Do you tell your partner you write for Literotica

[happy_bloke]

I don't as I don't know how she would react. I write about things that she wouldn't want to do. Does anyone have any experience or guidance as to how you have got on with this?

 

[bbtp41]

sharing or not

I have not told my wife. I once wrote an erotic story for her that she enjoyed reading, but the stuff I write now includes acts and situations that she would find uncomfortable, at least, or distasteful. So I have kept her in the dark about my writing erotica. But we are estranged so she doesn't really need to know.

I will state for the record that I believe that keeping secrets or excluding a spouse from activities is a recipe for disaster and I advise against it.

I know that many of the writers here are completely open with their significant others about what they write with the loved one acting as a proof reader, sounding board, co-writer and more.

Keeping your wife in the dark prevents the two of you from sharing what can be a great source of emotional intimacy. Who knows, she might surprise you and even give you ideas about new directions to go with your writing.

 

[desertslave]

I have not told my wife. I once wrote an erotic story for her that she enjoyed reading, but the stuff I write now includes acts and situations that she would find uncomfortable, at least, or distasteful. So I have kept her in the dark about my writing erotica. But we are estranged so she doesn't really need to know.

I will state for the record that I believe that keeping secrets or excluding a spouse from activities is a recipe for disaster and I advise against it.

I know that many of the writers here are completely open with their significant others about what they write with the loved one acting as a proof reader, sounding board, co-writer and more.

Keeping your wife in the dark prevents the two of you from sharing what can be a great source of emotional intimacy. Who knows, she might surprise you and even give you ideas about new directions to go with your writing.

I strongly agree with you about keeping secrets. Having BTDT, the discovery can be incredibly painful and have even more unpleasant (and unnecessary) consequences than simply being honest. At least give your partner/SO the chance to make their own choices about wanting to read or further involvement.

Master and I share stories, edit for each other and function as sounding boards for ideas. We both have an understanding that some things we write might be a playing-out of a personal desire, simply a flight of fantasy, and some things in between.

 

[happy_bloke]

I will state for the record that I believe that keeping secrets or excluding a spouse from activities is a recipe for disaster and I advise against it.

I sympathise with this view and it makes me uncomfortable not to tell her, a bit like I am being unfaithful, but I worry that on the other hand, she will judge me from these stories. If she finds the subjects distasteful then it might affect our relationship as well.

 

[GoldenCojones]

I sympathise with this view and it makes me uncomfortable not to tell her, a bit like I am being unfaithful, but I worry that on the other hand, she will judge me from these stories. If she finds the subjects distasteful then it might affect our relationship as well.

Just my opinion but ... If your relationship is so fragile that a story would cause her to judge your or affect your relationship then you probably should be working on that. You may be for all I know. I wish you luck and hope you can build your relationship with your wife into a strong one so that you can share everything with her.

 

[sr71plt]

Nope. Neither do I agonize over it.

 

[happy_bloke]

Just my opinion but ... If your relationship is so fragile that a story would cause her to judge your or affect your relationship then you probably should be working on that. You may be for all I know. I wish you luck and hope you can build your relationship with your wife into a strong one so that you can share everything with her.

It isn't like it is fragile and therefore I am worried she would leave me or anything, it would just be weird. Like I don't tell her my sexual fantasies that I think she would find distasteful. In the same way I wouldn't share my taste in porn with her! Some how though not telling her about my own stories seems different.

 

[Dianthus]

I have always been completely honest about being on Lit, participating in the forums and writing stories.

I have, at times, spent quite a bit of time here and it would have been challenging to account for the time at the computer, not engaging with him or other family members, without being honest. Not to mention the amount of mental energy it diverts from them.

When I started writing, my (then) s/o chose not to read the stories (to my knowledge). Subsequently, I've had a partner who took a great interest.

 

[JLCC]

My GF knows I write somewhere. Not sure how she'd react to some of the stories. She has enjoyed what I have written for her in the past, but frankly, the reception I started to get was not worth the effort. Unfortunately, she has seemed to become less excitable lately. If she takes an interest, I'll share but for now, it's my thing.

 

[PennLady]

I told my husband because it didn't seem like something I could or should hide. However, I don't write in categories that might raise eyebrows, like Incest, so I wasn't so concerned as I might have been. I think transparency and honesty is important, as I think we all do, but I also thought he'd be supportive. If you aren't sure of that with your partner, I can see where you'd hesitate to say anything.

I think it helps if you can make it clear that it's something you're doing for fun, or a creative outlet, and not as a substitute for anything you feel is missing in the relationship. Because if that *is* the case, then the problem isn't about writing stories.

 

[Hypoxia]

Nope. Neither do I agonize over it.

Quite right. I tell nobody that I write smut, er I mean erotic literature. It's not a matter of keeping secrets from my partner, just that we compartmentalize a bit (and have for decades) and this is in my camera obscura, not theirs.

 

[L2Read]

I'm single now but in the past I was even afraid to tell my boyfriends I wrote poetry! I can't imagine how I'd feel sharing this kind of writing.

 

[CollarAndFeather]

I'm another huge proponent of openness & honesty in relationships, so I'm on the side of telling, though I'm currently single. I do feel, though, that telling someone that you write erotica and sharing your work openly with them are different questions. You may write about things that you like the fantasy of but not want to try, and so don't want to create anxiety and confusion. It may also be an outlet for kinks that you know they don't share, but don't need to explore in real life. There are a lot of reasons to want to keep private your work, even if you're comfortable admitting that you do write that kind of stuff.

Though, distinctions between liking a fantasy, wanting to do something, having a need to do something, the large range of fetiches, as well as hard and soft limits are much better understood in the bdsm community. Since I'm only interested in Dom(me)s, that makes the concerns of freaking a partner out much less.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

I have always told people that I'm close to. As of late, I have no muse, and I need one.

 

[Bramblethorn]

My partner is also my beta reader and the closest I have to an editor, so yeah, she knows.

 

[RoyceConnors]

I met her on here, so I think she already knows, LMAO One of the reasons she likes me so much.

 

[tanyachrs]

My BF knows that I've written for an erotic site in the past but not that I've submitted things recently. He hasn't asked for the name of the site or my screen name but I leave this site logged in on a shared iPad so if he came here, it would be obvious and type ahead being what it is, it wouldn't take much sleuthing to get him here. He's read parts of my stories and doesn't much care for my having written them because he sees every woman as me and every man as Not Him.

I've been working on a full length novel that includes some of the scenes I have published here and one day he found and read one of those stories and a couple of others (luckily the more vanilla ones) that were stored on Google Docs on the shared iPad. It wasn't a good surprise to him, but he hasn't responded by asking to read more of my stuff or taking an interest in my writing or my fantasies. He knows I continue to work on that novel and I do share updates regarding word count and the plot with him, but I don't emphasize the sex and I don't mention I'm still publishing here. So we're kind of back to the don't ask/don't tell place we were at before he discovered my writing.

 

[MatthewVett]

Yes. I mean, I don't lead with it on the first date or anything, but it's a part of my life, and I want to share it with them.

 

[bbtp41]

Though, distinctions between liking a fantasy, wanting to do something, having a need to do something, the large range of fetiches, as well as hard and soft limits are much better understood in the bdsm community. Since I'm only interested in Dom(me)s, that makes the concerns of freaking a partner out much less.

I can see where a s/o could question the motivation for writing adult material so it would be important to have that clear in your own mind before opening up. You wouldn't want your artistic urge to be mistaken for an effort to supply something that is/ is not missing from your relationship.

Just because we write por..smu...erotic tales doesn't necessarily mean that we always write our own fantasies or secret desires any more than James Ellroy wants to commit the crimes he writes about.

 

[CollarAndFeather]

I can see where a s/o could question the motivation for writing adult material so it would be important to have that clear in your own mind before opening up. You wouldn't want your artistic urge to be mistaken for an effort to supply something that is/ is not missing from your relationship.

Just because we write por..smu...erotic tales doesn't necessarily mean that we always write our own fantasies or secret desires any more than James Ellroy wants to commit the crimes he writes about.

Yup, totally agree! The part you quoted was basically just me saying that those kinds of conversations tend to be easier with bdsm people because there's usually more openness and less assumptions by necessity. So, since that level of openness is already expected/built in to my relationships, this is an easier decision for me to make than for some others with more...traditional tastes.

 

[DesEsseintes]

'The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties.'

 

[Miasorrow]

'The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties.'

Hmm, I think I heard that before somewhere..

And it's more fun if no one knows..

 

[masterandmargarita]

I wrote my first story in secret and then told my wife about it. I was pretty nervous as you can imagine, but she read it and loved it. I wrote a sequel more geared towards her fantasies than mine. She did some proofreading for me and they both went up on literotica. After that, we were hooked - I've been writing stories and she has been my editor. We even co-wrote a story. I think you should make every attempt to include your partner in writing. Easy for me to say though, my wife is really open minded and loves porn

 

[DreamCloud]

Told my wife - she will never read them. Makes me a bit sad, but she hasn't tried to stop me either.

 

[YDB95]

She was the one who told me about Lit in the first place, so yeah, she knows. She also reads my stories and loves them.