does sexual abuse lead to bdsm?

[SteamyChik]

I was talking with some of my friends in the lifestyle and came to find out that a lot of us had been sexually abused during childhood. I wonder if there is a correlation between sexual abuse and bdsm?

Just curious...

Steamy

 

[Pure]

sometimes it leads to chastity.

also, your question or inquiry would do well to consider all forms of abuse, e.g., physical.

considering all forms, I'd say there's a variety of outcomes, the most common of which is apparent normalcy ('vanilla.') And a common problem is depression.

it's important to use a 'prospective' method, not a retrospective one. i.e., start with abused people and look ahead. to start with a defined set and look back is generally poor methodology, i.e., to look at the reported pasts of rape victims and find they were from single parents.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Simplified psychology based on a lack of facts except assumptions that because supposed abuse is involved in both, hey, they must have a connection, right? Wrong. As an abuse counsellor I can tell you abuse (non consensual) is alive and thriving in the vanilla community and most who have endured it are not looking for ways to mimic it in their lives for evermore.....more looking for a way to never experience it again in any shape or form.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

If sexual abuse is the common thread I have no explanation for my behavior.

 

[flowerchilde]

Well, speaking from experience I can say I don't really see a connection between abuse and BDSM. I'm a survivor of many years of sexual abuse at the hands of someone very close to me (and no, I won't tell you who) that started at a very young age (5 or 6, I think) and lasted through puberty. It was very traumatic and I can see how some people would become chaste after an experience like that. For me I think it had a little to do with the training, so to speak, that I received during this period. It was a time when your sexual attitudes are being formed and you experiment with what feels good to you. This deviation from the norm can affect people in many ways. I do feel that the abuse is partly responsible for my affection for BDSM, but I'm sure that even without it I would be interested in the same type of sex. I'm on another forum for sexual abuse survivors and there are some people on there that can't even stand someone touching their arm and then there are people who become obsessed with sex and give it away to anyone who asks. It's really complicated and there is no way to tell how it will affect a person and there is no way to generalize it and say everyone will behave like this or like that all the time.

 

[princess4u]

I was talking with some of my friends in the lifestyle and came to find out that a lot of us had been sexually abused during childhood. I wonder if there is a correlation between sexual abuse and bdsm?

Just curious...

Steamy

i think there are far more of us who were sexually abused as children
than most people think (or admit)

i think perhaps those of us who have come to recognize our sexuality
and are open to the bdsm and/or d/s lifestyle may be more open
to admitting that we have been a victim of abuse
while members of the vanilla-only mindset, may be less likely to admit to it

just a thought....

 

[SteamyChik]

I just found it odd that sexual abuse was a common element among my friends in the lifestyle. I have found bdsm to be freeing and a way to come to terms with past abuse. Maybe because I am in control of how much does or doesn't happen because I have a husband who very much listens and respects my bounderies. Still, there is a part of me that wonders if the abuse had never occurred, the bdsm would not be something I would be involved in now. Won't ever know, but just feeling all moody this past week. Nothing a good caning wouldn't cure LOL

Steamy

 

[ghosst_K&H]

I don't know, I wasn't abused sexually until I met Holly, and Karen

 

[snowy ciara]

In some cases, possibly. Case in point, the Evil Ex abused me sexually and physically, BUT I was interested in the kinkyer side of life before he happened. So no, in my case, it isn't.

 

[FurryFury]

I think there is a lot of abuse out there period. No matter where you end up. If I talk to people deeply enough? I find most of us have had "incidents."

Fury

 

[madeleine noir]

I think the sex abuse of children is alive and thriving in most communities. Perhaps folks in the BDSM community are slightly more open to introspection and communication about it than others?

 

[kayte]

If sexual abuse is the common thread I have no explanation for my behavior.

Neither do I.

 

[Gibbons]

I was talking with some of my friends in the lifestyle and came to find out that a lot of us had been sexually abused during childhood. I wonder if there is a correlation between sexual abuse and bdsm?

Just curious...

Steamy

I'm willing to stipulate that a high percentage of people who have been abused might be interested in bdsm, but the reverse is not true. I believe that out of the people who participate in bdsm a relatively small percentage were abused.

Kinda like the way that a large percentage of chess players are geeks, but that of all the geeks not necessarily that many of them play chess.

 

[Desert Amazon]

It can in an unhealthy manner. Often times women have been mentally, physically or sexually abused and they turn to unhealthy relationships within the D/s (BDSM) lifestyle. They don't have any esteem and they turn to the relationship thinking that they are not worthy of more...or capable if they've been beaten down their entire lives--it's what they know and to change that cycle is scarier than staying where they are.

 

[LunarKitten]

I know there is a high percentage...but there are also a high percentage of overweight people in the lifestyle. I don't think either one has a correlation to the lifestyle per say, it's just that there is a large population in the world that are one, or both, and are interested in the lifestyle. *shrugs*

 

[O'Mac]

I know there is a high percentage...but there are also a high percentage of overweight people in the lifestyle. I don't think either one has a correlation to the lifestyle per say, it's just that there is a large population in the world that are one, or both, and are interested in the lifestyle. *shrugs*

Actually, I can field that one. I myself am a little overweight as is my pet. Both of us aren't neccesarily mortally obese, but I'll admit we are on the large side. It is generally held that contrary to what many would think logical, overweight people actual have more sexual partners and are involved in more alternative sexual lifestyles than those with thinner figures.

This can generally be explained as a subconscious need to re-affirm one's physical attractiveness. For example, a larger women will suffer from low self-esteem as a result of her apeareance. To feel better about herself, she needs to find more sexual partners who, by the act of sexual intimacy, will make her feel better about herself. To find more sexual partners, she has to seek alternative lifestyles, and the cycle continues.

It's a very clinical way of looking at it, but most sex therapist agree to the concept as valid.

 

[jasonlf]

Actually, I can field that one. I myself am a little overweight as is my pet. Both of us aren't neccesarily mortally obese, but I'll admit we are on the large side. It is generally held that contrary to what many would think logical, overweight people actual have more sexual partners and are involved in more alternative sexual lifestyles than those with thinner figures.

This can generally be explained as a subconscious need to re-affirm one's physical attractiveness. For example, a larger women will suffer from low self-esteem as a result of her apeareance. To feel better about herself, she needs to find more sexual partners who, by the act of sexual intimacy, will make her feel better about herself. To find more sexual partners, she has to seek alternative lifestyles, and the cycle continues.

It's a very clinical way of looking at it, but most sex therapist agree to the concept as valid.

*cry*

I DOM BECAUSE I'M BIG BONEDED!

 

[O'Mac]

*cry*

I DOM BECAUSE I'M BIG BONEDED!

LOL! Brilliant!

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

If sexual abuse is the common thread I have no explanation for my behavior.

Neither do i. Master says it is just because i am such a whore *giggle*.

 

[SweetCandy22]

I was sexually abused, but I remember being into BDSM, particularly bondage before I was sexually abused. It might have something to do with my upbringing though, my parental units were very much against exposing the naked body and she tried to instil in me the evils of masculine lust. She gave me the idea that men were continually thinking about sex and even a hint of a shoulder or too much leg could incite them to rape. I don't believe that anymore, ofcourse...but I wonder if it might have to do with me being an extreme Sub.