Do Opposites Attract? - D/s Style

[Ebonyfire]

Reading some of the threads, I wondered if that well known phrase "opposites attract" holds true anymore. I also wonder if it has any bearing on a D/s hookup between Dom/mes and subs.

I know I attract submissives who are physically opposite to me, and many times they are temperamentally opposite too.

They are lightskinned, I am more dark skinned
They are more shy, I am more outgoing
They have one ethnicity, I have another Etc.

What do you (Dom/mes, subs switches, other) think?

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

**Bump**

Reading some of the threads, I wondered if that well known phrase "opposites attract" holds true anymore. I also wonder if it has any bearing on a D/s hookup between Dom/mes and subs.

I know I attract submissives who are physically opposite to me, and many times they are temperamentally opposite too.

They are lightskinned, I am more dark skinned
They are more shy, I am more outgoing
They have one ethnicity, I have another Etc.

What do you (Dom/mes, subs switches, other) think?

Ebony

 

[Desdemona]

I'm still thinking about this one. It may take me a while to decide; I need a nap.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I'm still thinking about this one. It may take me a while to decide; I need a nap.

I need to go grocery shopping. I hate grocery shopping I need a 24/7!!!!!

Eb <shaking her fist and railing at the gods>

 

[~Dream~]

interesting topic Eb..

Master is controlling
I am submissive
Master likes country
I prefer rock
Master has LOTS of patience
I NEED to work at mine
Master eats healthier
I Love my vanilla coke and junk food lol
Master was in the military
I have only 'served' at Walmart etc..


however many 'things that I could go on& on to list the REAL truth is ..we have ALOT of things in common also..we BOTH are fircely loyal to each other,Both believe deeply in openness and Honesty,Both Highly Respect each other,(both LOVE Reese's cups) yummy hehe,Both want,yearn,crave For and Desire Passion in Our lives and I think our different 'Kinks compliment each other quite nicely..

 

[Hot4Heels]

I think dream nailed it.

Somewhere there needs to be some kind of complimentary action with opposites. A common ground that can be shared no mater which paths were taken to it.

 

[~Dream~]

why ty Hot4heels

I think dream nailed it.

Somewhere there needs to be some kind of complimentary action with opposites. A common ground that can be shared no mater which paths were taken to it.

tthanks for your post H4H..Yes ,I think it is the 'common ground' that we all search for,endeavor to find..and the things that are ';opposite" about each other is what adds the spice ' or variety" to the relationship.. we each have to have something that we truly enjoy doing even when our partner is not around..

 

[Hot4Heels]

I also feel this applys to ANY relation ship.

I think D/s relationships are slightly, notice SLIGHTLY more complex than a vanilla relationship but first they have to be RELATIONSHIPS no mater what flavor they may be.

 

[A Desert Rose]

This is a toughy....

In some ways we are attracted to opposite personalities, especially in a D/s relationship, in my opinion.

But on the other hand, I am attracted to fast thinking, intelligent, funny men. All traits that I like to believe I also have, to some degree. I think I need to qualify that a bit, I am attracted to same kind of woman too, on a friendship level. (Case in point is my attraction and attempts at cultivating a friendship with Eb.)

I am a submissive person with the right Dom. I will not submit to others. The contrast between the Dom personality and mine (a submissive one) in my experience has been different. However, I do not think a Dom who is worthy of me would want a stupid submissive. I think he would want one, who on many levels, can challenge his intellect and his wit and who also knows what her position in the relationship is.

Make any sense? Not to me really. I know that we look for traits in others that we either see in ourselves or would like to see there. So I guess, in my little brain, we are attracted to people more like us than different.

Well, made me think anyway. Thanks Eb.

Just an opinion piece- MINE.
Rose

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: interesting topic Eb..

Master is controlling
I am submissive
Master likes country
I prefer rock
Master has LOTS of patience
I NEED to work at mine
Master eats healthier
I Love my vanilla coke and junk food lol
Master was in the military
I have only 'served' at Walmart etc..


however many 'things that I could go on& on to list the REAL truth is ..we have ALOT of things in common also..we BOTH are fircely loyal to each other,Both believe deeply in openness and Honesty,Both Highly Respect each other,(both LOVE Reese's cups) yummy hehe,Both want,yearn,crave For and Desire Passion in Our lives and I think our different 'Kinks compliment each other quite nicely..

There are only a few things that are different for Master and I than for Artful and Dream....so I must thank Dream for typing this for me....lol. Seriously the idea here is exactly what I have in my relationship, even before the D/s came into the picture.


dixi

 

[Verypowerful]

I need to go grocery shopping. I hate grocery shopping I need a 24/7!!!!!

Eb <shaking her fist and railing at the gods>

I am soooo much in agreement Eb.

( just needed to add that, please carry on)

VP

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: This is a toughy....

In some ways we are attracted to opposite personalities, especially in a D/s relationship, in my opinion.

But on the other hand, I am attracted to fast thinking, intelligent, funny men. All traits that I like to believe I also have, to some degree. I think I need to qualify that a bit, I am attracted to same kind of woman too, on a friendship level. (Case in point is my attraction and attempts at cultivating a friendship with Eb.)

I am a submissive person with the right Dom. I will not submit to others. The contrast between the Dom personality and mine (a submissive one) in my experience has been different. However, I do not think a Dom who is worthy of me would want a stupid submissive. I think he would want one, who on many levels, can challenge his intellect and his wit and who also knows what her position in the relationship is.

Make any sense? Not to me really. I know that we look for traits in others that we either see in ourselves or would like to see there. So I guess, in my little brain, we are attracted to people more like us than different.

Well, made me think anyway. Thanks Eb.

Just an opinion piece- MINE.
Rose

Sure it makes sense. My boys are very successful men in their professional lives. They offer their submission to Me from a position of strength, not weakness. That makes it that much more worthwhile. Who wants a toy who is not an equal human being? I certainly do not. But as always, YMMV.

Eb

 

[~Dream~]

Re: Re: interesting topic Eb..

There are only a few things that are different for Master and I than for Artful and Dream....so I must thank Dream for typing this for me....lol. Seriously the idea here is exactly what I have in my relationship, even before the D/s came into the picture.


dixi

__________________________
aha! Sis Dixie!! the TRUTH is out..You also like Reese cups!! fess up!! lol

 

[Persephone36]

I think this is really interesting Eb -- because I've only ever been comfortable in the past with men who came from the same background -- had similar experiences.

And then I met my best friend (male) a year and a half ago -- and we couldn't come from more different backgrounds.

I happened to fall in love with him when we first knew each other. First guy I'd fallen for in 6 years.

And he's younger than me by 9 years -- so it's a 20's vs. 30's thing
He loves cars, rebuilds them -- I don't know how to drive
He's very mechanical -- lol, I'm not
He lives in LA and was born in the south. I live in NYC and I was born in the north
He grew up *dirt* poor and lost his dad when he was 12 -- I grew up very privileged, and my parents are both alive still
He's half Japanese and half American -- I'm half Australian and half American
He hates the telephone, I could talk on it (and do, lol) for hours

There are SO many differences between us. But when it came down to brass tacks -- he ended up (by telling me about his own experiences) being the one who made me discover my sub side -- and my being drawn to bdsm. I don't know when I would have discovered it on my own. It scared the living hell out of me when he first told me about his kinks. I can remember telling him that he would find me boring in bed then because I was just soooo vanilla (I don't even think I knew the 'nilla word at that point, lol.) God, now THAT'S changed a 360 degrees -- lol I think I've broken through a lot more boundaries than he has. My turn to teach him, lol.

BUT -- I would never have known about nipple clamps if it wasn't for him, lol.

Now -- he didn't fall in love with me. What we didn't share was physical chemistry. And the distance was a non-negotiable thing for him. But he would and will -- never be attracted to me physically. Just chemistry.

So -- first thing -- you've GOT to have chemistry, lol.

However, we share a deep understanding of the other, emotionally. We just adore each other. He thinks I'm fascinating -- I think he's probably the most devoted, loyal and loving person I've ever met. And he's always said he wanted to know me and be my friend because of how different I was from him. And because I had qualities he values -- humor, intelligence, warmth. I see the exact same things in him. I can be alone with him for days and be as happy and relaxed as I've ever been (although it took us a long time to get to this point. It took me about 8 mon. to get over my lust for him, lol.)

So he changed me. Now I realize -- you can learn so much by being with someone who is different from you. As long as we talk the same language of love, laughter, and smarts, lol. All the rest is negotiable -- and wonderfully interesting to discover. To me it's the differences that make someone so attractive -- as well as discovering our similarities. That's the frisson -- the excitement of *really* opening yourself up to someone new -- to the person, not your ideals.

Still, it's me, I'll admit -- I'm not great at this. Because it's my tremendous insecurity that *I* won't be accepted for being different from the man I'm attracted to. That he'll dismiss me when he discovers how different I am from him. I had it constantly with Mike (that's my friend) and it caused a lot of arguments. I still can't quiet that part of myself. I'm just now *trying* once again (baby steps here) to not listen to that part of me. It's what you call "rejection sensitivity" -- and it's a large part of the kind of atypical depression I have. It's truly time I did undo it or stop listening to it. Sometimes things have to really smack you in the nose to realize what was just one of a number of issues -- needs to be addressed *now* It serves no purpose for me, except keeping me from exactly what I desire...

...Being open to someone who's not some mirror version of me. That would be a living death to me.

Anyway back to topic more directly...

I'm not necessarily drawn to men who are different from me -- I'm just much more open now to accepting someone who is not the image of what I have in my head. In fact, lol, I ignore that image now. I just look for a connection, a click. It's scary as all hell -- but is exciting as all get out too.

Perse

 

[Ebonyfire]

I love your posts Perse...

I think this is really interesting Eb -- because I've only ever been comfortable in the past with men who came from the same background -- had similar experiences.

And then I met my best friend (male) a year and a half ago -- and we couldn't come from more different backgrounds.

I happened to fall in love with him when we first knew each other. First guy I'd fallen for in 6 years.

And he's younger than me by 9 years -- so it's a 20's vs. 30's thing
He loves cars, rebuilds them -- I don't know how to drive
He's very mechanical -- lol, I'm not
He lives in LA and was born in the south. I live in NYC and I was born in the north
He grew up *dirt* poor and lost his dad when he was 12 -- I grew up very privileged, and my parents are both alive still
He's half Asian and half American -- I'm half Australian and half American
He hates the telephone, I could talk on it (and do, lol) for hours

There are SO many differences between us. But when it came down to brass tacks -- he ended up (by telling me about his own experiences) being the one who made me discover my sub side -- and my being drawn to bdsm. I don't know when I would have discovered it on my own. It scared the living hell out of me when he first told me about his kinks. I can remember telling him that he would find me boring in bed then because I was just soooo vanilla (I don't even think I knew the 'nilla word at that point, lol.) God, now THAT'S changed a 360 degrees -- lol I think I've broken through a lot more boundaries than he has. My turn to teach him, lol.

BUT -- I would never have known about nipple clamps if it wasn't for him, lol.

Now -- he didn't fall in love with me. What we didn't share was physical chemistry. And the distance was a non-negotiable thing for him. But he would and will -- never be attracted to me physically. Just chemistry.

So -- first thing -- you've GOT to have chemistry, lol.

However, we share a deep understanding of the other, emotionally. We just adore each other. He thinks I'm fascinating -- I think he's probably the most devoted, loyal and loving person I've ever met. And he's always said he wanted to know me and be my friend because of how different I was from him. And because I had qualities he values -- humor, intelligence, warmth. I see the exact same things in him. I can be alone with him for days and be as happy and relaxed as I've ever been (although it took us a long time to get to this point. It took me about 8 mon. to get over my lust for him, lol.)

So he changed me. Now I realize -- you can learn so much by being with someone who is different from you. As long as we talk the same language of love, laughter, and smarts, lol. All the rest is negotiable -- and wonderfully interesting to discover. To me it's the differences that make someone so attractive -- as well as discovering our similarities. That's the frisson -- the excitement of *really* opening yourself up to someone new -- to the person, not your ideals.

Still, it's me, I'll admit -- I'm not great at this. Because it's my tremendous insecurity that *I* won't be accepted for being different from the man I'm attracted to. That he'll dismiss me when he discovers how different I am from him. I had it constantly with Mike (that's my friend) and it caused a lot of arguments. I still can't quiet that part of myself. I'm just now *trying* once again (baby steps here) to not listen to that part of me. It's what you call "rejection sensitivity" -- and it's a large part of the kind of atypical depression I have. It's truly time I did undo it or stop listening to it. Sometimes things have to really smack you in the nose to realize what was just one of a number of issues -- needs to be addressed *now* It serves no purpose for me, except keeping me from exactly what I desire...

...Being open to someone who's not some mirror version of me. That would be a living death to me.

Anyway back to topic more directly...

I'm not necessarily drawn to men who are different from me -- I'm just much more open now to accepting someone who is not the image of what I have in my head. In fact, lol, I ignore that image now. I just look for a connection, a click. It's scary as all hell -- but is exciting as all get out too.

Perse

They are so complete and thoughtful. And you seem to "get" where I am coming from in a thread.

I find that the externals may be opposite, but the internals are usually more congruent. At least in my life. Thanks for sharing so much.

Eb

 

[Persephone36]

Re: I love your posts Perse...

They are so complete and thoughtful. And you seem to "get" where I am coming from in a thread.

I find that the externals may be opposite, but the internals are usually more congruent. At least in my life. Thanks for sharing so much.

Eb

Thank you Eb! I thought I was kind of verbose there. But that was a hard one to write, you know? I actually just had a couple of realizations as I was writing (which is always exciting in a way.) I just had that *thunk* -- I have to face things -- things that are difficult for me to accept in myself, if I want to move past them.

If I accept me -- then in the end run, I'm always safe and can't be rejected by the most important person in my life -- me. I have to stop looking for acceptance outside of myself. I mean -- it's human to want to be desired, loved, accepted. I accept others so easily. Except I don't accept that they can care about me. But I have to make the effort to do it for myself, if I also want it from others. It's the way I've ruined relationships in my life. Being lazy about working on my insecurities and fear -- and then draining others. Luckily -- some relationships have been strengthed by going through the painful parts of what I'm so bad with. But it's time to stop the pain I'm responsible for. Time for me to learn the lessons and grow.

Lots of realizations I just made. Thanks for inspiring them Eb.

You're so right -- it's the internals that make for the "click" between two people. You can have differences and shared things in the external. But to be a little flowery -- it's the place where the hearts recognize each other -- that's what makes a relationship.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: I love your posts Perse...

I find that the externals may be opposite, but the internals are usually more congruent. At least in my life. Thanks for sharing so much.

Eb

My point exactly. I drive a grand marquis, my last love drove a cherokee. I love Mexican food, he hated it.

It was the inside that mattered. We shared alot of the same values, ethics and morals, the same fun senses of silly humor, we shared a love for many of the things deep inside ourselves.

So again, I believe we look for people more like us than not in our relationships, be it romance or friendship or both.

And he liked my dog.

Rose

 

[Persephone36]

Re: Re: I love your posts Perse...

So again, I believe we look for people more like us than not in our relationships, be it romance or friendship or both.

And he liked my dog.

Rose

I think you're right Rose -- we do look for what we subconsciously desire. And that's about fulfilling your needs. So, it is finding someone you "recognize" in a way.

Oh yeah, and if they like my cat -- they're in like Flynn.

Perse

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: I love your posts Perse...

I think you're right Rose -- we do look for what we subconsciously desire. And that's about fulfilling your needs. So, it is finding someone you "recognize" in a way.

Oh yeah, and if they like my cat -- they're in like Flynn.

Perse

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly, and you can never go wrong with a man who likes little creatures....

Rose

 

[Desdemona]

I think its a combination of being attracted to my opposite and also being attracted to someone like me. There must be some common ground and shared understanding. The things that we might differ on just add a little extra spice and balance; serving to prevent boredom.

 

[Persephone36]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I love your posts Perse...

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly, and you can never go wrong with a man who likes little creatures....

Rose

Absolutely! Actually...that's on my non-negotiable list. They've got to like cats and dogs, lol.

Perse

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I love your posts Perse...

Absolutely! Actually...that's on my non-negotiable list. They've got to like cats and dogs, lol.

Perse

Its on my non-negotiable list also.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I love your posts Perse...

Absolutely! Actually...that's on my non-negotiable list. They've got to like cats and dogs, lol.

Perse

And if they have an affinity for little, furry rodents-- they are out the door!

Rose

 

[SierraMoon]

The Dom that i play with and i are very different... which i think is good, because he makes me try things that i normally wouldn't.....
The Master who holds my heart (we have never been together.. for play or otherwise) and i are very much the same...i consider him to be one of my best friends....
explain that.....

 

[A Desert Rose]

This will be a mistake but.....

I am going to do something I swore I would not do.

This is what I want and I hope it doesn't sound like an ad, because that is not my intent. I think it will illustrate more fully, MY mindset:

I want a man who thinks like I think. He will then know what my boundries and limits are. He will know my tolerance level. He will understand my ethical standards.

I want a man as smart or a wee bit smarter than I. He will be able to challenge me mentally and know when and where to challenge me physically.
He will have a full grasp of what being my Dom is and what my submission means to him. He will be smart enough to handle the power and control given over to him.

I want a man who can have fun, who can laugh and make me laugh, but who knows when the seriousness begins and then takes control of me and the situation.

I would not top the man I am involved with. We would just understand each other better.

And all those traits in the imaginary man I speak of, are things I see in myself or would like to see there.

And he must like my dog.

Rose