Do you keep email private?

[Cheyenne]

Something I said in an email to compliment one member from Lit about a post they had made to the bb had to have been shared/discussed with another member based on several things posted to the bb recently. If I'd wanted my name associated with the topic of that thread I would have posted the compliment there for all to see instead of in private email.

Anything posted to the bb is obviously public knowledge and fair game for discussion. What about private email sent to you? Once you have it in your inbox, do you also consider the contents to be public knowledge, open for discussion with other members? Does your answer change if that discussion with other members about the email content is carried out in public on the bb instead?

My answer would be that I consider any email I receive to be confidential information unless I'm told it is okay to share it with others. Any discussions I have on the bb are based on information previously posted to the bb, not information I've received in email. Any email dicussions I have are based on information from the bb, also not on information I've received in email from others.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Flagg]

Anything emailed to me goes no further than my inbox. I do however refer to things emailed to me by people I don't know but I don't reveal their identity.

 

[Merelan]

It would be nice to think that any email you send someone, especially involoving your personal opinion would be confidential, unless they asked. I know it isn't always the case.
Cheyenne, too bad they didn't consider asking you first. Chances are you would have let them share, but now you cannot help but hold back and wonder if the next thing will go out there for public knowledge. Makes one unwilling, and they never even realized it did they? That they really broke a confidance, and treated you with less respect then they should have.
I agree, anything on the board is fair game, but emails should be private, unless agreed upon.
hope this made sense, I need some coffee this morning.

Oh, and Cheyenne, it wasn't me that told everyone about your latex socks fetish. Honest.

 

[willywanker]

I'm with you on this one, Cheyenne

While I don't get a lot of e-mail from people on this board, I do get some from people in the chat room and I treat that the same way. If they took the time to pull up my address and compose an e-mail, then they didn't want to say in front of other people in a chat room so it is therefore private and deserves to be treated that way.

I got a couple of cute e-mails recently when I bared my soul on a thread and wondered in the post if I would be diss-ed. Thank you to the ladies who took the time to send those, I appreciate the time you took. And I enjoyed the laugh, but they were not intended to be public or they could more easily have posted them on the thread.

 

[Cheyenne]

Cheyenne, too bad they didn't consider asking you first. Chances are you would have let them share, but now you cannot help but hold back and wonder if the next thing will go out there for public knowledge.

Oh, and Cheyenne, it wasn't me that told everyone about your latex socks fetish. Honest.

Actually, it wasn't the compliment part of the email that was shared. It was the reason for the compliment, why it affected me personally, that was shared. And no, I would not have given permission. If I wanted it to be public knowledge, I would have posted direct to the bb.

And I thought only Ambro knew about the latex socks fetish!

 

[Nicole]

Quite simply ... Email of any kind is PERSONAL and PRIVATE end of story.

BB is public however, once you post on here, don't even think of privacy.

 

[DarlingBri]

Legally...

You own the copyright to your letters, which category email falls into. Therefore, it is illegal for someone to quote from your email without your permission. They can obviously quote from their own part in the exchange, obviously.

They can, however, paraphrase or refer to it, as in "A reader recently emailed me some feedback, saying she'd been deeply touched by X in my story because of Y in her own background."

I have no problem with that.

 

[Orlanth]

Any email I get I keep to my self. Any thing which is said in the emails I get stays with me and whom sent the email. And I expect the same in return from the people I email.

 

[Deborah]

VERY interesting question, Cheyenne, particularly in light of recent developments on the board, 'eh?

I'm going to have to take issue with what DarlingBri and Nicole said here.

Yes, any e-mail you write is copyrighted. The purpose of copyright law is to protect intellectual property. E-mail is not, however, unless previously agreed, SECRET. You can disclose what e-mail you have been sent and also what it says. You can quote from it. And if anybody sues over disclosure or publication of their e-mail, they can not recover damages unless the message has commercial value.

What do our lawyers say? Siren? FlamingoBlue? SimplySouthern?

Now, I do believe keeping private correspondence private is a common courtesy, MOST OF THE TIME. If someone, however, sends you unsolicited "harassing" e-mail, you have no obligation, moral or legal, to keep that e-mail private.

Oh yes, and do I EVER have a good example of this. You see, the Pustule (terrible troll) sent me such e-mails flaming me way back which not only identified her by real name, but identified where she lives, all in the e-mail addy.

I do, however, also believe that if a website such as Literotica has a "rule" that such information should not be "published" on the BB that the rule should be complied with under MOST circumstances.

 

[teresafannin]

I keep my email private, of course, since Lit email is down, it isn't much of a problem. Only a handful of people have my main email address, I give a hotmail address to everyone else. Unsolicitated stuff gets deleted immediately.

 

[Dillinger]

Re: Legally...

You own the copyright to your letters, which category email falls into. Therefore, it is illegal for someone to quote from your email without your permission. They can obviously quote from their own part in the exchange, obviously.

I'd love to hear one of the members who are lawyers to pipe in on this. Do we really own the copyrights to our letters? And does this extend to chat as well? How about the BB - do I own the copyright to what I'm writing now?

But - on to the topic at hand. I view email like I would a personal conversation. This is a matter of ethics, not legality. If someone were to tell me something in confidence I keep it that way - no ifs, ands or buts... however is someone says something to me in the course of a conversation that is not of a personal/confidential nature I might mention that to a mutual friend. And - I'm sure - everyone else here has as well. If someone is having a discussion with me about Survivor and says "I think Jerri is a bitch" and then later I'm having a discussion with someone else who says the same thing and I respond "Hey - yeah 'insert name here' said the same thing.!"

On the other hand I do believe there are things whose private nature should be assumed. This is common sense. If I am emailing with someone from this board and they provide me with personal information then I keep that information in the strictest confidence and expect likewise in return.

As Deborah said: "I do believe keeping private correspondence private is a common courtesy."

[Edited by Dillinger on 04-17-2001 at 10:59 AM]

 

[DarlingBri]

Dill, I swear to God you do own the copyright to your letters. I am 100% sure of this.

As to Lit, unless the member agreement states that your posting become Lit's property, I believe you continue to hold the copyright. Many, many sites DO claim the copyright of posts as a condition of posting.

As to the spirit vs the letter of the law, I would also not post information about someone granted in email. I was merely stating that it was legal. I would not, however, indulge in it.

 

[Whispersecret]

This topic came up before with SammyJo (remember her?) a long time ago.

Pay close attention, because if you email me, I don't necessarily consider every piece of information we discuss to be PRIVATE AND NON-DISCLOSABLE. If you tell me specifically not to share something, I won't. Otherwise I use my judgement.

We all have a personal sense of what constitutes private information that should not be shared, and what doesn't. The problem is, not everyone sees the same boundaries.

For example, let's say KM tells me in a conversation about diets that she isn't happy with the size of her thighs and I share that I don't like my spare tire. I don't consider her dislike of her thighs a fact that I need to lock up in my vault of secrets, because I don't care if she talks about my spare tire. It all has to do with your personal sensitivity. Difficulty occurs when two people have very different levels of privacy. Hopefully, friends will discuss it if a problem occurs and the bar is set between them.

Another example--recently I posted someone's initials on the BB, thinking I was being circumspect enough. The person mentioned that a problem might arise, and I now know that is a line that should not be crossed with that person. Subject closed, lesson learned.

I think because this medium is so helter-skelter sporadic, you can't glean the same volume of information about a person as you can in phone or face-to-face conversation and interaction. You can't get as keen a sense of what bugs them and what doesn't, what they consider a breach of etiquette and what they don't.

Judging from the posts so far, some people consider all content of email to be FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. That's fine. However, I think you're being unrealistic. I don't have a cataloging brain that says, "Oh! So and so said she didn't like BDSM stories in email and NOT on the BB so I'd better keep that hush hush." No one does.

So, if you email me, dems my rules. It boils down to trust and judgment. If you can't trust me or my judgement, don't share with me, and vice versa.

 

[Madame Pandora]

I consider email just another form of conversation, and, as with conversation, I make judgment calls.

I do not impose the same standard of secrecy on something like, say, a personal name, as I do that he/she likes the color blue.

Let’s say I talk to PORNHANDLE and his real name is Joe Blow. He mentions in an email that he thinks HOTLIPS is funny on the board. I might very well have a conversation with HOTLIPS and tell her that PORNHANDLE thinks she has wit. I would not tell her that his name is Joe Blow.

It’s about judgment. And, I trust my own judgment and think most people who reveal information to me trust me as well not to lead them intentionally to harm. I’m only human and I’m sure I slip up from time to time. Most of us, at some point or another, trip over our own ethics, but we try and uphold our basic ideals.

I will try to clear up misconceptions when I see them. I will pass along idle, harmless information.

To be truthful, Cheyenne, I would have seen no harm in letting the person know you enjoyed their thread unless you’d specifically asked me not to tell them.

Part of that comes from my personal group of friends. We tell each other everything. Bob is pissed at Sally, so Jack listens to them both and acts as common ground so that no bitterness can fester.

I say a lot of things overly harsh when I speak idly. I might say “She is a fucking whore” when I all mean is “she irritates me.” I also greet my friends by saying “Hey bitch!” Mostly, I assume that everyone, like myself intermingles an element of exaggeration within personal correspondence. I trust that the people who speak to me regularly know my manner and peel out the fruit from the rind.

What is the old saying? The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead?

Life’s too short and conversation too enjoyable to spend it with clenched lips.

Simple judgment. That’s my guideline.

MP

 

[OUTSIDER]

Anything emailed to me goes no further than my inbox. I do however refer to things emailed to me by people I don't know but I don't reveal their identity.

I totaly agree with Flagg here and I couldn't have put it any better

 

[nitengale]

I'm beginning to think less is best here on the boards.

 

[MysteryJKR]

I keep certain things private and sometimes I dont, but it all depends on what. & Sometimes if im told something private I use some info but no names or anything when im helping friends or just younger people deal with things or give advice. Not really private things but sometimes a little hear and there I say a few semi private things to others when i know it could make them think bout things or help them out. I usually always tell the person i took info from through and it usually isnt a big deal cuz they dont know each other anyway and i dont do it to be hurtful.
Though its alwyas a last resort, ive had enough experience and have enough private stuff myself that I dont gotta resort to that. And im usually pretty open to things.

I have gotten emails and even if its ok to ttalk bout it i dont because i find it in my opinion no one elses business. I am very trustworthy I think and nothins gonna leave my head if I dont want it to or if it just dont needa be known.

 

[Whispersecret]

Some people seem to be very disillusioned with their own selves and their actual behavior, and confuse their personal ideal with reality.

Is it just a desire to make people believe that you are ironclad trustworthy and therefore a good friend, someone to be admired?

Or is do you truly believe that you can honestly, down to the minutest detail, remember what was mentioned in e-mail, especially if you've corresponded for weeks and months?

And finally, do you all really care who knows what the fuck your favorite cough syrup is if you told me in email? <shakes her head in disbelief>

 

[Whispersecret]

One more thought on the subject:

You're incredibly naive if, after all that's occured on this BB, you think that email is private and that you can trust the people you meet here with anything. Wake up and smell the bacon burning, baby. If you give information over the internet to someone you've never met, don't be surprised if it doesn't remain private or if something similarly nasty happens. If you do, more than once, you're just asking for it.

If you have faulty instincts in regard to people on the internet, don't fucking share shit unless you're prepared to face the consequences. As much as it seems otherwise, this is the real world. There are shitty people everywhere, and probably more of them hang out online because it's easier to hide your personality flaws. Dole your trust out sparingly.

 

[Coltrane]

e-mail correspondence as private

I agree with you. I regard e-mail correspondence as a private conversation of sorts.

But I'm not naive. I realize people talk about conversations they have with other people. (I suppose we've all done that in some form.)

 

[CoolCucumber]

I'd like to think if I send something in e-mail, it stays there. I KNOW if you send me something in e-mail, it WILL stay there. That's personal. You just shouldn't brodcast that, unless you are told to.
-CoolCucumber

 

[Madame Pandora]

Wake up and smell the bacon burning, baby.

BITCH! I told you that in CONFIDENCE!

MP

 

[Whispersecret]

Oh, please, MP. All of Florida knows when you're cooking (read: burning) pizza. Get over it. WOOF.

 

[Angel]

In all honesty, if I feel that strongly about something I write in an E-Mail, I'll ask for it to be kept quiet.


There was a debate about this awhile back on an AOL message board about Race Relations. We finally heard from AOL on the matter and this is what they told us.

The contents of E-mails between people are copyrighted by the writer. They remain the intellectual property of the writer and are not for public view unless specified by the writer.


(I don't know if the privacy thing was an AOL policy or not)