.

 

[riff]

It can if you let it. But it also might do the friendship some good.

Just remember that being people, we have a tendencies to create disasters ahead of time and then make them come true. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

On the other hand. It might change the relationship. You might grow from it.

 

[Calamity Jane]

My thoughts are that if we were to do it, The dynamics of the friendship would change

The dynamics might change... but why is this a bad thing? I've had sex with close friends, and yeah, the friendship changed. But in most cases, it became better, stronger, more open. We were honest about our intent, and what we were hoping to get out of the changed relationship.

I can't think of a single instance where having sex ruined a friendship.

 

[lobito]

It can, it doesn't always, but it can.

Sometimes NOT sleeping with a friend can ruin your friendship.

 

[juicylips]

I did a thread on this a few months ago and got lots of different responses if you want to take a look.

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=57080&highlight=best+friends

JL

 

[Paendragon]

It depends if they were friend or lover first. I have an ex, that I remained friends with long after wards, and we would call each other up to talk, go out, or for sex.

I've never tried to move in the other direction though. I'm afraid of the emotion involved. How it would express itself that intimately.

 

[bluntforcemama]

It won't ruin it if you're both mature about it.

 

[Vivacia]

A question a friend of mine and I have been asking ourselves for a while now... SHE and I have been too nervous that it would "damage" our very special friendship if we took it further - so far we haven't risked it...

 

[shynsexy]

the only time it has ever ruined my friendship is when she found out i was sleeping with her husband but wouldnt sleep with her....huh

 

[Kitte]

I have had experiences where it has done both, but I have to admit the friendship it ruined was when I was young and I think that was a big part of it. Later in life It has been a positive and enriching part of a loving friendship.

 

[perks]

depends on the friend

 

[paganangel]

here's soething to think about.

know what ruins a friendship as fast as sex?....abstinence.

homecome no one ever credits that with the destruction of a relationship.

it comes down to this...if two people are on the same page, they should both do it, otherwise the tension alone will fuck it all up. if one person wants it and the other doesn't then it is going to have to be resolved in some other way.

fear of the unknown should not be a factor. can't predict the future.

 

[Eagle70]

The first time i had sex with someone other than a person i was dating was with a friend of mine...she was awesome, her parents loved me, and we were really close...somehow our convos would always end up talking about sex, as she, even though she was 2 years younger than me, was alot more experianced..had done alot more stuff than i had. One night we were just haning around talking, and she brought up something, which i stated i wanted to try, she got a gleam in her eye and said "well, lets do it then!" it was awesome, and it went on until she moved to cali... oh well, it was fantastic, and made us that much closer!

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Let me try not to be negative...

Basically, either can happen, but somethig will. For better or worse is always how things go; you get closer or further apart, no matter what affects your association. A lot of people are saying that sex won't affect it poorly, but I think this statement is being affected by other things than just sex. It would depend on the friendship, and what type of association you start out with. If you are two people who have always been attracted to each other, the sex might be the natural next step, something that won't affect your relationship poorly at all, even if it is just sex. However, if you are merely friends, then this brings a whole new concept to your association, a new chapter, that will affect the overall outcome of the situation.
Basically, what I'm saying is:
If you're attracted to each other from the start and just haven't acted on it yet, then this is part of a logical process (just don't make the assumption that you'll know beforehand that neither of you will form an attachment--that's just plain gullible). It may change the situation for the worse anyway, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go through with it.If you are merely friends, and sex is being introduced into the situation, then you're looking at an entirely different situation. Now, the situation has to change, just for you to get to the sex part, and the sex will change it further. And then, there's the issue of attachment. In the latter case, you're taking a great risk in terms of damaging the friendship, since it will be on a new course afterwards.
Just my viewpoint.

 

[Guest]

My Thoughts

Reading this thread has brought so many memories back for me of my college days in California. I've always believed that I would spend the rest of my life with my best friend and when I moved away to college I thought I found him. We were inseperable for several years. Parties, family functions, most embarassing moment, sexual history & fetishes, shoulder to cry on, late night conversations that lasted for hours and ran the entire gamut of topics, and the best conversations we ever had were the ones where we simply were together-never had to say a thing. While we slept together many a night we never had sex, we never even kissed. Now let me point out that it wasn't because there was no desire - trust me there was tons!- but I knew he had other "special friends" before and he was no longer friends with any of them- and I didn't want to be one of "those". On several occassions he would call me up saying lets get drunk together tonight and see what cums up or he was already drunk telling me to come over and lets give in. But I never did. Time went by and he got a girlfried who forbade him to hang out with me and he didn't unless she was out of town and wouldn't find out, essentially we were friends on the sly. One day I told him we were either friends or we weren't-we haven't spoken to each other in almost 2 years now and I miss the friendship more than anything but our chemistry together leads me to believe the sex would have been incredible. Still it would have been great to enjoy it even in the short run. I've tried to live my life with no regrets and so far this is my only one. So I have to agree it depends on the friendship if you are just casual friends my thoughts are that it won't last, if you share a closer friendship you could have the time of your life and who knows where it could go...anyway enough rambling....

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[Latinababe]

I would say no sleeping with a friend wont ruin anything I have done it and we are still closer then ever