Do condoms really break that often?

[timurlenky]

My boyfriend and I haven't had sex yet. I'm not on birth control so I told him he'd have to use condoms. Then he started to get all upset. (I'm a virgin, but he's had sex before).

He says that condoms are "not effective" at all. He says they break very easily. Like if he performs at a strange angle, or when he comes it will break from the pressure. My initial impression is that he's probably just been using them wrong, but I've never had sex so I really wouldn't know.

What are your guys' thoughts on this? I want to be prepared for when we finally do have sex, since the chances are that I will not be on birth control (it doesn't seem to mix well with my anti-depressants). Part of me also thinks he's just using it as an excuse to have sex without a condom, I guess for a better sensation. But I'm not too interested in getting pregnant yet.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

My boyfriend and I haven't had sex yet. I'm not on birth control so I told him he'd have to use condoms. Then he started to get all upset. (I'm a virgin, but he's had sex before).

He says that condoms are "not effective" at all. He says they break very easily. Like if he performs at a strange angle, or when he comes it will break from the pressure. My initial impression is that he's probably just been using them wrong, but I've never had sex so I really wouldn't know.

What are your guys' thoughts on this? I want to be prepared for when we finally do have sex, since the chances are that I will not be on birth control (it doesn't seem to mix well with my anti-depressants). Part of me also thinks he's just using it as an excuse to have sex without a condom, I guess for a better sensation. But I'm not too interested in getting pregnant yet.

I wonder if all males are taught in sex education classes the classic excuses for not wearing a condom.

 

[NippleMuncher]

He says that condoms are "not effective" at all. He says they break very easily. Like if he performs at a strange angle, or when he comes it will break from the pressure. My initial impression is that he's probably just been using them wrong, but I've never had sex so I really wouldn't know.

Your boyfriend is being an ass, and trying to manipulate you. Sex feels better without a condom, that is his only concern, rather than your safety and well-being. IMHO, this will make him unreliable to either have or wear condoms on his own, so that means you have a few options:

1 - Drop-kick his ass to the curb and don't give him a second thought, since he doesn't seem to think enough of you or your well being.

2 - Have sex ONLY when he's wearing a condom purchased and applied by you, this way you know that he's wearing one and that it's fresh and properly worn.

3 - Give in to his pathetic excuses and have sex without a condom. It will feel great for both of you, and I'm sure he can be trusted to pull out before he cums.

Of the three, I'm in favor of the first option. My Spidey sense is tingling all over the place that this guy is bad news.

What are your guys' thoughts on this? I want to be prepared for when we finally do have sex, since the chances are that I will not be on birth control (it doesn't seem to mix well with my anti-depressants). Part of me also thinks he's just using it as an excuse to have sex without a condom, I guess for a better sensation. But I'm not too interested in getting pregnant yet.

No contraception is always 100% effective, however condoms are extremely effective when properly used.

"In one year, only two of every 100 couples who use condoms consistently and correctly will experience an unintended pregnancy—two pregnancies arising from an estimated 8,300 acts of sexual intercourse, for a 0.02 percent per-condom pregnancy rate.[3]"
http://advocatesforyouth.org/publications/416?task=view​

Condoms do have an expiration date, so make sure that you always have fresh condoms. There is a proper way to apply a condom, make sure that YOU know so that you can teach your partner as well.

If your boyfriend is too immature to responsibly use birth control, then he is too immature to be having sex with anyone, least of all you. DO NOT have sex with this individual until he is adult enough to be responsible for his own actions. Ultimately, you will be the one left with the responsibility of dealing with an unwanted pregnancy and all the ramifications that brings regardless of its resolution.

Again, my Spidey sense is screaming for you to run in the opposite direction from this guy! Good luck and be strong.

 

[SweetErika]

We've used condoms as our main form of protection for over a decade and we've never had one break. I've never had one break with other partners, either. There have been a couple of occasions where the condom slipped off prematurely, but I put those in the "we didn't put it on properly" category. Every doctor I've discussed the issue with has deemed condoms "a very effective form of protection when used properly and every single time."

Both latex and polypropylene (platic/latex-free) condoms are incredibly strong. You can test that yourself (and show your jackass bf) by getting a couple of even the cheapest ones from a family planning clinic and stretching them over your whole arm, hands, blowing them up like balloons, etc. As long as they're fresh and you're not applying sharp objects (fingernails, jewelry, etc.) to the material, you're unlikely to have a problem.

And if you DO have a slip or break for whatever reason, there's always Plan B to back you up.

Out of curiosity, has your bf had an STI test recently? Did you know they don't test for HPV in men, and you can still get HPV and HSV even with proper condom usage? Why isn't your bf advocating for safe birth control and STI protection, even if it's only for his own protection (does he want to support a child or be a deadbeat dad; has he even thought about those possibilities)? Why would you want to have sex with someone you can't trust to be responsible and have your best interests at heart? Think really long and hard about the answers to questions like those before you even consider having sex with this dude; like NM said, red flags are going up all over the place, and you'd best heed those warnings.

 

[silverwhisper]

timurlenky quoth:
part of me also thinks he's just using it as an excuse to have sex without a condom, i guess for a better sensation. but i'm not too interested in getting pregnant yet.

what NM & erika said. i'd say your boyfriend's being an ass if not for the fact that his head is firmly lodged up in it.

if he's that selfish--he got upset abou this?!--i really don't think he's the right guy for your first time. or second. or twenty-second.

i hope this guy's got some positive qualities if you continue dating him.

look, you'll make a decision about how best to proceed. but if he's had sex before--which you know he has--then pregnancy isn't your only concern, as erika mentioned. if sex with you really matters to him, he'll get himself checked out, wear a condom, and otherwise behave like a grown up.

because right now, he's behaving like a little boy, just as you suspect he is.

ed

 

[lustfulraj]

My boyfriend and I haven't had sex yet. I'm not on birth control so I told him he'd have to use condoms. Then he started to get all upset. (I'm a virgin, but he's had sex before).

He says that condoms are "not effective" at all. He says they break very easily. Like if he performs at a strange angle, or when he comes it will break from the pressure. My initial impression is that he's probably just been using them wrong, but I've never had sex so I really wouldn't know.

What are your guys' thoughts on this? I want to be prepared for when we finally do have sex, since the chances are that I will not be on birth control (it doesn't seem to mix well with my anti-depressants). Part of me also thinks he's just using it as an excuse to have sex without a condom, I guess for a better sensation. But I'm not too interested in getting pregnant yet.

He's lying.

 

[twister947]

I know you don't want to hear this, but your bf can't be trusted. Find a new one.

 

[Boundlife]

where its been kept also can hurt condoms, back pockets and wallets can cause alot of wear. Bags and purses can also be hard on them (think could a tampon get mucked in here) Some times the protection needs protected

 

[CWatson]

Like if he performs at a strange angle, or when he comes it will break from the pressure.

*snort* What does he think he is, a fire hose? Condoms are deliberately designed to have a little bit of space in the tip for semen, precisely to prevent this from happening. If he's managed to burst them this way it's because he's wearing them wrong. As to the first one... Well, I suppose abrasions might cause the latex to snap, but that would only be likely to happen if the condom is being used without lubrication, and that makes me question his competence in bed.

If you don't simply play it safe and dump his ass, tell him he needs to tell you the truth about why he doesn't want to use condoms. These are either lying excuses or signs of total incompetence. Either way, he might not be the kind of man you actually want to do it with.

 

[LucyH]

Well, I guess you'll find out whether it's just a ploy to have sex without a condom if you refuse to do it. You can suggest alternative activities. Or tell him he can go with you to the clinic to get tested for STDs, and then when all tests come back negative and he gets a vasectomy, then gets checked to make sure he's shooting blanks, you'll do it without a condom.

Honestly, I had trouble with them breaking for no obvious reason a couple times (proper application, storage, and lubrication all accounted for), but it didn't even cross my mind to quit using them just because they weren't foolproof. Does your boyfriend ride a motorcycle without a helmet, too, and leave his bike running with keys in the ignition when he pops into the convenience store to buy cigarettes? Jeez....

 

[timurlenky]

Thanks for your responses every one! That's exactly what I was thinking. We have talked about it and he agreed to get tested for STIs and what not before we do anything.

But I won't do it with him unless he mans up and uses a condom. Maybe I can force him to watch an educational video or something with me about how to use them properly . He does act really childish sometimes.

Honestly, I get the feeling his biggest concern is that they're "too expensive" but I'd rather pay for condoms than a child for the next 18 years. So I'm going to bring up this conversation again before it goes any further. And point out some of the things said in your responses.

Thanks for helping!

 

[silverwhisper]

good for you! and excellent point re: costs of condoms vs what might possibly result otherwise--to say nothing of possible STDs!

ed

 

[satindesire]

I have had a few condoms break, but it's so rare and we always find out immediately that it's never been a serious issue. It's certainly not unreliable a method by any stretch of the means and buying a 12 dollar package a week is WAAAAAYYY less expensive than a child.

Trust me, I have two. Now that we're done having babies, we're using condoms as backup birth control until my Depo shot kicks in, and using them regularly before I decided to go on the shot.

 

[bidubgirl]

Your boyfriend is clearly being an ass about the situation, I've been using condoms for 6 years and only ever had one break, dont believe a word he says and dont forget a pack of condoms is cheaper than child support.

 

[SweetErika]

Cost really isn't an excuse, either. If you don't need a specific type, you can get them for free or almost nothing at places like college student health centers, public health clinics and family planning clinics (like Planned Parenthood; last i bought some there, it was under $5 for a smaller brown paper bag of 30 or 50 condoms - so cheap that I was happy to give an extra donation to cover more of the costs of providing them).

 

[LucyH]

Honestly, I get the feeling his biggest concern is that they're "too expensive" but I'd rather pay for condoms than a child for the next 18 years.

Too expensive? Don't you have a student health center or something nearby with a bowl of freebies? That's where I got 'em when I was short of cash. (And no, those were not the ones that broke.)

 

[Eilan]

I think my ex and I had might have had one or two condoms break on us in the 7 1/2 years that we had sex. My husband and I don't use condoms these days, but when we did, we never had any problems with them.

 

[aniowachick]

I am 36 years old and never had a condom break..... ever.

Some men will do anything to go bareback, just remember, if he did it with you, hes done it with others.
Herpes, HPV can be transmitted with or without condoms, but there are many others you can prevent with the use of condoms.

 

[TypicalDeviant]

To quote Dan Savage "DTMFA" - Dump the mother fucker already.

While I doubt my experience is as extensive as others on this board, I've never had one break on me.

Well, I take that back. I've had one break on me. When I purposefully set out to see what it would take to break one of the Trojan thin condoms over a regular one. It took a lot to break it.

The birth control talk is important for any sexually active couple. You may find that certain methods are out of the question... different kinds of the pills, shots, etc, for a variety of reasons. Condoms, however, should never be taken off the table. Oh, he's allergic to latex? They have latex-free condoms.

There's no excuse to not use them if at least one party wants to. If he can't respect that, he can't respect you.

 

[pimpslap]

I've broken a few. But they all were of one brand, and box. After the 3rd broke I tossed it. It was very obvious when it broke, it snapped both of us. So there was no issue.

We were using them correctly with a ton of lube. I think they were just defective.

 

[CoyoteTales]

Yes, they do, but not very often.

I've had sex several hundred times over a seven year relationship. I've had condoms break or leak about five times or so -- so yes, they do break. But it was rare.

Size does matter (stop giggling) in this, though, so your mileage will vary. I've heard a girl friend of mine say that her well-endowed boyfriend busts even the large size condoms on a regular basis -- but he wears them anyway.

Ways to make sure they don't break:
- avoid the uber-thin condoms. The thinner they are, the easier they break.
- leave room at the tip. If it doesn't have a reservoir tip, pinch the end instead of pulling it all the way down. Having some room to expand (cough) helps.
- Buy them fresh the week (or day) of when you're going to do it. Old condoms have an expiration date, get brittle, and worse still, the spermicide can go rancid.

Also!
- Have him pull out before he goes limp. Condoms can and will leak out the back end if you wait too long, and it is entirely possible that if you're tight, he'll pull out but the condom will be left inside you.
- If you have any worry at all about breaks or leaks, get a hold of the used condom and fill it with water from the tap, twist the open end shut and watch for drips.

Seriously, though, do not get pressured into having sex without a condom if you are not under birth control of any sort.

Probably more information than you needed, but there ya go.

-CT

 

[BertrandRussell]

Yes, condoms do break. See the general board for proof.

Your best bet is to agree with him that they break, and tell him that therefore, to be safe, he must wear two of them.

 

[Traveler78]

Your best bet is to agree with him that they break, and tell him that therefore, to be safe, he must wear two of them.

Bad advice, even in jest. Two increases the chance of breakage.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Your best bet is to agree with him that they break, and tell him that therefore, to be safe, he must wear two of them.

Yes, agreed, tied as tightly as possible around his neck!

timurlenky - Good for you that you're standing up to him. Just remember that it is YOUR body, and YOU do not have to do anything that YOU do not want to, including having sex with an insensitive clod. If he does not have your wishes and best interests in mind, then he does not deserve you. Stay strong.

 

[PhilGarlic]

they do break

It has already been said I imagine but hear is my thought.
They do break/ tear but if you put them on right you reduce the risk. Make sure you squeeze out the air in the end as you unroll. You can use a spermicide as well as the durex, but most important they do stop std's.

Be safe bag it up.