Do you supersize your thunder thighs at the drive up?
- Thread starter koalabear
- Start date
hdlynnette
Getting my sexy back!
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2005
- Posts
- 16,399
koalabear said:
GRRRRR...with my cinnamon fetish...you're hell on a girls' diet Darlin!!!
starrynightin64
Gimpi Girl
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2006
- Posts
- 60,256
OOOOO NOOOOOkoalabear said:well there are ways to work off the calories....I just don't post them.......
I hear the doctor coming out
hdlynnette
Getting my sexy back!
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2005
- Posts
- 16,399
koalabear said:well there are ways to work off the calories....I just don't post them.......
Can ya email them to me?
hdlynnette
Getting my sexy back!
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2005
- Posts
- 16,399
koalabear said:lmao...you lil vert........may need another thread for that..."Burning Off Calories at the Eucanlykpus Tree".......
HEY! You say VERT like it's a bad thing! I say let's fire up a twistie and say fuck them calories.
starrynightin64
Gimpi Girl
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2006
- Posts
- 60,256
**quietly set out the twister board with some EVOO**hdlynnette said:HEY! You say VERT like it's a bad thing! I say let's fire up a twistie and say fuck them calories.
and runs quickly from the thread.......
hdlynnette
Getting my sexy back!
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2005
- Posts
- 16,399
starrynightin64 said:**quietly set out the twister board with some EVOO**
and runs quickly from the thread.......
Ohhhh no you don't....you come back here!!!
{{{{{Starry}}}}} How are ya, Hon?
PassionateLeo67
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2007
- Posts
- 863
Scientific Weight Loss Results
If the man is ready (same vice-versa)
1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa)
274 calories
Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.
Normal size
22 calories
Oversize
15 calories
Tremendous
8 calories
Teensy-weensy
163 calories
Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)
20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.)
25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation)
40 1/2 calories
Standing: Both partners of equal height
18 calories
Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man
90 calories
While in traction
(very useful during ski season)
124 calories
Locations
On a bar stool
20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic
38 calories
In a phone booth, standing
14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down
274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat
24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat
42 calories
On an airliner, window seat
30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory
100 calories
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing
7 calories
Sliding around
9 calories
Serious Skidding
12 calories
Full cartwheel
20 calories
Whiplash
27 calories
Knee burn
6 calories
Chafed elbows
5 calories
Chafed nose
11 calories
Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp)
3 calories
Wheezing
5 calories
Squeals
4 calories
Ecstatic moaning
11 calories
Low growling
8 calories
Squishing
10 calories
Shouting
16 calories
Screaming
18 calories
Urgent begging
22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples.)
25 calories
Approaching Orgasm
Letting go
5.5 calories
Controlling yourself
79 calories
Digging nails into your partner's back
11 calories
Trembling
15 calories
Shaking
20 calories
Shuddering
25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open
33 calories
Orgasm
Real
27 calories
Faked
160 calories
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn't change
1/2 calorie
Face turned purple
15 calories
Orchestra swelled
6 calories
Magical explosions
10 calories
Blazing Sheets
25 calories
Earth moved
30 calories
Vesuvius erupted
47 calories
You began moaning in Latin
60 calories
Pulling Out
After orgasm
1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm
500 calories
Multiple Orgasms
For women:
2
14 calories
5
30 calories
8
47 calories
(Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)
For Men:
2
21 calories
3
39 calories
4
57 calories
(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)
Special Orgasms
Clitoral.
15 calories
Vaginal
21 calories
Penile
21 calories
Scrotile
15 calories
Rectal
25 calories
Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal)
30 calories
Premature Ejaculation*
During insertion
2 calories
During intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes first.)
5 calories
During foreplay
3 calories
Immature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum.)
4 calories
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv.
For Women
Frustration
8 calories
Anger
15 calories
Violent mood swing
20 calories
Surpressing rage
25 calories
Not surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.)
65 calories
For Men:
Cursing
10 calories
Apologising
3 calories
Snivelling
5 calories
Pleading for mercy
8 calories
Begging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.)
15 calories
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:
Swooning
6 calories
Palpitations
10 calories
Shortness of breath
5 calories
Perspiring
8 calories
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
A less-than-sunny desposition
1 calorie
Recovering
Un-entwining
3 calories
Regaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting some juice.)
7 calories
Standing up
9 calories
Getting some juice
11 calories
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they've done their job and are now entilted to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.)
18 calories
During intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.)
32 calories
During foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.)
12 calories
Avoiding the wet spot
80 calories
Trying Again
If the woman is ready
5 calories
If the man is not
156 calories
Dreaming
Regular dream
2 calories
Wet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices
16 calories
Wet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.)
20 calories
Group Sex
Introducing yourself
3 calories
Overcoming shyness
8 calories
Swapping partners, willingly
4 calories
Swapping partners, unwillingly
62 calories
Jealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are)
16 calories
Mixed doubles
26 calories
Being nice to everyone
100 calories
Anger
(You suddenly realize that you're wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.)
10 calories
Finding your clothes
5 calories
Masturbation
For pleasure only
6 calories
For exercise, too
10 calories
For relief from tension
12 calories
To pass the time
7 calories
To avoid overeating
16 calories
To get in touch with inner self
10 calories
To get in touch with outter self
10.5 calories
To avoid insanity
24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.)
9 calories
Using your hand(s)
11 calories
Using your finger(s)
9 calories
Using tweezers
2 calories
Using an inflatable doll
24 calories
Using Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley)
19 calories
Using a vibrator, hand-operated
12 calories
Using a vibrator, windup
9 calories
Using a vibrator, electric
5 calories
Using anything not mentioned here
50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket
2.5 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat
78 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat
3 calories
Typical Sex-Related Fears
Partner hates me for what I did
4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didn't do
8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual
10 calories
Climaxing too soon
5 calories
Climaxing too late
6 calories
Not climaxing
20 calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object
9 calories
Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object
47 calories
Partner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from orgasm
88 calories
Personal Fears
Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm
6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field
8 calories
Penis envy
72 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled yak
25 calories
Getting Caught
By partner's spouse
60 calories
By your spouse
60.5 calories
Trying to explain
165 calories
Stuttering
28 calories
Throwing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed)
Almost Getting Caught
40 calories
Trying to remain calm
100 calories
Fright (includes trembling)
66 calories
Leaping out of bed
25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion
300 calories
Thanking partner quickly
2 calories
Jumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn't open
15 calories
Landing
1 calorie
Running very fast
50 calories
Calories Burned During Sex
The Act of InsertionIf the man is ready (same vice-versa)
1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa)
274 calories
Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.
Normal size
22 calories
Oversize
15 calories
Tremendous
8 calories
Teensy-weensy
163 calories
Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)
20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.)
25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation)
40 1/2 calories
Standing: Both partners of equal height
18 calories
Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man
90 calories
While in traction
(very useful during ski season)
124 calories
Locations
On a bar stool
20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic
38 calories
In a phone booth, standing
14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down
274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat
24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat
42 calories
On an airliner, window seat
30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory
100 calories
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing
7 calories
Sliding around
9 calories
Serious Skidding
12 calories
Full cartwheel
20 calories
Whiplash
27 calories
Knee burn
6 calories
Chafed elbows
5 calories
Chafed nose
11 calories
Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp)
3 calories
Wheezing
5 calories
Squeals
4 calories
Ecstatic moaning
11 calories
Low growling
8 calories
Squishing
10 calories
Shouting
16 calories
Screaming
18 calories
Urgent begging
22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples.)
25 calories
Approaching Orgasm
Letting go
5.5 calories
Controlling yourself
79 calories
Digging nails into your partner's back
11 calories
Trembling
15 calories
Shaking
20 calories
Shuddering
25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open
33 calories
Orgasm
Real
27 calories
Faked
160 calories
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn't change
1/2 calorie
Face turned purple
15 calories
Orchestra swelled
6 calories
Magical explosions
10 calories
Blazing Sheets
25 calories
Earth moved
30 calories
Vesuvius erupted
47 calories
You began moaning in Latin
60 calories
Pulling Out
After orgasm
1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm
500 calories
Multiple Orgasms
For women:
2
14 calories
5
30 calories
8
47 calories
(Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)
For Men:
2
21 calories
3
39 calories
4
57 calories
(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)
Special Orgasms
Clitoral.
15 calories
Vaginal
21 calories
Penile
21 calories
Scrotile
15 calories
Rectal
25 calories
Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal)
30 calories
Premature Ejaculation*
During insertion
2 calories
During intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes first.)
5 calories
During foreplay
3 calories
Immature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum.)
4 calories
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv.
For Women
Frustration
8 calories
Anger
15 calories
Violent mood swing
20 calories
Surpressing rage
25 calories
Not surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.)
65 calories
For Men:
Cursing
10 calories
Apologising
3 calories
Snivelling
5 calories
Pleading for mercy
8 calories
Begging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.)
15 calories
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:
Swooning
6 calories
Palpitations
10 calories
Shortness of breath
5 calories
Perspiring
8 calories
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
A less-than-sunny desposition
1 calorie
Recovering
Un-entwining
3 calories
Regaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting some juice.)
7 calories
Standing up
9 calories
Getting some juice
11 calories
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they've done their job and are now entilted to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.)
18 calories
During intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.)
32 calories
During foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.)
12 calories
Avoiding the wet spot
80 calories
Trying Again
If the woman is ready
5 calories
If the man is not
156 calories
Dreaming
Regular dream
2 calories
Wet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices
16 calories
Wet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.)
20 calories
Group Sex
Introducing yourself
3 calories
Overcoming shyness
8 calories
Swapping partners, willingly
4 calories
Swapping partners, unwillingly
62 calories
Jealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are)
16 calories
Mixed doubles
26 calories
Being nice to everyone
100 calories
Anger
(You suddenly realize that you're wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.)
10 calories
Finding your clothes
5 calories
Masturbation
For pleasure only
6 calories
For exercise, too
10 calories
For relief from tension
12 calories
To pass the time
7 calories
To avoid overeating
16 calories
To get in touch with inner self
10 calories
To get in touch with outter self
10.5 calories
To avoid insanity
24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.)
9 calories
Using your hand(s)
11 calories
Using your finger(s)
9 calories
Using tweezers
2 calories
Using an inflatable doll
24 calories
Using Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley)
19 calories
Using a vibrator, hand-operated
12 calories
Using a vibrator, windup
9 calories
Using a vibrator, electric
5 calories
Using anything not mentioned here
50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket
2.5 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat
78 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat
3 calories
Typical Sex-Related Fears
Partner hates me for what I did
4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didn't do
8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual
10 calories
Climaxing too soon
5 calories
Climaxing too late
6 calories
Not climaxing
20 calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object
9 calories
Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object
47 calories
Partner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from orgasm
88 calories
Personal Fears
Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm
6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field
8 calories
Penis envy
72 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled yak
25 calories
Getting Caught
By partner's spouse
60 calories
By your spouse
60.5 calories
Trying to explain
165 calories
Stuttering
28 calories
Throwing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed)
Almost Getting Caught
40 calories
Trying to remain calm
100 calories
Fright (includes trembling)
66 calories
Leaping out of bed
25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion
300 calories
Thanking partner quickly
2 calories
Jumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn't open
15 calories
Landing
1 calorie
Running very fast
50 calories
Last edited:
Gypsybyrd
what's the point????
- Joined
- May 30, 2006
- Posts
- 12,596
koalabear said:your on line friend from the night I said I would fly down and take you shopping......
*smack, smack*.....hey no free peeks!....
Ooooooh ... hehehehe
*SPANK* I'll take all the free peeks I want ... unless you're offering more?
