Do you feel like your sex scenes are all the same?

[davion2308]

Question: How do you keep your sex scenes from feeling 'the same'?

I'm writing two stories for Geek Pride. One is about the arrival of aliens who accidentally cause genetic problems with humanity and procreation. The other is about a geeky guy who summons a succubus who expects more out of him.

Those are wildly different scenarios and the stories feel fun and unique getting up to the sex part. But I get to the hot parts and I feel like I go back to the same-old sentences, progression, and feel to the story.

How do you authors avoid feeling like that? Can anyone provide perspective to help me? I have good stories but they feel like they're like my other stories when it comes to the sexy, intimate scenes.

 

[Publius68]

Sex, to a certain extent, is kind of 'Insert Tab A into Slot B'. There are only so many Tabs and Slots, and only so many ways you can order the insertion. So yeah, there is always a certain repetitiveness, especially when you are writing about what you, the author, likes.
To get rid of the humdrums, I focus on developing the characters of the participants. Make them different, with different life experiences, hang-ups, and goals, and they are going to want to very different sex. It's actually more important, I think, than varying the circumstances.
Even a vanilla progression of BJ, cunny, bang should look very different when between a middle-aged, married housewife and the pool boy, as opposed to when it is between two horny co-workers... even if they are both set in identical suburban house bedrooms with identical floral comforters on identical Sealy Posturepedic

 

[MrPixel]

When I think a sex scene between established characters is developing in the same or similar way they've done it before, I skip the detail, put in a scene break, and return to the scene with the characters (figuratively) smoking their cigarettes, usually amounting to teasing banter. Let's be realistic here, a couple (or moresomes) with long-term familiarity are going to fall into a pattern they particularly enjoy.

 

[NotWise]

Hard to say much without reading what you've written.

If, for instance, you tend to focus on the mechanics, you can emphasize how it feels instead. "Feels" may mean either the emotional effect or the sensation. If you write sex for gratification (usually male) you might write more tantric sex instead. That is more about the woman and an emotional or spiritual connection. You can emphasize the foreplay and largely skip the copulation. You can write unsuccessful sex and use that to build the character and set up later events. You can reveal elements of the story or the characters during sex and (more generally) include conversation during sex.

Which direction you go might depend on whether your goal is to increase your interest level, or the readers' interest level. I suspect that as the author, you're more sensitive to repetition than are the readers.

 

[SimonDoom]

1. I don't worry about it too much. With sex scenes, there's bound to be repetition, but I don't think it's a big thing in erotica. It can get a bit tedious as a writer, but I don't think readers mind at all.
2. I focus on what the characters are thinking and what the context of the sex is -- the setting, the buildup, where the sex fits into the narrative. These things can make every sex scene different from every other one you write, even if the mechanics are much the same.
3. I try to focus on coming up with new ways of saying things -- new word choices, metaphors, verbs, adjectives, etc. This isn't easy, but if I can come up with just a bit of originality I'm usually satisfied. I DON'T worry too much about being repetitive about body part names like cock or pussy. It can sound silly if you try too hard to run through long lists of synonyms for everything, to the point that you're using terms like man meat and love tunnel. I mostly just use cock and pussy, although I may change them depending on the tone that the story requires.

 

[Euphony]

Authors often imply through the physical acts heavy descriptions that we all come to sex in the same state, mood, head space, etc. or that sex's ability to ease the burden of day to day existence through connection immediately white board erases what's preceded it. Not so.

Why the sex? What can the sex do? What is it shoring up (emotionally) or complicating? First time coupling, that mid-relationship "Ooo, we're figuring this out!" or established couple maybe a little too comfortable with each other that the having of the sex feels like mission accomplished enough? A kaleidoscope of possibilities exists beyond tabs and slots.

Authors paint themselves into a corner sticking mostly to physical activities b/c most of us know the anatomy and roughly the stimulus and general response. (and also are so tied to it through societal conditioning they push back on much outside the hard here & wet there = only expression of "turned on.")

Emotional reaction is far more complex and harder to dismiss as not believable in others as we are confounded by how others react counter to our own scripts daily.

You have two emotionally rich scenarios that could send a participants mind in all sorts of directions yet the response cycle seems roughly the same?

Author's focus too much on the how of having sex and not the why.

(surface level explorations assumed) The how has less variation than the why hence writers running into repetition problems.

Think of the why. Even in the most mundane, we've done this a thousand times, of coupling acts.

 

[Euphony]

For authors struggling to view sex more holistically, it can help to think of another human need/biological necessity, eating.

We are generally more receptive of fuller description of the experience b/c there's less stigma/worry "am I normal?"/marketing/expectation. It's a safer emotional space to play.

So, think of how varied the possibilities are beyond food into maw.

Homecooked meal: connection, cared for, destress, conversation.

Sunday family dinner: bonding, family, nostalgia, childhood memories, maybe not the best *tasting* food but comforting makes the experience so much more than it should be.

Food truck: Hipster. Unique experience (chasing down where they'll be at) Likely more than standard burger and fries so ethnic/multi-cultural experimentation. Relaxed (not sit down, likely no tables. Just vibing w/the food and people without social pressure)

Cafeteria: Getting eating "out of the way" to do other things. Jack of all trades, master of none type selection. Bland, not very restorative. Possible bad memories of school or other places prone to cafeterias where negative experiences occur (hospitals, faceless shitty corporate job, etc.)

Gifted food: Thought of by others. Shores up what little reserves you have for other pressing matters. A shortcut to bonding/being together when it might not occur otherwise. Usually something comfortable/a favorite so you can take shelter in the familiar.

All quick and dirty examples of what we're talking about but demonstrative none the less.

Each and every one is food pellets A into maw B yet they are completely different experiences if you take a little time to think on them.

Sex is very much the same when you remove the baggage of expectations (no hard dick talk? Didn't harp on her being flooded wet? 0 stars!)

Find whatever human corollary that works for you, flesh it out, and you'll see how sex really isn't all that different from other experiences, there's just a tendency to pen ourselves in when writing it as opposed to other experiences.

 

[Codoc24]

Not so long ago I read an article from a successful erotica author who said they had accumulated and organized a database of sex scenes from his previous novels. When he needed a scene while writing a story, he would copy-and-paste, and then change the names as needed. He agreed it was "cheating" a little bit but as other posters above have noted, there is a finite number of things people can do. So he said it made his writing go faster to do that instead of reinventing the wheel every time. I believe I have noticed authors on LitE who probably did the same thing. They will be describing a scene and suddenly, there's a name that has never been mentioned before or afterward. I don't do that, I haven't written enough but I don't see a problem with an author doing that.

 

[KeithD]

I vary a bit in how I get into the sex act and then how I get out of it. I don't keep files of sex act descriptions or intentionally go back and copy/paste ones used earlier, but with a high volume of stories, it's impossible to have the sex different each time. So, I don't bother worrying about that. In fact, some setups turned me on enough the first time that I enjoy employing them again with a few other twists applied to them.

 

[Euphony]

Not so long ago I read an article from a successful erotica author who said they had accumulated and organized a database of sex scenes from his previous novels. When he needed a scene while writing a story, he would copy-and-paste, and then change the names as needed. He agreed it was "cheating" a little bit but as other posters above have noted, there is a finite number of things people can do. So he said it made his writing go faster to do that instead of reinventing the wheel every time. I believe I have noticed authors on LitE who probably did the same thing. They will be describing a scene and suddenly, there's a name that has never been mentioned before or afterward. I don't do that, I haven't written enough but I don't see a problem with an author doing that.

His authority "business model" was predicated on quantity over quality. There's nothing inherently wrong with that (despite some creative's grousing) and it's often a survival in the marketplace necessity.

No matter how true those factors are, there isn't the shallow well many paint sexual coupling to be.

It's as deep as the psychological motivations, responses, and outcomes are which run essentially infinitely deep as human connection.

Choosing not to focus or write on these doesn't make true the "there are simply limits" proponents.

 

[vanmyers86]

A couple of writers I respect have said that sex is essentially a type of conversation between two (or more) well-developed characters. I think there's a lot of truth in that, so while the mechanics may be similar, any given sex scene should be written so that it could only take place between those people. Certainly that's an ideal to aspire to!
To address your original question, one way I try to mix it up is using different settings that give the whole experience a unique twist. In my story Miko's Mountain, one sex scene takes place just outside a cave. In Lofty Ambitions, the action happens in a church's choir loft, with a little slapstick pratfall at the end. One I'm working on now has a couple doing it right next to a waterfall, giving them a chance to indulge in some fun shenanigans right before a group tour descends on the spot. But even regular bedroom settings can give a feel for who your characters are, and a chance to develop their reality further.

 

[KeithD]

A couple of writers I respect have said that sex is essentially a type of conversation between two (or more) well-developed characters.

Why can't it work as a nonconversation between two strangers? Another example, I think, of trying to limit what fiction can successfully deliver. I think there are innumerable successful directions that could be taken from two strangers meeting casually and hooking up (genuinely or by pretense with no commitment whatsoever) at the opening of the story.

 

[jehoram]

Sex, to a certain extent, is kind of 'Insert Tab A into Slot B'. There are only so many Tabs and Slots, and only so many ways you can order the insertion.

That inspires a weird train of thought to me.

Hetero sex: Insert Tab A into Slot B
Gay/anal sex: Insert Tab A into Slot C
Lesbian sex: Rub Slot B against Slot B
Oral sex (male): Insert Tab A into Slot M
Oral sex (female): Insert Tab T into Slot B
Tit-fuck: Insert Tab A into Slot formed by DD
Alien male sex: Insert Tab A into Slots E, F, and/or G
Alien female sex: Insert Tabs H, I, and/or J into Slot B
BDSM sex: Elicit pain or discomfort into Tab A, Slot B, or protrusions DD
Fetish sex: Insert Tab A into anything that isn't Slot B, C, or M
Erotic Horror: Insert Tab into... no, I can't even describe it! Yet I must keep reading!

 

[EmilyMiller]

Question: How do you keep your sex scenes from feeling 'the same'?

The way I think about it is that I have sex quite a lot. It’s with the same person and there are only a certain number of things we can do. But it’s never boring, it’s different each time. Nuances. Emotions. What led up to it. Try to capture that in your writing.

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

The way I think about it is that I have sex quite a lot. It’s with the same person and there are only a certain number of things we can do. But it’s never boring, it’s different each time. Nuances. Emotions. What led up to it. Try to capture that in your writing.

Em

An excellent example of "write what you know."

 

[EmilyMiller]

An excellent example of "write what you know."

It’s the advantage of cohabiting with a space octopus.

Em

 

[TheRedChamber]

I think one thing that isn't being talked about much on this thread is the fact that both of your stories have a Non-human participant. This should be an excuse to go to town with 'unique' elements to the sex. I recently wrote an alien sex story where my goal was to go as absolutely batshit insane with the sex as possible (self - promotion here)

- Three twenty foot long tongues
- which excrete a hallucinogenic substance
- Telepathic like communication
- Amil Nitrate breath
- piston vagina
- Inflatable mammary glands
- Extreme lactation during sex
- regurgitates 'creampies' and 'snowballing' is part of the natural mating cycle.
- Helpful parasitic spiders
- Has to take 'the pill' to suppress her natural cannibalistic urges after sex.
- Hibernate for a week after sex and can only mate once a fortnight

Now admittedly I was going for 'what a long strange horrific trip it's been' rather than a romantic tete a tete, but there should always be options to have something a bit different going on. A succubus should be scary so write about the feeling of skin on scale, incisors against gland, the fact she has a tongue that can set of your gag reflex!

 

[Andrew2023]

Yes,

But, I can only write the cost of the new trampoline, trapeze, waterbed, and inversion boots off my federal taxes if I use them in my stories.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I think one thing that isn't being talked about much on this thread is the fact that both of your stories have a Non-human participant. This should be an excuse to go to town with 'unique' elements to the sex. I recently wrote an alien sex story where my goal was to go as absolutely batshit insane with the sex as possible (self - promotion here)

- Three twenty foot long tounges
- which excrete a hallucinogenic substance
- Telepathic like communication
- Amil Nitrate breath
- piston vagina
- Inflatable mammary glands
- Extreme lactation during sex
- regurgitates 'creampies' and 'snowballing' is part of the natural mating cycle.
- Helpful parasitic spiders
- Has to take 'the pill to suppress her natural cannibalistic urges after sex.
- Hibernate for a week after sex and can only mate once a fortnight

Now admittedly I was going for 'what a long strange horrific trip it's been' rather than a romantic tete a tete, but there should always be options to have something a bit different going on. An sucubuss should be scary so write about the feeling of skin on scale, incisors against gland, the fact she has a tongue that can set of your gag reflex!

You make my alien (aliens now as per the in progress third episode) seem so plain vanilla.

Em

 

[ElectricBlue]

You make my alien (aliens now as per the in progress third episode) seem so plain vanilla.

Em

I think you should consider an Em space octopus vs RedChamber's thing stand-off, like Alien vs Predator (but avoid the jungle).

 

[Rob_Royale]

I like adding a kink or a specific location to each one. Different positions, dialog. Not hard really.

 

[Ian_Snow]

The same? Hmm. No, not exactly. I think there are certainly similarities - I really need to work on differing up my dialogue, especially from the male characters - and I've written a lot of erotica so there's going to be some scenes that do read pretty similarly. But I think burnout is more my problem. Sometimes my scenes are shortened just because I'm not particularly feeling it.

 

[ElectricBlue]

The same? Hmm. No, not exactly. I think there are certainly similarities - I really need to work on differing up my dialogue, especially from the male characters - and I've written a lot of erotica so there's going to be some scenes that do read pretty similarly. But I think burnout is more my problem. Sometimes my scenes are shortened just because I'm not particularly feeling it.

I know you publish in the marketplace - how many words a year do you write, roughly?

 

[TheRedChamber]

I think you should consider an Em space octopus vs RedChamber's thing stand-off, like Alien vs Predator (but avoid the jungle).

Well if Emily's octopus is ever in the vicinity of Grangsia Prime he's welcome to drop by the Galaxy A-Go-Go just outside the space port. It's 800 galactic credits for the full pair bonded mate experience (includes oral, full sex and a six weeks stay at the sector's preeminent psychiatric care unit to help you reacclimatize to everyday life). Ask for Vivianta. If she's not on stage she'll be playing pool.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Ask for Vivianta. If she's not on stage she'll be playing pool.

Laughed at that - one does not expect some weird daemon to be playing pool!