Do People Often Disappoint You?

[juicylips]

I was discussing this with a friend last week. I expect too much from people at times. I seem to ask for "apples" when all they are holding in their hands is "oranges". They can't give you what they don't have. I'm trying to deal with that.


How about you? How do you handle disappointment?

JL

 

[AusTess]

I was discussing this with a friend last week. I expect too much from people at times. I seem to ask for "apples" when all they are holding in their hands is "oranges". They can't give you what they don't have. I'm trying to deal with that.


How about you? How do you handle disappointment?

JL

Sedation.

 

[Marxist]

Being constantly disappointed in others is a form of guilt mongering. I try to avoid it.

 

[Guest]

Wow! JL...missed you.

I am afraid, JL, that down deep, I am disappointed a lot. My expectations of others are always way too high. My inner thoughts and imagination are just way beyond reality...most of the time. I am constantly expressing what I feel so intensely, and the responses can leave me a little hungry...ok...a lot hungry.


How do I handle it? I remember how it feels to embrace someone's disappointment in me. I re-feel, the doubts and self-questioning. THAT, motivates me to encourage...to give hope...to quit my grumbling.

Thanks, JL, I needed that.

 

[erosman]

Re: Wow! JL...missed you.

I am afraid, JL, that down deep, I am disappointed a lot. My expectations of others are always way too high. My inner thoughts and imagination are just way beyond reality...most of the time. I am constantly expressing what I feel so intensely, and the responses can leave me a little hungry...ok...a lot hungry.


How do I handle it? I remember how it feels to embrace someone's disappointment in me. I re-feel, the doubts and self-questioning. THAT, motivates me to encourage...to give hope...to quit my grumbling.

Thanks, JL, I needed that.

What he said.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

I Hit people.

 

[juicylips]

I Hit people.

Spank me, babe

JL

 

[MissTaken]

I have gotten rather used to disappointment and expect it .

Not a "pity me" sort of statement, just the truth.

 

[PepperminTrish]

I have gotten rather used to disappointment and expect it .

Not a "pity me" sort of statement, just the truth.

I'm with MissTaken on this.

For myself, I've learned to lower my expectations and then I'm not disappointed. On the upside, it makes the times when someone does 'come through' all the more precious to me.

 

[juicylips]

Re: Wow! JL...missed you.

<snip>


How do I handle it? I remember how it feels to embrace someone's disappointment in me. I re-feel, the doubts and self-questioning. THAT, motivates me to encourage...to give hope...to quit my grumbling.

Thanks, JL, I needed that.

You don't grumble. You're very sweet, kind and encouraging.

I missed you too.
JL

 

[MissTaken]

I'm with MissTaken on this.

For myself, I've learned to lower my expectations and then I'm not disappointed. On the upside, it makes the times when someone does 'come through' all the more precious to me.

Yes, I forgot that small piece.

When things go well I am very pleased and appreciative.

 

[HopefulRomantic]

God, yes.
Every damn one of them...

 

[juicylips]

God, yes.
Every damn one of them...

Wow. I'm sorry to hear that.

Rough day?

JL

 

[PepperminTrish]

God, yes.
Every damn one of them...

Awwwwww ............. need a hug????

 

[427cobra]

jl, i am often disappointed in others, because like you i tend to expect alot from others. we should expect alot from people as well as ourselves, being let down is the risk we run, but for the people who come through for us it's worth it.

 

[juicylips]

<snip>
being let down is the risk we run, but for the people who come through for us it's worth it.

True. It is well worth it. That's why I never really give up on someone.

JL

 

[SleepingWarrior]

I'm usually more disappointed with myself than others because the only person I can hold accountable is myself. I can't make nor expect others to be or do things.

 

[weed]

At some point expectations can only be lowered so much and then honest expression of how that person's actions are making you feel is necessary.

There can be a fine line between accepting someone for what they are and enabling/allowing them to continue to be something they should not.

When you cross that line you might find that something dear has been lost.

 

[427cobra]

we should never lower our expectations, like weeed said, accept people for what they are. don't worry about it anymore jl, i'll never let ya down.

 

[HoldenMcCrank]

A former boss of mine

once told me " You can not impose your standards to other people but you can help them to exceed their own" Now of course he never actually followed this piece of advice himself expecting all of his employees to be workaholics and just could not understand why we didn't have the same Drive as he did.

Holden

I personally try to let people know what I expect and that way I find out early on if they themselves think that is something they can or cannot do.

 

[Demian]

People dissappoint me just once

I'm about az cynical as they come, but I give people alot of chances...I'm about as big a fuck up as you can find sometimes

But if you get on my shit list, you're doing even worse

 

[YogiBare]

Yes, they do. I'm still very much of an idealist and expect the best of people, until they prove otherwise. It's a choice that makes it possible to seek the best from people, and I very often find it. If I am disappointed, the key is to not take it personally. Their behavior is much moreso about them than it is about me. I can then try again, or move on.

Great to see you, JL. I hope that you are doing well, today!

 

[Persephone36]

disappointment in others

I've found myself throughout my teens and twenties *constantly* disappointed in others...and on the same line constantly judging myself by some pretty high unattainable standards. Therefore, I was always disappointed in myself too -- and in life in general. Just a nagging malaise underneath it all.

My friends have often, often, often said to me -- you expect too much from others (they'll say this after having heard me go on and on about why I'm upset about what someone said, didn't say, did, didn't do to me.) They're just reacting to how much pain I'm showing and feeling.

They're reacting as well to how much *power* I'm giving over to others in terms of how they effect my life. And if you do it a lot -- you start to get into an emotional martyr/victim mode. You know, everyone's doing these awful things to *me* or look at the way I offer so much and get back so little, etc. You may seem like a strong, assertive person on the outside -- but if those ideas keep bouncing around your head -- you're not taking responsibility for your own life. We are all responsible for our own happiness and suffering.

Honestly, I would also say I try being much more accepting of myself nowadays. And I work *very* hard at loving myself and realizing that the needs I have -- are all things that can be fulfilled by me. After all neediness = disappointment. So you can't look to the outside -- they have to be fulfilled by you, otherwise you're looking for a life of continual unhappiness. It just took me being into my mid-thirties and being disatisfied with my life and with what the people around me were giving me to wake up to that fact.

Granted, sometimes you need to take a cold, hard look at your friends -- and get rid of the ones that bring you down constantly. And you need to accept the rest for who and what they are flaws and all.

But all of that starts from accepting yourself and loving yourself unconditionally first.

Just my .02 cents.

Persephone

 

[riff]

Juicy, this is an excellent question. And my answer is gonna be colored by my frame of mind this morning (excellent, by the way).

People disappoint my sorry ass all of the time. Constantly. Including myself.

BUT, and its a key "but" (I like big buts, but that belongs on another thread)...

BUT, more and more I am realizing that people do not disappoint me. They are just being themselves. I am the one who disappoints me for not allowing them to be themselves or by trying to make them change- which is a futile effort.

If I am disappointed, I try to make a reality check by saying, "Hey, you do realize I have been asking for apples and you keep sticking these oranges out at me...."

Sometimes they say, "Oh, I am sorry... I didn't realise- I wasn't thinking, here, no harm done, here are the apples...."

Sometimes they say, "Sorry riff, all I got are oranges....."

Sometimes they say, "Comeback later, maybe I will have some apples then."

Sometimes they say, "I got apples, but they are the green kind."

Sometimes they say, "Have a red delicious on me for free."

Sometimes they say, "Sorry, I am closed!"

How do I respond? Wow. Sometimes if I really have heart set on an apple, well, I just need to go to another vendor.

But then again, green apples are good, and so are oranges, why not try one?

It's all how I look at it. It's unrealistic for me to want red delicious apples all the time. Next thing you know I'll be wanting seedless.

It's important to let people know that I like red delicious apples, but that I also like other fruit too.

The only time I am truly disappointed by other people is when I ask for an apple and they give me something that looks like an apple, even kind of feels like an apple, but when I bite into it, all I can taste is plastic. And then again, that's just the way life is. I don't have to swallow. I can spit it out and go somewhere else.

Good morning JL.

 

[juicylips]

Re: disappointment in others

<snip>

Granted, sometimes you need to take a cold, hard look at your friends -- and get rid of the ones that bring you down constantly. And you need to accept the rest for who and what they are flaws and all.

But all of that starts from accepting yourself and loving yourself unconditionally first.

Just my .02 cents.

Persephone

Your post was worth much more than two cents, P

It's often difficult to get rid of those who have been part of your life for so long. Even when you recognize that they drag you down.

You are so correct in thinking that you have to love yourself first.

JL