Do I wanna get punished? Would it help?

[Adakgirl]

Like you fighting depression has been a lifelong struggle for me. Am I where I want to be? Noooooo but I am much better now than I have been for the past two years. You are welcome and hugs back. Perhaps an on-line Dominant would be a help to you, if he/she are interested in giving you boundaries, maintaining control and pushing you. But most it seems are interested in being paid back a high price for their Dominance. Using you for their sexual enjoyment and gratification. If you don't mind paying that price..then put an add in the BDSM personals detailing your needs.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Like you fighting depression has been a lifelong struggle for me. Am I where I want to be? Noooooo but I am much better now than I have been for the past two years. You are welcome and hugs back. Perhaps an on-line Dominant would be a help to you, if he/she are interested in giving you boundaries, maintaining control and pushing you. But most it seems are interested in being paid back a high price for their Dominance. Using you for their sexual enjoyment and gratification. If you don't mind paying that price..then put an add in the BDSM personals detailing your needs.

Depression is something that a lot of people have to deal with at least repeatedly. If your biochemical balance tends that way, then you need to be aware of it and you need to develop strategies - which will come with time. But although depression is a bit about biochemistry it's also a bit about stress. You need to learn what stresses you personally, and work at ways either to desensitise them or to work around them. And, also, just because you've been depressed in young adulthood (lots of people are) doesn't mean you'll struggle with it for life.

When it comes to 'giving you boundaries' and 'pushing you', what's critical is not to push you towards targets which you can't achieve. Even small failures cause setbacks, just as even small successes strengthen you. So whoever you choose needs to be sensitive and thoughtful, and needs to spend time listening to who you are and what you can do (and what you fear). It needs to be someone mature, patient and caring.

I can see the safety merits of finding someone online, but I'm not sure I'd just place an ad in the BDSM personals - I think there is a whole school of sharks who prowl there.

 

[KorAzor]

The right kind of Dom for you could help with your depression, but you need to be aware that the wrong kind could be a setback. (And odds are you won't find the right person right off the bat) On the other hand a good D/s dynamic with the right person can make them a very strong support due to the mix of trust, caring, authority, level-headedness, sternness, discipline, etc.

At the same time keep in mind that such a person is only one piece of a puzzle and cannot replace professional help.

My wife got over several years of really bad depression after we met. The structure of our relationship worked for her and helped her, but in conjunction with her doctor and meds. However her depression was largely due to severe mindfucking (and not the fun kind) from previous relationships in the first place.

 

[darebearstare]

just to throw my two cents in.....
i have lived with major manic depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, paranoia, and several other "depression" related problems....
i wanted to let you know that in my opinion being a sub is a good release not a cure...it will help to bring structure and discipline (and gives me the pain i need as a cutter) to your life and will help you cope with your lack of self esteem *if you have that* and also will teach you that by being obedient you will not be so depressed... but that is just my opinion and what has worked for me so far.... i am still fairly new to the game but i already feel quite a bit better... *no my join date was not my first experience with bdsm just message boards about it* ty for reading and i hope i helped

 

[SlaveNienna]

Hi everyone,

I have been having this question in my head for a while, but I have not put any conclusion towards it. Any comments are welcomed!

I am actually not too much into BDSM, but I do know I like bondage and some light spanking and the powerplay control part. From what I fantasize I am more of a switch; I like to tie someone up and spank but on the other hand I would very much to be tied and and spanked.

When I was a kid, I had depression since I can remember. I hated myself and wanted my parents to scold and punish for in short who I am. I recently got out of depression and felt great for the past few months. However, for the past few weeks it came racing back and took me off guard. I have been trying to get back up, at times I can as I am trying to do stuff that I enjoy. It does not really work though, as I also don't feel like going out even though I know I would enjoy it. Basically I do not have motivation and feel tired, as I am trying not to be too depressed. It affects my uni life, as I am not doing anything for it. I have been wondering on and off about being punished, the need to tell me and show me that I need discipline. So I have been pondering whether maybe a one experience or maybe more would actually help.

I would appreciate any comments. thx

I know exactly where you're coming from. I have depression as well and few people who don't live with it can even come close to understanding how you feel. What you described reminds me so much of me on my "bad" days. Feeling tired, feeling like "what's the point" to anything. It's like all the pages were suddenly painted with grey. It will come and go and there may be long periods of time where it doesn't happen and you may think it's gone away but it's likely to come back. It's not a suicidal or self esteem thing for me. I can feel inside of me that it's definitely chemical. Personally, I don't like doctors and I'm tired of being misdiagnosed and pushed off with drugs that never really help me. While, for the most part, I will agree with CutieMouse. Exercise every morning, get plenty of vitamin C and a well balanced diet. Sometimes too just cry it out. You need a healthy outlet for that negative energy and a good cry will often do it. However I disagree that BDSM is not a treatment for emotional ailments. Quite the opposite actually. Pain can actually release endorphins that make us feel better and for your lover to bring you into "sub space" can be a strong emotional release and sort of a vacation from the conscious state. Like I said, few people realize that depression is not a self esteem issue. Oh ya, and sunlight helps. That's one method I can't use because I'm photosensitive but I've heard that it works well for others. Another thing that helps me a lot is caffeine. Have an energy drink and then keep busy with physical chores all day. It will get your endorphins flowing and by the end of your tasks you will feel accomplished. It's not an easy thing to deal with and don't blame yourself, you've done nothing wrong it's just who you are. To quote the Care Bears "sometimes you feel so glad, sometimes you feel blue, share your feelings it's not bad, feelings are just you." If you need any more advice or even just an understanding ear to vent to you can feel free to pm me. I've dealt with depression on and off my whole life and to be honest, now that I understand it and it's within my control, I really don't want to get rid of that side of myself completely as the doctors would make me do. Sometimes going through hard times can provide you with an inner strength and give muse for art and poetry that would otherwise not be there. Stay strong.

 

[SlaveNienna]

Computer glich. Posted twice. Sorry.

 

[nh23]

However I disagree that BDSM is not a treatment for emotional ailments. Quite the opposite actually. Pain can actually release endorphins that make us feel better and for your lover to bring you into "sub space" can be a strong emotional release and sort of a vacation from the conscious state.

Until you drop. Not having ever suffered from clinical depression, I'm curious how someone with it handles sub drop. I would imagine it had the potential of making things a lot worse.

 

[Dreamy87]

Thx for all your replies and insights!

to adakgirl - thx for your suggestion!

to SimonBrooke - I totally agree there!

to KorAzor - I am glad that your wife is getting better now!!! thx for your reply! If I ever get into a D/s relationship, I will definitely test the water out first!

to darebearstare - thx for your post! I am glad to hear that it some way it helps. I totally with you, that it wont cure it but does help to put some structure. but of course, it depends on the dom and each individual decisions.

to SlaveNienna - thx for your post! and yes, after some thinking or lots...I agree that bdsm does not cure anything. It really depends on the individual, but should not be seen as a cure or be depending on it. and really appreciate your offer! and sooo totally agree with you there with that "Sometimes going through hard times can provide you with an inner strength and give muse for art and poetry that would otherwise not be there."

since some what you all have posted clash...I will reply to various things in one go rather to each individual. it is all by my perspective and can apply to some ppl..or not...

after my first post, as I have said, I understand that bdsm...the need of punishment does not cure my depression. Instead I have tried to reach my core of that need. Biochemistry is of course a factor, the right balance of diet, sun and especially exercise! I have started swimming and it felt great. I am trying to go once a week. Since 16 I have recognized that I have to do something about myself and should not wait any longer for someone to help me. I decided to study abroad for a year to change my environment, which was the best decision I ever made. I found the energy to do something about myself. Since then I have changed quite a lot and after 6 years up and downs I kind of achieved what brought me down as a kid. But depression can come and go, the fatal down I did not expect and put me quite back for 4 weeks. and for a week now...I have my control back...

the main idea is:
Live A Life The Way You Want. Follow Your Ideas, Aims & Passion, But Not Be Controlled By Your Desires.

-why do I desire punishment?
Cos I felt I need to be punished having done not good as I should. this might..and did...lead on wanting to be worse to desire real punishment.

-What is the aim of that punishment?
to feel what I should deserve for what I have done or not done and get disciplined

-But what is the ultimate goal? What do you want from it?
in the end what I actually want is to overcome depression and feel great (doesn't everyone!)...so basically, because already being punished, you do need to punish oneself mentally anymore? I thought that I really accepted for who I am already, but that only proves I have not...so --> why do you wanna get punish for who you are? so I made myself realize that I do not need punishment to achieve what I really want. I do not want to use pain as a motivation, but try to aim for what I really want instead of going down into depression, which is hard to control at times. but then it s like, what you really want and what you desire at that time can be 2 opposite, and it is our decision where we put our boundaries. I decided that I do not want to be controlled by my immediate desires, and will try to keep reminding myself what I really want. I even see my depression as a cause that made me understand ppl well. There is always a reason behind things, just see the bright side. It made me for who I am. Now, I never regretted anything. Writing down what I really want has helped me and besides I noticed that I got lost in getting out of depression by solving the original cause. I thought that I have unlock it but i wasnt there yet and tried more. I was scared that it would close up again...And only ytd...I noticed...I have already unlocked it to achieve who I was really inside (that alone took me 5yrs), I have done it...came out of my shell... there is no need to push, but just be who I am.

-what do I really want? as I said I got lost by trying to get out with depression emotionally that I lost my view on what I really wanted in life, I mean, for what am I struggling for?...I made a list...and it will guide me...now i m tryin to keep reminding myself every morning...what do I want?

 

[WA_cop]

A genuine offer...

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