Dissabilities and sex; why taboo?

[Pinnochio]

Ive tried to get threads like this going before with no success. I hve noticed that many people see this subject as taboo and are uncomfortable talking about it. I'd like to use this post to hear peoples thoughts and feelings on this matter; dissabled or not please feel free to comment or even ask questions.


I always here stories of how hard it is even for 'normal' men to attract women, and beleive me it's even tougher for the physically challenged.

I look forward to meeting you all and reading your comments.

Sincerely
'Pinnochio'

 

[done_got_old]

Ive tried to get threads like this going before with no success. I hve noticed that many people see this subject as taboo and are uncomfortable talking about it. I'd like to use this post to hear peoples thoughts and feelings on this matter; dissabled or not please feel free to comment or even ask questions.


I always here stories of how hard it is even for 'normal' men to attract women, and beleive me it's even tougher for the physically challenged.

I look forward to meeting you all and reading your comments.

Sincerely
'Pinnochio'

I dated a guy who was disabled........he needed two canes to walk and has had more than 100 surgeries on his back. We did get stares and a couple of times people assumed (and asked) I knew him before his 'accident'.

He was a great lover and though our romantic relationship didn't work, he remains one of my dearest friends.

 

[curvygrrl]

I don't know about how others feel, but I think that most people are just afraid of something that is unknown. I dated a guy in highschool who was in a wheelchair due to a childhood accident. It was a very innocent thing, as I at least was not ready for a sexual relationship. He was a wonderful guy and if I were to run into him again, I wouldn't rule out any possibilities. There is the fear there of, is he able to? Can he actively participate? How will I feel being in "control" of the situation? Those are the questions that run through my mind as far as a sexual relationship, but there are others as far as perceptions from others including friends and family. I don't think that I would have a problem being with a person who had disabilities, but I haven't been in that situation since highschool.

 

[rcuhljr]

Do you think it's tied in to the deeper (if missguided) preference for a healthy mate who can provide healthy offspring? some deep seated worry that there children will inherit some weakness.

Another likely possibilty is the control/consent issue, society often view's handicapped people with pity and we feel that they are weaker, vulnerable. We view someone in a sexual relationship with one as someone controling, taking advantage of, similar to someone dating a person below the age of consent.

Another option that seems feasible is the fact that we have so much trouble imagining the people surviving and living their lives that we can't even think of them as sexual beings since they are viewed as less then full people. They are skewed in this view to the point where we view a relationship with them to be almost bestial in nature.

This is all just theory, just trying to toss some ideas out, I've had no real experience in the field.

 

[Leeleigh]

Ive tried to get threads like this going before with no success. I hve noticed that many people see this subject as taboo and are uncomfortable talking about it. I'd like to use this post to hear peoples thoughts and feelings on this matter; dissabled or not please feel free to comment or even ask questions.


I always here stories of how hard it is even for 'normal' men to attract women, and beleive me it's even tougher for the physically challenged.

I look forward to meeting you all and reading your comments.

Sincerely
'Pinnochio'

Ah my sweet Pinnochio.. in getting to know you the way that I have I know that while you have some limitations, you are as capable as any able bodied man of enjoying yourself and what life offers. I have watched you for hours on cam and have come to discover that there is nothing you can not do it you want it bad enough.

I know that women are driven to pick the best specimens to insure that her offspring will be healthy, but there is no guarantee of that. You have a heart and a soul beyond compare. Offspring of yours would know that they are loved, and they would be brought up in an atmosphere of intelligence, patience, love and confidence. Which in the long run would be better for the species.

I was brought up in this world to accept people at face value and to realize that I am no better than anyone on this planet, so I have never looked though someone with a disability..... but you sweetman have taught me a lot of things... I hope that others can see you and others like you through my eyes.

 

[babydoll2u]

Ah my sweet Pinnochio.. in getting to know you the way that I have I know that while you have some limitations, you are as capable as any able bodied man of enjoying yourself and what life offers. I have watched you for hours on cam and have come to discover that there is nothing you can not do it you want it bad enough.

I know that women are driven to pick the best specimens to insure that her offspring will be healthy, but there is no guarantee of that. You have a heart and a soul beyond compare. Offspring of yours would know that they are loved, and they would be brought up in an atmosphere of intelligence, patience, love and confidence. Which in the long run would be better for the species.

I was brought up in this world to accept people at face value and to realize that I am no better than anyone on this planet, so I have never looked though someone with a disability..... but you sweetman have taught me a lot of things... I hope that others can see you and others like you through my eyes.

very well said Leigh

 

[Pinnochio]

wow; this thread is actually filling up.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Take heart Pinocchio, there are several Litsters I can think of who fit the disabled title and are not thought as not being less than capable.
I think in mainstream society, those who have conditions which require the assistance of a cane, wheelchair, whatever.... are stereotyped as not being able to provide. This of course isn't true, but unfortunately its reality.
People are so caught up in the outer appearances they over look the essential, the mind. Shame on them is my response!
People are more than what the physical eye can see, the mental aspect of a person has always been paramount to me. A beautiful mind is the result of a beautiful soul which manifests itself into a person who truly is desirable.
Peace Pinocchio

~kym~ delving into the mind to find true beauty

 

[Cathleen]

What an interesting topic, thanks for bringing it up Pinnochio.

I know I want to ponder this more but have a few things that immediately came to mind. One is exposure. If you're brought up with something then it is the norm for you. You become comfortable with the prop or device used to assist the disability so it doesn't phase you. But anytime something is unusual or new there is an adjustment period. In a social situation I can definitely see a disadvantage, I suppose it depends on what kind of social event it is too. (I'd think a bar atmosphere is far different then a museum for instance.)

It takes time for people to adjust, to look beyond the chair, the hearing or sight aid etc. But I do think mature people, who when not feeling awkward, will take the time to get to know the person. I also know personally, the idea of poor health being a strike against developing a relationship. It can sting.

I grew up with only a little exposure to disabilities, my mother's friend was in a wheelchair, so while it wasn't an every day thing, I did become more aware. My mother also was in a wheelchair in her final year and it was not just a difficulty but an education.

I have a friend in a wheelchair and when we first met I asked why. She laughed and said you know you're part of a handful of people that asked why. It is different, so I ask. Maybe I'm just too curious to keep my mouth shut. A few years back I was on oxygen 24/7 and had tanks with me all the time. One day sitting in a hall for a celebration a little girl walked past me, she looked and kept walking. Then turned and came back and asked, 'What is that thing? Why do you have it?' She was curious and asked. I told her it was air and I needed it because I was having trouble getting enough. 'Oh' she said. Done, over - there wasn't a taboo anymore. However, her father was definitely uncomfortable when she asked.......

I've always gotten a kick when someone tries to avoid that elephant in the middle of the room. I want to say open your eyes and ask!

 

[Pinnochio]

the strangest question ever asked of me was if i could get it up. i just gave a naughty grin

 

[Leeleigh]

That is so true Kym...

As a BBW, I know what its like to be over looked and looked through. We are so much more than what our outer shell shows. We all have feelings, desires, thoughts, wishes, dreams. We all have a soul and we all have a heart. It would be nice if everyone had to wear a blindfold when meeting new people so that they had to get to know the inside of the person first, before being allowed to see the outer appearance. I think that there would be less prejudice, less hatred and less fear. Especially when there is nothing to be afraid of.

If Pinocchio is an example of a person with a disability, I would rather have him than 99.9% of other men I know.. I could not have picked a better person to become friends with.

Pinocchio... honey, I am proud to call you my friend.

 

[Leeleigh]

the strangest question ever asked of me was if i could get it up. i just gave a naughty grin

lol.. all I can say about that is... ~~GRIN~~

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

'scuse me Pinochio whilst I [hyjack] your thread a mo...
Howdy Cate, Lit's very own 'scope wench. Thanx for continuing to post those scopes, I don't get here much anymore, too much going on in r/l with the preparations and all.

Leeleigh, Although I cannot know how it feels to be rejected because of a physical condition, I can empathise. My daughter is a BBW and it makes me sad to see her trying to deal with how others treat her. If I could change the world, I would. But unfortunately, all I can change is how I respond to the world.
Be at peace.
[/hyjack]
Thanx Nochio, we now resume with the regularly scheduled thread......

~kym~ ye ol' hyjacker

 

[Pinnochio]

i like bbw's myself.

 

[Leeleigh]

The last 6 months of my SE's life was spent in a wheelchair and tethered to oxygen. The day after Thanksgiving I decided to do some Christmas shopping. He asked if he could go with me, so I waiting till it was a little later in the day, to avoid all the rabid bargain shoppers and we went out. I was appalled at how rudely he was treated because he could not move out of the way. I honestly think that had I had a baseball bat, I would be sitting in jail for beating someones brains out.

After the second store he asked to be taken home and for me to continue my shopping without him.

Children express curiosity, but accept and move on... why can't adults be like that. What happens to change our thinking from that as accepting child to wary adult.

 

[Leeleigh]

Gonna bump this up to see if anyone else out there has a thought about this..

 

[BlondGirl]

Excellent topic.

I had a patient yesterday with MS. Her version was very dibilitating. When I asked about her pregnancy status. "No." I asked if she has cycles. "Some." I asked if she was sexually active. "Some." We both laughed. She had grinned very mischieviously when a nswering that one.

I, personally, would not limit my choice of partners based on most physical dissabilities. Happiness can be so fleeting, that when God chooses to obviously match you with someone, it is always worth it to explore the possibilities regardless of that lessons must be learned in that relationship.

I once dated a man with Cystic Fibrosis. He was in his early thirties and the last of his parents' children left alive. He was a wildcat in bed and a pure joy to be around elsewhere. Our relationship did not work out, but I do have fond memories of the time we spent together. My life is more complete for having had him as a part of it.