Does my first story suck?!

[Silver_Star]

Hi, my name is Silver_Star. I'm new to the site, and I must say it kicks ass!

Anyway, I've submitted my first story called "Comfort Fucking" located in the Incest category, and I figure a 3.75 rating is good. Thought I'd post it anyway for critique. It's mostly about a girl watching her sister, uh, console their daddy after their mother leaves them Be as nice or cruel as you want, I can take it. Oh, and please vote for it. Here's the link, if I can get this board to work right:

The URL is http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=46972

Thanks you all! Even if you think it sucks, I hope you get off on it!

 

[MechaBlade]

No it doesn't. I liked it. But I do have a few complaints:

"before he came. And came. And came. And. . . you get the picture. " This second "and came and came" seemed a little redundant. I wouldn't have put this line in.

Also, I think the ending seemed a little rushed. When she comes out with the camera, it's a whole new plot twist. Also, did she have the camera with her when she was watching, or did she have to leave to go get it and then run back?

 

[GuyJD]

I can understand the fact that you are new to this site, but in the future you may want to post a thread like this in STORY FEEDBACK. It's more appropiate.

Incidently, welcome to Literotica. We look forward to your visits here in the forums and more story posts. Keep up the good work.