does it make sense?

[princess rayann]

hey everyone

my most recent poem is a bit different i think, but it just came pouring out after having a wonderfully delicious evening with a great friend of mine and "little jade dolls". hehe. well anyway, that's what it looked like to me during that particular evening... the yummy smells and fun green bodies dancing in the bowl. hrm. what am i talking about? and does it make sense if you know what i AM talking about when you read this poem? i tried to incorporate as much GREEN into it as possible so people would catch my drift but i'm not so sure it worked :/ could you all lemme know what you think? thank youuuuuu!!

~princess~

oh yahs, its called "little jade dolls" and i dunno how to make those hyperlinks to bring you to it. sorries!

 

[WickedEve]

little jade dolls
by princess rayann ©

excerpt:
sepia ringlets and piercing windows

offer the comfort of beautiful fields

tender palms that rest on knees

seduce in lovely lazy circles


Lots of good stuff in this poem. Until you brought it to everyone's attention, I didn't even see this poem. I ran out of steam earlier and got a bit tired of reading poems. I should have been more thorough. If I had been, I would have mentioned this one on the review thread.

 

[Reltne]

hey everyone

my most recent poem is a bit different i think, but it just came pouring out after having a wonderfully delicious evening with a great friend of mine and "little jade dolls". hehe. well anyway, that's what it looked like to me during that particular evening... the yummy smells and fun green bodies dancing in the bowl. hrm. what am i talking about? and does it make sense if you know what i AM talking about when you read this poem? i tried to incorporate as much GREEN into it as possible so people would catch my drift but i'm not so sure it worked :/ could you all lemme know what you think? thank youuuuuu!!
. . .

I like color words, I like alliteration, and I like also what I take to be wordplay.
So I like reading this poem.
However, I do not know what it is about. I have considered and rejected: an undersea grotto, a bowl of jelly beans, a tossed salad, a sunset with green flash, and ??? - You got me, I don't know what you are writing about.

 

[Liar]

Yep, it makes sense. It is a lush scene, and I don't have to grasp every detail of it, because each line has an intricate flowery eloquence that lets me find other purely sonic delights in it too.

I get the general idea, and the image, I get about half of the actual detailed descriptions. But that is enough.

Very nice indeed. I've browed through your poetry here, and I must say I like it. What I would like to see from you is a little bit more lean language, maybe get rid of some of the most intricate adjective. Not that I want you to change your expression, but it would be interresting to see what you could to with your talent in a different type of poem. Experimentation and trying on new things is never wrong.

Combining the more basic level of language (if you know what I mean) of your own poem "prisoner", with the themes and images of this one could become really cool. Just an idea.

You have a commment on it suggestion you don't use double line breaks all the time. I'll have to agree there, it gets a little unfocused that way.

best of luck and keep on writing.

#L

 

[foehn]

Ditto to what Reltne said...

If it were "20 Questions," I lost.

"Green" just isn't a sufficient clue, except perhaps to your friend.
Is it alive? Is it bigger than a breadbox?

I can't say if it would make a difference, knowing what you're referring to, since I don't.

Nice to meet you tho, and I liked the lines. I want to read more of your poems.