Does menopause = loss of sexual drive?

[bayoudog57]

Ok, I need some assistance. Every since my wife went through the "change" she has no desire for any sexual activity. In spite of any romantic gestures I try there has been virtually no response for over a year. (She is 54)

Is this normal???

Shall I give up and settle for hand jobs from now on????

 

[Bluespark]

Ok, I need some assistance. Every since my wife went through the "change" she has no desire for any sexual activity. In spite of any romantic gestures I try there has been virtually no response for over a year. (She is 54)

Is this normal???

Shall I give up and settle for hand jobs from now on????

Yep. Loss of sex drive and also vaginal changes that can make sex painful.

So yeah a future of settling for hand jobs. Most of them self inflicted.

 

[ArthurW]

Some get that way but most I have been around are as horny as teen girls. Have you two tried rp? Most love it but have to know you are with them. That you really love them and want them even though they can not get pregnant and they are not young. Once they find that out those romance nights will be back again.

 

[LadyVer]

Ok, I need some assistance. Every since my wife went through the "change" she has no desire for any sexual activity. In spite of any romantic gestures I try there has been virtually no response for over a year. (She is 54)

Is this normal???

Shall I give up and settle for hand jobs from now on????

It doesn't sound normal to me. The only advice I would give is to let her know that you are extremely unhappy about the current no sex zone and that she needs to be upfront with you and tell you why she doesn't want to have sex with you.

 

[hot_hunny_bunny]

It depends on the person. The vaginal can become dry and make sex painful. Make sure that thisnt the issue if so then easily fixed with lube. Your wife may feel undesirable because of menopause. Important thing talk to her. Might be she doesn't know how to approach you about it

 

[spinningdoctor]

I'm in the same situation - she's functionally asexual (you can do some googling on asexuality. It's a Thing). She's not unwilling to help out, and it's not grudging, but she has no desire of her own. In her head, it's akin to making me a coffee, as she describes it. It's not just the absence of actual sex that hurts, it's the absence of being desired.

 

[pfflyerhot]

I'm 55...

... I'm in the midst of menopause as I type... and, if my last encounter (about a year and a half ago) is any indication, I'd be up for sexual activity daily... if, the initial session doesn't chaff my tender parts ... I mean, you try not having sex for more than seven years, then go at it all night with someone and see if your tender parts don't chaff.
I have read many articles about menopause and they often say libido drops are a common thing.

 

[ArthurW]

The ladies are right about being dry and the pain from it but I leak like crazy. I also find ways around to.make them have orgasms. Please talk to them rethink how you have sex. Dry there are lubes made to help both of you enjoy sex again. Most worry they are not young and appealing in face figure as well as sexually. Most see the sag and feel ugly. The beauty is inside them. I like their bodies as they are. Fifty four nice she is just getting stated to being very sexual. Treat her like a fine wine. Wine and dine her like you did before you married her. Make sure she feels very special.

 

[suckonsimon]

Pal, the present is not necessarily the future. We had no sex for a period of 18 months and then we found it all over again. It was a different reason for us - a period of depression she suffered which kicked in a few years after menopause. Nonetheless: learning the effective ways to affirm her value and femininity, being a tower of strength for her in non-sexual contexts, showing her that I could offer intimacy without pressure for it to go further until she was ready for that, finding ways to talk about it frankly and yet lovingly, her seeing her doctor about creams and medication about her dryness ... and one day it all came good.

 

[spinningdoctor]

It's complicated in this case by her having lupus too, which means anything hormonal has a double whammy. And 18 months? Been dying off for years and years. And we've talked it out endlessly, I've done all the wining and dining, and she swears blind it's not me. She just has no sexuality, doesn't masturbate, fantasise, gets no physical pleasure (and hardly any sensual pleasure), doesn't even remember what arousal feels like, could quite happily go the rest of her life without sex. It's not that she feels pain. She feels nothing - not literally numb, just any erogenous zone touching is more like touching say, your arm, or calf or something.

 

[suckonsimon]

Referral through her GP to a specialist in the field? Has she broached the subject with a medic?

 

[spinningdoctor]

Yep, lots of back and forth with both her GP, specialists including a professor of endocrinology, which is the appropriate specialism in the UK. It's complicated because she's on HRT and anti-inflammatories for the lupus, and they don't play nice, and nobody quite knows how they work. Basically, the more hormones she takes, the worse the lupus gets.

 

[bayoudog57]

Thank you!

Thanks for the responses.
Unfortunately, I've tried most of them; lotions, potions, date nights out and snuggling in. It seems the secret is patience and to keep on keeping on and hopefully, one day soon I'll hit on the right formula

 

[Pictavia]

I'm 54 and am still pre-menopausal. I've had a few 'brushes with hot flushes' and night sweats and extra heavy menses ,or gaps thereof, and yes, some fluctuations in libido, but not bad enough to prevent me from having sex on a pretty regular basis.

However, I've been determined not to just cease during any of these thus far short episodes. So even though I may not feel like it on rare occasions, I make sure to keep the wheels oiled as I'm fairly certain there's an element of 'use it or lose it' involved. I've done a fair bit of reading on the topic and discussed things with my GP and neither of us want me to go down the HRT route as it tends to suppress the body's own natural hormone production. Most people still think it's reduction of oestrogen which causes the problems but it's now thought that that really it's lack of progesterone - which then causes oestrogen dominance and all the classic symptoms.

When I thought hot sweats, disrupted sleep and tiredness were taking over last year I discovered that testing out various combinations of vitamins, minerals and herbal remedies until I found a combo that worked for me, hopefully, to make my own body produce more progesterone, has been a success. Currently not really having any physical problems at all. I'm well aware that hormone levels will no doubt nosedive again any time soon and I'll have to re-adjust what I'm taking but fingers crossed it's all good at the moment! I have other remedies in the back-up plan for when the monthlies finally switch off for good but so far so good.

 

[RedSilk69]

I started getting hot flashes in my early 40s, and was told by my clinician co-workers that it was the beginning of menopause. I happened to be in a Chinese mini-mart one day and mentioned it to the very helpful saleslady; she gave me a tea, and after a few weeks, I was fine - no more hot flashes. I even get cold sometimes! My libido is pretty intense right now, at 47. Has she tried Chinese medicine? Worth a try!

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

D(.)(.)

I had my last child at 40 and also had a hysterectomy and other female surgery. Maybe I'm not normal but I wanted sex even more than before. I would never let another man have intercourse but I loved toys and fingers used by many men.
My husband joined a few adult sites and something happened. I began experimenting with a few male friends. Now I have intercourse several times most days with our friends and never get tired of it. My boobs are very sensitive so fondling them keeps me very wet.

 

[Pictavia]

I started getting hot flashes in my early 40s, and was told by my clinician co-workers that it was the beginning of menopause. I happened to be in a Chinese mini-mart one day and mentioned it to the very helpful saleslady; she gave me a tea, and after a few weeks, I was fine - no more hot flashes. I even get cold sometimes! My libido is pretty intense right now, at 47. Has she tried Chinese medicine? Worth a try!

My libido also went through the roof between the ages of about 44 to 49. They say it's androgen hormones kicking in once the ovaries start to gradually reduce production of the female hormones. It was a hell of a buzz and I'm hoping the anecdotal evidence for that returning somewhat, post-menopause, proves to be true. At present it is intermittent but that'll do me for now.

Do you know which herb they've given you in the tea? Caution is required with Chinese herbs sometimes but if they're from a reliable and reputable source it's probably okay.

 

[oldasspussy]

Is she depressed or on an antidepressant? Both can be a major libido killer & antidepressants can make it extremely hard to climax. I've always had issues with depression (which can kill your sex drive) but it has been unmanageable since I've started menopause & to the point that I was recently suicidal.

I've tried gingko biloba to counter the sexual side effects of antidepressants and it worked well for me when I was taking them but I do know there's a health risk for some & everyone should consult their doctor before taking it. If I'm not mistaken it had something to do with blood pressure, but I could be wrong.

I've also started having extreme anxiety which I didn't have prior to menopause which is another libido killer & the meds for it can cause anorgasmia.

Oops... edited because I forgot to answer your question!

I think the symptoms of menopause such as depression, anxiety & insomnia have had a negative impact on my sex drive & the medications I've used to manage them has as well.

Fortunately, my hormones are constantly fluctuating so I only take the meds as needed & not daily so I have periods where my sex drive (which is normally really high) is not affected.