Do I Have to?

[Felix_Jones]

Alright five dates, had sex twice, probably a couple more dates coming since I want to see a film festival with someone...if I don't want to see this girl any more after that am I going to have to state it explicitly? Or can I do the manly thing and just stop returning her phone calls/texts?

 

[TypicalDeviant]

Alright five dates, had sex twice, probably a couple more dates coming since I want to see a film festival with someone...if I don't want to see this girl any more after that am I going to have to state it explicitly? Or can I do the manly thing and just stop returning her phone calls/texts?

Oh, you.


If you don't want to see her anymore then you tell her that. That's what a responsible, respectful adult would do, and that's what a man is. You don't tell her through email or a text; if you stop returning her communications, you'll be an ass. You either tell her in person over coffee or something or you tell her over the phone.

Tell her the truth as to why you don't want to see her any more. Don't drop some "it's not you, it's me" bullshit. If you somehow liked her enough to fuck her but not enough to keep seeing her, then be prepared to hurt her feelings when you tell her that. It comes with the territory.

 

[SweetErika]

You need to tell her explicitly. It's the right thing to do, especially since you've already been intimate. Don't add yourself to the scum by just dropping off the face of the Earth.

And if you're likely to dump her, you really shouldn't ask for more dates or have sex with her again. Stringing her along just because you're horny or don't want to go somewhere alone is total douchebag behavior, too.

 

[bailadora]

I don't know about *manly*, but the decent thing to do is to cut ties with her (in person or over the phone, but not text or email) and do not ask her for anymore dates, regardless of what festivals are looming down the road. Yes, her feelings are likely to be hurt, but better that now than let her think things are progressing nicely between the pair of you.

 

[Red_and_Mackie]

Alright five dates, had sex twice, probably a couple more dates coming since I want to see a film festival with someone...if I don't want to see this girl any more after that am I going to have to state it explicitly? Or can I do the manly thing and just stop returning her phone calls/texts?

If it is not going to work out then tell her. Make it clear and make it fast. Do it now, before you are intimate again and she thinks things are going in the right direction. Leading her on makes you a jerk and makes her emotional pain even worse when the axe does come down.

 

[emap]

Ah hell Felix you are already in total douchebag territory, unless you say right off the bat I just want sex and your hot you don't just screw somebody and not want anything else.

I was a total slut and would just fuck people but hell I wanted a relationship, I went in to their bed saying I hope we like each other. I usually would see them more than the once, even when I didn't remember the sex or meeting them. What you are doing is nothing more than being a complete asshole. If there is no sparkle besides a wet hole to fuck fucking tell her before you get to the second or third time of it.

Perhaps you thought you liked her and went on with the sex and seeing each other. Keeping her around to go to some movies even though there is nothing there isn't manly, that is scared shitless little boy. Man up and tell her now and perhaps she will think of you nicely in twenty years.

 

[chaosgirl42]

Honestly, everyone above me has said all that needs to be said. I'm just adding my voice to the chorus, and seconding the motion of you not being a asshole.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Right. Option two then...the gradual distancing. I'm thinking the thing to do is make her lose interest. Public places, stilted conversation, and all of the sudden my work schedule requires very early mornings. Still, I can't break my three year streak of having film festival dates. But the part of the chorus about not being *laugh* intimate any more is true...good advice.

 

[Firebrain]

Don't be a cunt.

You're already a moron who has nobody to go to a festival with...

 

[Felix_Jones]

Don't be a cunt.

You're already a moron who has nobody to go to a festival with...

But I do have someone for the festival. It'll only be like two more weeks.

 

[gemaussieslut]

let me join the chorus of replies with yes you're a cunt.

don't ask for peoples opinion and then expect all replies to agree with your plan

3 year streak? major cunt. she would be better off without you.

Man up and tell her what you expect out of this "relationship" she will either agree or tell you to fuck off.

 

[Felix_Jones]

let me join the chorus of replies with yes you're a cunt.

don't ask for peoples opinion and then expect all replies to agree with your plan

3 year streak? major cunt. she would be better off without you.

Man up and tell her what you expect out of this "relationship" she will either agree or tell you to fuck off.

Hey no need to sugar coat it or anything. You sound you've read a lot of Irvine Welsh.
I'm more into vague and gradual transitions, easy in and easy out. Like an old man into a bathtub.

 

[Firebrain]

If you're serious...I really do pity you.

 

[Felix_Jones]

If you're serious...I really do pity you.

Thanks!

I mean it wasn't like we were declaring our affection for each other on the first fate, so i figure it's not like I'm going to out and blurt something like...no more you and me, it's a process.

 

[chaosgirl42]

I think the ladies are pissed, because it's such a chicken shit way to end things. The Chorus I was agreeing with made it pretty clear that a distinct ending was required. Personally I don't care if you take her to the film festival; as long as she has a good time I'll give you a clear pass *rolls eyes*

However, after the festival make a clear and concise end to this thing. She can then at least write you off quickly. It'll be a learning experience for her to state her intentions upfront. I'm an eternal optimist so I like to think that if she had said from the get-go that she wanted a serious relationship you would have said you piece and left.

 

[NomadLady]

Thanks!

I mean it wasn't like we were declaring our affection for each other on the first fate, so i figure it's not like I'm going to out and blurt something like...no more you and me, it's a process.

No wonder you are 33 and still single....

 

[Felix_Jones]

I think the ladies are pissed, because it's such a chicken shit way to end things. The Chorus I was agreeing with made it pretty clear that a distinct ending was required. Personally I don't care if you take her to the film festival; as long as she has a good time I'll give you a clear pass *rolls eyes*

However, after the festival make a clear and concise end to this thing. She can then at least write you off quickly. It'll be a learning experience for her to state her intentions upfront. I'm an eternal optimist so I like to think that if she had said from the get-go that she wanted a serious relationship you would have said you piece and left.

Yeah I'm with you in the first part. Although I think that these sudden declarative statements are a little gauche, no? You know, like I want this...or I want that makes things tense. How about a little vague indecision? Mystery some people even call it.

 

[Felix_Jones]

No wonder you are 33 and still single....

Single-ish...but yeah looks like I am.

 

[Somehowyou]

Alright five dates, had sex twice, probably a couple more dates coming since I want to see a film festival with someone...if I don't want to see this girl any more after that am I going to have to state it explicitly? Or can I do the manly thing and just stop returning her phone calls/texts?

Hey Felix. If you don't want to go out with her anymore you don't have to. You didn't marry her at anytime during one of those five dates correct? There are two ways to do this. 1.) Just tell her that there is no spark and you think it's best you stop seeing her. Tell her your sorry because you don't want to hurt her feelings. I think it is OK to do it over the phone. I think a text message or email is not the way to go if you choose option 1. Over the phone you can have a dialogue. She can ask a few questions or make comments. this way you can let her have her say. I would also let her have the last word even if is just to blow off steam. Clean breaks are the best. Option 2.) is to see if she picks up on hints. Don't return her calls, don't email her avoid her and see if she can take a hint. After all, you have only went out on a few dates together. Option 2 is viable because its only been 5 dates. Its not like you talked about exclusivity or you were engaged or anything like this correct? If she still wants to make booty calls then thats OK. As long as she understands that this is all it is....a booty call.

My God, all the women on this thread. It's true...Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And if it were anyone of you, you would probably rationalize and somehow it would be OK. We have all been on both sides of this. Be honest. Have you ever ignored someone hoping they take the hint?

 

[Felix_Jones]

Hey Felix. If you don't want to go out with her anymore you don't have to. You didn't marry her at anytime during one of those five dates correct? There are two ways to do this. 1.) Just tell her that there is no spark and you think it's best you stop seeing her. Tell her your sorry because you don't want to hurt her feelings. I think it is OK to do it over the phone. I think a text message or email is not the way to go if you choose option 1. Over the phone you can have a dialogue. She can ask a few questions or make comments. this way you can let her have her say. I would also let her have the last word even if is just to blow off steam. Clean breaks are the best. Option 2.) is to see if she picks up on hints. Don't return her calls, don't email her avoid her and see if she can take a hint. After all, you have only went out on a few dates together. Option 2 is viable because its only been 5 dates. Its not like you talked about exclusivity or you were engaged or anything like this correct? If she still wants to make booty calls then thats OK. As long as she understands that this is all it is....a booty call.

My God, all the women on this thread. It's true...Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And if it were anyone of you, you would probably rationalize and somehow it would be OK. We have all been on both sides of this. Be honest. Have you ever ignored someone hoping they take the hint?

Yeah, I think that seems reasonable.

 

[chaosgirl42]

Somehowyou
The actual quote is: Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned
Only telling because it's the first part we're reacting to. If he does the slow fade, and it sounds like he will, she'll just end up disliking him and probably taking out that dislike on the next hapless fellow who comes her way. It's not about "if she can take a hint" it's about being grown up enough to realize that mystery can be fun in the beginning of a relationship, but has no place at the ending of one.

And of course some of us have done the slow fade, but just because I've driven drunk doesn't make it a good idea.

Felix, pull your big girl panties up and tell the girl how you feel about her.

 

[SweetErika]

You might be able to get away with the slow fade if you'd only been on a date or two. You'd still be an ass for not manning up and telling her you didn't see it going anywhere, but she probably wouldn't come out of it too scathed.

But the fact that you've had sex--twice, no less--puts more responsibility on your shoulders and makes it extremely likely she'll react as chaosgirl said if you're not very forthcoming and abundantly clear about what you're looking for from the relationship.

If you're not mature enough to end it in a responsible way, you're certainly not mature enough to be having sex. Keep you dick firmly in your own hand until you can be clear about your terms and thoughts from the start.

Or maybe you'll luck out and she'll dump your ass like tomorrow.

 

[RawHumor]

It's always so rewarding to be having fun with someone one day, maybe even sexual fun, and then thinking about what you might want to do on that next date... and suddenly they turn invisible.

Your idea of "manly" and mine are apparently quite different.

 

[Somehowyou]

You might be able to get away with the slow fade if you'd only been on a date or two. You'd still be an ass for not manning up and telling her you didn't see it going anywhere, but she probably wouldn't come out of it too scathed.

But the fact that you've had sex--twice, no less--puts more responsibility on your shoulders and makes it extremely likely she'll react as chaosgirl said if you're not very forthcoming and abundantly clear about what you're looking for from the relationship.

If you're not mature enough to end it in a responsible way, you're certainly not mature enough to be having sex. Keep you dick firmly in your own hand until you can be clear about your terms and thoughts from the start.

Or maybe you'll luck out and she'll dump your ass like tomorrow.

Maybe a little slow fade to give her the hint followed by a follow up call to say "I'm just not that into you." However, I do not think you need to join hands and sing Kumbyya.

Your not a bad guy. You just don't like the girl that much to go out with her anymore.

 

[Felix_Jones]

You might be able to get away with the slow fade if you'd only been on a date or two. You'd still be an ass for not manning up and telling her you didn't see it going anywhere, but she probably wouldn't come out of it too scathed.

But the fact that you've had sex--twice, no less--puts more responsibility on your shoulders and makes it extremely likely she'll react as chaosgirl said if you're not very forthcoming and abundantly clear about what you're looking for from the relationship.

If you're not mature enough to end it in a responsible way, you're certainly not mature enough to be having sex. Keep you dick firmly in your own hand until you can be clear about your terms and thoughts from the start.

Or maybe you'll luck out and she'll dump your ass like tomorrow.

Not likely, but since when did anyone have to be mature to have sex? Either way we're both adults, why is this responsibility on my shoulders? I'm not talking rude or manipulative, just a touch more reticent.