Do Dominants have a pref regarding Sub's experience?

[Phaedraa]

Hi,
My friend and I were talking about this, but I wanted to hear more opinions...

Would you, Dominants, prefer to be with a Sub with a significant amount of experience in the lifestyle rather than a newbie?

Would this be a deciding factor for you when choosing someone to both scene with and to enter into a relationship with?

And to the Subs, have you ever felt that your experience level worked for you or against you with your Dominant?

Thanks for your time!

 

[Mr Blonde]

I have no real preference about experience level. Each new relationship is a fresh start for me. I'm not looking for someone to take the place of past submissives and she shouldn't be looking for a carbon copy of her previous Dom(mes). As long as an experienced submissive is flexible and can adapt to a new relationship, there are no problems and we will create our boundaries for how the relationship will work.

I've always tried to separate experience from preferences. Let's say promiscuity. I was involved with a women who had slept with over 200 men. But the majority of those experiences were in her youth and by the time we met, we were both practicing serial monogamy and looking for same thing. The shoe has almost always been on the other foot but I was able to adjust to being the less experienced person.

On the inexperienced side, I am beginning to reach the age (30 years old) where most women should have at least a little experience if they have legitimate interest in BDSM. So if anything, I would begin to discount totally naive women based on the suspicion that we would not be compatible. I try to date women from 23-37 years old, so I am in the middle of the intermediate phase where a potential submissive might have 15+ years experience or be completely inexperienced. Just take it case by case based on current expectations for a relationship.

 

[WriterDom]

Experience is not a factor at all to me. Well, a small plus maybe. At least you know she isn't someone who isn't sure this is what she wants.

 

[Netzach]

I like experienced subs who have done all kinds of outrageous stuff while bottoming. I'm always up for learning something new, and a good dose of crazy fearlessness makes for entertaining stories.

I also love showing the passionate rope enthusiast who says he's a sub, that the rope may NEVER come out with me.

As an example.

Virgins are fun, too, if sincere. I get annoyed when someone doesn't know what the fuck they want, though.

 

[bound]

In the past I've had Doms that didn't want to get involved because I had "too much" experience. They felt like I wouldn't take to their training since I was trained elsewhere.

I was relieved in the end because it occured to me that if they had that little faith in their skills, then I probably would have regretted submitting to them anyway. =)

 

[MastrJ]

I can't really say that I have much of a preference either way. Although the idea of being able to take someone through a series of firsts is exciting, it wouldn't outweigh being with someone who knows what they want. I can't really say which way I would choose if faced with a decision where one potential was new and the other experienced.

 

[Phaedraa]

Thank you guys so much for posting- I've really enjoyed reading your thoughtful answers.
Phae

 

[serijules]

"I get annoyed when someone doesn't know what the fuck they want, though."

I should be using that quote option, shouldn't I. Ah well..

What do you define as not knowing what the fuck they want? I mean, what kind of actions lead you to feel that a person is undecisive, and thus, get annoyed with them for it?

This has always been a source of confusion for me. As someone who truly enjoys variety and new experiences and doesn't have a lot of preferences in how a scene goes, some partners have told me that this comes across as "not knowing what the fuck I want", whereas to me I'm simply going with the flow and allowing the Dom/me to take the scene where THEY would like it to go. To me, that is being submissive and willing to explore rather than trying to direct a scene to my preferences. Since I make my limits very clear before I play, when I have people misinterpret my reactions as not knowing what I want, I get rather exasperated.

 

[Netzach]

I meant more in a relational capacity, seri.

Someone who's open and exploratory is a pleasure to work with, a joy! Add realistic into the mix, and I'm very pleased.

I mean the common scenario in which almost always a guy....wants to be my slave and owned by me, and told what to do all the time...

without having the faintest idea that that's actually a lot of work and an investment on my part....

and while having no interest in following the most basic command when it ceases to suit him.

That's what I meant.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I prefer experience but it is not always mandatory.

 

[serijules]

I meant more in a relational capacity, seri.

Someone who's open and exploratory is a pleasure to work with, a joy! Add realistic into the mix, and I'm very pleased.

I mean the common scenario in which almost always a guy....wants to be my slave and owned by me, and told what to do all the time...

without having the faintest idea that that's actually a lot of work and an investment on my part....

and while having no interest in following the most basic command when it ceases to suit him.

That's what I meant.

Thanks for clearing that up, I thought I'd ask rather than misinterpret. I've actually had two partners like that, and yes, it was very annoying. I ended both relationships because they seemed more interested in the "status" of my belonging to them than in any real desire to work at making the relationship work. I wonder if that is more common with subs or with Dom/me's...

 

[Mr Blonde]

Eh, why not? Bumping for more replies!

 

[fallon2]

Nice

Experience is nice but not necessary. I do think that I like a sensual personality and someone I can respect for wanting to be a sub as well as my sub.
Some were more bratty than others and one was very bratty and too damn curious but I still kinda like her. I think we will become good friends . . .
I have met a few women who did not "know for sure" what they wanted and eventually they found what they did need.
Experience is nice but not necessary.

 

[Bandit58]

Master is enjoying training and teaching me. He knew I'd had no D/s experience when we got together but that I was open to exploring. He has had other subs who were not experienced, and others who thought they were (one apparently was very sexually experienced and thought she knew what to do, but doing it at Master's command and the way He wanted was a learning curve for her!)

 

[Kajira Callista]

Bump